When The Going Gets Tough

To my son Tommy,

It occurred to me that it might seem odd to you that I was talking about volunteering while everything medical is going on with your mom.  Let me be clear, your mother's health takes precedence over any volunteer work.  Your mother's health takes precedence over my job even.  Though my first priorities have changed, in times of struggle, you don't stop doing, especially good things, if you are capable.

You don't stop taking care of yourself  because of hard times.  You don't stop taking care of your home and family because of adversity.  You don't stop paying bills if you can afford.  You don't stop working if you can avoid it.  You don't have to limit your activities to mere survival.  You can still go to church.  You can still volunteer.  You can still recycle.  You can still enjoy a stroll.  You can still laugh without feeling guilty.

Life is struggle.  If we shutdown every time struggle came at us, nothing ever in this world would be accomplished.  The key here is prioritizing.  Perhaps that load of laundry can wait till later.  Perhaps you can give yourself an extra week with the sheets on the bed for a slight break.  Your head is probably swimming and it might not know if you are coming or going.  So you have to rely on your heart and your gut.

There are certain times in your life when it is okay to let everything else shutdown.  You will feel it in your heart when those moments come.  Deep inside you will know if you should be there by the side of their hospital bed at all times rather than volunteering at a soup kitchen or something.  If death strikes a family, all the other goings on in the world take a back seat as you flock to the comfort your family and friends and lean on those same people for your own comfort.  Perhaps later you can continue the rest of the stuff but at that point you just need to grieve and be there for each other.

It really is a balancing act where there seem to be no universal right answer.  There will be times where your clouded head will somehow override the choice by your pure heart and you end up with the wrong answer.  Often we realize that with hindsight from a clearer mind.  Other times we have to be told by someone else that it is time to go back to what really matters and leave the rest for later.  Last night, for me, that someone else was your Bwama and as I was using my volunteerism for escapism and was ready to go on to the fifth computer, she pointed out that the computers will be here tomorrow and the next day and it was time to get home to my wife.  It is a tricky balancing act that everyone is bound to screw up in one form or another, but, God willing, we will get it right more often than we will get it wrong.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Moments

To my son Tommy,

What a tiring week.  The whole house is just about beat and ready for a break.  This gloomy weather doesn't help.  But even as exhausting as everything has been, we have found a few moments.  You had your snuggles with your mom to make her feel better when she was home and you had your precious phone calls when she was in the hospital.  You and I perfected our routine getting ready for school even finding time to work on a silly dance that is all our own.  We had fun on your new playset when we could and even escaped to the library this morning.  Yeah things were tough this week, there is no denying that.  But those few precious moments, those brief glimpses of pure love, that is what keeps us going.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Just Kidding

To my son Tommy,

There are moments in life when things seem to be going in the right direction and the world quickly says to you, "Just kidding!".  Your mom came home last night from the hospital.  She seemed to be on a road to recovery or at least we had a plan.  Plus the hospital blew out every vein and had to move her to oral meds, so there was no sense in her staying.  We got her home and into bed and got her prescriptions.  Unfortunately today we were back in the emergency room.  One of her meds, most likely the prednisone, sent her blood pressure sky rocketing.  She recognized the signs from her nursing training and took her own pressure and was somewhere around 210 over 128.  That is extremely high and dangerous and thus we had another trip to the hospital.  They got her blood pressure down some (still high but a more normal and safe high level) and we got some more prescriptions and are finally back home again.  Hopefully we can avoid another trip.  It isn't that I hate hospitals and ER rooms, but I could stand to spend some time away from them.

When the rug gets pulled out from under you, it is easy to go into the "woe is me" mode.  Should you find yourself in that type of position. pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do what is needed.  If it takes another trip to the ER so be it.  If you have to go back twenty times to get it right, just go.  Never feel sorry or like you are inconveniencing anyone because you have to take care of yourself.  An extreme blood pressure won't be fixed because you feel sorry for yourself.  Saying it is unfair won't stop the crohn's disease or the high blood pressure or whatever is going on.  And if you ever need a great example of what you should do and how you should deal and cope, you don't have to look any further than your mother.  She is an amazing trooper and can show you how to cowboy up and get yourself fixed without feeling sorry for yourself.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

To Work Or Not

To my son Tommy,

When crisis hits family, no matter how big or small, your mind tends to go into tunnel vision mode.  In this case, I am focused in on your mother and her getting better.  Unfortunately the rest of the world keeps coming at you from all directions. I still have to work.  I still have to make a living and provide.  I still have to take care of you.  I still have to take care of the house.  I even have a bunch of added responsibilities that your mother mostly did for us that I am not too adept at doing.  I do not have the luxury of solely worrying about your mother no matter how much I would like to.  I am here at work today and my mind keeps wandering to my love.  It takes a tiring effort to stay on point.  When struggle and difficulty enter our lives, we just do what we have to and keep going.  The funny thing is, though my thoughts are split between work and the hospital, I might even be more effective at work.  The realization of what really is important often gives you a clarity that transforms your approach to getting things done.  With all the projects I have going on right now, I need to keep that clarity just to keep the juggling everything I have to.  Luckily I work for an understanding company who will give me some leeway as I juggle everything.  I also have a great support system in family and friends that help us out considerably.  Anyways, back to work for me.  I will try to get off of work early enough to pick you up from school but if not your grandparents will get you and I will see you soon.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo