The Trifecta

To my son Tommy,

You need three things to be in unison to get the major things done in life.  You need to have your words, beliefs, and actions all match.  In other words, what you say you want has to match what you really believe you want and both of those have to be reflected and complimented by what you do.  Each of those areas are effected by the other, intertwined into each other so much that to get the big stuff done in your life, you need all three firing properly on all cylinders.

Take for example my years of smoking before I quit some 140 days or so ago.  I said I wanted to quit.  I said that all the time.  But deep down inside I didn't really want to quit.  I enjoyed smoking or at least thought I did.  And deep down I had convinced myself that I was not strong enough to quit.  If I had truly believed I wanted to quit, I would have quit!  My actions would have reflected my words and beliefs.  There is a saying that ex-smokers say "You can't quit till you are ready"  and what that really translates into is you have to believe in your core that you need to quit, that you want to quit, and that you can quit. 

Your words are far the easiest to influence.  To speak or write, for the most part, you have to have conscience thought.  Because words are the easiest to influence, they are also the most abused.  It is easier to say something than to believe it or actually do it.  You can give lip service to whatever you want in your life but without the belief and follow through, the words are hollow.  But just because they are easily use or abused, don't underestimate the power of words.  If you tell yourself you can't,  guess what you most likely can't.  This power in speech can influence the other areas of belief and action.  If you tell yourself you are an idiot, than you may start believing you are an idiot and acting as such.  And this is also true in what you tell other people...sometimes even if they can't consciously hear you.  Every night I remember to, I sneak into your room and whisper in your ear that you are a good and smart boy and that daddy and mommy love you.  The power of this whisper seeps into your mind and feeds your soul and your belief.

What you believe is probably the hardest to change.   Beliefs and thoughts get ingrained into our psyche and to conquer or alter or modify this is so difficult.  They become so ingrained, many times because our words (or other's words) and our actions (or other's actions) have drilled them into our core.  It is also much harder to find out what you truly believe.  For example, many people say and are convinced they believe they would like to save the environment.  Then we look at their actions and see those same people not recycling, driving big gas guzzlers, littering, etc etc.  So it becomes obvious that their belief is not "save environment" but rather "save the environment as long as it is easy on my and doesn't cost any money to me nor do I have to do anything differently"  In this examples you see how the words tricked the belief system but the belief system is called out by the actions.

Actions (and lack of action) is the key determining factor on the truth factor of what you say and what you think.  It is easy to say "I love you", but if you show no love, show no sacrifice, show no emotion, show no effort, than "I love you" becomes just three little empty words.   It is easy to say I want to be debt free, but if I still spend frivolously than what do my actions say about what I really want?  It is easy to say and actually believe that you hate hatred,  but it is tough to stand up to or walk out on someone spewing hate.  What we do is a more reliable benchmark of who we truly are and who we truly aspire to be.

Now some will tell you there is another factor called luck which includes in it a mix of opportunity and circumstance.  I have decided not to include this factor as circumstance and opportunity can be created through your words, beliefs, and actions.  Granted, some people have to put little to no effort and it seems that they have all the "luck" in the world and are afforded every opportunity.  But in almost all instances you can create or modify your circumstances to create the favorable opportunities.  I chose to not include "luck" because I do not want to rely on some leprechaun for what I can accomplish.

So as you grow up,  remember the trifecta.  If you can master all three on any one task, the trifecta goes from some long shot odds horse race bet to a sure thing quality investment in your life.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo