Quests

To my son Tommy,

The word "quest" conjures up images of knights and dragons and damsel-in-distress rescue missions and searches for holy grails.  It definitely involves travel and search and the unknown.  The knights are unsure if they will succeed, often unsure where they are headed, and unsure if what they seek even exists.  Of course the word "quest" also brings a smile to my face as so many Monty Python images come racing to my mind.  Of course quests can be more philosophical or personal in nature.  The quest for truth, the quest for meaning, the quest for love; all these quests need no dragon to slay nor a ring to throw in a volcano.

Some say my recent changes are a quest of sorts.  Since I have started blogging to you and changing my daily schedule and going to church and changing my attitude on life, many people assume I am searching for something.  I don't think the word "quest" fits because I am not searching for something I don't have or something I don't know where it is.  I am exploring what I have always had and always known.  I was probably "questing" in the years before you were born and the years before I met your mother.  That was the time I was unsure and searching, for fun, for love, for contentment, for God, for meaning, for happiness, for so many things.  Now I know I have found the important things I was searching for in my youth and I am finally exploring what that means and deepening my understanding and appreciation of life and what gifts I have.  In many a tale of yore about great quests, it often turns out what they were looking for was right at home or deep inside them.  You read enough of these books and sooner or later you will get the picture and learn you don't have to go on some monumental quest to find what you are looking for. 

Exploring is more the word I would use for my changes.  It is like when you go and clean out that attic, basement, or forgotten drawer.  You throw out some trash and garbage and clutter and you make decisions of what is really important for you to keep. And then you find that item.  That item is something you had to have way back when and you can't believe you have gotten through without it.  A gadget, a memento, a charm you were given by someone who has passed on, whatever it is, you immediately put it back in use and your life becomes better because of it.  You vow to never put that item back on a shelf and to never lose track of it again.

So whether you read these blogs and think I am on a quest, or perhaps a mid life crisis sans the red convertible, or come to the conclusion that a little light went off and I finally "got it" and am just appreciating the gifts in my life...well that will be for you to decide.  Of course now that I look at it, perhaps I am on a quest.  A quest to never let this feeling I have found disappear from life and a quest to pass on these lessons and love to you and your mother and anyone else I can.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo