Sunday, September 30, 2012

Down At Fraggle Rock

To my son Tommy,

Quick, name all the Fraggles!  If you can still do it when you read this I am really impressed or perhaps you already have children.  To date, twice in my life I could name the majority of the Fraggles, once when they first came out in the early 1980's on I believe the HBO channel, and once again nearly 30 years later as you watch these shows on DVD.  For the record you went through the list in the car today and named Gobo, Mookey, Red, Wembley, and Boober.  You also mention Junior Gorg and the Trash Heap.  You missed Uncle Travelling Matt and a few others but threw in a couple I didn't recognize like Lou.

It is really exciting that you enjoy some of my childhood favorites.  It is an instant connection that bridges generations.  It is also really exciting that technology today allows us to recycle all the classics, though I am not sure if Fraggle Rock is considered a classic on anyone else's list.  You can buy or find online most every movie, tv show, or the like.

So here is looking forward to the next time in my life that you or I will be able to spout off all the Fraggle names.  That will mean (God willing) we are watching DVDs (or whatever media they have in 20 or 30 years) of Fraggle Rock with your kids and my grandkids.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Unedited

To my son Tommy,

These letters I right to you are in the form of stream of consciousness.  This means there is no editing.  Whatever comes out of my mind ends up on the screen.  Occasionally I proof read but that is just for spelling mistakes or glaring word omissions and other such mistakes.  It never effects the content and in fact I rarely even do the necessary proof-reading.

There is a reason this style of writing works for this blog.  It most closely resembles what this blog is about which is real life.  Real life is just stream of consciousness.  It is spontaneous and live.  You don't get many do-overs or chance to make edits.  This is not to say you can't make corrections in your life, but corrections are after the fact.  It is like a newspaper article that makes an erroneous statement, it is already printed and out there and not till later is the amendment or correction or apology issued.

Because life is in the form of stream of consciousness, I encourage to prepare yourself and train yourself to the best of your ability.  If your are prepared and practiced, you will lessen the need to issue corrections for your already ran articles of your life.  Live the best life you can at all times and make the best choices you can at all times and you will have little to no reason to be sorry.  Trust your instincts, trust your soul,  consider your words before sending them out in the world, consider each action, talk slowly but think fast, if you follow all these techniques your stream of consciousness called life will be a much more enjoyable experience.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Friday, September 28, 2012

Bean Counting

To my son Tommy,

It is closing day at the office today, closing for the month and closing for the quarter.  This is when everyone scampers around collecting reports and balancing checkbooks and balancing budgets and generally just analyzing how we did this month, or at least getting it ready for an accountant or banker to analyze.  It is quite the site to see, and is very stressful.  Most of the errors made in the past month become quite evident on a closing day.  Books don't match because you transposed digits in this register or jobcosting doesn't match because you put in the wrong job code.  Every little hiccup and mistake costs you time to figure out and to close and you end up swearing that you will never make that error again.  But inevitably in the next months, some of the mistakes creep back in.

To compound the "fun and excitement" of closing, I had about 3 computer projects end up culminating on this day.  I won't get too technical for you, because by the time you read this the terms might be so outdated it will be like reading old English.  Lets just say moving the email server, working with a software integration, and changing some programs...all on closing...was not good planning on my part.  Won't be the last time that I am juggling a bunch of different things and a bit overwhelmed.  I refuse to make promises that it won't happen again.  Accepting reality can be bitter.

The concept of bean counting at the end of the month is a concept that I should probably use in other areas of my life.  I am not talking about balancing the checkbook and making sure the mortgage is on time, though I should do more of that as well.  I am talking about all the aspects of my life, like making sure I spent enough time on family, balancing my spiritual checkbook, counting all the love I have received, and taking inventory of my gratitude bank vault.  Businesses give so much time and effort to closing their financials, I should give the same time and effort for what really matters.

So with closing behind me and just a couple straggling tasks left on my computer projects,  I am going to hurry home to you and your mother so we can go spend some time with the rest of the family and Aunt Debbie's tonight.  As I drive home I will begin an audit of my hugs and kisses and if I find any discrepancies, I will be doing some debt collecting real soon!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Back In The Swing

To my son Tommy,

One of the hardest things to do in life is get back into a habit when you have had a lull.  You quickly become accustomed to the way things are and forget the ways things were and don't dare look at the way things can be, should be, or will be.  This is all usually compounded by guilt and shame of letting the practice go in the first place.  Lets just face it, sometimes it is scary to get back in the swing of things.

Today we had an incident with you and school.  You have missed three school days (the past week and half because you only go two days a week) because of being sick.  We had the doctors ok to send you back Tuesday but it just seemed too hard.  Today we fought through the reluctance.  You didn't want to wake up.  You didn't want to get cleaned up.  You didn't want to get dressed.  You didn't want to do your mask treatment.  You didn't want to do anything because you didn't want to go to school today.  That quickly school had become an unknown again, something to worry about and be afraid of.  It is like if you saw a lizard and started telling the story, before you know it the lizard is some horrible huge dragon.  Not until you face it again will you see it is just a tiny lizard.  To get you to school again to face the mean dragon it had become, and to no doubt realize you love school again, took some serious struggle today.

It is no fun hearing excuses we have used to you being shot back at us.  "It's too early!" is still ringing in my ear in that whiney voice.  "We can do school tomorrow." or "Just stop" were two popular phrases from you today.  But we didn't stop.  We fought through the tears and the yells and the screams and the fights.  We got you dressed and fed and out to school.  We didn't get a full mask treatment on you, but I think that would have taken a dart gun with a sedative to accomplish that task.  Mommy and I dropped you off and as your bottom lip started to quiver and before we could see your tears come...off we went.

Your mom just called and you had a great day in school. As double bonus you ate pancakes today and any time a new food gets passed your mouth it is a day to celebrate!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo


Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Mimic

To my son Tommy,

One thing that has been quite a joy for me is watching you mimic the actions of your parents.  Like all first time parents we had to learn the hard way to watch our example around you when you parroted back some not so social acceptable words and such.  To this day you say "Oh my jeesh" but at one time that was a full on Jesus.  There were worse instances but not appropriate for this blog.  But we took the lesson to heart quite quickly and those slip ups are far fewer in between.  Now we get to enjoy times like tonight.

You had been patiently waiting for me to get home and telling your mother that you were going to play toys with daddy as soon as he got home.  You were so cute I had to oblige.  We played all types of toys, from army guys to trolls to blocks to zoo animals to work bench building.  Then as we were playing with your stuffed animals in your room you told me it was time for night night.  You demanded I lay down in your bed and close my eyes.  When I finally did, you took the covers and pulled them over me and tucked me in.  You leaned over and gave me a kiss and whispered "You're a good boy daddy and I love you".  I laid there with my eyes closed and the smile on my face was no match for the one in my heart.  Staying as silent as a church mouse, you snuck out of your room after turning off the light.  A couple minutes later you came back in and woke me up told me you missed me and asked me if I had a good sleep and what I dreamed about.  Yeah if you are going to model any of my actions, you sure picked a good one!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Unconditionally

To my son Tommy,

Do you realize, the moment you were born I forgave you for everything you will ever do to me? It is true. The second you were born every little thing I ever did to my father came playing through my head, except this time I assumed the role of dad. I felt shame for all the things in my life that I did wrong, because I realized the unconditional love that my father has for me as I now have it for you. There is nothing you can ever do to make me love you less. You have my love, given to you freely, over and over, twenty four seven. It is worth repeating, there is nothing you can ever do to make me love you less.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Monday, September 24, 2012

What Are Your Dreams?

To my son Tommy,

Many parents in this world wish and pray that all their children's dreams come true.  I have thought long and hard on this subject and my answer to this is...it depends on their dreams!  Too many people in this world dream of artificial and ephemeral joys.  They want billions of dollars and power and prestige and such.  These dreams of wealth and such are just not true to the heart.  Jim Carey is credited with saying "I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of, so they can see that it's not the answer."  Words of wisdom from a very funny clever man.  This world is filled with unhappy rich people.  Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of unhappy poor people too.  Funny how discontent can be the great equalizer between the ninety-nine percent and the one percent.  It just goes to show that what people should be looking for is not found in materialistic terms.

So here is hoping that all your dreams ARE true...true to the heart and true to your soul.  With your dreams and aspirations in the right place, then and only then can I wish and pray that all your dreams come true!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

P.S. If all my dreams had come true, I am pretty sure this world would have turned to ice cream when I was nine years old. 

Sunday, September 23, 2012

End Of A Long Week

To my son Tommy,

Though I have had fun spending extra time with you this week, the circumstances that granted us this extra time were not wanted.  It is been a long tiring week, filled with doctors and hospitals and medicines and coughs and aches and tears and such.  Even though I choose to focus on the positive, it does not make the realities of a sick week disappear.  I'd say I am back up to about 85% of prime, your mother probably running at 70% of prime, and then there is you.  You have gotten through the cold or flu or whatever but we now have to figure out what this diagnosis of asthma means for you and your future health.

So as this week begins, we have a bunch of unanswered questions.  Will work be horrid for me after missing a week?  Will your mother be able to get through her exam tomorrow being in less than optimal health?  Will we have to maintain nebulizer treatments for your lungs?  But the unknown and the looming questions of life sure make it interesting to see how it all turns out.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Saturday, September 22, 2012

No Help From The Cowboy

To my son Tommy,

A little guy sat on the porch watching his father.  His dad was tasked with cleaning the car really quick as mom had to go to a baby shower and was running late.  A little guy sat on the porch in his scooby doo pajamas and a cowboy hat.  He soaked in the sun and breathed in the fresh air relieved to be out of quarantine for just a little bit.  This little scooby doo cowboy busied himself with a model car filled with aq whale, a beetle, a toy soldier, and a dolphin.  The crew obviously had a serious roadtrip, but this didn't stop the little guy from looking up and taking the time to say hello to anyone who passed by be they neighbor or stranger.  The odd looks I am sure were from their surprise that a true cowboy lived in Baltimore city still.  So the little guy sat and played and watched and said hello....but not once did he say "Dad, when you rolled down the windows in Mommy's car, you left your keys in the ignition and you are going to drain her battery and she is in a hurry so you will end up in the dog house!"  Not once.  No help.  Not a single peep.  No warning at all.   Good thing this little guy is cute!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Friday, September 21, 2012

Real Zoo Around Here


To my son Tommy,

Cabin fever may have set in. I spent what little energy I had helping you turn our sofa into a zoo. Your zoo has the usual, elephants and zebras and the like, the mundane, cats and dogs and the like, and the unusual from dragons to dinosaurs! If I only have one burst of energy today, it was well spent.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

To my son Tommy,

The past few days have taught me much about life and attitude and perspective.  The Downeys have been sick and feeling quite miserable.  Congestion, body ache, cough, you name it and it is contributing to our general disposition.  When such misery finds someone the usual pleasantries of life fly out the window.  Interactions are reduced to the base necessity to accomplish what is needed, as evidenced by my past few blog posts.  You just want to be left alone and can never muster the energy for anything else.

So I can focus on this feeling, focus in on the work I am falling behind in, focus in on the bad...or I can look to my son for his example.  There have been moments that you have been a grouch, and not a single soul can begrudge you these moments.  You have had to adjust to nebulizers and suffer bad tasting medicines.  When I give you one of these supposedly "cherry" tasting medicines, you look at me look like "Yeah, sure, tastes like cherries, taste like cherries that have been eaten and passed by a deer!".  But the instances seem to be the exception with you and not the rule.  You have attacked this illness like a male version of Pollyanna.  You have refused to abandon your manners and insist on thanking every doctor and nurse in your path.  You have  prided yourself in wearing your mask as you take the nebulizer treatment.  You have kept playing and imagining and the only difference there is you seem to give your stuffed animals a couple more doctor checkups as you play.

Again I can focus in on the bad, or think about the good of this week.  The extra time I got to play with my son.  The time I got to see your mom just make you crack up laughing by smelling your piggy toes and saying P.U. as we sat in the emergency room and you were getting a neb treatment.  The time I got to see true courage as a three year old faced the unknown terrors of doctors and hospital without blinking an eye.  The feeling of my son laying his head on my lap and falling asleep at what is close to the end of a rough week.  Focusing on the love and beauty of the littlest moments, even in the midst of the throes of misery due to health, can make the world a better place.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

The Battle Continues

To my son Tommy,

We armed with nebulizer treatments and antibiotics for the house. The war on illness continues for the Downey household.

It is days like these that make us appreciate the days we are in good health. Perhaps we took good health days for granted. Hopefully soon we will be back to those care free cough free congestion free days.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

No Air


To my son Tommy,

I am relieved to say we did not overreact yesterday.  For if we blew this off who knows what state we would be in today.  You were laboring so hard for air.  We spent about 10 hours in doctors office and emergency rooms.  The picture above is you getting a nebulizer treatment.  The doctors think you have asthma complicated with a cold or flu.

Asthma is a scary word for your parents.  It conjures up all kinds of images and possible limitations of your life.  How the doctors can jump to asthma when this is the first ever event is a little beyond me, but two seperate doctors did at two different locations.  We will deal with all the implications of asthma later.  For now we just need to get you through.

To complicate your sickness. your dad has been hit like a mack truck with flu like symptoms.  It has almosty imbolized me for the day.  Somehow your mother is fighting through her sickness and thank goodness.  Who knows where we would all be without her.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Monday, September 17, 2012

The Perils Of School Age

To my son Tommy,

Let me say that this morning you were in a miserable mood with all rights to be.  You stayed up half the night coughing and congested.  You haven't run a fever so we are not sure if the doctor will do anything but look at us like we are clueless over concerned first time parents.  That didn't stop us from making the appointment though and we are probably guilty as charged with regards to being overly concerned.

We were warned that this happens when you send kids off to school.  Sick kids make more sick kids and you seem to be no exception to the rule.  You are from good tough stock and we expect you just to get through your illness in no time.  The doctor's appointment is to make sure it is nothing serious.  In this day and age with everything from west nile virus to swine flu to bird flu, you can never be too careful.  I even heard of a case of the bubonic plague out in Colorado in the past month or so.  That is why we get you to the doc and get a baseline and start the clock on how long you have been having symptoms and such, instead of just saying "suck it up boy" or telling ourselves "he'll be fine".  It is probably just the change of weather.

The little chest cold or throat tickle or whatever it is, seems to have spread to me and maybe your mother.  I have a sniffle today and a tickle in the throat. So this week you are going to see me off spraying lysol and other disinfectants through out the house.  No doorknob or handle or surface is safe when I get on this kick, so watch out.  On a side note we can only hope that your mother decides to make some of her chicken noodle and dumpling soup to sooth what ails us.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Let Me Do It Myself

To my son Tommy,

You are at a phase in your life where you are excited to be independent.  If I start doing something for you or helping you, you give me a reminder (sometimes not so gently) by saying "Let me do it myself!"  Unless we are pressed for time or it is dire situation, I usually back off and let you at least attempt whatever task you are trying to accomplish.  You still ask for help after a few failed attempts, but you do give it an honest try.  Asking for assistance after you give it a try yourself suggests that perhaps the super stubborn Irish pride has lessened through the generations.

Your present state of mind actually makes you a great example for everyone.  You don't won't things just handed to you.  You are willing to do the work.  You are willing to try.  You accept when you need help.  You watch and learn when someone has to help you so the next time when you "need" to do it yourself you can make a better attempt.  If only more adults, or even more nations for that matter, would follow this mindset, this world would be a better place.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Saturday, September 15, 2012

The Power Of Five

To my son Tommy,

If you have five minutes, you have enough time to do amazing things in your life.  Time is not the end all be all limiting factor we make it out to be.  What can you do?  Pick one.

Go find your mom and give her a hug.
Straigthen up a room.
Dream.
Go outside and fill your lungs with fresh air.
Dial a friend and say hi.
Read a poem.
Laugh.
Say a prayer.
Stretch.
Tell a joke and make someone laugh.
Brush your teeth.
Imagine.
Eat an apple.
Tell someone you love them.
Play.
Write a blog post.

You name it, chances are you can find something to do.  Too often we fill our free time with...well, nothing.  We just let the time slip away.  These small things on this list are just off the top of my head and perhaps I should sit down and think out my master list for when I find myself doing nothing.  But each of these can make your day or life better or easier.  What you choose can increase your fiber, strengthen your body, or feed your soul.  And most of them can be done in much less than the 5 minutes.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

P.S. (written and typed in 4 minutes 33 seconds)

Friday, September 14, 2012

Follow In My Wake


To my son Tommy,

Today I give you some lyrics from one of my favorite Jimmy Buffett songs.  JB is oft referred to as a party singer but i think his bardic mastery goes deeper.  Of course people can find deep meaning in such writings like "Pull Tab To Open" so pehaps I am projecting a bit.  You be the judge.

Follow in my wake
You've not that much at stake
For I have plowed the seas
And smoothed the troubled waters
Come along let's have some fun
The hard work has been done
We'll barrel roll into the sun
Just for starters
The lyric from Barometer Soup is a fine mix of sailing and flying allusions that do showcase his love of water and air.  But if you look at the deeper meaning it describes most any relationship that a father and son should have.  It describes why I started this blog for you and what I hope to accomplish in my life and job as a father.

"Come follow in my wake"  is such a simple metaphor.  I have been there and done that.  Learn from my mistakes.  Look at the path I took and how I got there.  I understand that from time to time you will need to venture out on your own path, on open waters if you will, but know you can always see my path and follow the road already traveled.  I am doing my best to smooth troubled waters for you.  There will be waves and bumps and new wrinkles along the way, but if you jump in my wake they will be much smaller and less chance of capsizing your boat.

When there is less turbulence in life there is more time to enjoy life and love and all the fun that comes with it.  We can run and jump and play together.  When the hard work has been done, we can get to the more challenging work of actually enjoying this gift of life.  And that might be one of the whole points of living.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Thursday, September 13, 2012

One Less Thing

To my son Tommy,

Today, on my way into church, the priest was greeting people at the front door.  He noticed my neck lanyard that holds some of my most used keys.

"Won't ever lose those keys!" he quipped. 

"Just one less thing for me to worry about, Father." I replied as I scurried passed.

That has gotten me thinking all day.  The purpose of organization and routines and habits and wearing keys around your neck...it should all serve to ease the burden of your life.  There are so many better things to worry about than losing your keys.  Trust me I have lost my keys so many times in my life.  The aggravation, the frustration, that feeling in the pit of your stomach as you go through all the scenarios of what it means if your keys are truly gone...just worthless worry that I now for the most part prevent.  If my keys aren't around my neck, then they are in a specific spot at home.  Mom and I don't have much money to go out to the fancy schmancy restaurants and such so I don't often wear outfits like a suit where the keys around my neck would look out of place.

Now there is a catch 22.  When I started this practice I had to give much thought and concern to putting these darn keys around my neck.  But the little bit of worry to establish the habit has eliminated a ton of worry now.  That is how it should be, if everyday we can secure one more thing in our life, one more action that we don't have to worry about, we can focus in on the most important aspects of our life.  We can eliminate some wasted time and effort and slowly but surely get to the point where we can start singing "Don't worry!  Be happy!" (in our best Bobby McFerrin impersonation that just will never live up to the true thing).

On a side note, when your mother locked herself away in her office the other night to study,  well that really paid off.  She got a 100% grade on her first major nursing exam.  I think she had already done a quiz or something minor but this one she was determined to ace.  I am so proud of her and hope one day you will realize the sacrifices she is making to go back to school as a mother.  At least with this exam in the past, she has one less thing to worry about also.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Meshing Schedules

To my son Tommy,

When you look back on this time in your life, you may recall a somewhat hectic schedule.  We have many hurdles and adjustments to face currently.  Your mother and I do the best to give normalcy to your schedule as well as ours and accommodate everyone.  We have some saving graces like you Bwama that help us out immensely and allow us some flexibility but it is still a bit of a juggling act.

My daily schedule is probably the most set.  This also makes it the most likely to change to help out.  I try to be up and in the shower by 6:15 finished and groomed and any morning chores done by 6:45 to head out the door to church.  Church 7:00 to 7:30 and off to work.  Work from 8:00 (actually 8:05) and then I try my best to finish my work and be home by 5:00 but that is always up in the air a bit.

Your mom's schedule is the most volatile with nursing school.  8-12 one day, 8-5 another, clinicals and all types of schedule changes and twists.  I believe nursing school intentionally gives a mixed up schedule to ready the student for the schedule of a full blown nurse.  Throw in specials like her exam today that she had to lock herself into her office to study for last night, and leave early today for.  That is the reason I have you this morning and had to skip morning mass.

Then we come to your schedule.  8-12 Tuesday and Thursday for school.  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday you head up to Bwama's for the day.  You are a bit of a bear in the morning but we try to get you up every morning at 6:30 and get you dressed and fed and such.  You have some special events now, back-to-school, orientation, field trips etc to throw in the mix.

The long and short is though it might seem hectic, we will get through.  We will figure it out and everyone in the end might not get what they want in their schedule but they will get what they need from their schedule.  This is life and life's schedule is never as set as we would like.  It may become boring if it were.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

On This Day 11 Years Ago

To my son Tommy,

Today is this anniversary of the events of 11 September 2001 most commonly referred to as 9/11.  On that date, four planes were hijacked and used as weapons of terror.  Two of the planes crashed into the World Trade Center buildings in New York City.  One of the planes crashed into the Pentagon into Washington DC.  The final plane was taken down by a passenger coup against the hijackers in a field in Pennsylvania.  It's final destination or target can only be guessed at now.

This was a tragedy that rocked our nation if not our world.  They say nearly three thousand people died in these events, but I believe that just includes those that died from the direct results and not those that died because of the ripple effect such as health issues with the rescue workers and depression and broken hearts for those who never came to terms with what happened.

Many years from now when you are taught about this in school, or in some history book, they will do their best to explain the what and the why and the how.  They will throw in factors of politics and terrorism and symbolism and some people might even throw out some conspiracy theories and such.  I don't have any of those answers and see the explanations as hollow.  There are some questions we all have that just never will be answered in a satisfactory way.  The teacher will assign you to go home and find out where your parents were when they found out and how they felt and what did they do.  Did I cry?  Did I pray?  Did I sit there in awe?  How did I feel?  and once again we will have to have a long talk about death and life.

Last night, I began attending a church event/course that explored among other things the meaning of life.  It is another one of those tough questions that we may never fully understand in our humanity.  It doesn't stop people from searching or guessing or assuming or putting forth their best answers that they have found comfort in.  In this way it is very similar to the why's of 9/11.  I wonder if the hijackers had taken the time to ponder the meaning of life and the gift of life, perhaps they would have found more respect for life in and of itself and decided not to throw away the gift of their life and the gift of the thousands of other lives they snatched from the world.

As we somberly remember the events of that day, and we continue pondering the meaning of our life and the life of those lost, we will hear countless tales of heroism and sacrifice.  In one of those stories you may just find the meaning of life.  You may find a love and sacrifice that is so great that it can only be explained through God presence.  A person who stopped to help another at great personal peril, a person who stayed and held the hand of yet another as they faced certain death, a firefighter who ran in and saved 10 more people before losing his own life.  You can find that moment where the meaning of life is crystal clear.  I am not sure it will ever be able to be vocalized or explained in words but for a brief moment you can see it and feel the meaning of life deep in your soul.  God rest all the souls lost on or due to 9/11.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Monday, September 10, 2012

The Trifecta

To my son Tommy,

You need three things to be in unison to get the major things done in life.  You need to have your words, beliefs, and actions all match.  In other words, what you say you want has to match what you really believe you want and both of those have to be reflected and complimented by what you do.  Each of those areas are effected by the other, intertwined into each other so much that to get the big stuff done in your life, you need all three firing properly on all cylinders.

Take for example my years of smoking before I quit some 140 days or so ago.  I said I wanted to quit.  I said that all the time.  But deep down inside I didn't really want to quit.  I enjoyed smoking or at least thought I did.  And deep down I had convinced myself that I was not strong enough to quit.  If I had truly believed I wanted to quit, I would have quit!  My actions would have reflected my words and beliefs.  There is a saying that ex-smokers say "You can't quit till you are ready"  and what that really translates into is you have to believe in your core that you need to quit, that you want to quit, and that you can quit. 

Your words are far the easiest to influence.  To speak or write, for the most part, you have to have conscience thought.  Because words are the easiest to influence, they are also the most abused.  It is easier to say something than to believe it or actually do it.  You can give lip service to whatever you want in your life but without the belief and follow through, the words are hollow.  But just because they are easily use or abused, don't underestimate the power of words.  If you tell yourself you can't,  guess what you most likely can't.  This power in speech can influence the other areas of belief and action.  If you tell yourself you are an idiot, than you may start believing you are an idiot and acting as such.  And this is also true in what you tell other people...sometimes even if they can't consciously hear you.  Every night I remember to, I sneak into your room and whisper in your ear that you are a good and smart boy and that daddy and mommy love you.  The power of this whisper seeps into your mind and feeds your soul and your belief.

What you believe is probably the hardest to change.   Beliefs and thoughts get ingrained into our psyche and to conquer or alter or modify this is so difficult.  They become so ingrained, many times because our words (or other's words) and our actions (or other's actions) have drilled them into our core.  It is also much harder to find out what you truly believe.  For example, many people say and are convinced they believe they would like to save the environment.  Then we look at their actions and see those same people not recycling, driving big gas guzzlers, littering, etc etc.  So it becomes obvious that their belief is not "save environment" but rather "save the environment as long as it is easy on my and doesn't cost any money to me nor do I have to do anything differently"  In this examples you see how the words tricked the belief system but the belief system is called out by the actions.

Actions (and lack of action) is the key determining factor on the truth factor of what you say and what you think.  It is easy to say "I love you", but if you show no love, show no sacrifice, show no emotion, show no effort, than "I love you" becomes just three little empty words.   It is easy to say I want to be debt free, but if I still spend frivolously than what do my actions say about what I really want?  It is easy to say and actually believe that you hate hatred,  but it is tough to stand up to or walk out on someone spewing hate.  What we do is a more reliable benchmark of who we truly are and who we truly aspire to be.

Now some will tell you there is another factor called luck which includes in it a mix of opportunity and circumstance.  I have decided not to include this factor as circumstance and opportunity can be created through your words, beliefs, and actions.  Granted, some people have to put little to no effort and it seems that they have all the "luck" in the world and are afforded every opportunity.  But in almost all instances you can create or modify your circumstances to create the favorable opportunities.  I chose to not include "luck" because I do not want to rely on some leprechaun for what I can accomplish.

So as you grow up,  remember the trifecta.  If you can master all three on any one task, the trifecta goes from some long shot odds horse race bet to a sure thing quality investment in your life.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Knights and Pirates


To my son Tommy,

Today's adventure was brought to you by the letter (said in your best pirate voice) "AARRGHH".  In case you hadn't guessed, we hit the Renaissance Festival in Crownsville on the pirate weekend.  We saw all kinds of medieval things and you were quite in awe.  For some reason you kept thinking we were on a farm.  Most likely this misconception was because straw and hay were strewed all over the grounds to suck up some of the mud caused by yesterday's down pour.  I gave up trying to explain that this was neither a farm nor a zoo after we saw the ponies and the horses and the elephant and the camel.  It seemed my argument would hold no water with a 3 year old's perception after seeing all those things.

We owe many thanks to your uncles Raymond and Hyun who called Friday to invite us.  They invited the whole family but you, me, and your cousin Emma were the only takers.  You also owe them a big hug because they paid for our ticket and many of the drinks and food and games.  Plus you dragged your uncles and cousin around the festival grounds doing what you wanted.  I am your father, so I had to head where you were focused but you are so blessed to have such loving and fun uncles to keep up with you as well.

You did well for about four hours.  You had fun on the slide and in the maze and the pony ride and the kids area had a nice pirate ship with slides and swings.  You waited patiently as us older kids got our food and walked from place to place.  You were in awe meeting the knights, and loved seeing the horses and I thought you could have stared at the elephant for hours on end.  One clown/fool/puppeteer dressed in a horse costume did give you bit of a fright but even after that you still remembered your manners and said a proper farewell.  You even sat enjoying some culture and comedy in some stage acts like the Renaissance Man's Stand Up Tragedy or some of Shakespeare Scum.

But as we approached the fifth hour, you were getting tired and a little bit more difficult to handle.  You wanted to run through the crowds at the Globe Theater and you had a bit of a meltdown when I put an end to that.  It was my fault as I saw signs of you getting worn out and cranky and overwhelmed and overloaded in the previous hour but I kept pushing and holding out hope.

And that is today's life lesson.  Don't push it when you see the signs and the outcome becomes inevitable.  Leave at a high not pushing it to the limits of a meltdown.  Give it one big "HUZZAH!" and be satisfied with time and experiences you got to enjoy.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Life Class

To my son Tommy,

There are so many tools on the internet and in technology today.  Twitter, Facebook, Google+, Blogger, LinkedIn, there are too many sites and apps to name.  And that is not even counting in all the sites and such that I have used, sometimes still use, but aren't in the forefront and may be considered out of vogue.  And your father has a finger into just about everyone.  Being a tech guy, I have to try and test out and be versed in most any application or site that comes into popularity.  Consequently because I have signed up for so many, I go in waves and spurts with renewed interest in one.

Lately my renewed interest has been in twitter.  Recently, as I went around searching those I follow, and those who follow me, and just general trends.  I came across an interesting hash-tag #lifeclass.  I had to do some research but found it on oprah.com and gave it a look see.

Some people would give me guff for watching Oprah stuff, but your father refuses to be pigeon-holed by some silly comment like "Real men don't watch Oprah" or other such nonsense.  I find inspiration and ideas and energy from so many sources, from the feminine flower to the manly mountain, from magazines like Good House Keeping to Popular Mechanics, from the yin and from the yang of life

The first episode I watched online (which was actually out of order and the second) had the guest Tony Robbins and the topic "Living Fearlessly".  He quickly corrected the topic to "living courageously" and explained how everyone has fear.  He also explained how getting past the fear and working the courage is a "muscle" and the more you work it the better you get at it.  Anyway I was hooked.

This is the kind of stuff I am trying to pass on to you with this blog.  These life lessons, these life classes, these pearls of wisdom and hints on how to make your life better.  I can watch this new tool and get new lessons for the both of us.  I don't think I will have you doing any fire-walking (one of Tony Robbins signature moves which funny enough I did when I was in my college days) but I can get some different perspectives and views and inspirations to pass on to you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Friday, September 7, 2012

Just Because

To my son Tommy,

It is getting late and you just went to bed and I am not far behind you. Tonight's blog is kind of a cheat. I have had about three different ideas running through my head all day to write to you about but fatigue has made them merge into one deep artistic blob that is illegible and incomprehensible. So tonight I just am writing to keep our streak going. A cop out? A sell out? Sure. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do just because.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Thursday, September 6, 2012

No Humor In Humira

To my son Tommy,

Last night, your mother started a new drug regimen for her crohn's disease.  This drug is called Humira and it is serious stuff.  But then again crohns is a serious disease.

Humira is an injectable and it comes in one of those automated needle cartridges that you press a button/plunger and a click sounds as it shoots the needle in your leg or wherever you have to do the injection.  Last night your mother had to do four of these.  The anticipation and then the sound is horrible on this and I am not sure why this auto shot system is better.  Certainly for your mom, who is training to be a nurse, a basic syringe would work best. 

On her first of the four shots, it took nearly thirty minutes for her to get the nerve to do it.  I had hoped that once she did it, she would see it was nothing and the next one would come much quicker.  Seeing her face after she depressed plunger, I knew that my hopes were not going to come true.  Evidently this is no easy shot and painful to take and my heart sank knowing she had three more shots to go.  Her next one went worse, and she jerked and winced from the pain not getting a full dose.  I ended up having to do the next two.  She has to do her next follow up dose in fifteen days.

We hope this Humira is the answer and can get a handle on your mom's crohns.  We do know that moving to this new therapy will lessen the amount of medication she is on.  She will be able to drop about four current pills with this one shot.  The less medications, the less chance for all the side effects that go with the meds.  Of course Humira has plenty of side effect possibilities as well.  As I said earlier, this stuff is no joke.

Sometimes in life the cure or the solution hurts.  Shots hurt, side effects suck, some medicines sting, and they are all supposed to help you in the long run.  This concept bleeds over into most every part of life.  In finance, you have to make some hard painful choices and sacrifices to get yourself and keep yourself out of debt.  In love,  you will have to end some relationships in your life and it will break your heart and give you pain.  In parenting, disciplining your child and having him look up at you with those hateful eyes as if to say "why are you doing this to me?  why am I being forced to [insert nasty chore here such as clean, eat, go to school, etc] you mean person you?" and no amount of understanding that it is for his own future good can really lessen the heartache of that moment.  Yeah the cure sometimes hurts.  And unfortunately we have to just suck it up and do it.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The Other Side

To my son Tommy,

I constantly extol the benefits of routines.  If I ever write a self-help book I think it will be titled "Embracing The Routine!"  It will be filled with examples of how the word routine got a bad rap.  The book will show how routines make things easier, safer, more comforting, etc.  But from time to time you have to adjust a routine even if ever so slightly.

This morning I found myself rushing to church.  One minute here, one minute there, adding a morning chore, all added up to me running late.  As I got out of my truck the steeple bells began to ring for seven o'clock.  I ran up from the lower parking lot and with no time to go in my normal entrance, my hand hit the door handle on the other side of the church as the seventh bell rang.  I snuck in (though mass hadn't started yet) and promptly found a seat.  I was on the complete opposite side of my normal perch.

A little change like this, whether by accident or on purpose, really does make things seem different.  As the first reading was read,  I sat there pondering exactly what odd set of coincidences made me late.  Convinced of the fact that I should just go with the flow and accept the change,  I looked up and saw a statue and a candle I had never noticed before.  It had to have been there for the ages, this nice statue of what I assume to be St. Agnes carry her sheep with one solitary candle at the base of the stone figure, but here it was my first time giving it any attention or acknowledgement.  What other treasures had I missed?

If you have a routine, that is great.  But sometimes take yourself out of your routine.  Alter your routine ever so slightly even if just for a day and you will be amazed what you see.  A different prospective, a different point of view, a brand new experience.  Nothing says you can't return to the tried and true, but don't get so stagnant and stalemated or you will never be able to discover and enjoy those things you don't even know you are missing.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

When Monday is Really Tuesday

To my son Tommy,

Holidays are great except for the fact that they throw off your entire schedule.  As I returned to work after the Labor Day holiday,   I hoped beyond hope that I had successfully skipped Monday.  But here it is, same stuff just disguised as a Tuesday.  My entire perception of the date time workweek continuum has been thrown into a tesseract blender.  Plus I lose a day this week to deal with all this Monday stuff.  It really just goes to show that no matter what you do to avoid a problem, even if it is skipping an entire day of the week, the problem will be waiting until you decide to solve it properly.  My only saving grace for the day will be hearing your excitement and deciphering your story about school today.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Monday, September 3, 2012

Labor Day

To my son Tommy,

Labor Day is kind of a misnomer.  You aren't supposed to labor at all and you are supposed to just take a day for yourself.  It stems from the unions and the labor strikes that happened over a century ago.  There are many who lost their lives challenging the big corporations and who risked every thing so we can have the cushy work life we have become accustomed to, such as the 40 hour work week and health benefits and the crazy notion of an honest wage and all those silly little things.

Today we slept in and had lunch at your Aunt Debbie's and received a bunch of hand-me-down toys.  So we kept true to the do nothing attitude that is the oxymoron of Labor Day, which is actually rare for this holiday that usually gets filled with the honey-do chores.  You love your new toys and in our family "hand me down" is a blessed title not something that is looked down on in any way.  You have so many hand-me-downs that you could be on the verge of being completely spoiled.  Hopefully we use these toys gently and have them make the next trip along our family songlines for toys and toddlers.

So as you celebrate this and any Labor Day, remember to avoid work, be thankful for the job and benefits you have, be grateful for those who came before and made all that possible, and as always celebrate family and love.  Oh and pack up your whites for the winter.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

To my son Tommy,

We live in a world that is filled with traditions, laws, and ceremonial procedures.

We have the traditions and ceremony of the church.  When we attend mass, we try to get the words right and stand or kneel or sit at the proper time.  No meat on Fridays during Lent.

We have the rules of ettiquette and social graces.  The fork goes on the left and the knife on the right of the plate.  You stand to greet a woman.  You call this person sir, this person doctor, this person mrs, this person miss, this person your honor.

We have the ceremony of common courtesy.  Cover your mouth when you cough.  Sign a birthday card when passed around the office.   Take off your hat as you enter a building.

We have many of these rules that stem from tradition and ceremony.  Though most serve a useful purpose, do not get caught up in the minutia.  Look deeper for the meaning and look within for the true intention.  The important thing is you came to church not that you stood and knelt at the proper time.  If the fork is on the right of the plate with the knife, you can still eat.  If you can't stand to greet a woman, does your "hello" hold any less importance?

At mass today the Gospel of St Mark said
"'Listen to me, all of you, and understand: there is nothing outside a person that by going in can defile, but the things that come out are what defile.' For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come: "
You see it doesn't matter if you eat without washing your hands, or if you said the wrong words, it matters what your intentions are and what is in your heart.  Do not be a hypocrite and focus in on the little, search for the big picture. If you act from a position of kindness and love and good intentions, than you will do fine.

I am not saying these rules have no place.  If you can follow them and choose to follow them, by all means do so.  But following a rule or tradition doesn't make you better than the next person.  What makes you a better person is your conscience, your soul, and your ability to recognize the love and good in others, even when they don't follow all the common courtesies that you do.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Saturday, September 1, 2012

This Is Your Father and I Love You

To my son Tommy,

I think I enjoy writing to you so much because of the Downey natural ability for story-telling.  Besides being Irish, which means you can tell someone to go to hell and make them look forward to the trip, the Downey clan just has a knack for spinning a yarn.  I, by no means, consider myself the best at telling a tale especially after seeing the talent at dinner tonight.

As usual, on Saturdays we try to head out to your Grandma Roro's house for dinner.  Through the course of dinner we run the gambit of stories, from pets to children, from Wyoming to Kentucky to Italy to Puerto Rico, from present day to a time long ago and faraway, some new stories and some stories told so often that we can recite them in our sleep.  Even those stories we know by rote, somehow a Downey can tell them and   somehow enthrall us yet once again.  We talk about life and love and everything in between.  It reminds me of a slightly condensed version of this blog, yet with a little more emphasis on humor but still maintaining all the deeper levels of meaning

Often your great granddad Leo holds the honors of story teller but tonight your great uncle Kevin (whom you call Cheeto monster) had the best story.  He was talking about the birth of his son (our cousin) Ryan.  During his rendition of the events, which had the typical Downey multi-faceted plot line, he told us that he talked to Ryan in the womb and simply said "Hello Baby Downey, this is your father, and I love you"  Over and over he talked to Aunt Janice's womb and said "Hello Baby Downey, this is your father, and I love you".  The story went on with the ins and outs and the details of c-sections and anesthesia , but Ryan was delivered into this world.   After the nurses did their thing, they invited uncle Kevin over to meet his son for the first time.  Ryan was crying and screaming (being born is pretty traumatic and deserves a good freak out) and  uncle Kevin walked over and said "Hello Baby Downey, this is your father, and I love you".  In an instant Ryan calmed down and instantly recognized his father's voice and his father's love and the security and comfort he already come to know.  It is the same reaction I hope to get when I print these out for you and day in and day out you read...

Sincerely with love from your Dad,
Leo