Monday, June 30, 2014

Rest

To my son Tommy,

Well your mom made it through the initial dose of Remicade with only minor side effects. It wiped out her energy for the following two days but we often had that going on without the new treatment. She complained about some bone pain but she thinks that was psychosomatic because she worked herself up about the upcoming treatment. Unfortunately, we are not out of the woods yet. I keep going back to one of the nurses comments that it takes three doses before basically all results are in.

Her next dose is two weeks from the first dose, which puts it on the day before her birthday. If this first dose was any indication of what to expect, her birthday present might very well include a whole bunch of nothing. No kid, no hubby, no real clothes, no getting out of bed. We will probably give a morning hug and birthday card followed by a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday from a five year old ham, then set her up with an ipad and a tv remote and various snacks and perhaps a sushi delivery, and then get out of Dodge. Maybe around 8pm we will return and set you two up for some cuddle time watching a movie upstairs and then off to bed with you.

It seems counter-intuitive but sometimes being there for someone means not being there. There are things in this world that we all have to go through that are best done solo. It is not going through it alone, as your mother knows we are there for her even when we aren't in the house. But by not being in the house, we allow her to rest and focus on herself without having to worry about us and without any guilt about sleeping. Besides, no matter how hard we try to be quiet and not disturb her, we have never been completely successful.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Friday, June 27, 2014

They Don't Call It Chemo





To my son Tommy,

I looked up Remicade (the brand name for infliximab) on the internet today. It seems, no matter the source, no one describes it as chemotherapy. But we are here today at St Joseph's Cancer Institute having a chemical drug therapy infused into your mom for four hours that is supposed to go in and block or kill a bunch of cells. That sure sounds like chemo to me, but perhaps I am being too general with my definition and chemo is supposed to be used specifically for the treatment of cancer and not for TNF blockers and such.

Either way, the effects (or should I say side effects) of this treatment, much like the Humira we tried in the past, are pretty harsh. Your mother stayed up the whole night worrying herself about how she will react. "Don't worry" and "everything will be fine" were phrases I didn't even bother trying. I knew they would offer only empty comfort. Experience has taught her that what ever the treatment option is, she should prepare for the worst case scenarios with side effects. And with most of her side effect symptoms before, she has been met with lack luster concern for what she is going through. Hopefully this time your mom's doctors will watch her more closely and monitor for all the possible side effects or at least believe her and act upon her reports. All I could do last night was offer a gentle touch to let your mom know that I am with her, no matter how alone she feels.

That is where we are at anyhow. We are at the point that hope and prayers are what we seem to be able to do. We are at the point where we petitions Saints and loved ones passed for their prayers to God. We are the point that, if this doesn't work, your mom is looking into using hookworms and such in what might be an off-the-wall hail Mary type desperation therapy.

Yet somewhere deep inside, somewhere through the doubt and concern, as I feel the rosary in my hand and pray the prayers that I have known my entire life with new vigor, a thought comes to me to comfort me. Know that you and Cassie and Tommy are loved. So I say, "Audrey Maggio, pray for us" as I finish my last decade and open up my Laudate app to see if I can find some prayers to Saint Timothy the patron of those with stomach disorders.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo



Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Dads Don't Need Help, Right?

To my son Tommy,

I am a dad, which means I don't need help, right? I am supposed to be the protector and the provider and the ultimate problem solver. I will just throw on my adult superman underoos that I got for Father's Day (so I can match you) and figure it out. I am strong and all powerful and I got this, right?

That is the type of thinking that most dads have. We somehow think if we have to ask for help, we are weak or worse yet letting down our fathers before us because we never saw them ask for help. We don't want to disappoint the man who raised us and encouraged our independent problem solving. But, here are three disservices we are doing by not asking for help when we truly need it.


  • You are not giving your son a good example. By buying into this type of thinking, we perpetuate this stereotype. Teach your son it is okay to ask for help and show him how even you need help sometimes. Otherwise, when he grows up and is struggling with life, he too will say everything is fine when he is barely treading water.
  • You might go crazy. Stress is real. Life is real. Struggle is real. When you are shouldering it on your own, the burden begins to crack the foundation. It will take a toll on your body and mind and heart.
  • You are denying others the opportunity to show love. Most people will stand by and watch and not offer to help. They either won't know how to help or are too afraid of offending your pride by offering help or think someone else will do it. But when we ask for help, we give them the opportunity to give of themselves and thus show love.
I get it, it is tough to ask for help. Just being honest with yourself and admitting you need help is hard. Even letting people see you get down on your knees and ask the Big Man upstairs for help is difficult. 

And the expressions that accompany the task of asking for help don't help much either. Often, the phrase that precedes "and ask for help" is "swallow your pride". This conjures up an image of a boy having to gulp down this big nasty spoonful of medicine. We have all been there, and we know the medicine made us feel better, but it wasn't very pleasant.

That is why, on the flip side of the coin, when you see the opportunity to help others, you have to just help. Forgive someone the task of having to ask and damn the worry about offending their pride. Just start helping where you can. Get off the sidelines and into the game. There are so many in this world that need help, that deserve help, that are worth our love.

Recently, in the dad blogging community, I saw this initiative type helping. One of our own, Oren Miller at bloggerfather.com, was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer. With this burden on his shoulders, his only requests were for the happiness of his wife and kids. We, as an online community, felt helpless to help the man who brought us together and helped so many of us. Luckily we have people like Brent Almond of designerdaddy.com (among countless other great dads and all around good people) that refused to let us stand on the sideline. At least we could scrounge up a couple bucks and send Oren and his family on a vacation or something. So Brent started one of those GiveForward campaigns for Oren. By asking for him, he gave us the opportunity to give, to help, to show our love. In twelve short hours the initial goal was meant and it was decided to raise the bar. Heartwarming and heartbreaking all at the same time.

We can all help someone and we all could use some help ourselves. You would think the simple fact that we are all in the same boat, all afflicted with that same terminal condition called life, that it would be enough to make sure we all help each other every chance we got. Unfortunately, sometimes you still have to ask, and that is perfectly alright. But I hope you grow up to have friends who don't have to ask for help, because you beat them to the punch.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Monday, June 23, 2014

Old Eyes



To my son Tommy,

I wish I would have documented the "aha" moments of me growing old. I would have wrote down stuff like the first time a hangover went over two days and the first time I was just sitting in one place and part of my body started aching for no good reason at all. This is the type of stuff that will come for you too, mark my words.

Last night, I had one of those moments. I had to give you some children's allergy medicine. I looked at the label to get the proper dosing. Holy schnikies that print is small. I had to lift my glasses to be able to read it. Must be tired eyes right? It was a long day filled with stuff like us going on a rescue mission for your mom breaking down in the car. Yeah, just tired eyes.

Today, at work, I had to get the serial number off an ipad. These darn micro printed numbers. Up went the glasses again. Then it dawned on me that my eyes were failing, on queue, like an appliance breaking down two weeks after the warranty ends. Forty is right around the corner and it seems I am right on track for the typical forty year old parts failing.

Start buying me the large print books and call the eye doctor. Oh, and ready my cane because that won't be far behind. Growing old gracefully is just a myth perpetuated by old people who want you to falsely think they are doing better than you so their misery seems less. Stay young as long as you can.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Lessons I Learned Today

To my son Tommy,

I learned a couple quick lessons today.

  • No matter how much I want to, I can't peddle for you.
  • If you cut the out of control bamboo growing up in your yard from your neighbors yard, and you throw it on the concrete driveway and say you will bag it later, after one week it will find a crack in your driveway and try to start a new bamboo plant.
  • Your cousins are right and you are pretty annoying when playing Minecraft together.
  • Heat, yard work, and fat guys just don't mix...or at least not for long.
  • Apple cider vinegar on the internet today is the equivalent of Robitussin in a Chris Rock stand up routine. Wonder what happens if you were to mix both together...WONDER DRUG!
  • Listening to the Chipmunks in any form while trying to blog is the mental equivalent of sliding down a thirty foot razor blade into a vat of lemon juice (or apple cider vinegar and Robitussin)
You are never too old to learn each and every day (even if your lessons learned are jaded and full of snark)

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Friday, June 20, 2014

Talisman





To my son Tommy,

A talisman is an object supposedly imbued with magical powers that provide luck or ward off demons or offer other such superstitious protections or fortunes. Some carry a lucky rabbit foot, which obviously wasn't too lucky for the rabbit, while others have stashed away a four leaf clover in their wallet. My talismans tend to be more religious or more sentimental. I have my Padre Pio prayer card in my wallet complete with a little third class relic and a St. John Neumann card on my office bulletin board.

But I really enjoy surrounding myself with sentimental talismans like a toddler with his special blanket. On the door to my office I have a picture frame made of popsicle sticks and a little craft book of reasons you think I am a pretty good dad. On my bulletin board I have a beach picture (complete with wild hair) surrounded with your scribbles and some drawings and colorings from your cousins. On my desk I have a picture of you and me from when you were a baby. Today, I wore yet another talisman, the hat you gave me for Father's Day. So far it has done the job well and warded off all the dangers that could potentially ruin this Friday. Even the grumpiest of co-workers seem to smile when I interrupt their request and ask them how they like my Father's Day gift.

You can garner much information from the talismans that surround a person. Obviously faith and family are the things that get me through each day. As you grow, I hope you find comfort in these things as well. Thank you for making my Friday at work that much the better. I doff my talisman to you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo












Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I Voted Early



To my son Tommy,

I visited your Great Grandpa Leo on Father's Day in the rehab/nursing home. He was better than I had seen him in a long time and it looks like he might be able to stick to the plan to be home in thirty days. Anyways, the normal conversations ensued.

I asked about how he was feeling. He asked about my work. I asked about his exercises. He asked about Roro and her health. We talked about new times and old. He told me stories that he has told me a thousand times before but I listened intently as if it was the first telling.

We went back and forth with verses from his favorite poems. He would start, "The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville Nine that day;" and together we would muddle through the rest until we would both finish with "But there is no joy in Mudville — mighty Casey has struck out." And then we would go onto Dangerous Dan McGrew and finish with The Cremation of Sam McGee, "There are strange things done in the midnight sun by the men who moil for gold..." This time we added the Bud Abbott and Lou Costello "Who's on first" routine.

After all that, we would go back into some old stories he had told me and some questions he asked a few minutes ago. This time I decided to add current events to the small talk and told him about the current state primary. He seemed concerned and he needed to know how he would get to vote.

It struck me, that with everything going on, with all his medical things, how voting just became his number one concern. I mean if I lay there with all those problems, perhaps I would allow myself to skip a vote. But this WWII vet has no intention of skipping any vote if he has anything to do with it. It is his right and responsibility. It is too valuable of a gift to be given up lightly or even in dire circumstances like being in a nursing home.

Anyways, with this thought in my mind, I loaded up our family after work and headed to do our voting for the primary early. You came too, and the election judge even said it was okay for you to watch and tap in one of my selections on the touch screen voting booth. You were pretty excited about the whole experience and I am glad that you got to see how important voting is through example. You even got an "I Voted Early" sticker for your efforts. A teachable moment indeed.

Afterwards, we went out to dinner as a reward for doing our civic duty. On the way home, we saw Keiffer Mitchell walking up the street and knocking on doors, asking for support the tried and true way. I pulled over and rolled down the window to say hi and he came over and shook my hand and thanked us for our support. It opened the door to a thousand questions from you and more opportunity to explain voting and politics and such. You may have not understood it all yet, but the groundwork is being laid for a future civic minded citizen.

So in the future, when you are finally old enough to vote, and you think it is too much of a hassle or a bother, I want you to think about your Great Grandpa Leo, who fought for and served this country, over the Atlantic and over the Pacific, and how from his hospital type bed in the nursing home, his only concern was how he could get his voice heard by getting his vote cast. Then go get your vote on.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo


Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Ruled Out

To my son Tommy,

Roro was released from the hospital yesterday. In the whole process, I have renewed my disdain for the medical profession and hate that sick people have to rely on these people. They gave us no answers. They did rule out stroke and seizure and UTI. Took them three days to do that. The other ER from Thursday ruled out those things in six hours without admitting her, but this hospital must have a better billing department or something and needed three days to milk the insurance. Of course the first ER sent Roro home without any explanation for the symptoms or events, just as this hospital did. You would think with all the hospitals we've been in that I would have learned not to get hopes up. I keep thinking that we will find that doctor who takes a personal interest and challenges himself to actually help the patient rather than maximizing the billing. One of the last doctors stopped in the middle of his examination to answer a text message from his wife about his dog. Anyways, Roro is home tonight after another doctor appointment and is supposed to be taking a home sleep apnea test tonight. All you, mommy, and I can do from here on is keep Roro in our prayers. Maybe one of her many doctors will finally step up and decide to follow through.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Father's Day: It's Complicated



To my son Tommy,

Who are you beholden to on Father's Day? The answer seems so simple, your father, right? I guess from a five year old point of view, it is that simple. It is just like the picture above, just you and your dad, hanging out and being silly, with some serious cheesy smiles. From my point view however, it is a bit more complicated.

First, many in our family are postponing Father's Day, and it is no wonder. We are all pretty drained both physically and emotionally from the loss of Nansy, and what strength we can muster is probably better spent just being with each other rather than in some major Father's Day event. But even if we had all the energy in the world, it is still complicated.

Being a father and a son, I am beholden both to my dad and to you. So when your mother asked if we were considering any plans for today, I answered, "I just want to make sure I am available to and for my dad. We can just spend the day doing a whole bunch of nothing together and waiting in case my dad needs me." We had plans that were superseded by current events. You see, along with your great grandmother Nansy passing, your Grandmom Roro is in the hospital. That whole explanation of everything going on with her medically is best answered with a vague "It's complicated". But last night she was admitted to GBMC intermediate care unit. So my dad is doing his best to deal with that. And I need to be there in case he needs anything at all.

Also, like me, my dad (your Grandpa Leo) is beholden to his father (my grandpa and your Great Grandpa Leo. All with the same name which just adds that extra complication and confusion in explaining everything) Your Great Grandpa Leo is still in the nursing/rehab center, and, according to the current plan, will be in there for another thirty days. They want to get him to the point where one person can transfer him from bed, to wheelchair, to car, to wheelchair, to bed...before we take him home.

Among the normal stresses of life, that is a tremendous extra amount of strife for your Grandpa Leo to deal with. His time is no longer his, as he willingly sacrifices it for his loved ones. Yet he somehow still manages to laugh and smile through every moment that he no longer has for himself. And he also tries to shield his son (me) from these stresses saying stuff like, "Yeah I am okay...just enjoy the day" My father is still giving life lessons on how to be a good son, a good husband, and a good dad...all at once. Frankly, I consider the man one of the most amazing men in the world, and I don't believe that is totally and solely based on my own bias.

So you can see that with four generations of Downey men, Father's Day would be complicated without any of the additional complications. Then we throw in a father like your Poppop who your mom is beholden to, and who loves everyone of his son-in-laws as if they were his own, and who I proudly call dad as well. So when you say something like "It's complicated" just remember we don't say this to give up or defeat, but to acknowledge that life gets difficult and we got to keep trying the best we can. Happy Father's Day.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Friday, June 13, 2014

Silver Lining

To my son Tommy,

It is tough to find that silver lining at a funeral home, for obvious reasons. But as I looked around tonight at the tremendous outpouring of love, I saw that silver lining. There was more of everything tonight. There were more people, more hugs, more laughs, more tears, more prayers, and more love. And every moment was heightened. People dress a little better. Their words are a little sweeter. They hug a little longer and squeeze a little tighter. The pray a bit harder. They laugh a bit louder. They shed tears without shame. They love with every ounce of their being . It was a fitting tribute for Nansy. Perhaps we can find it in our hearts to live life like that every day and not just on a sorrowful occasion.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Nansy



To my son Tommy,

The call came in around four thirty in the morning. We decided to let you sleep, though your mother ran out the door lamenting that she did not stay the night. Your great grandmother Nansy had passed. You are still sawing wood up in your bed right now. You will learn about it soon enough and soon join the other family members for hugs and tears. You will get dressed up in your finest and go to a funeral home where both loved ones and people you hardly know will offer their prayers and condolences as they shed tears and muster smiles, often at the same time. We will once again try to explain death to a five year old and you will look at us with that uncertain look but you will say you understand as you try to make us feel better.

I have news for you, no matter if you are five or going on forty, you will never quite understand death. We probably won't fully understand it till it is our turn to receive the ultimate lesson. What I do know, and can tell you now, is death is a part of life. What I believe, through my faith, is that Jesus, through his power and mercy, has made death itself the gateway to eternal life. What I have learned, through my experiences with family members dying, is that now is the time that love and family are of the utmost importance.

Our heart aches at our loss and heaven's gain. She was a good person, a saintly woman, and she represented most everything good in life that a human can aspire to accomplish or to be. She only wishes for us to know that we were loved by her and that was obvious in every thing she did. Our only hope is she knows how much we loved her back. Rest in peace Audrey Maggio. May God grant that we see you again in the brightness of His everlasting glory.

Sincerely with love and tears from your dad,
Leo


Tuesday, June 10, 2014

General Or Personal

To my son Tommy,

When you have a story to share, how do you share it? I am not talking about the media or form, be it verbal or written or even digital like this blog, but do you choose to share it as your story or do you modify it to make it about everyone else? This discussion is taking place each day in the dad blogger world. If you share your story as your own, you probably write better, and tell the story better, and the reader can feel the emotion. But if you share the story and generalize and make it more about everyone else out in the internet world, you will have more people read it. It all depends on what you want and even I find myself sometimes removing myself and my loved ones from the story to try and reach others, when I should be focusing on making it personal and teaching you.

Take, for example, my post from yesterday about avoiding difficult times. I spoke in generalities about difficult times and only briefly touched on the personal. I could lay it all out on the personal level but I didn't. I didn't add in all the true difficulties. I should have told you everything that is going on like the following.

Your mom was running a fever all weekend and we are worried about the Crohn's return. Plus this puts your mom's return to nursing school a bit less secure. Nansy is in home hospice and is taking a big turn for the worse and we are trying to spend as much time visiting and helping there. Your Great Grandpa Leo is in rehab and no one seems to have a plan for anything and that makes me feel anger and guilt and all types of emotions. We found termites outside the house but catching them before they get into the house doesn't lessen the bill to treat and money is frankly tight and there are a ton of other home improvements we need to get done that all cost money. We are trying to find you some summer activities but so far have only signed you up for a once a week reading course, which isn't exactly the most fun thing for the summer. Work is so busy right now that I am not sure if I am coming or going and when you see me looking down at my phone or ipad, I am no longer wasting time with some silly game. I can't seem to get my weight under control and am starting to get really worried about my own health, which I missed some basic doctor and dentist and eye checkups of late because it feels like I have no time between work and everything else going on. And there is more and even the tiniest of set backs feel like a ton of weight thrown on our shoulders.

Instead, I brought that all down to "Difficult times are part of life." and spoke in more general terms. I don't know why. Perhaps I didn't want to seem like I was whining, or perhaps I wanted to make it more general so someone else who was reading it could insert their own difficulties for mine, or perhaps I didn't want to bore you with the details, or perhaps I wanted you to focus in on that beautiful and real moment when you said "I love you" for no particular reason right when I needed to hear that. Instead I talked in generalities about health and wealth and wisdom and such and how no matter how much you have of anything, it doesn't protect you from life.

Personally, I like people who share their story. It all comes down to why do you write, or blog. Do you do it for the fame or fortune promised from some elusive book deal or internet ad program? Or do you write because (as Maya Angelou is credited with saying) "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."? Do you want one thousand people skimming your work daily or one person who reads it well enough to quote and be touched? Do you write for the generations of now, complete with writing about whatever tops the SEO lists for the week? Or do you write for all the generations about timeless topics of parenthood and love, especially for that of your legacy? Thus, I think I should share our story complete with details. I don't like the vagueness created by generalization. Sure those who read this, who don't know me from Adam assuming they stumble upon this page, may have to work a bit harder to place themselves in the story to see the lesson, but I believe the truth and emotion and feeling created by sharing my story is what makes my time writing worth it. I have decided what I want from this blog and that is to leave you a legacy of letters for you to read and perhaps for your children and grandchildren to read. I have made my decision to continue to write to you and for you, numbers be damned.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Monday, June 9, 2014

No Avoiding Difficult Times

To my son Tommy,

Difficult times are a part of life. Pain, hurt, sorrow, and grief all are a part of life. People try to avoid these difficulties through many aspects and avenues. They say...

  • If I could just get enough money, life wouldn't be difficult. But difficulties find even the wealthiest of people. Sometimes even new difficulties come about only because of wealth.
  • If I could get enough health, life wouldn't be difficult. But maladies can strike no matter how well you take care of yourself. And there is no avoiding the fact that life is a terminal condition after all.
  • If I were more wise, life wouldn't be difficult. Yet the most educated sages of yore could not find a way to avoid all of life's hardships.
  • Certainly, if I have enough faith, God will take away these difficulties. But unfortunately even the most faithful suffer life. You only have to look in a book of Saints to figure out most of them didn't have a life of ease. Sorry. Doesn't work that way.
  • Then certainly love will conquer all. But love is a gift given to us deal and cope with the difficult times and is not a magic bullet that makes them disappear.
So what to do? Do you give up on life because there is no avoiding the difficult times? If wealth, health, wisdom, faith, and love are not enough to guarantee me a life free from pain, then why bother?

Don't give up. Even if life makes you feel overwhelmed and helpless, continue on. Use the tools of wealth, health, wisdom, faith, and love to struggle through. Use these tools to find that moment of clarity and pureness that makes life worth living. Find that moment where you can be the shoulder to lean on. Find that moment where you can help an ailing grandparent or grieving family member. Find that moment where you can forgive no matter how bad you were hurt. Find that moment when you drop down on your knees and pray with all your heart. And find that moment where your son comes up to you and says, for no particular reason at all, "I love you." String a couple of those moments together in your life, and the difficult times will melt away and be forgotten or, better yet, transformed to memories of accomplishments and triumphs in the name of love.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Look Before You Sit

To my son Tommy,

Today you were doing crafts. Surprisingly it was under your own volition. You decided to make Mommy a get well letter and me a letter for the fun of it. Right now you are sitting at your little table using some scissors and markers making letters for a bunch of your classmates. I am tickled by it except for the table part.

You see, you were looking for a space to do some crafts. The coffee table is full as was pretty much every horizontal plane in our house. Your mom asked me to clear off your little table. I looked down and was pretty sure that you could take care of that yourself, but instead of arguing I obliged your mother. As I was picking up the tremendously heavy tissue box and moving it to another already too full horizontal surface, you looked at me and said, "And daddy...there are crumbs on this table. Will you take care of that?" in the tone of a princess diva sort.

Crumbs? Really? Oh my let me get right on that little master. I know my eyes were turning violent red when I bit my lip and in a low growl that was a unsatisfying substitute for the yelling I wanted to do, I replied, "Deal with it". Even the subdued version of my anger startled you a bit, and you decided to just sit down and not argue the point. But you were focused on your volatile father, so you forgot to make sure your chair was under your hind side before you sat. When your butt hit the floor, it was just enough karma to scratch my need for punishment and just enough comic relief to pull me back from the edge of losing my mind. Some cosmic force pulled the classic stunt gag of pulling the chair. And people say there aren't angels looking out for us.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Friday, June 6, 2014

The Promise Of A Country

To my son Tommy,

As always, I try to keep you abreast of current news so when you get these letters you will have a snapshot of what was going on in the greater world around your younger self. There have been many stories about our veterans recently. From VA hospitals to D-day invasions, veterans have been on our televisions and twitter feeds and thus on my mind. One news story that has dominated the headlines recently is about a prisoner exchange. Our country exchanged five Taliban prisoners for one U.S. soldier.

Now everyone is up in arms. Some criticize the move because they believe our country should not negotiate with terrorists or enemies ever. Some criticize because the balance of the negotiation, five high level terrorist, that most certainly will seek revenge, for one low level American soldier, doesn't fit in their sense of equity. Some criticize it because this president did it and anything he does is wrong in their mind. Some criticize it for partisan reasons and say it is all a political football that the other side (whichever side they are not on) is playing a political game. Some criticize it on a legal aspect because it was recently made law that any prisoner transfers from the Guantanamo Bay detention facility (aka Gitmo) have to be forewarned by filling out some bureaucratic paperwork. Some criticize it because they question the integrity of this U.S. soldier and wonder if he is a deserter. Most of these critical people have some valid point and most of these critical people, luckily enough, live in the United States and have that right to speak their mind. But here is my feelings on the matter.

We, as a country, do not send our soldiers on suicide missions. We, as a country, value life more than that and that is one of the big differences between us and our enemies. We, as a country, make a promise, a contract, to do our best to bring home each and every person we ask to stand in harm's way for us. We prefer to bring them home alive, but unfortunately that isn't always the case, but we do still try to bring them home. Some may say it is a weakness and a flaw that can be exploited by our enemies, but I believe that this loyalty and the value we put on the life of one of our own is the essence of strength of the American fighting soldier and the American spirit.

So what happens now? What happens if this guy turns out to be a no good, low down, despicable deserter? What happens now that other countries have seen us willing to negotiate? What happens now that five very dangerous men were let free? Will terrorists kidnap more to negotiate exchanges? What message are we, as a country, sending?

I am not sure on what happens now nor certain of the implications of freeing terrorists. I will let the pundits and politicos play their games and play the media and play the citizenry. I will let court-martials and investigations and the system (at least it is our system and not some foreign system) decide the fate, and if necessary the punishment, of our returned soldier. I will pray that our worst fears of increased kidnappings and ransoms and exchanges, or worse yet our fear of the five terrorists orchestrating some immense attack, do not come to pass. But as for the message, personally I think the message I took from the exchange was (and this comes with flag waving nationalism) even our worst is worth five of your best and we will do what it takes to get our soldiers back. To all those who went missing in action, to all those who were prisoners of war, to all those who sacrificed their lives and their loved ones, to all those who served, our country owes you the biggest debt.

Now I wish our administration and our country would send this message over and over again, in all matters through both their words and actions in spite of any political consequences. If they just do it once, or only when it benefits them in the polls, they do not represent my feelings. We have rescue missions and exchanges that are owed to our troops, often right here at home. I am sure there are other prisoners of war and missing in action that we need to help, but we don't even have to go that far to find soldiers that we are obligated to help. It could be the veteran struggling with PTSD down the street, or that homeless man who served in two wars for us, or that young man who just came back and wants an education, or that family that lost their loved one and is just trying to get by. And the only exchanges, for those rescue missions, that we would have to make are found in our priorities and our heart. Let us, as a country, send out a very clear and unequivocal message saying we value all our soldiers, here and abroad, past and present and future, with the utmost and highest regards.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Pre K Graduation



To my son Tommy,

Some may laugh for making a big deal. After all, it is only graduation from pre k. But to me, to your mom, to every parent and grandparent at the celebration, it is a big deal. It is a stepping stone, a milestone, another chapter ending and a new one beginning.

I was snapping pics and taking videos of the ceremony and the songs you and your classmates were singing. Somewhere deep in my heart or head, I heard the words, "This is a bit of that heaven on earth. Don't miss it." So I put down the smart phone and just decided to sit back and enjoy and, most of all, to just be present. Of course, before that moment of clarity, we did grab a couple shots to add to this post. Not sure I can go cold turkey on the picture taking, but I will definitely make sure to emphasize being present over preserving for posterity. I do however revel in boring the hell out of everyone else with pictures and videos of you, like many fathers do. Good thing PopPop loves snapping pics, of course then I have to make sure to get them.

So what is next for my big kindergarten bound boy? The sky is the limit. I am pretty sure if I blink I will be at your high school graduation and, if I blink again, the next thing I know I will be a grandpa and you will be blogging to your son. So before you conquered the next thirty years of your life in two blinks of mine eye, we fueled up with a little lunch celebration at Red Robin. Congratulations my son and yet another victory in your journey of life.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo









Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Tragedy of Human Existence

To my son Tommy,

Remember my son, life is a terminal condition. It all ends. From the moment we are born we are marching towards our death. Sure the method to the end might be different for each, but the result, at least for this world to avoid after life debate, is still the same and final. Thus life is the ultimate limited precious resource. Live it to the fullest and don't sweat the small stuff, because ultimately it is all small stuff.

Dad bloggers world wide are probably mulling this concept over in our minds in one way or another, as one of the greatest had this to say about his recent diagnosis. He reminds us of "Heaven on Earth" and how we can find it in the smallest of things. He eloquently warns us to not have that moment (or perhaps to have the moment sooner) where he says "I realized I had been experiencing the biggest tragedy of human existence: I was having the time of my life, and I didn't even know it."

So take your time, every now and then, and think on the end. Then do the bravest thing possible and stop dwelling on the thought and keep on living, and living well and living with love.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Monday, June 2, 2014

Substitutions and Graduations

To my son Tommy,

A while back, your Grandpa Leo babysat you. That night you explained to him how you were having bad dreams about a talking duck. He empowered you with a plastic pirate dress up dagger and suggested, if that duck gives you any more problems, you should make duck soup. You slept with that dagger straight and as far as I knew were still sleeping.

Last night, the talking duck was back in your dreams. You convinced your mom to come in and sleep in your bed. This morning I reminded you that you probably still have that dagger on your headboard. "Oh yeah! That's right!" you said with enthusiasm as you took immediate comfort in the thought that tonight would be different.

When we put you to bed, no dagger was found. So after a quick search to no avail, I convinced you that the plastic pirate dress up cutlass is just a larger dagger with a curve. You are now sleeping with the cutlass by your side ready for any type of nightmarish fowl. You graduated to superior weaponry. The only problem is I am afraid I have started the weapons build up and by the end of the year I will have to buy you a big plastic life sized M1A2 Abrams to sleep in. Oh well, at least tonight you might make it through the night without threat from that darned duck.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Rock Paper Scissors Shoot



To my son Tommy,

Coming home from the Lardarius Webb Charity Softball Game (which the above mascot,which I think was promoting laser tag games, was your favorite part)  I heard an interesting conversation coming from the back seat.

Your cousin Emma (who lives in the county, though only a couple houses in) and you (city boy though not much of one, and again only a couple houses in) decided to play the classic kid game of competition.

E: "Tommy, do you know how to play rock paper scissors"
T: "Sure! Let's play"
In unison: "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Shoot!"
E: "What is that?"
T: "A gun"
E: "There is no gun in Rock Paper Scissors!"

You didn't respond this way, and I know you would never, but somewhere in my mind I heard you say, "There is if you play in the city. That's how we roll!" Then the sobering thought dawned on me of how true that statement is for so many in the city. Then I thought of the current politicians in the city, and where their true interests lie, and now I am all depressed on what was otherwise a very pleasant day.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo