Do Not Grow Slack

To my son Tommy,

In most everything we do in life there is an ebb and tide.  Habits and projects tend to follow a sine wave graph of ups and downs.  You start a diet, lose twenty, go off your diet because of this holiday or special occasion and don't immediately restart, hopefully only gain back ten before you tighten up and start watching your diet yet again.  You clean your house all gung-ho in the beginning but when you near the end you ease up instead of persevering with the same standards and effort you started.  You start exercising at the beginning of the year with your new year resolution of getting fit and by March your gym membership is being wasted.  It is easy to quit or slack off and that is okay for many things in life.  It isn't the optimal situation but it happens and you can't beat yourself up for everything.

But for the most important things in life you must try to never (to borrow words from Paul) "grow slack in zeal".  Never slack off on trying to be a better person.  Never slack off on being good.  Never slack off on doing the right thing.  Never slack off your faith or religion.  Never slack off on your concern and care for others.  Never slack off on your compassion and forgiveness.  Never slack off on your sincerity or your love.  It takes constant effort to maintain these qualities and you must try to endure.  We all know how easy it is to quit and how hard it is to restart a habit.  These things are probably some of the easiest to let slip away and the hardest to reclaim.  But take heart, if when you have read this as an adult you find you have slacked off in any of these areas, the obstacles in reclaiming these traits or attributes only lie within you and are not as daunting as you will have made them out to be.  As a four year old right now, these traits and habits and qualities are automatic for you.  I would just have to add for your four year old self, never slack off on being cute!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

H M

To my son Tommy,

Most of the time you are pretty low maintenance.  From time to time you seem completely self sufficient, but then comes bedtime.  When bedtime comes around you switch from this easy-going will-make-do-with-what-I-have spirit grows to a feed-me-Seymour high maintenance monster.  I am not sure if it is stall techniques or just you establishing your own routine.  You get carried up the stairs upside down on my back while mommy chases us.  You hit the potty and then come in to your room.  We get on your pajamas and then you say you forgot to tap on the scale.  You run to the bathroom and jump on the scale and no matter what it says you tell us thirty point thirty-six.  You then have to do a daredevil tight rope walk on the side of the bed to get in.  You get two songs, twinkle twinkle and sing, and then kisses to mommy.  Then we do prayers and I try to make an exit after tucking you in.  You decide you need fresh water, and you are obliged.  You tell me you are scared and I tell you how you have angels protecting you.  That whole discussion is a scripted five minute conversation of what are angels, and why you don't see them, and where your heart is, and how can you feel them with your heart, etc.  another attempt at exit stage left but you have something to tell me, or you tell me I need to tuck you in again.  I know I am (perhaps your mom a bit too) the direct cause of your procrastination and requests but it is okay.  Perhaps bedtime is our chance to spoil you a bit.   And just to be clear, I don't tell this story of your bedtime routine so someday you say "I was so difficult" and make you feel guilty.  These little difficult quirks of you are so endearing and I will carry the memory of our bedtime tango for the rest of my life, no matter how annoying at times I might think it is.  Oh wait you just requested your mom to come up and look at something as you continue the bedtime procrastination dance.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Unavailable

To my son Tommy,

The phone rang while I was feeding you dinner.  I scrambled to find one of our phones (your mother has a tendency not to return them to their base) and right before I answered, I looked at the caller ID.  It simply said unavailable.   We don't have any bill collectors out for us or any of that so it was bound to be a call that would break the joke of legislation that they called the "Do Not Call Registry"  In that moment, I could feel myself tensing for a fight, almost looking forward to yelling at the telemarketer on the other side.  In an instant I played it through my mind, hoping for a real person on the other end to rip a new one.  In that very second that I saw the ID, my entire morality was being washed away by a future event that hadn't even happened yet.  Then I did something that I would not have done before.  I didn't answer it.  I remembered that I had a choice and I refused to give up power on my attitude to some jerk telemarketer or worse yet robocall.  If they were going to be unavailable then by george so was I.  It used to be one of my favorite hobbies to verbally abuse some telemarketer and I used to extract such pleasure from such nastiness.  I am not sure if I have grown up or just gotten tired but from here on out I will not waste my time or my effort to tell some cold call salesman that he is lower than worm poop.  I will no longer report the phone number to the do not call registry in the naive hope that someone actual will do something.  Now if I could just block these suckers from getting through our receptionists and to my phone at work.  There they say they are calling on "behalf of" someone and I stop them and ask them for a direct phone number to call them back and when they balk I tell them they are a sham and a scam if they don't have a number I can return their phone call for.  It ruins my mood for about an hour and happens at least seven times a week.  I need to solve that at work but for now I will have to revel in my little victory of my will power to not answer the phone at home.

Always remember, only you can give someone the opportunity to ruin your day.  You also have the power to take that opportunity away.  Whether it is choosing not to answer the phone, or choosing to hang up, or by walking away as you say "I would stay and listen to this but I just remembered that I have legs."  you should always realize you usually have the control of the situation.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Projects

To my son Tommy,

I hope you end up with a little more focus than I have.  I am barraged by things I want to do and with sites like Instructables and Pinterest the list becomes longer and longer.  I want to grow all our own vegetables.  I want to play with arduino boards and build robots and electronic projects.  I want to woodwork.  I want to create my own side project programs rather than working just on my program for work.  I want to write a novel and cure cancer and solve the world's problems.  The problem is I can't find the time.  If I have free time, I want to spend it with you or your mom.  Somehow, when time comes to browse a site and find a project that I have been meaning to do, a little four year old towhead convinces me that putting a bunch of stuffed animals together in an imaginary zoo is a much more worthwhile.  Or perhaps my beautiful wife convinces me that snuggle time on the couch watching One of our shows, is better than building the ultimate robot.  And you know what, both of you are correct.  I wouldn't trade any quality time with either of you just so I could create my own 3d printer.  But some time in the future I need to find the perfect project that involves all three of us for some quality time and might satiate my project appetite just a little.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Four Great Grandfathers

To my son Tommy,

We visited your Great Grandad Leo Thomas Downey Jr on Saturday to have dinner with him.  Today we visited the grave site of your Great Grandfather Raymond Lindsey Frazier Sr at Garrison Forest Veterans Cemetery.  Later we visited the grave site of your Great Grandfather Salvatore Joseph Maggio Jr at New Cathedral Cemetery. Things didn't work out to finish our rounds, so sometime this week we will have to visit your Great Grandfather Charles Adam Klein Sr at Holy Family Cemetery.

With four Great Grandfathers and two Grandfathers all of which who served our country, when Memorial Day or Veterans Day come about, it should mean all the more to you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Meaning

To my son Tommy,

Some people suggest that many have lost sight of the real meaning of Memorial Day.  As most every holiday is besieged by sales and barbecues or parties, they may have a valid point.  But surrounded by our family today and focused on the love found in each others company, I believe this is exactly why our fallen soldiers made the ultimate sacrifice.  Many people often say, "When I die I want you to have a party instead of being all sad and crying" and all the soldiers I have met through out my army brat days and beyond, tend to echo that sentiment.  So, though we celebrate with burgers and dogs, though we worry about having enough ice for our beers, I think most keep the true meaning of the day close to their hearts and in the back of their minds.  You can see it behind their eyes when God Bless America comes on the PBS coverage of the National Memorial Day concert.  You can feel the pride when they discover a family heirloom in a footlocker, like the poster found today of the USO style play "Egg In Your Beer" that your Great Grandfather Sal Maggio joined with some other GI's after his injury in Italy during WWII.  You can even hear it loud and clear, in a simple silent prayer for those who have gone before us.  In a world where those we memorialize on this day may have died half a century ago or more or may have died just last week, it would be folly to think the burgers and barbecues were anything but a thinly disguised veil for what we feel for our lost heroes.  They are just our attempt to honor them with the party they deserve as we try to hide our sadness for their loss.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

All The Marbles

To my son Tommy,

Today, you and I took a walk to the Family Dollar store.  When your mom and I were planning our grocery trips for the day, scouring the flyers and scanning our coupons, she found a coupon for Bar S Hot Dogs for 75 cents off and I found a flyer or Family Dollar for the same brand of hotdogs for a buck.  All the other deals and matching coupons were for other stores, so your mom sent us on an errand for this lone deal while she did the serious shopping.

When ever we go to the store you end up with a prize.  You may be a bit spoiled by always getting a toy on these trips but I doubt it.  You are okay with a single choice and deal well with all my vetoes.  Your choice today was a bag of 50 marbles for a dollar.  So though we spent more than our savings on the nitrate filled sausages, I had a happy four year old marching home carrying his marbles and bursting at the seams to play with them.

Do kids these days play marbles anymore?  I think they were on the decline when I was young and less than half my generation played.  At two cents a marble, I certainly think it would be a great game to bring back.  Of course I will have to help you master the knuckles down thumb flip before championing the marble renaissance.  Wonder if I can find my old marble set?  I had this great charcoal colored cat's eye shooter that could clear any marble it contacted from the ring.  Some people are handed down priceless heirlooms, you ... well you get a couple balls of glass.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Talks

To my son Tommy,

Your grandfather and I have some of the most interesting talks.  Sometimes it is just the usual reporting of events or small talk but often it gets deep and into philosophy and religion and physics and what is good about the world and what is bad about the world.  He is my first teacher and to this day I value his opinion and learn from his insights.  I hope as we grow that you and I will one day have these types of conversations.  Today, as your grandfather and I were talking about the existence of time and the power of prayer and the problems with politics and who knows what, your grandfather gave me a bit of humorous wisdom.  He told me that he knows God is omni-present and often feels His presence.  He explained it usual comes when he is dealing with, and I paraphrase to keep it clean, a big dummy head.  He says he feels God's hand on his shoulder as if to say "I agree with you, this guy is a big dummy head.  But even big dummy heads are my children so practice patience."  I laughed, but then I thought how your grandfather probably felt the same hand on his shoulder when he dealt with some of the big dummy head moves his son made throughout the years.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Miraculous

To my son Tommy,

Last night we got some great news.  Your Great Aunt Lizzie is doing much much better and is being released from the hospital.  Your mom went down to the hospital last night to see for herself and said it was night and day.  We thank God for answering all our prayers and giving Aunt Lizzie what has been described as nothing short of a miraculous recovery.  When you are old enough, ask your Great Aunt Lizzie what this phrase means to her ... "I will carry you"

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Dandelions

To my son Tommy,

Recently I decided to rid our front lawn of dandelions.  I always said I would love a dandelion free yard but never did anything about it.  In my mind it was a project that required a couple hours from start to finish that I don't really have to spend.  I pictured it as a grand military operation complete with boots on the ground and chemical warfare using some feed and weed concoction.  In my mind it grew to a large three day project.  It seemed daunting.  So I did nothing, until recently. 

Every morning that I remember to, as I head out to work, I pull at least two dandelions from our lawn.  Since I started, I have pulled roughly twenty of these weeds.  That is twenty that didn't go to seed and shouldn't come back, assuming I pulled enough of the root out.  It is progress and much much more progress than if I continued to do nothing because I couldn't do it all at once.

A drop of water does nothing to rock, but a drop of water over and over and over again can create a hole the size of the grand canyon.  A couple coins in a jar won't make you rich, but put coin in that jar day after day after day and before you know it you have a tidy little sum.  A big grandiose gesture may show someone how much you love them, but it is the small things like a sincere hug everyday that will solidify that love.  A couple blog posts won't change who you become, but if they are constant and true and followed up day in and day out with good examples of their wisdom in practice, it just might sink in.  And a couple dandelions pulled from the lawn each morning won't instantly make our lawn the admiration of the neighborhood or anything, but it will get me that much closer to a personal goal of a dandelion free lawn.  I wonder how many dandelions does it take to make dandelion wine.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Graduation

To my son Tommy,

Today was your Hoedown Throwdown Nursery School Graduation.  Ms. Mary and Ms. Heather put together an extremely cute cowboy themed graduation as you finish up the year.  You guys had practiced and learned some songs and a dance.  You, for some reason, went shy again when everyone was performing the dance.  People who see you in public performance would never ever believe me how much you love to dance at home.  You each received your diploma and walked over a bridge symbolizing your transition to pre-k.  All four of your grandparents attended along with me and mommy and your Aunt Na.

Some people might think a nursery school graduation is silly and a waste of time but I personally think it was one of the greatest things in the world.  I really am glad that your teachers made it so special the same way they made your entire school year special.  We were blessed to have such caring souls looking after you for the year and though it might be sad to close this chapter, we are excited about next year.  Ms. Mary promised to see you again next year and help you walk into your new class on the first day of school or the first thirty days as necessary, so it isn't like we all are forever parting ways.  I uploaded a few pics to my flickr account and now I just need to bug Pop-pop to upload the rest of the pictures from today (and from field day).  Congratulations to you my son, you are growing up so fast and mommy and I are so proud of you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Time

To my son Tommy,

According to some scientists, time does not exist.  They say it is an illusion.  They say because they can't prove times existence, it doesn't exist.  I think this is quite ironic because time marched right along and put many of six feet under no matter how much they denied its existence.  To deny something that is all around them and they are experiencing is just plain silly to me.  I have studied this from multiple points of view and I can grasps their concepts and ideas, I just think they are wrong.  I was rebelling against religion when I was young, and I was trying to use science to explain away God.  I was buying into all the arguments and falling right in line with this line of thinking, when they tried to sell me on the "time doesn't exist" concept.  To me if science couldn't prove the existence of time, something that seems so obvious and fundamental to me even after hearing all sides of the argument, then the question became "what else does science deny because it can't empirically prove it".  Occasionally in life you just have to accept certain things on faith.    Thus, I have come to believe that many scientist are full of crap.  I believe that time will continue marching on and that timeless physics, like Machian physics or those theories espoused by Barbour or even one of my heroes Einstein, is just sour grapes because science can't explain everything.  Of course the "time" it took me to write this probably happened in this complete instance of "now" and is just a series of changes that created the illusory experience of time from my memories and my naive faith in the future coming.  Or perhaps it just took me seven minutes to write.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Bubbles And Birthdays

To my son Tommy,

Today we attended your second cousin Lucas's first birthday.  Lucas is quite the little man with a great personality and you really like visiting with him.  That is until you found out there were bubbles out on the deck.  Lauren must have read a chapter from the book "How To Occupy A Tommy".  No less than five techniques in that book resort to providing bubbles.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

What Do Heroes Wear

To my son Tommy,

Some heroes wear capes or masks.  Some heroes wear police officer blue or fireman red and yellow.  Our hero last night wore a very subtle outfit with an Orioles logo on it.

Now in Major League Baseball the heroes are usually thought of as the guys who can smash the ball out of the park, or the guy who can throw some major heat, or the guy who runs like a flash around the bases.  We celebrate longevity and the iron horses of baseball.  We look for their accolades on and off the field and truth be told there are plenty of heroes in baseball.  But our hero last night didn't wear a sports outfit.  No this hero was cleverly disguised as a mild mannered usher working the tunnel labeled section 382-384 on the night of May 17th.

Your cousin Gabe got upset about the height of our seats last night.  I don't really blame him because I have a small fear of heights as well but I have years to practice getting through it (and enough runs skiing down black diamond slopes to know how).  Still the initial feeling when walking down to our seats made my stomach do a flip or two.  Gabe and your Aunt Deb cowboyed up and tried, but it soon became clear that staying there was not going to be an option.  They decided to leave and asked if we could fit Emma and Uncle Rob in the car to get them home so they didn't have to leave now too.

In swoops our hero.  He takes the time and makes the efforts and re-locates your Aunt Deb and Gabe down to the lower section.  Safe and secure on the ground level, Deb and Gabe could enjoy the game. This usher didn't owe us anything, nor did he know that Gabe is autistic, nor did he even have to take the time and effort to ask why they were leaving.  But he took the time and made the extra effort and helped.  That is what true heroes do.  They give of themselves for the benefits of others.  You don't have to stop a speeding train from crashing while catching a criminal as you fly around the city in your cape and superhero outfit.  You just have to do the right thing and make the effort and give the time and try to help and you too will be a true hero to someone.  It dawned on me this morning that I didn't get that superhero's name and I chuckled to myself as the familiar quote from the Lone Ranger show came to my head, "Who was that masked man?"

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Take Me Out

To my son Tommy,

You attended your first major league ball game tonight, or at least up nil the 7th inning stretch. Your Aunt Karen got us all tickets and we headed to Oriole Park at Camden Yards.  You did really well, better than expected and you lasted much longer than I thought you would.   I am not sure you could tell me anything that happened during the game, but you could probably tell me how many helicopters went over the stadium.  But when we left, we were losing twelve to four, so there wasn't much to tell about the game anyhow.  We would have left no matter the score because we are all beat and didn't want to risk a meltdown (by either of us).  Tomorrow I will grab a picture from your mom's phone of a cute Oriole fan and add it to this post.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Smoke Free

To my son Tommy,

Your mom and I are over a year smoke free.  We quit last year on Mother's Day or there abouts.  I often have spells where I still just crave a single puff or more.  It really doesn't get easier and expect on your 18th birthday, I will still be having days where I want a smoke.  But it was probably the best thing we could have done for you and for our health.  Of course the next mile marker and good thing according to the benefits time table for quitting smoking is in 4 more years.  And to be honest that last couple of mile markers were not that obvious.

It is an extremely odd paradox about quitting a bad habit.  You don't see the rewards of not doing bad, and you soon forget the effects of continuing the bad habit.  That is how vice can reclaim you.  Smoking has a pleasure reward that calls to some inner craving and you do not see the good things that are happening to your body because you quit.  You forget any bad effects and the reward of more years living seem so far away and abstract.  But we will stay strong because even if it is an extra month on this world, with you in our lives it is very much worth it.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Taste The Sour

To my son Tommy,

They say "if you are given lemons, make lemonade" and I used to think that was a fine philosophy.  Of course it is espoused by those upbeat optimists that tend to annoy if you have too much contact with them.  So consider this when considering that phrase... Sure you can add refined sugar to make lemons more palatable and hide the sour, if you want to risk tooth decay, obesity, and diabetes, so is it really worth it?

You might think that is just my smart-alec answer but if you delve deeper you may see my logic (which is really scary).  Sometimes in life you just have to taste the sour.  A spoonful of sugar isn't always best to help the medicine go down.  Sometimes you just have to step up and swallow your medicine.  You have to stop sugar coating the bad in life and just accept it at face value.  By doing so you will appreciate the good in the world so much more.  If you bite into a lemon,  you will long for and appreciate the next bite of a sweet orange.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Excitement

To my son Tommy,

Tis the season (or so it seems) for iPad stealing.  Another iPad was stolen from one of our employees, this time from our truck in our own parking lot.  A little more the wiser, we (the employee who hd it stolen and I) tracked this iPad down to the exact location using GPS.  It was found in the truck of an employee of one of our subcontractors.

I had the old adrenaline rushing through my veins when we found it.  The guy in the truck of course denied everything and said the other guy in the truck must have done it when he wasn't looking.  There were so many times I wanted justice, I wanted revenge, I wanted to smash this guys face in and I wasn't even sure if he was an unwitting accomplice or complicit.  Took every ounce to not act on these shameful feelings.  My Spanish was rolling off the tongue as I reprimanded this guy and throwing out a few words Spanish words that would make my mother blush and be proud all at the same time.  I wish my first reaction was to forgive and let live but I am glad that in the end nothing bad happened and we got the iPad back.

I figure it probably cost us more to chase down this iPad than it was worth.  We had to travel about an hour and a half down chasing this iPad which had a twenty minute start on us.  Round trip for two guys that puts us at 6 man hours.  The fact that we can track it down to the tee though might end up being worth it because it might deter any other would be thieves that come to our office as word of mouth gets around.  As for the poor fellow found in the truck with our stolen iPad,  I guess we will never know.  We decided against calling the cops (who needed another three hours of lost productivity) and just called his boss.  Their boss and my boss will work out an acceptable outcome and I am almost certain that means this fellow and his buddy that he is protecting will lose their jobs.  Guess it is better than being arrested.  Not sure if they are naturalized citizens either and who knows what consequences an arrest would bring.

It is very tough to resist the natural response of revenge disguised as justice.  After I took the time to ponder everything, I am reminded of the scene from Les Miserable where the bishop has the chance to turn in Jean Valjean and let's him off the hook.  I had a chance to be a better person here, but even now I am torn.  Now two people, one who might be innocent but I doubt it, will probably lose their jobs and struggle to provide for their families.  They should have thought about it before stealing though.  No matter how desperate your situation, taking what is not yours is unwarranted and unacceptable.  Also two people, one of which is definitely a thief, will no longer be around our job sites and possibly spoil the good name of our company and the subs good name.  The only good thing that came from this is I got to start my work week off in an entirely different and exciting way.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Did It To Me Again.

To my son Tommy,

I am not sure how you do it.  We start off sitting next to each other at mass, and the next thing I know I am at one end of the pew and you are at the opposite end.  When I glance over to check on you, I a, greeted with a devious little smile that seemingly claims victory on our church pew chess game.  It is a good thing I have a village (or at least a pew) of people raising you because it allows me to give you a bit of freedom like that.

Today is Mother's Day and we are up at your Grandma RoRo's house.  We stopped and got her and Nana Jeanne a couple plants from Harbin Farms on the way up.  I wish I could take credit for the idea but it was on your mother's orders.   Your mom is down at the hospital visiting your Great Aunt Lizzie.  Lizzie is having a rough go of it with what the doctors have characterized as pneumonia.  Before we got separated in the pews, I got you to say a decade on the Rosary beads with me for a speedy recovery of your Great Aunt.  I hope you will get some quality cuddle time with your mommy on Mommy's Day but if not, we certainly understand and there will be plenty of days to make up cuddle time with your mommy.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Spring Gala

To my son Tommy,

Your school had a Spring Gala today.  It is a mini fair with games and prizes and such.  Despite the threat of the occasional shower, everything seemed nice.  Your first love seemed to be the bounce house.  A close second was found when Mr. Carlos,  your classmate Marco's father, started spreading bubbles from a bubble wand and letting you little ones chase them.  It never ceases to amaze me how a dollar jar of bubbles can entertain as much or more than a more expensive object like a full bouncy house.  This is the result.

Unfortunately this means I am in trouble.  Your mom headed to a concert with your Aunt Na and your cousin Emma, and I was supposed to give you a bath before you and I headed over to the Downey's house for dinner.  These are the difficult situations a father constantly finds himself in.  I hope you appreciate the amount of trouble I get in because of you..(I say this as I try to weasel my way in for snuggle nap time...we got an hour or two before we have to leave)

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Spotify Should Do This

To my son Tommy,

Everyone I know has been in a funk all week and I dare say that all of Maryland had a serious case of gloomies.  Today, in an attempt change my own disposition, I put on my Hawaiian and been listen to my Buffett based radio channel.  I guess it is starting to work.  In between what seems to be the endless barrage of work calls an idea came to me.

This Spotify uses big data and small personal data to suggest songs I would like to listen to.  It takes what I have marked as a song that I like and compares it to all the other users who have liked that song or artists and have my similar taste and voila the next song is picked.  That works great when it is just me listening to the music.

But what if they created a Spotify Party app.  Everyone with a Spotify account could sign in on the app and it would pick out the songs most likely to be liked by the group.  In essence it would use big data and small data and DJ the party.  If a bunch of country music enthusiasts were listening at a party and all signed in, and George Jones or Merle Haggard would be playing.  In walk Eddie and Eric and Leo and they sign into the party and the app would adjust the playlist interspersing perhaps some of Jimmy Buffett's more country based songs.  In walk four more who tend to prefer rock and roll and the mix changes again maybe hitting some Steve Miller Band or Little Feat.  Every person would sign into the party and it would constantly evolve.  It could evolve further based on duration of party (when to wind up and when to wind down with the music) and so many other factors.

Well that is my brilliant non-work idea for the day.  It was a welcomed distraction but I have to get back to work.  If they haven't developed this app by the time you are ten, I promise I will teach you to code it and we can work on our own version.  Meanwhile if anyone from Spotify takes this and runs with it,  feel free and have fun, and if your business model finds a way to make money, remember where you got the idea.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

PS I don't do many "selfish" so forgive the off center shot of me at work.

Heaven And Hell Party

To my son Tommy,

Back in my college days, my fraternity use to have themed  "Heaven And Hell" socials or parties.  When you came in the middle floor of the house would be normal domestic brews and basic foods and no music.  But if you ventured upstairs you would be greeted with all white decorations, a pristinely cleaned area, top shelf booze and high cost imports and nice peaceful music.  If you took the other route down the stairs you would go into a dark dingy basement atmosphere with cheap swill and beastly beers and heavy metal blaring music.  It was simply a theme for a party built on the contrasts of it conceptions of two very different places.  Of course my idea of heaven and hell on earth have vastly changed since my youth.

Today it felt like my life mimicked that contrast.  I started the day with you at school having a family fun day.  We played t-ball in your school gym and your class beat the parents 11 to 0.  We had lunch after and just a grand ole day.

Fast forward to 12:45 and me walking into work after a beautiful start to a day.   Hit with problem after problem after problem that built up for the 4 hours of work I missed in the morning.  Evidently it wasn't the day to miss four hours in the morning.  The contrast reminded me of those parties and it also reminded me how I should have probably done less boozing and partying in college and more studying.  Anyways perhaps it was a blessing that this hellish workday is a short day because I am not convinced that it wouldn't have been just as much of a struggle if I had been here the full day.

Hopefully in an hour or two, I can return to the heavenly part of the day and leave this hellish workday behind.  I picture your mom, you, and I snuggled on the couch watching a family movie.  That is my idea of heaven on earth nowadays...a simple shared moment of love to bask in.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

What Can The Cops Do

To my son Tommy,

Law abiding citizens think as soon as they are wronged that the cops will be there to protect them and serve justice.  This is not necessarily the case, as I was reminded today.  One of our employees had his truck window broken in and his iPad taken while working one of our job sites down in DC.

Per the employee account, he left his truck no less than ten minutes and his iPad was put down behind the seat.  He came back to the truck specifically for his iPad and saw his passenger side window busted in.  The only thing missing was the iPad.  No tools, did not steal the Garmin, just the iPad gone.  When I got the call, we immediately locked his iPad with a 4 digit code and started tracking the iPad.  I had the thief just a couple blocks away, but the employee couldn't leave the scene and I definitely don't want anyone going into danger over some stupid gadget.  So I watched and watched, then the guy either turned it off or somehow covered it so it wouldn't get signal.  Twenty minutes later the cops showed at the scene of the crime.

I directed the cop, who was very courteous and eager to help, to the last known location which was on US 29 (Georgia Ave) between Quincy Street and Randolph St.  I hoped the guy has realized it was locked out and threw it in the garbage.  No such luck.  The officer asked me to keep tracking for at least the day (the other option is to wipe it clean which I will do after 24 hours) and call 911 with any location changes if the guy puts it on again.  It happened three times so far, once at 2228 New York Ave in DC and twice again at the pictured location at the apartments between 3293 and 3299 Queenstown Dr in Mount Ranier, Md.   I have called in a couple times to different police stations and districts after I realized that you can't call DC 911 from my office in Carroll County.  The last department I talked to, the Mt Ranier police department, had two cops on duty and since I could not give the, the exact apartment, they weren't going door to door for an iPad.

I can see there point but it sure hurts my sense of justice in the world.  This guy had to be watching my employee and targeted the iPad on purpose.  The initial officer on the scene suggested it is a gang that has a little chop shop for iPads.  I wish I had a self destruct button instead of just an erase button.

Well so my company is out the deductible and the time and all the authorities and wireless companies and such have been notified.  I sent a suggestion that he drops the ipad in a mailbox so we don't play this cat and mouse game with him having to look over his shoulder.  I will hit the erase button tonight or tomorrow and the replacement is already on its way.  I would say I wish this thief ill but I promised myself to pray for those who need it the most and this jackass probably needs more prayers than most.  The cops are overworked and hand tied in what they can do and I will just have to swallow the bitter pill of injustice.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Rainy Days

To my son Tommy,

I know that attitude is a choice and not a result of circumstances, but rainy gloomy days sure do challenge that notion.  Today it seemed to such the will out of most everyone or anyone to confront the gloomies while I was at work.  The day was even a fairly decent day and had I not let the weather beat me down I would have said it was a good day.  But when I came home to a four year old dressed in a Captain America costume who happened to be wrapping a blanket around him just like the cowardly lion from the wizard of oz,  the gloomy rain clouds disappeared.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Let Go

To my son Tommy,

I don't think the rash of reality shows which focus on picking, or restoration, or pawn shop selling, or such have been a benefit to me.  I already have the tendency to hoard and I swear it might be genetic.  But these type of shows,like American Pickers or Pawn Stars to mention a few, make me fear giving up junk and someone else making millions on my things because I didn't realize the value.  It is a silly fear but it is a fear that starts at a real young age.

It first starts when you play with someone else.  You will be happy playing with a toy and your buddy picks up one that you passed over and begins having a great old time.  You had no idea that you could pretend that the plastic car was also a spaceship and you now feel slighted and look at the toy you were playing with in disgust.  This often brings out the worst in all of us as we go grab the toy from our friend and maybe even throw an elbow or fist or two in the process.  It really is a horrible way to be and to treat a friend or family member and it is something we all expect a child to grow out of.

Unfortunately, not many adults have grown out of this childish behavior.  Instead they just disguised it as adult and rationalize it with words like complicated.  It causes all type of complicated adult problems.  It can cause war and crime and some very serious problems.  It is the definition of corporate greed and inspires such sayings as "He who dies with the most toys, wins" which was meant to show the irony of the race yet somehow people missed the point and adopted this as their motto with pride.

For me, thankfully, it just makes it a challenge to get rid of things.  I even don't trust Goodwill and some other non-profits because I hear rumors that the CEO makes over seven hundred grand a year.  The stuff will just sit in my possession and be of no use to anyone but somewhere deep inside, a demented part of me thinks that is better than someone else making money off my junk.  I have books that I swear I will some day read again stacked in my basement going nowhere.  If I give those books away I will somehow miss a nugget of wisdom that I desperately need.  I have stuff that some day I will clean up and sell for some imaginary fortune.  This old typewriter will somehow send out a telepathic signal from my garage and magically attract a collector willing to pay me big bucks.  I have computers sitting around doing nothing that I will fix soon (can ya feel the sarcasm?).  I can do something with them, fix them up somehow, or perhaps they have that old picture on the hard drive that I need to grab.  I have boxes of stuff that I will someday go through and decide what to do with.  Perhaps that paystub from 2001 is vital even though it is covered in dust and dirt and is so brittle that it crumbles as I pick it up.  I am not to the extreme that I suggest but the threat of letting it get the better of me is always there.  I have to make a choice to rise above this fear.  Things are just things and I constantly wonder if it would be better to just let go of all these things.  I hope you don't get this trait from me but judging by the amount of toys we have (tons) and the amount we have given away (so little) I might have transfered my tendencies and focus away from my items and on to your toys.  I mean A&E reality show just found that same toy in a storage locker and said it was a "thirty dollar bill all day".  Let go of your stuff my son and you will be a better person for it.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Who To Pray For

To my on Tommy,

It is easy to pray or good people. Most of my prayers are for you and your mommy and our friends and family and loved ones. I pray that everyone remains healthy and safe. Anyone who knows the people I pray for knows that they deserve all the best. Good people deserve good things and deserve a good life that avoids tragic things. Though that scenario doesn't happen enough in the world, it plays to our sense of right and justice and karma when it does happen.

The rest of my prayers are usually for myself. I don't ask for things or success or such. I usually pray that I can get out of my own stupid way and find the strength and courage to be a good person at all times. But perhaps one of my prayers was answered because I realized to be a good person you may have to pray for unlikely candidates.

Bad people need prayers and will most likely benefit much more from a prayer. We are called to pray not only for those who are dear to you but also for those who you wouldn't give the time of day. You have to pray for those who wronged you. You have to pray for those you hate and those that are even repugnant to you. This includes quite the range of people, from the guy who cut you off during your commute, to the person who took advantage of you, to the person who stole money from you, to a person would rather see you dead and the feeling is mutual.

This is challenging to say the least, and it is the challenge that Mary constantly puts forward to us. Back in the Cold War days, Mary asked us to pray the rosary for the conversion of Russia, she asked us to pray for our mortal enemy. In today's age this might translate as prayers for people like Assad of Syria, a man who may have done one of the most repugnant acts of using chemical warfare against his own people as a topper to his long list of bad things he has done in his life. Or perhaps we have to pray for terrorist like the Boston marathon bomber or other extremist who want to blow up bunches of people. We have to get passed all the anger and pray for the worst people in the world. Sending out a prayer that they find some type of conversion does not condone their actions, nor align you with them, nor mean you can't be angry with them, nor mean you don't want them to do penance for their failings. A prayer for them is a prayer for a better world and a prayer for hope. So when you grow up and say prayer for those near and dear to you in your life, send out a prayer for those in the world that have so few praying for them but have the most need for prayers.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Want To Go With You

To my son Tommy,

Mommy and I were headed out tonight sans child. Trying to explain and prepare you for this turned out to be a gift certificate for a two hour tantrum that was instantly and automatically redeemed. It seems to be par for the course lately and your mother and I believe allergies to pollen or such are causing you to sleep poorly and thus setting you in this permanent pissy mood. We used every psychological ploy we could to get you to calm down. Finally we resorted to the old parental standby of buying your cooperation with a toy from the store. You ended up with a plastic police kit from CVS to lock up your godmother who we roped in to watching you for the evening. Between that and the Benadryl I hope your Aunt Na had an easier time than when we left.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Just The Daddy

To my son Tommy,

We got to go over and do another family fun night that we call the Brazier night. At some time in the festivities, your cousin Charlie laid some pillows and a blanket on the floor in front of the TV for you and her. She must have run off to the bathroom when I saw you laying like a little angel and decided to lay down on the empty spot next to you. You quickly informed me, "That is Charlie's spot. You can't lay there because you're not the best friend you are just the daddy. Can you leave now? Thank you."

At first I was a little offended and heartbroken by the comments. Not because you wanted to save the spot for your cousin but because I wanted to be your best friend too. But there is the rub. I am just the daddy. My job as the daddy often precludes being the best friend because it is more important to be the daddy. Too often in this world parents try to win the approval and friendship of their children at the expense of their primary duty. So I am okay being just the daddy, now and always, even though I was jealous of missing out on what looked to be some prime snuggling opportunity.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Tough Day

To my son Tommy,

You had a tough day today.  It started with a tough morning trying to get you up and ready.  It continued when you were complaining about being tired and about a tummy ache in school and you were so lethargic that your teacher called home saying you might be sick.  Pop-pop went up to get you and then you threw a tantrum and since you didn't have a fever or any signs of real sickness they let you stay.  I came home and tried to revive you with a trip to the library and a trip to Sweet Frog.  Our field trip was actually two-fold because we had to give your mommy her humira shots and it is best to give her some time alone after those.  You acted like you forget every manner and lost every ounce of ability to listen and behave in both places.  You fell asleep on the ride home and fell asleep again when I got you in the house.

You and I were at odds most of the day, from fighting to get you awake and clothed and fed breakfast and to get your teeth brushed and off to school.  You and I picked up where we left off when I got home and started our field trip.  Before you fell asleep in the car, I asked if anything was wrong and told you I was upset with your behavior.  After a couple minutes, I pointed to a police car with flashing lights to show to you on our travel.  You asked, "Are you happy with me again?" and broke my heart.  I told you I am always happy with you and I always love you even if you behave badly and your behavior upsets me.  I hope that wasn't lost in translation from adult to 4 year old.  I am worried that something might be really physically wrong with you and will keep a watchful eye on everything.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Just Men

To my son Tommy,

For some reason I have an episode of Malcolm In The Middle running through my head.  I wasn't a huge fan of the show or anything, but I watched it if it was on and it did make me laugh or chuckle often and this scene stuck in my head.  It was the mom's birthday and the husband and kids had screwed everything up yet again.  The mom (I think her name is Lois) goes on a rant to her husband and three kids looking at her with blank stares and jaws agape saying something like "Is it too much to expect that someone else in this family sees something that needs to be done and shows some initiative and does it without being told and can meet my expectations and think not only of themselves?!?"  and the husband surprisingly answers correctly and says "Yes! that is too much to expect!".  He goes on to explain that they are just dumb men and the best that she can hope for is to tell them what she wants done with as specific instructions as possible and hope that they don't screw it up too royally.  This exchange had me rolling on the floor laughing because I thought it so true.

In that very instant my mind's eye was filled with all the times my mother was disappointed with me and your grandfather and we really had no idea why.  All the times that we instead of taking the empty toilet paper roll off we just put a full one right on top or all the times we left the seat up.  All the times we had stepped over a spill or mess instead of stopping to pick it up.  All the times we would forget birthdays or other major events or be clueless about upcoming chores or obligations for the weekend.  The amount of frustration in my mother's eyes was almost tangible and she tried so hard to raise me to be a considerate person.  Though from time to time your mother would disagree, I think I turned out very considerate...well at least for a man.  But I, like most men, still need to be told what to do.

I was also thinking of family functions with the Fraziers and Maggios.  Specifically I was thinking of when we all get together with a goal, for example like decorating Nansy's house for Christmas.  If your Grandmother Eileen, and the other ladies in the house, wouldn't run around and put people to work and make sure they were doing it right, it would end up taking the men in the house triple the time and our results would be one wreath hung and we would be proud of ourselves for that.  Your Bwama does it so effortlessly and always poses it like a question, but it really isn't one you can answer no to.  "Oh, can you grab those chairs and they go right here. Thank you." I am not poking fun at her here, quite to the contrary, I am impressed and awed at her ability to take a ragtag bunch of slacker men and get so much accomplished.  It is inspiring and quite an amazing site to see in action.

The point is, sometimes you just got to tell people what you want done.  You can't just sit back and wait for them to realize it on their own and volunteer.  Though all my examples focus on men being the problem, it really can go both ways and even brought into the business world and other real world relationships.  If you want something done and it is not being done, use your Grandma Eileen's approach and go and tell someone to do it.  Draft them into service!  Then forgive them when they screw it up or don't do it at all.  Forgive them not seven times but seventy times seven times.  Then try again over and over each time with more specific instructions and hoping for a better outcome.  If something does get done without you having to ask, praise endlessly as if they cured cancer.  If something gets done without you having to ask, but not quite the way you want it done, criticize softly as you try to explain or as you redo, otherwise you may kill the dim spark of initiative for future events.  Don't use your grandmother's fallback approach too often which is to just do it herself.  You can't do everything yourself and by asking others for help you really give them an opportunity in their lives to help and learn and be better people.

As for being told what to do, it never ends and I still to this day need this in my life.  My best suggestion for you and your future is try to be considerate as possible for a man and find a very forgiving wife like your mom.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo