Just Another Day

To my son Tommy,

To everyone else, it is just another Fathers' Day. Unfortunately, I have been enlightened to know that any day, including Father's day, is not just another day. Every day is a gift to be treasured and experienced to its fullest. Sounds good right? Yet I say that I have been unfortunately enlightened. I say unfortunately because it can be quite worrisome and burdensome to think of each day in the sense of its potential lasts. This could be the last Fathers' Day I spend with my dad.

A week ago, I was calm and this was the farthest thought from my mind. I was living in the moment and not the future, and if you got to live that is the time period to live in. But now the "What do you want to do for Father's day?" question had all this false importance I was projecting on it. My sense of responsibility, coupled with a heaping amount of Catholic guilt and regret, says that I should make this day, and every day to come for that matter, the most memorable... for it may be the last.

Should I be throwing him a party every day? What do you give to a man who has given you everything? What do you give a man who is facing a timetable that's only certainty is its pessimistic outlook? Hallmark doesn't make a card sufficient for times like this, trust me I've looked.

So I went over to your Grandpa Leo's house yesterday. He was laying down in bed. I cleared off your Grandma Roro's spot and layed down next to him, a practice I have recently adopted. It is nice in that room when the t.v. is off and the fan is on and it is all dark. Something peaceful and calming and secure when I lay down next to my daddy. I told him not to get up, because he hasn't yet accustomed himself to me just wanting to lay down next to him and usually he tries to get up right away and ruins the moment and interrupts the rest he needs, thus making me feel worse about the world. As we laid there mostly in silence, I sighed a big sigh as relief and tranquility started to come on to me.

Me: "What do you want for Fathers' Day? The question has been weighing on me."
Your Grandpa Leo: "Sweats."
Me: "What do you mean sweats? Like sweatpants?"
Your Grandpa Leo: "Yeah. Something I can wear out of the house and not embarrass anyone I am with. These pajama pants aren't cutting it and the jeans are just too hard to deal with if bathroom urges strike. Don't move as fast as I used to."

I continued on telling him all the ideas I had go through my head about the gifts I should get him. He laughed a little at each. Even said some would be perfectly nice. But in the end, I am getting your grandpa sweatpants for this Fathers' Day and hopefully a couple more pairs for next Fathers' Day and the one after that. I was back to living in the moment, just me and my daddy, laying next to each other, staring at a ceiling. That lasted until your Grandma Roro decided we were being too lazy or having too much funny and all of a sudden needed some...I don't know what the hell she needed, but it was something that couldn't wait.

Your Grandpa Leo: "Welp, so much for that." then as he looked at me as if it was all my fault this moment was ending, he accusingly added,  "You sighed too loudly I think."

Here are the secrets of life that dawned on me. This Fathers' Day could be the last. Last Fathers' Day could have been the last. The Fathers' day before that could have been the last. Every Fathers' Day of my life could have been the last. You can't prepare yourself for the last...you can only live the current.  You can't live the current based upon the uncertainty of the next. And all those grandiose dreams, all those efforts to make something the most memorable... well often enough they are for naught. If my father were to pass tomorrow or six years from now, I am not going to tell the story of how right before he did I got him a 55 inch ultra led t.v. for his last Fathers' Day. But I will tell the story of how I used to go in and lay down next to him and have to tell him not to get up so we could both experience together the rare moment of calm that eludes most of fathers. I will tell you how all my father wanted was sweatpants (and a beer but a thimble of near beer will evidently put him under the table and in mortal danger so all he gets are sweatpants) Special moments like this can exist every day, and they are far from grandiose gestures, but they exist in the little short almost insignificant moments of life that mean much more than you ever realize until they actually do become the last. Until then, he will no longer be able to embarrass us with his pants. But embarrassing us with his hats...well that just won't ever stop.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Latin Influence

To my son Tommy,

People always question your Grandpa Leo when he declares his Puerto Rican heritage. Genetically, of course, he has no claim to that heritage, but being raised in Puerto Rico from age 10 till after college when he joined the Army, he certainly is allowed to identify as Puerto Rican. The Hispanic influence is never more evident than here at the Johns Hopkins ER today. Notice the backwards gown with only the top connected. Straight out Latin gangsta. Just needs his bandanna tied around his head. You should be lucky to be this cool when you have a seizure! I joke because the alternatives (crying, getting angry, etc) suck. Find solace in humor whenever you can. He is doing better than he was an hour ago, which is all we can ask.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Pillow Fort

To my son Tommy,

This Saturday morning, you have safely established yourself in your pillow fort on the couch while watching Walker Texas Ranger. The only sound I hear from you is an occasional cheer when the bad guy gets kicked in the face. I wish I was six again! Either that or I should get bigger pillows to make daddy sized forts!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Fund Raising

To my son Tommy,

I was scrolling through some of my various twitter feeds this morning and came upon a tweet that said, "...I see you're not fond of someone. Why not make a contribution to his opponent? ..." and gave a link to do just that. I chuckled at the boldness of this fund raising tactic. I get the concept, "The enemy of my enemy is my friend" whole thing.

Then I started thinking perhaps this tweet has a bit of truth to it. Perhaps I should give money to counteract the demons in politics. But handing money to a devil to defeat a demon is not quite what I think of as a good solution. And in politics, angels are so far and few between. And you can't really be diametrically opposed if you are in the same political arena.

So if you want to monetarily support that which opposes the demons and devils in politics, find a good humble soup kitchen or shelter to give to. My Brother's Keeper Baltimore is a good place to donate. (I picked them because your Grandmom Roro sends them a casserole or two every week, but you can find your own cause or organization) Go out and buy a bunch of food and send it their way. Or go donate to a school. Better yet, hit a school bake sale and then take the desserts you bought down to a homeless shelter. Find those people and groups in the world that are spreading love and hope, and avoid contributing to those who seek power no matter how much you hate their political opponent. Find a group that accepts your money but would rather have your time and effort to affect change.

Find those organizations that you see the actual effect of your contribution rather than getting just a vague political promise for change. I have lived a life seeing so many political people promising how they will make things better. But after 40 years of life, I have seen too few promises come to fruition. But if you ever worked a soup kitchen, you see people come in hungry and defeated, and you see them leave sated and with a glimmer of gratefulness and hope. That is real change even if the next day you have to do it again, and again.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Healthy Alternative

To my son Tommy,

There is a bunch of talk about providing better alternatives for people. We, as a society need to provide alternatives to a life of crime. Our political system needs to provide alternatives to the crappy corrupt corporate bought "leaders" of this day. Our technology and transportation systems need to provide alternatives to the pollution producers we drive today. And we all need healthy alternatives to sugary fattening foods.

My company has actually been trying to provide a more healthy alternative to food choices. Vendors and such always used to supply just donuts and other such treats. Now, there is usually a basket of fruit and nuts waiting for us to make our choice.

But look at that picture. See those donuts? Which would you choose? The fruit? Really? Even if no one is looking? Well God bless you if you are being honest. For me it was difficult to take the apple today. I even had the donut box open, but chastised and shamed myself into choosing the healthy alternative. It took some serious will power to avoid the donut.

Providing an alternative is sometimes not enough. Temptation is a powerful evil. Alternatives are a good start, but only part of the solution. They embolden the blame game type people who gladly shame you with, "No one made you eat that donut. There were plenty of apples. You are a bad person because you gave in to temptation and deserve everything you get." That mindset is so prevalent in our society through all of the social ills. Yet we should be (and are) called to forgive the donut eater and find a way to strengthen his resolve so he will choose the apple next time. Sometimes this includes removing the temptation. No, you shouldn't eat all the donuts to remove the temptation for others.

And if you think this post is just about donuts and willpower, you may have missed the point. Understand temptation. Forgive those who stray. Help them to make amends for their actions and make better choices. Avoid and remove the occasion for fault. Love people despite their poor choices. And for Pete's sake, stop putting these donuts next to the fruit basket! Okay maybe it is just about donuts. They look delicious!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo