Granddad Down

To my son Tommy,

Getting a phone call on at 3:53 AM is never a good thing. (Especially when I couldn't fall asleep till a little after midnight) When that phone rings I hope and pray that it is one of the normal emergencies and not something more grave. This morning it was one of the usual suspects as your great grandfather had a fall. When this happens your grandfather needs assistance getting his father back up and settled and I will be there to answer the call whenever I can. Before, when this first started happening, I would get upset about the fall but strangely I am now thankful that the phone call is just about a fall.

I was a little slower than normal this morning. It took me a whole seven minutes from the time your mom hung up the phone after saying, "I will tell him." as she turned to me and said "Granddad On The Floor" to get out the door. Though I was still too groggy to chuckle, I thought it funny that we have secret service like code phrases that initiate a family plan with little to no conversation. Sort of like "Eagle has left the nest" or "Renegade on the move" or "Tumbler eating pretzels" but with no earpiece nor sunglasses nor Sig Sauer 357. With those words uttered by your mother, we both knew I would be out the door as soon as possible and that she might have to cover for me by taking over complete responsibility for you in the morning because my focus had shifted. The only difference today was she added, "Be careful driving" because neither of us knew the road conditions after yesterday's freak hail, sleet, and snow session that mother nature threw at us nine or ten days after the official start of spring.

The roads were fine except for the people on them. One guy blocked the entire street on Aldershot for five minutes when I pulled up behind him. Instead of pulling forward and over and letting me pass, he decided by putting on his hazard lights (after I was directly behind him and would have to reverse it over 100 yards to go another route) that he was in the right. A few choice words let him know that he was being selfish and he finally moved over and let me pass. Then there were at least three people that I swear were sleep driving. They weren't stopping at intersections nor checking for cars as they changed lanes and other such basic safety stuff. I hate selfish drivers who think they are the only ones on the road but I thanked God that they were driving at a time when only a few others were on the road. Maybe they are self aware of their driving deficiencies and plan it that way, but I think I give them too much credit. I pulled into the driveway of your grandparents' house at 4:20 AM which isn't too shabby with the delays. Perhaps I was going a bit faster than I should have and maybe I was being a bit selfish on the road as well.

Your granddad met me saying,  "Good to see you!" and gave me a big hug as he added, "Well at least this the good part!" I am nearly forty years old and a good hug from my dad is always welcomed. Remember that when you get older, as so many grow up and get into this "I am a man and we don't need to hug or show emotion" attitude. That attitude is utter bullshit and if more people could share a hug without embarrassment, with their father, or family, or even friends, the world would be a better place.

We had your great granddad up in a jiff and in his chair. We have it down to a science and unfortunately are more practiced at it than we would prefer. It had been awhile since his last fall so I guess we were due for another run. We checked for bumps or bruises and broken limbs and saw nothing of concern. Later your great grandma alerted us to some blood in his urine but the doctor we called thinks that is from the urinary tract infection we were already treating with meds and not from the fall. Either way we are keeping a close eye on things.

I was home and back in bed by 5:10 AM and I tried to squeeze in another three hours of sleep into the one and half hours I had before you normally get up. As it turns out, I snaked an extra thirty minutes on my last blink at 6:38 AM when I said I had two more minutes to sleep. The next thing I know it was 7:08 AM and we were running late. Thank goodness for your mom as she has an amazing ability to reclaim time in the morning by pushing you just a little faster. A minute here, two minutes there, no dilly dallying, she has an amazing gift for the efficient time management of a five year old that doesn't get everyone out of sorts like my hurry up strategy does. You were even dressed in Orioles orange and black for opening day.

When that call comes, no matter the time or day, we will be there to answer it to the best of our ability. It doesn't matter if we only had four hours of sleep, if the roads are icy or just hazardous with Maryland drivers, if it throws the entire schedule off, or what. When loved ones need us we will be there to help. It is the Downey way. It even goes beyond just family as the call to help may come from some of the most unusual places and at the most awkward and trying of times. My father taught me to serve and to help with a smile on your face. He taught me this by example throughout my life and I am glad that I can repay the favor even if it is just a fraction of what I owe the man. As your father, I hope to teach you this and teach you this well. For this is the basis of true human love that surpasses all the human attempts to define love. We all need to learn this and let our example bear witness to the power this love has to make life better even when we have fallen and cannot get up on our own.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Busy Saturdays

To my son Tommy,

We seem to be packing in a lot of living on Saturdays. So much so that I get home tired and usually forget to write to you. Yesterday, we started early, well early for us on a Saturday and were out of the house by 9:30AM right after you finished breakfast. Our purpose was two fold, to spend some quality father-son time and to let your mother sleep in.

The rainy weather seriously hindered our options but we were determined to find something to do. We headed out to Owings Mills mall which is a sad shell of what it used to be with so many empty stores. Plus the stores that are left don't bother opening at 10 on the weekend. We did some window shopping in the stores that were left and your biggest highlight was riding the escalators which we did a couple times. As we were walking out, you said you had a great time. It take so little to make you happy.

Then we hit a quick stop at Dunkin Donuts so Daddy could load up on some caffeine. You turned down the triple espresso I offered (I like to live dangerously) and opted for water instead. We sat and talked about things, most of which I felt a little unsure of what you were talking about but I smiled and nodded and tried to ask questions so I wouldn't get too lost.

You were determined to score some loot on our trip. You kept suggesting the dollar store, but instead I talked you into our local Big Lots. You ended up with a huge bubble wand and a round blue stuffed animals that you decided would be named Mr. Bubbles. I think it is supposed to be a bird but I guess the bubble theme was in your head.

We called Mommy to warn of our impending return and to see if she wanted some fast food for lunch. McDonald's screwed up our order at the drive-thru, so we had to go inside to straighten that out. After retrieving our missing sandwiches, and learning that Mickey Dees no longer provides or sells their hot mustard sauce for nuggets, we headed home for lunch.

After, lunch, you decided to switch parents for a Mommy-Tommy date. You guys went out and visited Baby Noah. You delivered an overdue present and spent some time visiting. You guys were back around 3pm when we decided we needed to get some groceries. We loaded in the car for BJ's wholesale club before dinner at the Downey's house.

Our shopping trip was a mad dash. Your mother is the epitome of shopping efficiency. She knows where everything is and how to move quickly through the store. Somehow, you ended up suckering us into buying you another toy. You made out like a bandit for the day.

Afterwards we finished the day with our normal family dinner at your grandparent's house. Dinner was great as normal, even though you stuck to your old standby of pasta instead of trying the ham and other offerings. We visited a little longer than normal and, after a quick jaunt to Walgreens to see if they had some very long q-tips for your mom, got home around 10 or 11 PM. Dead tired, we were all immediately off to bed.

We did a whole lot of nothing for the day, but we did a whole lot of nothing together, which means it was well worth it!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Henny Heist

To my son Tommy,

I try my best to follow the goings-on of the city and surrounding areas. I consider it my civic duty. Most of the time I am disturbed by the reports, especially some of the crime, but once in awhile a crime report captures my imagination.

Recently in Baltimore County, someone made off with over two thousand cases of Hennessy. That is a half million dollars worth of booze. Why would two thousand cases of Hennessy be in one truck? I don't know. How did they pull it off? No clue. What are they going to do with it? This is where my imagination ran wild.

I pictured a modern day Baltimore version of Robin Hood. In my mind, he is completely cliché for our city, perhaps resembling Mr. Boh himself. The crime reporters suggested this would have had to been a professional heist. I however thought of our Baltimore Boh Hood, half in the bag already, stumbling across a liquor truck with the keys in it and thinking "why not?". To dispose of the booze, he drove it a couple blocks, maybe to Hampden or Fells Point or another big drinking area, and then put up a home made sign, using a marker colored Orioles orange, saying free booze. Word of mouth spreads and in minutes a block party breaks out. I imagined walking down the street and seeing just about everyone with that warm buzzed glow about them, brown bagging the good stuff. Or perhaps they somehow smuggle this booze into the stadium and have the most raucous opening day ever.

I know the actual crime was probably much more nefarious, with less humor in the account, and driven purely by profit. Most of the crime in Baltimore is. In fact most of the crime in Baltimore makes you question why we live in this city. However, somewhere in the recesses of my mind lives this romantic picture of my city that crimes like this would happen for more altruistic purposes. Perhaps that Baltimore never really existed, or is long gone in the days of yore. Perhaps the legends and stories, like the days where you could see a city of lanterns upon the bay, from the rowboats meeting the rum runners and bootleggers, as a defiant Baltimore thumbed its nose at Prohibition, were more myth than fact. But that is the city I would like to live in again.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Define Selfie

To my son Tommy,

In my letter yesterday, I included a self taken picture of you and me. I had to laugh because including a "selfie" is a bit hypocritical of me. I have previously gone on the record with this definition of selfie.

Selfie: the result of having your ego and vanity grow so much that you no longer have friend nor stranger around to hold the damn camera.

Perhaps that is a bit harsh but none the less true. My fat face added nothing to that picture. As you grow, and collect memories with a camera, remember these rules

• Take more pictures of people than of things ... no matter how cool the thing is, capturing a smile from someone with that cool thing makes it much cooler
• Take more pictures of your loved ones than of others ... that way when you look back at the pictures you will instantly remember the love of that moment instead of trying to figure out who that person was.
• If you want to be in the shot, ask someone else to take the picture ... that way you can use both arms for that hug and the picture will be that much better.
• Overcrowd the photo booth and be silly...this is the only time you can feel not guilty about selfies as long as you let your inner clown shine!

Not ground breaking rules, but something to think about. When you grow up, if you show interest and want real rules to photography, we will send you out to your Great Uncle Paddy and he can teach you all the technical stuff. But for the snapshots and memories and little digital cameras that we use, these rules are a good starting point.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Will Yourself Better

To my son Tommy,

What makes a parent push through? What makes us just deny being sick when everyone around us has the sniffles or worse? What makes us get out of bed though the warm blankets try to entangle us?

Is it because we have to? Is it because we can't afford to be sick? Is it because there are things to do and people to see? Is it because people depend on us? Is it because a five year old depends on us?

Or perhaps the reason we will ourselves to get better has something to do with a simple smile.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Simple Way

To my son Tommy,

Recently it came out that former President Jimmy Carter uses what we now call snail mail in order to have private conversations with foreign dignitaries while avoiding any spying by our own government. He puts his faith in the well established rules of the postal service rather than the wild west rules of internet and electronic communications. I am not going to go into all the legalities and will try not to let my Ray Bradbury influenced side hijack this post. I actually just wanted to point out, in a day and age where they discuss if children even need to learn how to write to communicate, that the simple ways can defeat the most advanced spying agency in the world. Going low tech, returning to pen and paper, can assure you a level of privacy and security that no instant message can hope to achieve. Writing is the basic form of communication. and. though the ease promised by advancement has lured so many to emails and SMS and such, it must be learned and passed on through generations. Those who suggest phasing out writing, even just a form of it such as cursive handwriting, are not seeing the big picture nor the slippery slope.

Is President Carter's way foolproof? Of course not. They can still intercept a letter, open it, read it, maybe even reseal it perfectly and pass it along so no one is none the wiser. But that is a bunch of work, transgressing over multiple government agencies, and there is little to no gray area with respect to rights like that which exists on the internet. Not that there should be any gray area in my mind on the electronic communication front either. Imagine if they took their current data collection policy and applied it to physical mail. They would have to intercept each piece of mail. Open and copy it for later without looking at it then log the information of when it was sent and by who to whom and such "metadata". Then they would have to store it in a database for later, just in case they might need to look at it later? When applied to real physical mail, the whole argument seems ludicrous and boils down to "Well it is easy and cost effective to do with email and such" and not to the real question "Is it right?" Just because they can and can do so easily now, doesn't mean they should.

Anyways, my point was not to get my conspiracy theorist side all in an uproar. It was more to point that often the simplest of ways are still viable and useful. What is old is new. What is laughed at for being antiquated might just be the solution. Embrace both the past and the future, for as you lose sight of one you inevitably screw up the other. And do not complicate things but seek the simplest solution. You can spend a fortune on encryption and anonymous email relays and such or,.for a measly forty nine cent stamp, you too can thwart a multi-billion dollar spy agency. So keep practicing your letters!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Don't Compare To Others.

To my son Tommy,

Despite the incessant hacking cough throughout the weekend, it is often hard to tell when you are sick. You are such a pleasant young lad and even in your most miserable states you have a better attitude than most. We kept you home from school today, and brought you to the doctor's office. You have an ear infection and your asthmatic lungs need a boost to recover from a little chest cold. We are now armed with an antibiotic for the ear infection and small batch of some prednisolone to kick your lungs back into high gear.

If we had just gone on your attitude, and compared it not to your norm but to the normal of most, we wouldn't have thought anything wrong. You were happy go lucky even as the doctor announced you had the ear infection. This is just another example of why you shouldn't compare yourself or anyone else to others. You have to have a baseline of normal for each person on their own to truly judge. Only then can you see the subtle changes and indicators that otherwise would be missed.

This is a problem that exists in so many different areas of society. What is normal for some is abnormal for others and thus often missed. You see it in all walks of life from medicine to education to even our court system.

If a person who normally has a 120 over 80 blood pressure (or perhaps higher) comes to a doctor with a 90 over 60 blood pressure, the doctor compares it to some chart that averages society and sends them home because it is in an acceptable range. By comparing to others, you can miss potential problems.

A student who takes a test and gets a 75 on it is said to be average. No one considers that a month ago that student may have gotten a 50 on the same test and has shown such effort in improving himself. Instead they compare him to others and send the message that no matter how much you improve yourself, you will never be anything but mediocre. Instead we should be rewarding the hard work and encouraging it to continue. By comparing to others, you can kill dreams.

Two guys running for the same political position, one wearing a suit, the other more casually dressed. Many assume the better dressed man more dedicated or better equipped. By comparing to others, you can elect money rather than common sense.

The list goes on and on if you compare to others. You can mistake showmanship for true acts of charity. You can mistake righteousness for true faith. You can mistake makeup for inner beauty. So make sure, when you compare, you do so thoughtfully and with all considerations of who that person really is and how they normally present. You can save yourself and many others the problems that come when you misjudge, just because it was normal for everyone else.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Won't Play

To my son Tommy,

You stayed the night with your Bwama and your cousins while the rest of the family went out to the St. Agnes Men's Club Bull and Oyster Roast. When I came to pick you up, surprisingly you were still awake. You inquired about our party and I inquired about yours. You informed me, with a tear in your eye threatening to dampen your Scooby Doo pajamas, that you had a crying spell because no one would play with you.

Normally, you and your cousins get along fairly well. Occasionally, you have the potential to end up as that clingy annoying little cousin, whether you deserve that definition or not. It all depends on your mood and your cousins' mood and probably a million different micro factors that I am just not privy to. I guess tonight was one of those nights. So I told you my secret remedy for when you feel excluded. I told you the next time it happens to ask your Bwama for a book to read.

There are going to be times, no matter how old you are, that you will be, or will feel, left out. It happens. It may or may not be intentional, but either way it stings. I found the best way to combat this feeling is to find something else to do. If you were intentionally left out for spite, nothing irks them like you not getting upset about it and just finding your own thing to do. And if that thing is a book...you can be a captain seeking revenge on a ferocious white whale; you can be a brave knight saving a fair maiden; you can walk through a closet to a land of talking lions; you can learn how to trick people into doing your bidding or at least whitewashing a fence for you like another Tom I know; you can be a world traveller that spends one day of eighty for every three or four pages circumnavigating the globe; you can be just about anything you want to be at that moment and lose yourself in an imagination far away from any feelings of alienation. Or at the least you become a little bit smarter and better yourself for reading while you feel left out. Turn the situation around and choose a new outcome. If you can learn this early and practice this throughout your life, you will develop a sense of confidence and self reliance that will draw most everyone to want to join you in whatever you do. Then you will only have to remember to try and include everyone else because you once knew how it felt to be left out.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Applying Rules

To my son Tommy,

One thing I love about you is your sense of fairness when considering the rules. You haven't learned or built in or accepted all the exceptions to the rules yet. If you have to brush your teeth and do your vitamin every day, you make sure your dad does it too. Even teddy bears that are attending school for "bring your teddy bear" day have to buckle up. Luckily you didn't make me get another car seat. I long for the days where everything was clear and rules were simple and applied universally and the world wasn't so messy with caveats and exceptions and loopholes. Ahh, youth!

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

My Next Prank Swap Gift

To my son Tommy,

One of the things in this world that makes me sad is other people's success. Sounds shallow, doesn't it? But I am not talking about deserving success or clever success or even blind luck success. Those are success stories I can support. In fact, even using the word success here is a misnomer because I don't equate money or notoriety with success, but for the sake of argument we will just say success.

I am talking about that success that defies logic. I am talking about being famous for being famous success. I am talking about cheesy reality t.v. star success. I am talking about the kind of success portrayed by an annoying little twenty year old pop singer who has no clue and assaults limo drivers and eggs houses and drives drunk and high. And finally (the reason for my rant) I am talking about the stupid product success like pet rocks or whatever those rubber band bracelet craze thingamajig was.

I was browsing the internet today, just to see what I wasn't going to buy, which is the modern day form of window shopping. I came upon this product which was described as a "Double-sided wet wipe is shaped like a mitten." and then I saw the name of the product...Shittens™ .  I thought I was being pranked. And then it occurred to me that the guy who created this and markets this, probably makes more money then me. That is when I got sad.

Most of the time even the craziest or cheesiest products will get the benefit of the doubt from me. I don't even cast dispersions on the usual suspects that are the butt of all the jokes, like clappers and chia pets and such. But come on now. This? I think the mitten would have to extend up to my elbow because it is getting pretty deep out there on the internet. Of course for every thing I think is utterly ridiculous, there is some person out there, probably a dad that is changing a diaper blow out, that thinks the idea pure genius. I am going to go  listen to Dire Straits "Money For Nothing" just because that is the mood I am in today.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

P.S. For those interested in some funny reviews... http://www.amazon.com/Shittens-Disposable-Mitten-shaped-Moist-Wipes/product-reviews/B00F547P6S/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?showViewpoints=1

Making Do

To my son Tommy,

Our upstairs toilet has been running for some time now. Your old man hasn't found the time or energy to go and fix the darn thing. So every time we use the toilet, we turn on the water at the shutoff to fill the tank again and turn it back off. The sad thing is I work for a plumbing company and almost two decades ago used to work out in the field so I should be able to fix this no problem. Unfortunately, I just haven't made it a priority, as we have found the workaround.

There are so many things in life that this happens to. We will do the same stupid things, over and over, because we have a workaround that solves our problem. Twenty bucks (and that is super retail) and an hour worth of work (and that is over estimating because I am rusty) and my toilet problem would be solved. But what other things am I avoiding because it takes an effort? Why is it so easy to live with the workaround and make do, than to spend the little extra effort to make life better? Why do we have such inertia when it comes to fixing things and doing things?

I could blame it on a bunch of things. Some people are forced to make do because they lack the funds, which is ironic because the workaround usually ends up being more costly in the long run. But that is not the case here. Maybe I lack the time, but I remember sitting on my hind side last night, browsing social media for at least an hour, while there was work to be done. I could blame it on emotional or spiritual or mental fatigue, but I know deep down that doing makes your spirits rise with that sense of accomplishment and relief and is actually the remedy for such afflictions. No, I think the true problem solely lies with that man that I see in my mirror. What a lazy slug!

Most every person is putting off something right this minute. There is something they should do but they are just not going to find the time or the energy or whatever they need to find to eliminate the excuses. I do not know why this is part of the human condition but I know it is a big and constant hurdle in most everyone's life. The good news is, with a little self reflection, you can rekindle that fire and drive to get something done. You can re-find gumption! Then, the challenge becomes not letting that sense of accomplishment for one small task extinguishing that spirited initiative before it can be used for the next task. I think I will get that gumption...tomorrow.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Family Feud

To my son Tommy,

Tonight, we were watching Family Feud, and you asked, "Is that Gordon?"

I think it is funny that most of your comparisons and cultural references come from Sesame Street. Well at least you were close. You could have compared him to Oscar or Big Bird. You are starting to get to the point where, when you speak, you come out with at least one head shaking zinger a day.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Snow Paddy

To my son Tommy,

With the supposed beginning of the spring season right around the corner, very few people dream of a white St Paddy's Day. Unfortunately, mother nature is a bigger dreamer than all of us and I spent my St Paddy's Day shoveling snow. Well son, here is one of your first lesson in the Irish Gaelic language...This snow can... póg mo thóin!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Always Run Your Logo By A Five Year Old

To my son Tommy,

Kids say the darnedest things, and you are no different. Unfortunately there is no real way to capture these moments without recording 24/7 just to capture those one rare moment. Our moment happened as we ran out to the Royal Farm store today. We needed some milk for your breakfast tomorrow, so we didn't have to do a full trip. After a quick jaunt up to the store, and after securing our milk and some extraneous ice cream treats and a overpriced cold coffee drink for daddy, we loaded back into the car. As we were pulling out a minivan with a version of this logo sprawled across the back windshield was in front of us trying to leave the little parking lot as well.

I had just started drinking my over indulgent Starbuck's treat when you noticed the mini van.
"Hey that car has a cross on it. Is that Jesus's car?" and after a couple seconds of pondering the logo more while your dad chuckled and kept drinking, you added, "Is it Jesus's car or Batman's? Why do they have a cross and a bat?" I now have to clean the inside of my windshield and I will be smelling latte for the rest of the day. People should have to check their logo by showing it to a bunch of five year olds.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Listen To The Whisper

To my son Tommy,

I was reading a post from another dad blogger ( http://www.askyourdadblog.com/2014/03/i-need-little-help.html ) and wondering how I could help. The dad blogging community is, despite many outside misconceptions, very deep and involved. Though we are essentially all smartasses and chronically sarcastic and filled with sometimes twisted humor, we have good hearts and try our best to rally behind good men and good causes. Anyways, as I was wondering if I could scrounge another ten bucks discretionary to donate, and thinking about how we could rid this world of such things as leukemia and lymphoma, I had one of those deep thoughts about God and life and love and fatherhood.

When God sees someone struggling, he whispers in the ears of hundreds or thousands or more, and asks them what they can do to help. Not everyone hears this call and even fewer have the courage to act. We question what type of god would allow these horrible diseases to exist when a simple snap of His fingers could wipe out misery and disease in an instant. It fosters doubt in His own existence and in that wake despair follows.

No one is sure why He chooses to limit His power by asking us to do His work for Him. I imagine it is like a parent watching a child grow. I imagine it is like watching a kid struggle with his math homework when you could take it and do it in less than a minute. I imagine it like a dad in the stands watching his kid strike out, instead of going down on the field and pinch hitting for him so he would not risk the hurt of failure. I imagine it is like a mom who sees her son fall and scrape his knee, who resists her natural tendency to coddle and cuddle, because she knows there will be many more bruises and cuts that he has to deal with. I imagine it has a whole lot to do with love. Bad things exist in this world, and we are asked all the time by a Higher Power, "Will you help?"

Why do we choose to only hear certain whispers? Why do we choose to only act upon even fewe?, Why can't we help out every single person through their struggles? My answer?...lack of practice. Listen closely for the whispers in life asking you to do what is good and right and have the courage to act and help someone through their struggle. You can help through a kind act, a friendly word, a small gift, a grand gesture, or even a request to get others involved. Practice compassion, practice service, practice love, and practice often, my son, whenever and wherever you can.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Four Good Reasons To Let Your Son Sleep With You During A Storm And Why I Won't Do It Again

To my son Tommy,

The other night the winds were blowing gusts around forty miles per hour. Between that and the occasional storm that accompanied the front, there was no way to get you to sleep on your own. So instead of fighting with you, instead of reassuring you every two minutes from downstairs and encouraging you to go to sleep, I let you come in and sleep in my bed. Here are 8 reasons that was good and bad.

• Good reason. You had a great night sleep, once you realized we weren't going to have the TV on and that snoozing with daddy was serious business.
• Bad reason. You were the only one who had a good night sleep. You are not the easiest person to have in a bed.
• Good reason. Occasionally, I would wake up and see an angelic young boy peacefully sleeping in what could be described as a Norman Rockwell scene.
• Bad reason. Those moments were heavily outnumbered by the amount of flailing limbs that connected with my groin area.
• Good reason. The whole experience gave me that feeling of fulfilling my natural fatherly instinctual role of protector.
• Bad reason. You didn't face and deal with your fear, though as a five year old I figure you will have plenty of time to do it again.
• Good reason. You woke up bright and early and refreshed and ready for school with a renewed thankfulness for your father and his willingness to protect you.
• Bad reason. Nearly two days later I am still tired and I probably could still use an ice pack for my cojones.

On the surface, it looks like a father simply sacrificed for the betterment of his child. At least that is what I tell myself as I struggle to stay awake and wonder if my other ball is going to drop back down again. I probably didn't do either of us a favor because this morning I let us all sleep in by about twenty minutes. That meant I had to take back the bad guy title from your minecraft sheep killing mom to get us out the door in time for your school. I probably won't think twice the next time you are amazingly scared and ask if you can sleep with daddy, though right now I will tell you it will never happen again. Maybe next time I will introduce you to sleeping bags and sleeping on the floor.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Sensitive Soul

To my son Tommy,

You really are a sensitive soul. Even digital creations receive your compassion and mercy. Your mom and you were playing minecraft today while I worked on some work coding from home (and on the side totally screwed up this blog layout and realized I cannot revert till I get to my work laptop). I am not sure how the conversation came about but the next thing I know you were crying because your mom was killing a sheep and thus going to leave a little lamb without a mommy. It is good to not be the bad guy for once. But your mom is correct, it is only a game...a game that has shown us her sadistic sheep hating tendencies. I hope she sees the humor when she reads this. Otherwise she might graduate from sheep killing on a video game to something much more detrimental to my health.

Sincerely with love from your non-sheep-killing dad,
Leo

Lego Sets

To my son Tommy,

I was worried when we started buying Lego sets. I was worried that the structured instructions would limit your creativity. I feared that you would never feel the thrill of original creation. I am not sure if it because of the sets, or despite them, but you have laid to rest any concern I might have had. You are making your own houses, you're making your own planes, you're making things that you call a time machine (pictured above), and you even made a make shift samurai sword to play with. None of these creations scream that you will be the next I. M. Pei, but none the less they make a daddy proud. Never underestimate creativity and imagination, be it from a five year old son or a daddy who is approaching forty all too quickly.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

DST Strikes Again

To my son Tommy,

I know I seem to be obsessed with this daylight savings time thing, but it has a definite effect on me as a father. You would think it is easy to adjust to only an hour change, but this forced jet lag has me wiped. I went to bed at the same time as you yesterday, 6:30 or as the powers that be call it 7:30, missing my letter to you last night. I don't know why I was so tired, because again it was only one hour change, but I am blaming it on this time change.

The biggest problem I face with this time change is explaining to a five year old why he has to wake up before sunrise and go to bed before sunset. Back when this thing was only six months, started later, and most of it was during the summer when school is not an issue, I imagine it was easier and made more sense. 

Now, that it is eight months and starts in March, we are on the verge of what seems to be a permanent daylight savings time. Then after the government effectively steals that hour, some beaureaucrat will find a way for his stocks to make money if we spring two hours ahead and it will all start anew. Pretty soon your first three classes will start before sunrise, and I will be working a nightshift without ever changing my start time. Okay, I am done ranting about time! because by doing so I am losing more than I lost with the switch.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

It Was Just A Joke

To my son Tommy,

We have arrived at that time of year where we "spring forward" our clocks by one hour called Daylight Savings Time. Our government, in its infinite wisdom, steals an hour from us today, then lies to us about the real time for eight months (it used to be six months), and then gives us the hour back. Or to paraphrase an American Indian saying, cuts off a foot of cloth from the top of the blanket, sews it on the bottom, and tells us we now have a longer blanket.

The whole idea of daylight savings time, in theory, was to help people get up earlier and use the most of the daylight hours. It is falsely attributed to Ben Franklin, who once wrote a satirical and humorous letter to the the authors of The Journal Of Paris, basically saying that if the French got up before noon they would get more done and save on candle wax. He went on to satirically suggest bell ringings at sunrise, cannon soundings at sunrise, taxes on shudders and blinds and all types of jokes about how to make people do what they should responsibly do themselves. It was a joke and by no means was Ben Franklin actually suggesting we change the clocks. But just like internet memes hold more credit if you put a picture of a famous and/or respected person next to some text, whether it is truth or falsehood, you gain instant credibility.

I have a bunch of friends who can see a good conspiracy in just about anything. They do so often without reason, but, in the case of good ole DST, it is hard to disagree with them. They point to this lie as a way for the government to condition you to being lied to, and condition you to accepting the excuse that it is for your own good. They point out how they even extended this lie in 2005 and added another two months to this lie. They point to the fact that they promised us all this energy reduction yet it is completely negligible (some put it at .0003 %) if existent at all. They point to the cost when they made the new rule and screwed all the computers running in the world that had hard coded the old rule. They say that was a government created IT fix to support their corporate backers who were trying to sell newer computer hardware or services. It is the ultimate in government meddling. They often don't see the big picture that time, with respect to minutes, hours, and days, and such, is actually a man-made construct which is all a lie to try and explain, and quantify and calculate and control, time as it really exists in the natural world.

And most of us sit back and just take it. We now feel entitled to that extra hour of sunlight during the summer to enjoy our cookout (or search for bugs and golf which were the hobbies of Hudson who proposed DST) and the two month extension might have been a government attempt to placate us. But don't worry, I expect that this government will soon extend it another four months and we will soon fall back on New Year's eve and spring forward New Year's day. Effectively, the government is going to see if it can finally steal that one foot of cloth they cut off the top without sewing it back to the bottom, for our own good of course. Think critically my son and don't just accept!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Instant Gratification

To my son Tommy,

The second I snap a picture of you, you say, "Let me see." It made me think of how foreign and alien my youth would seem to you. When you took a picture, the image was stored on this thing called film. You would then drop off this film to a store and wait. Some stores didn't even adhere to the one hour film development, so the wait could be a couple days before you saw your handiwork. Of course, there were those who had a Polaroid instant camera, but even then it wasn't instantaneous. I often consider handing you a piece of paper and asking you to shake it and blow on it for awhile before I would let you see the digital image on the iPad or camera screen, but it just wouldn't be the same as waiting for the image to appear. Plus that shaking wasn't necessary with the Polaroids of my time, but old habits die hard. I am not calling for a return to the old ways, as I think many of the snapshots of you (like the ones today) are worthy of instant gratification, but I just wanted to point out how things have changed.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Fish Friday

To my son Tommy,

"Daddy, is today a fish day?" you asked with a look on your face that said you already knew the answer but hoped beyond hope that I would say no. Technically, you are not obligated to follow this rule for another nine years or so, but I believe in starting early. Plus, fish presents itself as an opportunity to add variety to a fairly mundane diet. So tonight you ate tilapia and green beans. Maybe when you try and, if you inherited your parent's taste, fall in love with sushi...you might have a different attitude to fish night. Until that time more octopus for me!

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

An Irish Blessing

To my son Tommy,

Not sure of the original source, but since it is March, and I don't quite have the energy for a more in depth letter to you, I give you an Irish blessing.

May your troubles be less,
And your blessings be more,
And nothing but happiness,
Come through your door.

After the past few months in and out of hospitals and such, with no real end in sight, it would be nice if this blessing came true for our household. 

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Lent Is Not New Years Take Two

To my son Tommy,

Today is Ash Wednesday which is the start of Lent. It is a forty day period (more if you count the Sundays included) of preparation for the Paschal Mystery. During this preparation we pray, fast, and abstain. We make Lenten resolutions to give up this or to do more of that. We begin with ashes on our forehead as an outward sign of penance and humility, and a reminder of our own mortality, and to remind us we are witnesses to Christ.

New Years Day was just a couple months ago. It was filled with a bunch of resolutions too. People swear they are going to the gym more or eating better or perhaps this will be the year they learn to play the harmonica. Lent is not "New Years Resolution Revisited". Each of those resolutions have their reward here on this earth.

Lent is more about sacrifice. You give up those things that have perhaps taken too much room in your heart and soul. In the void created by your sacrifice, you invite in God. Sure there are tangible earthly benefits that happily occur as well. You give up soda and sweets and eat more fish and throw in an occasional day of fast, you are sure to lose a couple pounds. That is a nice side effect, but not the point. You are offering up a sacrifice of things, things you love the most, and saying nothing comes before Him. You are emulating the forty days in the desert where Jesus went without and was tempted by the Devil. You are training to resist temptation as well as training to sacrifice, and you're asked to do it with a smile even.

This training in and of itself has a nice side effect. It will better prepare you to be a father, a husband, and just a better man. Personal sacrifice and resisting temptation are valuable tools in many aspects of your life. It reminds you that it isn't all about you. Too often in life people are tempted to do what feels good or eat what tastes good or follow the path that gives them the most reward here and now, with no regards to others. Trust me when I tell you, as a father and a husband, it isn't about me and I would be willing to sacrifice anything for you and your mom. It is an example of love laid before me by my father and my father's father. That brings us to the true meaning for this preparation. Jesus was willing to sacrifice everything for us because He loves us. He is our ultimate example. Our simple sacrifices during this Lenten period pale in comparison, but it is the least we can do to show Him we love Him back.

So when you grow up and someone points out your dirty forehead, (which no less than three have done for me today) do not get all high and mighty and sound your trumpets or beat your breast. Simply say, "It is about Him, not me." And even if you got a heavy thumbed big sweeping mark of ash across your forehead like I did today, try to say it with a smile on your lips and your heart,.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Not Enough So None At All

To my son Tommy,

Some say the bowl of cereal is half full. Others would say it is half empty. The other day, you said it was not enough. Then you refused to eat any of it because it was not enough and you wanted a big full bowl. I was dumbfounded.

I knew your cereal was a little skimpy. The oatmeal container was almost empty when I grabbed it. Sometimes you eat a little and waste nearly half a bowl. Other times you ask for seconds. So I decided to give you what I could make and if you ate that I'd happily open a new one and make you more. You weren't having any of it.

I knew you wanted to come out and shovel snow with me, so I left you with the ultimatum of eat your cereal first, ask for more if you want more, and then you can come out with me. I stuck to my guns as you tried to negotiate and whine and cajole and complain. You finally gave in, possibly because your mom came down and backed me up and you saw no out. Plus, your mom is usually a bit more pleasant than your old stubborn father.

Had there been no snow to shovel, I think you would have stayed steadfast. To think, you would be so stubborn as to go hungry because it wasn't enough. You get that from me, I am sorry to say. Your grandmother always told me that I would cut off my own nose to spite my face. As it was you didn't ask for seconds.

I understand wanting things the way you want them. I understand that, when they aren't that way, it may be difficult to get past. But you have to make an effort to rise above your stubborn genetics and be thankful for what you do have. You may not get everything you want all the time, but a half bowl of cereal is better than not eating, and half a bowl now and half a bowl later is one full bowl. If it persists, perhaps we will need to teach the lesson by volunteering to help serve the hungry.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Won't Give Up

To my son Tommy,

Like a fifty year old with a red convertible and a bad toupee and disco pants clinging to a bygone era, winter just won't let it go. Like that same fifty year old after a night out, I feel sore from the shoveling snow. So the majority of the day was spent inside teaching you (and me and mommy) Minecraft so you could keep up with your cousins or friends. The only problem is there was one point it was mommy and daddy playing Minecraft and you weren't. Moral of the story, never teach your parents how to play your games or you might just lose out on some snowy day in March.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Fit In

To my son Tommy,

When it comes to your older cousins, you are the annoying little one who so desperately tries to fit in. If they like something, you like it too. If they play a game on the ipad, you come home and beg for that game so you can join in. If they watch a show, you say you want to watch it to, though often, with just me and your mommy around, you quickly ask to switch to something else that you probably don't broadcast that you like.

Your older cousins are at the age where they don't quite appreciate you emulating them. They tolerate your multitude of questions, mostly because your aunts and uncles ask them too, but really just want to say "you are too young for this" and play without interruption. This seems natural for that age or the age difference between you guys and you might even fall into a "kid brother" like category if a psychologist were evaluating this. But you remain undaunted.

The latest craze is Minecraft. Gabe and Ryan are really into this game. You begged me for this game on the ipad. For five bucks, I balked at first as I figured it was too complicated for your mindset and thought you could just learn watching or playing on your cousins' tablets. Surprisingly, you took my denial really well and would explain, "Oh, Daddy said it was too expensive. Can I play on yours?" whenever you were asked by one of the cousins if you had it yet. Finally I broke down and got you the game and tonight when we were up for Uncle Rob and Pop-pop's birthday celebration, you were in hog heaven.

You had no idea what you were doing (I even played for a bit and often had no idea what I was doing) but you were in there. You were sitting in the living room seemingly running around in circles in this game and seemed to be dead set on attacking a sheep or a chicken. When the sun would go down, your cousins would be forced to help you find a bed so they could get through the night and healed up again quickly. It warmed my heart.

Listen, your cousins and you will probably always have this little dynamic. I am a big believer in letting kids sort most of this stuff out on their own, with just a little supervision. I will step in if there is too much disrespect or anger, but, for the most part, I still see love in the interactions...even if those interactions are filled with eye rolling annoying questions from the five year old in the group. And through these interactions you are learning valuable skills and techniques. If you can't negotiate and compromise and get along with those you love and who love you back...well it won't get easier as you get older. When you and I talk, and I explain how it is okay not to fit in, you seem to already understand that. We had that discussion right before I bought you the game. After giving the "march to the beat of your own drum speech", I asked you why you wanted the game. I asked you was it for you or for them. You said, "Both. Because if I have the game we can play together. And I love playing with them, Daddy, whatever game we are playing."

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Mom Got Skills

To my son Tommy,

One thing you, or most anybody in our family, will never lack for is a good birthday cake. Your mom is pretty good at this type of thing. When your mom and aunt get together, the creativity rolls and the cake materials start to really range, from sugar cubes to Swedish fish candies. Your cousin Gabe is all set cake wise for his party tomorrow.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo