Trick Or Treat

To my son Tommy,

Between your great grandmother passing and hurricanes and power outages and getting back to work and the beginnings of a cold for everyone in the family, well we are drained.  We made no plans to go trick or treating and as I was coming home after a long day at work (as work days usually are after missing two days because of a hurricane) I felt bad about that.  You don't much like candy and it was too cold and wet to go trudging around the neighborhood, but I still felt you should experience Halloween in some fashion.  On my way home (I was already tasked with stopping by the grocery because you are responsible for snack at school tomorrow) I picked up a couple large bags of candy.  If we weren't going door to door, then we would at least give out some candy.  Our neighborhood sucks for trick or treating.  I think we were one of four houses on our block (both sides of the street) giving out candy.  All we can do to change that is put on our porch light and dole out some treats and maybe next year more will join.  Your mother and I had been known to hide in the house with lights off in past years.   The last couple years we were absent because we headed out to family parties in better trick or treating neighborhoods.  But come hell or high water, those people who braved the cold dark night were going to get candy at the Downey household, at least till 8pm.

So you and I sat out on the porch.  You were such the gracious host and wished everyone a Happy  Halloween! and generously doled out a few candy bars and pointed everyone to the bucket to pick out what they liked.  You were so excited to see the next batch of kids come and even in the last half hour of sitting outside, you held out hope for one more round of trick or treaters.  I probably should have had you inside where you were warm and away from the elements, but instead I armed you with your jacket and a smile and some holiday phrases and a bucket full of candy and a daddy's hug to keep you warm on our front porch.  Tomorrow you head into school in costume (if daddy can successfully wrestle you into the costume in the morning) and can experience a bit more of the Halloween holiday.  As for now you are fast asleep with visions of kids in costume and dancing candy bars running through your little head.  Happy Halloween!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Plug In

To my son Tommy,

Power has been off and on yesterday and through out today but not as bad as I thought.  We had about four houses using the generator with extensions cords to either neighbor and even crossing the street.  Just running sump pumps and refrigerators nothing more.  Just enough to keep the basements unflooded and the food or medicine from spoiling.  I guess some hoard and only watch out for themselves but that it is not the Downey style.  As long as we have, we try to give.  We try to help all who come looking for help.  "Sure, let's see if we can get you plugged in."  was our mantra as we plugged in and wondered exactly how much this 5500 watt generator could take.

So that is the lesson.  If you have, share.  Not only is it good karma, it is just good!  We are one of the only species in the world that have the ability to look passed our own needs at the need of those around us.  Genuine altruism is one part of the human that science cannot really explain or understand and thus is often debated and dismissed as a fairy tale.  Scientist point out that there is often subconscious and subtle forms of self-interest being fulfilled.  I personally think science may never be able to explain something so spiritual because they are looking for it under a microscope rather than in a prayer.  Whatever the underlying source, be it God or some sort of unexplained self-interest, I hope to raise you to do the right thing and if you have in abundance and see someone without that you can genuinely help, you will.  Follow the example of the poor man who has one loaf of bread and freely offers half to the man who has no bread.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Hunker Down

To my son Tommy,

Well the storm is here and slowly picking up more and more.  TV and government officials telling everyone to stay inside and the phrase of the day is "Hunker Down".  The Downey's still surprisingly have power but I don't want to jinx anything, but I figured I'd post while we have power and internet.

The basement is more dry than I figured it would be at this point.  I guess some of the jury rigged water proofing worked.  Unfortunately we also found another place in the basement that is leaking and we have decided that we just have to have our basement torn up and redone and professionally waterproofed.  Hopefully we can scrape the funds for that soon.  We also found one attic window sill that is soaked and leaking and have to have that redone and the water damage fixed from that.  Owning a house is expensive and a pain in the rear.  They say it is an asset but when I took economics assets made you money and liabilities cost you money.  Thus a house that you live in is a liability and remains a liability except at the point you finally sell.  Some houses are bigger liabilities than others.

As I was typing before, we lost power.  Getting the generator running and hooking us up and the the neighbors too was kind of like a pig on roller skates but we got it done.  This storm reminds me of hot sauce.  When you take your first taste of a killer hot sauce you say, "It's not so bad" and then it grows and gets worse and grows and worsens.  You were a bit scared and kept apologizing for turning off the lights.  So we sat there and read four books by flashlight and that calmed you down.  Surprisingly we got electric back a couple minutes ago.  Glad to have the extra linemen out there working hard and risking life and limb and fighting the extreme weather for our behalf.  We pray for them and we pray for us, the rest of our family, our neighbors and friends, and all those in the track of this storm.  Going to be another hairy 24 hours, hopefully I will post when we are done hunkering down.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Gear Shift

To my son Tommy,

Hours ago the most important things in our life were getting pictures for yesterday's blog, deciding if we would have enough sleep to get to 7:30 am mass, and getting ready for the Disney on Ice show as planned.   In the back of our mind were such things as superstorms, but we figured we would deal with that as it comes.  Then the phone rang early this morning.

Your Great Grandmother Frazier has been having some medical problems so when the phone rang your mother popped awake immediately.  I won't go over specifics mostly because I am a little hazy on everything but it includes dialysis and tumors and tubes and cords and all types of intricacies like those.  The prognosis is grim.  Now your mother is over at the hospital with your Pop-pop with your other aunts and some more extended family.  Prayer is the only thing left for the situation.

When you begin to believe that the daily routine is so important, life and death come roaring back to remind you of what should be important.  I met your Great Grandmother Frazier about two dozen times and she was a pistol every time.  She is as quirky as her Christmas gifts which have become infamous through out the family.  I personally found her gifts exciting and useful and am reminded of that every time I look up at the time projected on the ceiling of my bedroom,  though I must confess a few of the gifts perplexed me as much as everyone else.

The guys (me, your Uncle Chris, and your Uncle Rob) decided to bring the kids to the Disney on Ice show as planned.  It might seem strange to go to a fun family event when something like this is going on, but it will be nice to have the magic of innocent awe in a day that is going to be sorrowful.  It also allows the ladies to go be with their grandmother in the last moments of her life.  I will continue this post later...

We just got home and found out your Great Grandmother Frazier has passed on, God rest her soul.  Before the Disney on Ice show began, your Uncle Rob and/or cousin Emma came up with an idea.  We had great seats, nearly on the ice, and were half as many as expected, so Uncle Rob searched and spotted a family in the nose bleed seats of the arena.  Mostly because he is a good person with a good generous soul, but also in honor of your Great Grandmother Frazier, Uncle Rob and Emma went up to the nose bleed section and offered those tickets of ours that would remain unused to these strangers.  They were surprised and excited and grateful and seemed to enjoy their seat upgrade.  A random act of kindness is a fitting tribute to your Great Grandmother Frazier.  Rumor has it that a couple weeks ago your Great Grandmother Frazier, who always considered herself psychic, said that when she dies it will blow like no one has ever seen.  Perhaps this storm is her last hurrah to all the naysayers who laughed at her when she told them she was psychic.  Again rest in peace Madge Oralee Sheetz Frazier, until we meet again may the Lord hold you in the palm of His hand.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Scooby Doo and the Frankenstorm

To my son Tommy,

Today was spent prepping for the impending doom of the upcoming storm and preparing food for the Halloween party at Jack and Gil's house tonight.

One thing is for certain, home improvement stores make a killing when storms are coming.  If they could control weather they would probably schedule a nice major storm once per financial quarter.  Generators are flying out the door and have waiting lists for the next shipment.  If there is one thing in your life that you should buy in nice weather well before you need it, a generator is a must.  That is a lesson we learned a couple times before it sunk in.  Technically the generator we have in the garage is a loaner from a friend who had a whole house generator installed but it serves the purpose for this storm.  Thus I was just picking up supplies in attempt to lessen the amount of water that floods in our basement.  This allowed me to skip past the long line of irate customers demanding to know when the next shipment of generators would arrive and asking "Well what am I supposed to do?!" incredulously.  I went and grabbed some plastic and duct tape and landscape fabric stakes.  It is my attempt (not sure if it is pathetic or ingenious yet, will let you know after the results) to jury rig a system to skirt extra water away from the foundation.  Of course in this neighborhood the groundwater rises from below quickly with any substantial rain, finds any little crack in your foundation, and keeps water coming in.  As long as the electric is up, the sump pump usually takes care of this, but it does work double or triple time.  It reminds of me of a pirate with a child's sand bucket in a dinghy with a large hole bailing away.  When the electric goes down it is all up to the battery back up on the sump pump or the generator.  I have resigned myself to a wet floor in the basement, but like I said I am just trying to make it a little better.

Your mother and Aunt Na spent most of the day cooking and creating foods for the Halloween party tonight.    They had graveyard cakes and cookies and some type of jello worm things that are quite realistic looking but ,as far as I recall, much more tasty than real worms.  We are going as Scooby-Doo (you) Velma (mommy) and Shaggy (yours truly) in our first "group" themed halloween costume.  Not sure if this is going to become a tradition of costume coordination beginning for the Downey family but it sure has tickled your mother.  She was quite creative and hit bargain outlets and goodwill to find some of the costume parts for each of us.  I shudder to think what costumes we would have been in if everything was left to your dad's judgement.  TGFM!  (Thank God For Mommy!)  Your Aunt Na is going as Moaning Myrtle, a character from the Harry Potter books and movies.  I will bend my rule of editing later and add some pictures to this blog post when we get some good ones from the party.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Frankenstorm

To my son Tommy,

They are calling it "Frankenstorm" and comparing it to the "Perfect Storm" that took down the Andrea Gail about 20 years ago, except this time it will hit land.  Many people are wrongly assuming that "Frankenstorm" is the nickname for Hurricane Sandy.  Hurricane Sandy is just one part (a major contributor but still only part) of a larger collision of about three weather systems.  We have an early winter storm coming in from the west and a large blast of arctic air coming in as a Nor'Easter and then good old Sandy fueling the whole thing like a never ending supply of kerosene for a bonfire.  I am not an official weatherman, so these "facts" are just my understanding from the various reports I have heard.  Judging by some of the reports I have seen and heard though, my explanation is as good as most.

Every generation in every location has their storm legends.  In Maryland, when I grew up I heard story upon story about Hurricane Agnes (1972) from my elders and every major storm we saw was compared to the destruction of that one.  That storm stayed as the measuring stick right up to Hurricane Isabel (2003) and Hurricane Irene (2011) and to this day still makes it back into the conversation.

Unlike hurricanes, blizzards are never named.  They usually just go by year (Blizzard of '96 for example) and people tend to forget the year of the event if it is not given a easy catchy name like Agnes or Isabel.  Consequently you usually only have to deal with stories and legends from the last great snowstorm in any area.  People will remember stories and events from past blizzards, they just talk about them more generally.  You will hear stuff like "I remember this one blizzard where we put on snowshoes and walked to the bar..." and if you ask them what blizzard that was they will guess and say "What year was that?  '95 or maybe '96?  I don't know".  Unless a name like Snowmageddon (Blizzard of 2010) catches on, the story will just be about the last blizzard and various bits and pieces of past blizzards.

Then you have thunderstorms, which can be just as bad but have less staying power as legend or lore.  We had one this year that it was lightninging so much, that I was ready to pull us all in the basement to cower and pray for our lives.  It ended up knocking out power to our house for over a week.  Snowmageddon by contrast only lost power for 2 days I believe.  Yet no one came up with a name or catchy title so it will fade into "One time there was this storm so bad..." type phrasing.

This "Frankenstorm" has already been fore casted to do about one billion dollars of damage and weeks of power outages.  It has tidal surges, rain, and even snow and is supposed to effect as far inland as Chicago.  All this and it hasn't even happened yet.  Got to love forecasting, educated (supposedly) guessing that when you are wrong, you just attribute it to some unexpected variable.  I think this storm has already been attributed with the end of the Mayan civilization (even though that happened over 700 years ago), the rapture, the alien landing in Roswell, and other such atrocities like the break-up of the FatBoys and the Osmonds.

Assuming I find power and internet connection, I will write to tell you if "Frankenstorm" is worthy of legend and lore and if you will be hearing about it for the next 30 years of your life.  Things are supposed to get spicy around Monday night and settled around Thursday, so I might miss a few blogs to you.  Or perhaps I will try this ancient technique of pen and paper to write.  A novel idea, I am sure.  I am off to find a quill and my iron gall ink before I head out to some home improvement store and grocery store to stand in line for milk and toilet paper as is tradition in Maryland.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Secret To Marriage: The Blankets

To my son Tommy,

There are many things that a person can attribute a good marriage to.  There are big things like love, openness, communication, to small things like hobbies, liking the same sport teams, or enjoying holding hands.  Book upon book upon book have been written trying to explain the differences between man and woman and how to have a good happy harmonious marriage.

I do not pretend to be an expert, especially if you ask your mother, but I have learned a few tricks here and there.  This is one small almost insignificant trick that not only will help you have a harmonious marriage but is actually being scientifically studied by sleep therapy doctors who believe it helps you get a better sleep.  Being well rested, in turn, also helps with a good marriage.  I am of course talking about separate blankets!

There is a misconception that a good husband and wife team can easily share the same blanket without any problems.  I blame 50s sitcoms and romantic comedies for perpetuating this illusion.  Or perhaps it stems from those young lustful days where you could share a one person sleeping bag no problem, but then again slumber was not the foremost reason for sharing a one person sleeping bag.  Trust me when I say separate blankets are the way to go.

It is ridiculous to think that you have to find someone completely compatible with your body temp and sleeping habits.  It is hard enough finding your soul mate with out throwing on extra qualifications like "Do you use a heavy blanket or light?".  Then, if you stick with the one blanket theory, you have to deal with size of blanket, or rolling, and someone always ends up losing the blanket war.  Besides avoiding the nightly blanket war, there are other advantages of separate blankets.  If I get hot, off it goes and your mother can stay snuggled.  If your mother or I have to get up throughout the night, less chance of waking the other and you avoid all that guilt.  It can be quite liberating.

The common arguments against two blankies are; does not promote cuddling, extra wash, not conducive if you like to make your bed.  As far as the cuddling thing goes, blankets have this great invention called edges.  You slip your hand out the edge of your blanket and under the edge of her blanket and then you pull your body as close as you can.  The blankets overlap and Voila!  You have essential made two blankets into one, but with the bonus of being able to reverse the process if the need arises at a later time in the night.  For more amorous moments, well your little ears aren't ready for that, but lets just say blankets tend to get in the way and are thrown to the floor anyhow.  As for more wash and the bed making argument, they do have points there.  But the little extra effort of washing another blanket, or switching from two blankets to one for bed making and back again for sleeping,  trust me it is worth it.

So as you grow up and find your soul mate and get married and begin sharing a bed, (as a good Catholic father I will stick to this timeline of events but don't mistake wishful thinking for naivety) take the time to gently approach the subject and say to your wife "I have been thinking, and I know this is sort of a European idea, but I want to try something new and adventurous in bed!  What do you think of each of us having our own blanket!"  Okay, perhaps you want to rephrase that because if she doesn't get the Downey humor that might result with you getting your own blanket and a separate place to sleep like the living room couch.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

100

To my son Tommy,

I am not big on arbitrary milestones but the 100th letter to you in this blog post is something I want to acknowledge.  I have spent some time reviewing some of the posts.  I have found quite the range of quality from cringe-worthy to some posts that I am quite proud of.  Posts that made me laugh and some that made me cry.  We have the happy and the sad, the mundane and the exciting.  We have touched on such profound topics as love and life, God and religion, death, forgiveness, and much much more.  We have documented our journeys be it medical, emotional, spiritual, or whatever life may bring.  We have looked at the circle of life and realized some days it is perfectly round and the next day it could be egg-shaped and the next day it looks like squiggles and scribbles.  I have attempted to show you how to take responsibility for your own life while at the same time trying to take control of mine.  We have searched on doing in life rather than sitting back and waiting for it to be done for you. We have focused in on processes and taking things one step at a time.  By exploring the simple, we have delved into the complicated and tried our best to simplify life.  We have celebrated our family and our time together, be it in hospitals or at home making a stuffed animal zoo.  I hope you will learn from these words and leave with something profound and deep, but if you just leave with a smile or smirk that is okay too.

There have been many recurring themes and no doubt we will revisit many a topic as we go forward.  It is my prerogative as a parent, and as Heraclitus said "No man ever steps in the same river twice".  I will continue trudging on and risk repeating myself over and over again because the simple lessons of life are worthy of repetition and reexamining day in and day out.  So I ask the question in your words, "Sounds great  idea?".  Hopefully one day when you finally read all this you will answer that question much like you would today and say "Okay!  Sounds great idea, daddy!"  So today I will leave you with how I used to end every post in a blog of a past life...God bless all who read these posts.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Cupcakes

To my son Tommy,


Today from your teacher, we got this nice picture of you licking a frosting covered finger in front of your cupcake.  You have no idea how excited your mother and I get when you try new foods.  Unlike other parents, we don't care if the new food is junk.  We simply want you to start trying new foods.  Later after establishing that you are willing to try new foods, then we can start worrying about your vegetables and such.  Your teacher, Ms. Mary, is very tuned in to how exciting for us new foods are.  She has proudly got you to eat pancakes and now cupcakes.  Hmm, perhaps it has something to do with the word cake.  Well you might end up eating baby food at your wedding but at least you will be able to eat the frosting off your wedding cake now!  Either way we are very happy that you have such a great teacher and that she is successful in getting you to try new things.

Sincerely with love form your dad,
Leo

Mistakes Are Necessary

To my son Tommy,

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than life spent doing nothing."  George Bernard Shaw

If that quote from a fellow Irishman is true, than I have lived quite an honorable and useful life.  Mistakes abound in my history.  If I had a crystal ball, I would imagine that my future holds a whole new round of mistakes as well.  Mistakes are part of life.  They are a way to learn.  Mistakes allow us to express some of the best aspects of humanity, because it is not the mistake that defines you but what happens next.  Being apologetic and sincere, being humbled, being resilient, being persistent, being successful, being educated, becoming wise; many times these journeys all start with a simple mistake.

Don't be afraid of making mistakes in your life.  If you play it safe your entire life, and never push it to the edge where mistakes are inevitable, you may be just missing what living is all about.  As for one of my sources of inspiration, Mr. Shaw, remember though he sounds deep and profound, he is as full of crap as the rest of us.  Leave it to an Irishman to make screwing up sound almost preferable.  It reminds of me a certain blogger who has a passed on a good amount of Celtic blood to his son.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Set Up For Success

To my son Tommy,

Many things in this world feel like they are dead set against you.  To many times and too many things set you up for failure.  Not only that, but some people or companies root for failure and turn a pretty profit on just that.

Credit card companies hope you pay late because that increases their bottom line.  Diet food companies secretly hope you stay fat because then you keep buying the promise or hope of losing weight.  The list of companies and organizations that set you up for failure in one way or another is long and distinguished.  If pharmaceutical companies actually created cures they wouldn't get you on the comeback.  Governments put on sin taxes, fees, and fines for vice like items and entertainment.  They say it is to encourage you to stop whatever it is, but if everyone suddenly stopped then they would lose money.  Do you think they are really rooting for you to break the bad habit that is taxable?  Divorce lawyers only get paid if marriages end.  Eyeglass stores hope you get nearsighted.  Libraries hope you return the book late so they can collect that fee.  It really is prevasive in this society.  It can be found in government, traffic court, grocery stores, gas stations, courts, hospitals, sports, even to-do lists, you name it.

Not only that, those closest to you can set you up for failure.  Don't give a man a white shirt to wear to a spaghetti dinner if tomato sauce stains are going to upset you. If you want someone to pay attention and focus, don't turn on the tv or give him another distraction and then get mad at the child when he doesn't listen.  Don't bring your three year old to the busy mass with all his cousins to meet and greet (as I did today) and get upset when he doesn't mind or behave.  Too many times in this world we set the ones we love up for failure and wait to see if they "pass the test" and "avoid the trap" knowing all too well we have done them no favors and have secretly already passed judgement and armed ourselves for their eventual failure.  Sometimes we do this on purpose, even if subconsciously, but often it is a simple mistake and oversight that leads us into these situations with our true loved ones.

So, as you grow up, when someone disappoints and fails, take a little extra time and ask yourself "Did I set them up for failure?  How did I contribute?  Did I make it as easy as possible for them to succeed?"  I am not saying take all the blame,  because the responsibility still lies on the person and his actions.  I am saying for those you truly love you should want them to succeed and not be happy or ready for the attack when they fail.  For those you truly love you want the best for them and you want to set them up for success.

On my part,  I will try to get you ready for the earlier quiet mass at 7:30.  Though it will mean missing out on going to church with the whole extended clan, it will set you up for success and let you learn how to behave in church.  It will also let me avoid feeling like the worst type of failure, which is when you set yourself up for failure through your own words or own actions and become your own worst enemy.  Instead it will set me up for success as a dad and allow me to teach and pass on good things to you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Remote Support

To my son Tommy,

As you know, I am a professional computer geek.  I could give you some fancy schmancy title like CIO or go into all the little details of what I am versed in compared to what I do not know, but basically I am a geek.  Today I had to do some remote support for my boss (your Great Uncle Mike) and as I took control of his system down at his eastern shore house with the LogMeIn Rescue console a thought crossed my mind.  Sometimes in my life I wish I had someone to take control of the minutia, the points and clicks of my life.  Just like a remote control support session, someone to come in and download files and fix systems and show me hands on what to do.  I could sit back and watch a professional at work.

As I was imagining what it would be like to allow a full access remote control support session for my life,  it occurred to me that someone else is already guiding me.  Perhaps He isn't as interactive as my computer support sessions, and He just advises me what to do and doesn't do it for me nor insist that I do it at all.  He simply tells me what I ought to be doing and lets me decide.  But recently I have given Him much more access and hit unblock on my firewall of life.  Ok that last sentence sure is corny and may be overly religious perhaps, but  it is true.  What else would you expect from a Catholic geek!  I do wish life's FAQ was a little bit more fleshed out and little less ambiguous but we work with what we are given.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Streak Ends

To my son Tommy,

After ninety-four days straight of posting to this blog, yesterday with the click of the second hand, the streak ended. I always thought it would be some type of natural disaster that ended the streak. I figured a blizzard would come and knock out the power and snow us in. Unfortunately I have no cataclysmic excuse for missing yesterday. It was a simple combination of a work filled frustrating day and a forgetful mind.

Yesterday started out in the morning as days usually do. Your mother had clinicals and was up early getting ready. Though I was half asleep, I remember chatting with her in the morning about you. Thursday and Friday I am responsible for getting you where you need to be, but your mother usually helps me out by setting out clothes for you and such. I think secretly she worries you will look like a harlequin if I were to dress you.

Anyways, after she left I tried to wake you around 6:30. I have resigned myself that we will rarely make morning mass when it is just you and I, but I still want to not feel rushed and get you ready as soon as possible. You on the other hand have adopted your mothers approach which is to suck every second of sleep from a morning. I got you out of bed totally asleep and brought you downstairs on the couch to try to gently persuade you to wake up. It wasn't till 7:10 or so that you finally obliged.

When you did finally wake up, it seemed everything was a fight. You didn't want to get dressed. You didn't want to go potty. You fought every spoonful of breakfast. You even fought getting in the truck to go to school. But we fought through it and I finally got you to school and headed off to work.

I should have known work would be one of those days from the commute. It seemed I got behind every person who was determined to save gas by going ten miles per hour under the speed limit. When I arrived, I arrived to one of those help desk type days, where people just refuse to think for themselves and need hand holding even for things they have routinely done every day for the past week, month, or year. To compliment this I found a major bug in one of my projects and had to make sure that was being worked on.  Throw in a couple meetings and a botched attempt to have Xerox repair a brand new printer that ate up two hours of my time installing the printer after the repairman said it was fixed and uninstalling and repacking the printer to send back as it must be a lemon, and work had the makings of major frustration.

I headed home from work somewheres about 6pm and from phone calls throughout the day I could tell your mother didn't have much better of a day than I did.  I was bringing home unfinished work and she had tons of schoolwork to do last night as well.  Your mother seemed to be the only student assigned extra work from her clinicals professor.  Your mother is not the type of person to keep her head down and fly under the radar.  Unfortunately that means she asks bunches of questions and in my opinion the professor had no idea of the right answers and instead of letting on to this fact, the professor just assigned finding out these answers to your mother in the guise of  "if you research it yourself you will learn it better".   Still somehow your mother found time to cook a fine dinner and invited your Pop-pop and your Aunt Na down.

You were asleep when I got home and after lending an ear to your mother's day, I started on setting up the tablets for the employees I had to get ready for the morning.  Pop-pop and Aunt Na had bad days as well and over dinner we all commiserated our poor day as if we were in a sadistic form of a one upmanship contest.  Except for a brief debate on politics (which is a nice topper for a day) I was constantly working on setting up these ipads for work.  Downloading and upgrading to ios6 which came out after these ipads were shipped takes some time.

So somewhere around 11:40 PM or so I could no longer keep my eyes open and neither could your mother.  Neither of us were complete in what we had to do, but the sandman didn't seem to care.  We both planned on waking up in the morning and finishing our unfinished projects.  It wasn't until I woke up this morning somewhere around 5 am that I realized I had forgot to write to you the day before.

So a streak ends, but that is okay.  When one streak ends another has the possibility of beginning again.  I offer the above story not to rationalize or excuse not blogging but simply as a recounting of the events of the day.  A new day and a new streak begins!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

I Do Every Day

To my son Tommy,

Four years ago to the day, I said two little words that committed me to one of the greatest journeys of my life.  I call it a journey even though there is no final destination, no end game.  When you get in a car for a journey, you usually have a set time and set location when that type of journey will end.  With marriage there is no set time limit or some place you have to get to.  Here the journey itself is the ultimate goal and it will continue every day of our lives.  The journey of marriage is filled with growing and changing and learning and constantly working at being the best spouse you can be.  Just because you love someone with all your heart doesn't mean you no longer have to work at being married, it just means the labor is quite literally a labor of love.

One of the coolest things (Besides being married to an awesome woman, wife, mother, person, etc) is that we said "I Do" right around the corner at our current church.  This means every day I go to mass I can see with my mind's eye right where your mother and I began our covenant together in the presence of God's grace.  This morning at mass I sat there and thought of our wedding day.  I can see the simple and elegant candle in each window of the church.  I can imagine me looking something like a fat penguin up at the altar watching my beautiful bride walk down the aisle.  I remember the dark brown color for our wedding that I should know as "espresso" brown or some other more descriptive color name.  I see my bride and the tiara she wore still sparkles in my mind over a bouquet of red and maybe some cream or white colored flowers in there too.  I remember my face hurting that day because I had the biggest smile throughout the ceremony thinking "This is it, I am officially the luckiest man in the world".  I can look at the pews and picture family and friends and still recall the feeling of warmth, love, and good wishes emanating from them.  I picture all three priests Father Cummings (now Monsignor), Father Collins (now Monsignor), and Father McGovern on the altar. Yes we used three priests, had to make sure it stuck.  I remember Father Cummings' homily on "the right order of events" and how nothing in the world could bother me that day because I was getting married to the woman of my dreams.  I look over to the statue of Mary and Joseph and think of your mother kneeling there as her Uncle Mark sang Ave Maria.  And I remember the kiss and if I close my eyes when I approach the altar I can still feel that indescribable moment.

Every day I attend mass I can go and remember and recall and relive this moment in my life.  If marriage or life get a bit difficult that week, I am just a few blocks away from a constant reminder of the hope and love that filled me that day.  That hope and love is there inside me for the rest of my life and the every day I get to say and affirm it one more time... I Do!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Melanoma Head's Coming

To my son Tommy,

"Buck Melanoma, Moley Russell's wart. Not her wart. I'm the wart. She's my tumor, my growth, my pimple. I'm "Uncle Wart." Just old Buck "Wart" Russell, they call me. Or Melanoma Head. They'll call me that. "Melanoma Head's" coming. I'm sor-- Uncle, Maizy Russell's uncle. I'm her uncle."

That is the movie quote that has been going through my head today.  I had to have a couple moles removed from my back.  About a month ago I went to my first dermatologist session to have all my moles and skin tags checked.  You were a major contributor in the decision to go.  In your curiosity for "what is what" you spent a day pointing out many of my imperfections and trying to decide if they were moles, nipples, skin tags, birth marks, or perhaps freckles.  Your mother had recently pointed out a few moles she had questions about as well.  Your grandfather Leo has to go to the skin doctor often to get things removed, so I figure both you and I have a proclivity to skin problems.  Combine that with some bad sunburns when I was younger and due diligence on my part is absolutely necessary.  I don't think most people start checking for these things until age fifty but with all the factors, and just to be safe, I need to start a bit early I suppose.   In fact I probably should have started ten or fifteen years ago with the family history.

Hopefully we can lessen your chance, and your mother and I will do our best to keep you slathered in high SPF.  No doubt there will be a time or two where, for one reason or another, we will be unsuccessful and you might end up  with a sunburn or two.  It is just part of growing up.  One day we will get you all slathered up and send you down to the beach or a pool and you will be having so much fun that you will not be willing to come in for the re-application.  I know when I was young when mom or dad stopped me in the middle of my playing to throw on some goop, it would really tick me off.  Now I am on the other end of that exchange and we will hopefully get you to the point where you are not in your late thirties going "was that mole always there? is that an irregular outline?  what do you think the biopsy will show?"  Nothing like the benefit of hindsight to finally explain what your parents were trying to do.  When I was just eight or ten, I just thought my parents were protecting me from the immediate sunburn discomfort and thus protecting their sanity because dealing with a sunburned child can be a pain.  I had no idea they knew what they were talking about and trying to protect my future self from my present self.  I hope you are easier than you stubborn old man when it comes to accepting your parents wisdom.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Define Survival

To my son Tommy,

The other day I saw a status update...

"Plan for today: Wake Up, Survive, Go Back To Bed.  Plan for tomorrow roughly the same"

 I chuckled as I thought of the truth of this statement.  Though this tends to give you a bleak view of life and suggest the person is going through some rough times, it is actually true no matter where you are in your life.  Whether you are happy or sad, enjoying life or dreading it, rich or poor, you wake up and survive and off to bed to start the circle yet again.  The alternatives to this plan are too dreadful for me to ponder.

Here in this simple plan, you see gifts a plenty.  You woke up!  You are alive! Every morning is a gift of a new day though, to tell the truth, I often have trouble seeing this as a gift on a Monday.  Survive!  Well at least you have a goal! We will go into further detail on that later.  Then at the end of your plan comes the sweet release of bedtime!  It means you made it one more day!  You somewhere found the strength and gotten through it all.  Now you can head off to la-la land where you can be the ruler of your kingdom and slide down a rainbow to land in the pot of gold.  Ahh, sweet slumber!

Simple and eloquent plan, depending on your definition of survival.   I look for my "survival" and hope to thrive while living.  Getting through the day alive is a lofty goal but there has to be more.  For me survival goes deeper into the spiritual realm and emotional realm and even the intellectual realm.  It goes into meaning and striving and thriving.  It all depends on what you add into the task of "survive"

Most people have added going to work into their list of things to do to survive.  I have that on my list though lately I have modified the task to include going into work and doing the best job I can with the best attitude.  I have also added daily prayer and daily conversation with Jesus and God.  My spiritual survival needs to be maintained constantly more so than others.  I have also added hugging you and your mother to my daily survival list.  I need the emotional support and love of my family to survive the day.  I have added tons to my "survive" list and though it sort of defeats the minimalist purpose of the basic plan, it sure makes surviving so much better.  It reminds me of some people's ideas of camping.  Some have a basic tent and a small fire, while other see camping as a stay at the Hilton in the Poconos.

So when someone asks you what your plan is for today, you can tell them: Wake Up, Survive, Go Back To Bed! but you can do it with a wink and a grin because you and I know that our definition of survive transcends the bare minimum.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Distractions and Bribes

To my son Tommy,

It is an odd fact, but when the church is packed and their is singing at the mass, you are more of  a handful to handle.   We attended the 10:15 at St.Agnes today.  This is probably the most attended mass at our parish and it is not the "silent" mass that you are used to that has no singing and is at least a good 15 minutes shorter.  It actually surprised me that you were more difficult to handle today.  I always assumed that there was more potential for embarrassing moments when there were less attendees.  But I guess like begets like and if I want a calm quiet child for mass than I need the calm quiet mass like 7:30 or weekday mass.

You found a mommy and daddy and daughter trio to become friends with.  A new couple to St. Agnes. they were sitting behind us and you seem infatuated with the young lady.  I was worried you were too distracting for them so I kept trying to get you to turn around and focus on the mass or perhaps on you grandmom or one of your other relatives in the pew.  But they were quite gracious after mass and said they enjoyed having us sit in front of them.  You have that effect on many people.  You are quite the charmer.

We had one potty break (mostly because you refused to potty before we went to church) and you really got antsy at the end and tried to make a break for it.  But I always have the ultimate bargaining chip to keep you in line.  You see, during the whole mass, you just are waiting to go to the little playground outside and slide down some slides.  It is your ultimate objective and I believe one of the only reasons you agree to go to church with me.  What ever the reason, I am glad you come with me and I welcome the extra influence I have with the bribe of slides.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Be Original

To my son Tommy,

Today, I was watching a morning show, I believe it was CBS in the morning or something like that and they had Georgia kindergarten teacher who has made a million dollars selling her lesson plans online.  It wasn't the  money that startled me.  It was the fact that this was hitting the news now.  I am pretty sure I had read this on the internet about ten times in the past 5 months in one form or another.  Each news outlet that reported it, reported this as if they were the first to tell the story.  Granted this morning they actually had the lady on for an interview in person and I guess a cool million is more newsworthy than the seven hundred thousand she had banked when mashable.com reported it back in May.  So to the credit of CBS it was a bit of a different spin, but not actually what I would call original content.

This brought me to a couple profound conclusions.  First, the mainstream media is behind the times and slow and mostly unoriginal.  They just piggy back on a previous article and dress it up but the content nor the idea was not theirs.  Secondly, I finally see where the internet can end up killing tv news and newspapers, assuming they can start taking credit for the first run of the story and reaching a broader market.  Third, I am a total geek to not only have read this five months prior but to have been able to recall it and within two guesses remember where I read it.  Fourth, it made me wonder how much of my blog can be considered original.  Pretty much every concept I cover is as old as the hills and has been dealt with in plays or conversation or literature as far back as history goes.  Is my view of life and my way of explaining everything any different than what was told to us by great minds like Socrates or Confucius?  Not that I am comparing myself or this blog to the great minds of the ages.  They probably expressed the concepts I try to pass on to you much more simply and elegantly.  So I mean to say; Have I added anything new? Is there a novel idea anywhere in my letters to you or am I just taking some old news story like Plato's Republic and revamping it?

So the challenge for me, that I pass on to you, is strive for originality.  You may not achieve total uniqueness but you may just add a new enough twist on your words to allow someone to finally understand the time tested age old sage advice.  You are definitely one of a kind, and always will be.  Never let yourself fall into the trap of running someone else's news report five months later.  If you must draw inspiration from others, go much further back and bring us the big ideas from centuries ago in simple words with a simple understanding.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Take Your Kid To Work Day

To my son Tommy,

Today you turned a normal work day into a father son work day.  I don't know when it is officially "Take Your Son To Work Day" but you decided for us it is today.  You woke up and you just wanted to be with your father.  So we got up and dressed.  We brushed our teeth together, ate breakfast together, went to church together.  When it was time for us to part ways, time for dad to head off to work, you weren't having any of it.  How can I turn down a sad sobbing boy who just wants to spend time with his daddy.  You have had some tiring days in the past couple days and been heading to sleep early.  Many times this week, you were zonked out before I got home from work.  I wasn't even working late every day, but I guess the busy day of a three year old can make anyone want to get to sleep before 6pm.  So I said okay and you are here at work with me.

You have been well behaved so far.  You played on your ipad some.  You have colored great works of art for others to pin up at their desks.  You have walked around and met friends and politely discussed things with them.  You had some time with your cousin Harrison who came up to the office for a bit.  And now you are running around the office singing "Grand Old Flag" for anyone who will listen.  Surprisingly I have gotten a good amount of work done, though that is probably due to Roro entertaining you a bit.  SO I am not sure if anyone else can say they have gotten a good amount of work done.  You may be a distraction, but you are one darned cute distraction and every now and then a cute distraction is what you need at work on a beautiful (but chilly) Friday in October.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Quests

To my son Tommy,

The word "quest" conjures up images of knights and dragons and damsel-in-distress rescue missions and searches for holy grails.  It definitely involves travel and search and the unknown.  The knights are unsure if they will succeed, often unsure where they are headed, and unsure if what they seek even exists.  Of course the word "quest" also brings a smile to my face as so many Monty Python images come racing to my mind.  Of course quests can be more philosophical or personal in nature.  The quest for truth, the quest for meaning, the quest for love; all these quests need no dragon to slay nor a ring to throw in a volcano.

Some say my recent changes are a quest of sorts.  Since I have started blogging to you and changing my daily schedule and going to church and changing my attitude on life, many people assume I am searching for something.  I don't think the word "quest" fits because I am not searching for something I don't have or something I don't know where it is.  I am exploring what I have always had and always known.  I was probably "questing" in the years before you were born and the years before I met your mother.  That was the time I was unsure and searching, for fun, for love, for contentment, for God, for meaning, for happiness, for so many things.  Now I know I have found the important things I was searching for in my youth and I am finally exploring what that means and deepening my understanding and appreciation of life and what gifts I have.  In many a tale of yore about great quests, it often turns out what they were looking for was right at home or deep inside them.  You read enough of these books and sooner or later you will get the picture and learn you don't have to go on some monumental quest to find what you are looking for. 

Exploring is more the word I would use for my changes.  It is like when you go and clean out that attic, basement, or forgotten drawer.  You throw out some trash and garbage and clutter and you make decisions of what is really important for you to keep. And then you find that item.  That item is something you had to have way back when and you can't believe you have gotten through without it.  A gadget, a memento, a charm you were given by someone who has passed on, whatever it is, you immediately put it back in use and your life becomes better because of it.  You vow to never put that item back on a shelf and to never lose track of it again.

So whether you read these blogs and think I am on a quest, or perhaps a mid life crisis sans the red convertible, or come to the conclusion that a little light went off and I finally "got it" and am just appreciating the gifts in my life...well that will be for you to decide.  Of course now that I look at it, perhaps I am on a quest.  A quest to never let this feeling I have found disappear from life and a quest to pass on these lessons and love to you and your mother and anyone else I can.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Sports Fan

To my son Tommy,

Here in Baltimore they have regained a bit of the old time Oriole magic.  It is the first time for Baltimore's baseball team to be in the play offs in 15 years and people are excited.  I wish I could somehow get into the thrill of the hunt but I would kind of feel like a fair weather fan.

When I was young I was an Oriole fan no doubt.  I remember being about 9 years old yelling "Eddie! Eddie!" at Memorial stadium for 1st baseman Eddie Murray.  I would stay up and track stats off my handheld radio of my favorite Os.  When we live overseas we would sit glued to the Department of Defense television channel in hopes of Orioles news.  We would laugh when some unknowing DODs news anchor would mispronounce Mike Boddicker's name.  I think your grandfather and I attended almost every game in 1988 when the Orioles started the season 0-21.  We didn't care because tickets were free and easy to come by (for that whole year come to think of it) and being just back from being stationed overseas in Italy, we were dieing for some baseball.  We cheered and laughed and lamented when we lost, and we nearly had the entire stadium to ourselves.  I had my favorites in the outfield like Finley, Devereaux, Anderson, Bradley, Orsulak.  I attended the last game in Memorial stadium and one of the first few games in Camden Yards. I followed them on and on even when they started losing.  It wasn't till 2008 when I gave up.  They hit bottom and finished dead last and I just had no interest anymore.  I must admit I made it much longer than most.  I didn't change teams,  but without a team I pretty much gave up on following baseball.

Now they have a winning season and are playing the Yankees for a chance to go on ultimately (we hope) to winning the World Series.  I just can't get too excited because I remain skeptical that they had a winning season (all the stats and the newspaper said so, but I am still waiting for someone to say there was a clerical error) and I had been let down too many times before.  Also, if they do win, they might just altogether end up pricing me out of my future plans to return to being a baseball fan so my son can have that experience as well.

Being a sports team fan is often a liability in the sense that it usually costs you money and very rarely makes you money.  I can't think of a day being a fan has ever made me money.  It costs money for the ticket, money for that jersey, money for that red hot at the park, money for that large orange Orioles foam finger.  Perhaps it makes some business money when they give out seats to make their best customers happy, but even that can be suspect.  I think only MLB and Angelos have any chance of making money because of me being a fan.  Being a sports fan is expensive and it gets more expensive if your team wins.  If the O's start winning, and can continue success for a couple years, people won't give away tickets, or at least not to me, memorabilia prices rise, and everything becomes more expensive.  Your old man and you may just have to turn away from the majors and find that father-son bond in some lower cost minor league organization like the Frederick Keys.  Rest assured though, we will share a seventh inning stretch and maybe one day you can fulfill a childhood dream of mine and actually put to use the baseball glove we will bring to every stadium in hopes of snagging that foul ball or better yet the home run ball!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Pumpkin Patch

To my son Tommy,


Today was your first school field trip.  We headed off to Clark's EliOak Farm and did the whole pumpkin patch and petting zoo thing with your classmates.  It was well worth my time away from work because seeing you be happy makes me feel alive.  I will let some of the pictures speak for themselves.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Columbus Day

To my son Tommy,

In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue, and on October 12th of that year he is credited by some with the discovery of the Americas.  I am not sure how you discover land that was already discovered, but they say he did.  Everyone from the Indians to the Vikings might have a beef with this Columbus claim.  You have to give the man credit, he must have had a great press secretary!  Thus today we observe a holiday called Columbus day.

Whether you believe Columbus discovered or re-discovered the Americas, whether you believe he brought civilization or in truth brought evils such as slavery and disease and other Europeans with a bunch of guns,  the fact remains... NOT EVERYONE GETS OFF FOR COLUMBUS DAY!  Thus it must be one of the most confusing holidays ever.  Some states don't recognize Columbus day, others do.  Some people are off enjoying a holiday, while others are hard at work.  When you have one group working and another goofing off, it never really works out.  You call and try to get something done and that person is off drinking a daiquiri, or at least in my mind they are.  Some schools are out, some not.  Some state government offices close some don't.  Cats and dogs start living together.  Mass hysteria I tell you.

It really showcases how if you make a policy, you have to make sure it applies to everything and everyone.  Decisions left in the ambiguity like this holiday are just never a good idea.  It effects the haves and have-nots (or should I say the holidays and the holiday-nots) both poorly.  It builds resentment and just accomplishes less for all.  Now this might seem like just some sour grapes of a guy who worked 10 hours on a holiday, but if you take the time to think about it,  you will truly see it is about equality and fairness.  The sour grapes are just an unfortunate side effect.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

No Pox On You

To my son Tommy,

Well you gave us a scare with your skin yesterday.  After I posted about the miraculous mole, I thought I may have been premature and perhaps jinxed us.  You all of a sudden broke out in a rash.  This was no normal rash, it was fast acting and spreading so fast and getting worse at an extreme rate.  I asked your mother to look at it and she suggested it might be chicken pox.  Mommy and I don't know what chicken pox look like since this is the first time around in the parenting arena.  I was ready to ship you off to the emergency room and was frantically getting you ready.  Your mother was calling your doctor's office and convinced the nurse on duty that the symptoms matched the chicken pox.  We were informed that unless some really bad things started happen that there was no sense in going to the ER and exposing everyone.  This didn't quite set well with me.  I definitely wanted a second opinion.

Your grandmom Eileen came to our rescue.  She took some time from her anniversary (42nd) and after a quick inspection told us we were not dealing with the chicken pox.  With your health recently, we had a plethora of things to pick from for the cause.  We narrowed it down to a new laundry product that your mom introduced.  A bath and a dose of wal-zyr and some re-washing of clothes and blankets and stuffed animals and whatever else we could think of, was all you needed.  We had successfully cured the new plague that your father was overreacting to.  We skipped going to your grandmom Roro's house just because we didn't want to risk complicating or overlapping medical issues since we still are not sure how your new asthma is going to react to the cat.

At church today, I sat there thinking of and praying for all your recent medical issues.  As I was asking for the strength and wisdom to recognize problems and not overreact and get through, family started streaming in.  At today's mass we were only one short of taking up the whole pew and it has been awhile since I remember so much family hitting the same mass time and finding each other and sitting together.  It was a great feeling and I think God was trying to tell me "Here is your strength.  Here is your wisdom and experience.  Here is your help."

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Miraculous Mole

To my son Tommy,

The other day I noticed a single dark mark on your neck.  At first, I assumed it was dirt and tried to wipe it off.  When that admittedly superficial attempt failed I assumed it a skin blemish of sorts be it a freckle or skin tag or mole.  I figured your old dad had just not been observant before and you probably had it for some time.  It may have even been a birth mark as far as I was considered and it was definitely something that I should probably have already known about so I just kept quiet.

Later that night when mommy and I were putting you to sleep, your mother points out the same mark.  She asked me if I had ever seen it before as she dug at it with her nail and finger to make sure you hadn't gotten a  piece of cookie stuck to your neck or worse yet a tick or some other bug.  She proclaimed with astonishment that it was a mole and asked in bewilderment how a mole can "just appear".  Little did she know her bewilderment had just begun.

Your mother and I agreed that we should mention it to your doctor and have him take a look more as a precaution.  It wasn't oozing or bleeding and it didn't have an irregular shape or something like that, it was just the sudden appearance that had us shaken.  We looked up some info on the internet and basically figured moles and other skin blemishes had to appear sometime and guessed now would have been as good of a time as any.  We head off to sleep.

The next day, I wake up, regard your mother (see yesterday's post), give you a kiss and head off to church.  In my usual things that I pray for I do believe I mentioned your mole.  Church finished and off I went to work.  Later that day I get a call from your mom, or perhaps I called her,  just to chat and catch up and say the usual I love yous.  With quite some amazement and confusion, your mother relays to me that when you finally got up she went to look for this mole again.  It was gone.  Not a single mark remained, no scab, no blemish to tell us you picked at it, nothing.  You told you mom your nipple had disappeared.  (You have trouble discerning the differences between moles, skin tags, and nipples and you constantly ask questions about which is which).  I mentioned to your mother that I did pray about it but, though true, I kind of was just teasing her a bit.  I was incredulous but sure enough when I got home for the inspection, no mole or mark on your skin.

I am not saying this was an all out miraculous healing.  Chances are this was some dried on dirt that just was entirely too stubborn for your mother's nail.  Or I am sure there are twenty other explanations from the basic to the extraordinary, perhaps including a shared hallucination between your mother and I that spanned a large amount of time.  Okay, I didn't say all twenty explanations were entirely believable.  Whatever the reason that solves the mystery, the fact is there was something we were concerned with and now it is gone.  Always remember miracles don't need to be magical or unexplainable or so amazing that they are instantly identifiable.  The most mundane event with the most basic explanation can be just as miraculous.  The mark that we were worried about is gone and that in and of itself is a miracle no matter what the reason.  We will, of course, mention it to your doctor in case anything arises again or that the fact that it disappeared is of medical concern.  But for now, we will just be happy telling the story of "Tommy and the Disappearing Mole" and let others decide for themselves what exactly happened.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Turn On Your Love Light

To my son Tommy,

Every morning that I get up before your mother, I do my best to not disturb her as she sleeps.  It is just the gentlemanly thing to do and just because we are married doesn't mean I should stop doing the gentlemanly things.  So after my morning shower, I usually sneak in under the cover of darkness and rummage through my dresser for some clothes.  Results of clothing choice vary from day to day but usually I don't do too poorly while keeping the lights off.  Today was different.  Today I turned the light on.

Not sure what made me turn the light on this morning but I did.  Perhaps I was just too groggy to realize I shouldn't or perhaps I was just concerned that I would put my underwear on backwards, which is a sure way to start a day off poorly.  The moment I pulled the string on the ceiling fan to turn on the light, I gasped and started to kick myself mentally.  "You fool, your wife is sleeping and here you go turn on the light when she has the rare chance to sleep in!", came to my head instantly.  But in that same moment I looked down at my sleeping bride.

This chance to regard your mom laying in our bed seemed to last an eternity, though it probably only lasted a second.  Here lies the woman I love, the woman I am in love with (I have been told by women that there is a difference in those two statements), and one of the greatest reasons in my life to be grateful each and every day.  Here lies the woman who gives me her love everyday.  Here lies a smart, sensitive, hardworking, clever, beautiful woman, and she is mine.  She keeps our house in order and both of us in line.

My wish for you, my son, is that you find a good woman to love that loves you.  I used to keep up with a list on a site called 43things ( www.43things.com/person/ltd4  ) and might again someday (got to mark off the task of quitting smoking as completed).  Anyways, on this list of things I want to do and things I have done, I marked off a task of "fall devastatingly and totally in love with someone desperately and totally in love with me" as completed only 5 months after I met your mother.  This is as true today as it was back in January of 2007.

Today I turned the light on and yet again renewed my amazement and wonderment in my soul mate.  After that I walked into your room and kissed the head of one of the greatest gifts she has ever given to me.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Debate This

To my son Tommy,

Last night, coming from our room, you may have heard cursing and yelling and things being thrown.  No, your parents weren't having a fight.  That was just your mom watching the first presidential debate.  I am of course exagerating (at least a little) about your mother's response.  She was quite tame after she realized I had stopped watching and was actually trying to get some sleep.  Your mother is really into this election though she mostly has her mind made up.  Last night however I was much less interested than your mom.  I was not trying to shirk my duties as a responsible voting citizen, I just didn't have the energy to decode, decipher, or evaluate.  Plus I figure it will be something that is replayed over and over and evaluated and decoded from all points of view (biased and not) over and over.

Debates are filled with empty promises and half truths and full out lies anyhow.  The other day a news article on public radio explained how over half the time the politicians "pivot" on a question.  To "pivot" is to take a question and turn ninety degrees or there about and give a totally unrelated answer that the candidate wanted to give.  So dealing with these kind of dodges all night was not my idea of fun.  Then there is the "facts" which need to be checked and verified and taken with large grains of salt.  I have been through enough elections in my life to know these guys (as are most politicians) are just BS artists.  I heard that the majority of the debate could be summarized by the typical classic argument that include such phrases as:  No I Didn't...Yes You Did...Is Not...Is Too..I am rubber your glue...Its 5 Trillion...No Its Not Times Infinity.

Perhaps if they followed my advice, perhaps if they made promises as if they were a promise to a three year old toddler, perhaps if there were some consequences or accountability for their broken promises, maybe then I would be less disillusioned.  I can still hear the words of the elder Bush saying "No New Taxes" ringing in my ears, and that was a quarter of a century ago.  It is sad that I view the presidential race with such skepticism but past experience has told me the choice for president is always a choice of the lesser of two evils.

Debates in themselves are just not specific.  There is not enough details given and there isn't that kitchen table moment where you lay out all the bills and all the problems and say...this month we pay this one...next month we pay an extra ten dollars to that one.  Both candidates just tell you what you want to hear or what they think you want to hear.  They both tout catch phrases like "grow the middle class" and "reduce the defecit" and "education education education" and other things that everyone "agrees" with, but just saying you want to do this, doesn't mean crap.  At one time these two candidates, in the not so distant past before Romney won his party's nomination, were considered interchangeable and spawned such pop culture terms as Obamney.  You would be hard pressed to see much difference between them in their agreed objectives, so you have to just infer their means to get to these objectives.  You have to guess at how they will do their job because they aren't going to really tell you.  They can't because then you won't vote for them.  People vote for people that give them ice cream and say it will cure all that ails them not ones that tell them to eat their vegetables, do pushups, and stay away from sweets that can threaten their lives.


That is why I am still not sure if the choice for president matters as much as everyone thinks it does.  Sooner or later we have to stop looking for someone from above to help us and learn to help ourselves.  We have to change as a society our goals and priorities.  We have to start doing more and helping each other not only survive but thrive.  We got to look out for the guy next door and do our fair share for everyone.  We have to no longer give into our greed and stop voting for the guy who is going to give us personally the most.  We have to stop putting in all this time dodging taxes and start putting in time bettering the world.  I can do more in my daily life to effect my future for the better than any elected official can in his whole career.  This change I am looking for starts with how I raise you and how I live my life.

That is not to say that I won't do my homework.   I will still study and analyze and I will definitely vote.  Not a single candidate has it right, or at least not on everything, so I have to really search my soul and see where my priorities lie.  I will end up having to pick a guy that I agree with on less than fifty percent of all the issues no matter who I choose.  But I will do my best because my choice not only effects my future and your mom's future, but now it effects your future as well.  Not to trivialize the choice but I may even have to break out the expert technique of eenie meenie minie moe.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

How To Get To Relax and Enjoy

To my son Tommy,

Occasionally you find a gem on the internet.  Today, scrolling through some Facebook posts, one of my friends from my childhood (thanks Jeff) had a quote which I found true on many levels.  "Instead of worrying,prepare. When prepared,relax. When relaxed,enjoy and realize that you construct your moments not the other way around."  Think of the power of these words.  

You construct your moments!  You are the master of your destiny.  This has come up so many times in my life in so many ways.  Great philosophers have expounded upon this concept time and time again.  This advice comes in many forms and even from some common sources.  I remember my first real bartender job.  The boss said "You run the bar, don't let the bar run you."  It took me some time after Bob passed that I realized his advice could be used for much more than tending bar.  However, sometimes in life I feel like the moments are winning and shaping me and other times I feel in control and that I am shaping my moments.  I think that the reality of life lies somewhere in between.  From time to time you have to roll with the circumstances and some times you get to control them.  That is why you prepare.

If you prepare, all the moments of your life are influenced.  Even circumstances that seem to be out of your control have already been positively effected by previous planning and preparation.  Often in my life I don't quite feel prepped and often find myself worrying about things rather than actually doing something to get myself ready.  It is a bad habit that I have to change and that I hope you never get.  Otherwise you will miss out on some of the most important parts of this advice which is relax and enjoy.

To relax and enjoy is a constant goal in life.  If you constantly work and prepare and worry and plan and such, you are missing out on the end game.  You need to relax and enjoy life.  When you achieve peace of mind and comfort and can truly relax and enjoy, you know all your work preparing was well worth it.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Better Late Than Never

To my son Tommy,

Today as I walked out of the house, I had pushed it to the last possible second to make it to church on time.  I had tried to get you up earlier but you weren't having it.  So I lingered around the house as much as I could in hopes that you would awaken from your slumber so I could give you a kiss before I headed off to church then to work.

As I walked out the door, I looked down the sidewalk a bit and saw a bunch of papers and such thrown around and really out of place.  I thought about just ignoring this distraction, figuring someone had littered or the garbage men had spilled a can, but I decided to do the right thing and go over investigate and pick up whatever it was.  Turns out it was some of the contents of a wallet, and id card, some pictures of kids or grandkids, a safeway card and such.  Alarm bells went off in my head and I grabbed your mother from inside to see what we should do.  She decided we should pick up the stuff out of the rain and she would call the police and try and track down the name.  She graciously said she would handle it and that I could head out.

Doing the right thing had made me late for church.  I was faced with the decision, do I skip it because I am late or do I sneak in after it started.  I wasn't terribly late, but late enough.  I dread that feeling when you walk in somewhere late and it feels like every eye has turned to you.  You feel horrible and feel like you just ruined everyone's day.  The reality is probably so far from this feeling of dread that I have.  Most don't bother even looking to see who came in late and the majority that do are just glad you came.  Anyone that is too put off by a late entrance, might really have to check their moral compass anyhow.  So I decided to suck it up and walk in late.

If you are ever faced with the choice of attending late or skipping it entirely, always pick attending late, especially if you are late because you helped someone else or did the right thing.  You will have enough sense to minimize your impact upon entering and not actively drawing attention to yourself, but don't let a few minutes keep you from your obligation or your enjoyment of attending an event.  Just realize you will have a few glances and that is ok.  I could easily deal with these today because I was not at church for anyone else but myself and the reason I was late was because I did the right thing.

As for the contents of the stolen wallet, your mother called the police and they picked it up.  She got a name off one of the identification cards, tracked down the owner, and learned that this lady had her car broken into.  She found out where the lady lived and that gave her a directionality to search for other things.  She walked the sidewalks and found the lady's cellphone which was surprisingly in good working order.  The lady came with her son to help her and was given the police officers info to retrieve their stuff.  They continued the search your mom started while your mom went off to school.  I got the ball rolling with the sacrifice of a few minutes, but your mother is the real hero with her efforts and she always knows and does the right thing to help others.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Word Is Bond

To my son Tommy,

Last night your mom was out getting a flu shot at the local drugstore for her nursing program.  She had some time to kill as they prepped the medicine and did some shopping.  When she arrived home she lit up your world with the surprise gifts of a couple puzzle packs.  You love puzzles and you were mesmerized and staring at your new gifts when the inevitable question came up, "Can we open them?"  It was already a little past your bedtime and, with your love of puzzles, if we opened them there would be no way we could get you to bed.  So we explained that you can bring them with you to grandmother's house when you go in the morning and unwrap them and do them there. You reluctantly accepted this deal.

This morning when I woke you up, the first thing you asked me was, "Are we going to Bwama's?  Do you have the Thomas puzzles? The Mickey Mouse Clubhouse puzzles?"  I chuckled at your eager anticipation, assured you we would take care of that, and refocused you on important things like morning potty time.  Imagine, all the time asleep and all you can think of is these new puzzles.  These toys must have filled every nook and cranny of your dreams.  You remembered everything promised to you and there was no way we were leaving the house without these puzzles.  And someone better open them up soon or you were going to burst!

Having a son has taught me about the power of words and promises.  When I say something, I best follow through or risk my heart sinking if I were to disappoint you.  That is a good way to live your life.  Live your life as every promise you make is to a three year old boy who you could not stand to ever let down.  When you say something, do it.  Your word is your bond.  If you attempt to fulfill every statement or promise or word to everyone just as you would to your own toddler son, then you will have attained a very high caliber of dependability and character.  There will be times when circumstances just make you fail at delivering your promises.  It happens.  But every time circumstances come up that make it difficult to accomplish a goal or promise, imagine telling your three year old that he can't open his new gifts from his mommy.  It will make you try that much harder.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo