Why, dad, why?

To my son Tommy,

The picture to lead off this post is a picture your Great Uncle Sean posted about 4 days ago. It is a double rainbow in West Virginia where he is staying to care for your Great Great Aunt Sheila Melzac, nee Downey. The rainbow is said to have been shown to Noah after the flood. The rainbow is a symbol of a promise from God that he will see us through storm.

Last night, around 10:30 pm on March 6th 2020, we got word from Uncle Sean that Aunt She had passed away. She had been struggling the past couple weeks and was on hospice care for the last week. She had the blessing of her nephew coming up from Louisiana to stay and help tend to her as she carried her cross to her final destination.

You had already gone to sleep, so I was struggling with when to tell you. Do I wake you? Do I tell you in the morning? Do I wait till after your basketball game? But you got up about 30 minutes after I got word, complaining of a bit of a stomach ache from all the ravioli you ate. I have always been straight and direct with you and I constantly preach to you that is how you handle a situation, so I told you then. You slept in my bed for the night, with a couple tears in your eye and whimper in your breath.

You asked me last night, "Why, Dad? Why do people have to die? Aunt Sheila was a good person. We all loved her so. Why?"

The technical reason was she was old. If I have my dates right she would have been celebrating her 90th birthday this November 4th. Her cancer and the treatment that lead to its remission took its toll on an old body. I don't know if it had came back anywhere in her, and I am not sure the powers that be in the medical world will even bother to look. Doesn't make much difference. Her bones had become brittle in the last three months and she was in much pain with her spine.

The deep true answer is that everyone dies. It is the whole plan, an integral an inevitable part of the system of life. From the day we are born, we begin getting one day closer to our death. Downeys have always been keenly aware of this and even embraced this as a fact dealing with it mostly through our faith. Neither answer does anything to heal the hurt and grief and sometimes even anger and guilt inside when we lose a loved one. My solace can be found somewhere in this prayer.

Lord Jesus, our Redeemer,
You willingly gave Yourself up to death so that all people might be saved and pass from death into a new life.
Listen to our prayers; look with love on Your people who mourn and pray for Sheila.
Lord Jesus, You alone are holy and compassionate; forgive Sheila her sins.
By dying You opened the gates of life for those who believe in You; do not let Sheila be parted from You, but by Your glorious power give her light, joy, and peace in heaven where You live for ever and ever.
Amen. 

I explained to you that life on this Earth is not the ultimate destination but just a stop along the way. We talked about our family trips and how we stop to get out of the car, stretch our legs, and grab a bite to eat. Then we continue on to the ocean to meet our family and loved ones who got there before us and await those that got a later start.

It has been a rough five or six years in the Downey family. We lost your Great Great Aunt Jule in February 2015. We lost your Great Grandpa Leo in March 2015. We lost your Grandpa Leo in March of 2017. We lost your Great Grandma Jeanne in Aug of 2017. We lost your Great Aunt Debbie in May of 2018. We lost your second cousin Lucy in June of 2018. This lists gets amazing large if we extend the years or to our other sides of our family and their extensions. I am not even sure this list includes everyone for the Downeys in the past half a decade. You have seen and grieved the passing for many.

Yet still we march on and celebrate the circle of life, welcoming new additions like your baby twin sisters and your second cousin Violet. Just like the rainbow your Great Uncle Sean posted, it is a promise in our future and a symbol of God's love for us even as we carry on with the sorrow for the loss of those we loved before and continue to love. Remember, they are always in our memories and our hearts and in our souls, and, if we calm ourselves enough, we can feel their presence in the room with us as they watch over. Rest in the peace of Christ, Sheila Theresa Melzac nee Downey.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo