All Is Fleeting

To my son Tommy,

I got anxious and nervous and agitated about work this morning. There was a screw up that could have cost the company some money and I had to fix it. Maybe I screwed up in the first place, maybe I didn't, but at the minimum I should have caught it. I like to think of myself as an attention to detail, "nothing can get by me" kind of guy. It unfortunately gives me a "world on my shoulders" outlook of life.

While I was ruing on this mistake and pondering on the steps to correct the mistake, all while driving into work a bit flustered and much more aggressively than I should have on a rainy day, I had an epiphany. All is fleeting. I was about to ruin my day, and maybe some other people's day, by letting this get to me.This is not going to ruin my day. In the grand scheme of things this is just another day with another challenge.

I get like that from time to time. I get all bothered and worked up about life, and money, and jobs, and mistakes, and such. I get like that to the point of missing what is truly important. It doesn't take a scholar of the meditations of Marcus Aurelius to realize that concern for such things is wasted concern. He wrote, "Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and a violent stream; for as soon as a thing has been seen, it is carried away, and another comes in its place, and this will be carried away too." In other words, this too shall pass.

My biggest fear, and this one may be justified and worth my concern, is that you will watch me and inherit this trait. I don't want that for you. I want you to focus in on the more important things in life, such as love and compassion and faith and hope. I don't want you, as they say, "sweating the small stuff" because all of it truly is small stuff. 

I can give you that attitude, and abate my fear. I just have to change myself. For it is my example, for it is my way of living, for it is my worries, that will filter to you. You will adopt and adapt from us, your parents, first and foremost. Only by being mindful of myself, of my worries, and changing my response to the challenges of life, can I gift you the peace of life you deserve. Funny, of all the things you can give to someone, giving of yourself is greater than all the rest.

"Today I have got out of all trouble, or rather I have cast out all trouble, for it was not outside, but within and in my opinions." Marcus Aurelius

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

The Penis Seminars

To my son Tommy,

"Hey Daddy! Guess what?! My penis feels fine!" you yelled from your bed. I giggled to myself thinking that every man should yell this out every morning he wakes.

You see, you have had a couple issues over the past day or two. Two days ago at school, you told your teacher and the school nurse that it hurt when you went potty. We drilled you about this at home and you described the pain to be in your gut or your bladder. Through the influence of your great aunt, we got a late night doctor appointment with your doctor's office. The urine culture came back fine and the doctor said as long as there isn't a fever, there should be no infection and nothing to worry about.

Well, last night you complained about your penis hurting. This time it was something different and I assume the problems being back to back are coincidental. You were chaffed, and after going to bed you called down with your new issue. Your mom went upstairs armed with her nursing prowess and Caldasene powder to address the issue. A couple minutes later you called down saying it still hurt and started crying.

It was time for someone who could commiserate on a different level because he has been there. You see mothers, and for that matter women in general, have had (and often still have every month) more pain than you were experiencing. I could give you tons of visuals using metaphors about squeezing watermelons through holes and bleeding for so many days, but I'd prefer you to just take my word at this point. The catch is, having a higher degree of pain is not the same as being able to understand the very specific pain and worry when it comes to man parts. You needed someone who knew exactly what you were feeling. You needed your dad!

We decided you could sleep commando and that made you feel better for a little bit. But soon you realized it wasn't enough, so I had to stay up in your room discussing things. I felt like I was a keynote speaker at a seminar for one. So I decided to list out stuff we talked about as if they were titles for breakout sessions.

• Proper Anatomical Terms: It isn't less embarrassing if he calls it a schwanstugel
• Been There, Done That, I Cried: A personal story from long ago of an inflamed blackhead that popped up in a precarious location and how it had to be dealt with.
• This Might Sting: A discussion of which bathroom wipes contain alcohol and how they interact with chaffed skin.
• It Takes Time: An in depth survey into the power of Caldasene powder and how it isn't an instantaneous cure and most medicines rarely are.
• Moisture Wars: A practical look into how adding toilet paper to your post urination arsenal may help keep you dry till you master "the shake". May also delve into "Penguin Walks" if time permits.
• Clean And Dirty: How often is too often when it comes to showering? Are there alternatives? What are the things you can skip and things you can't in your daily cleaning routing?
• The Commando Effect: An examination of the cooling, healing, and drying effects of ceiling fans and going without bottoms. Also including flips, flops, and folds and how position counts.
• Distraction Techniques: How counting to one hundred can remove the focus from the pain.
• Is There Nothing You Can Do?: Delve into the emotions of a helpless father who hears his son ask this when the son realizes the powder and counting and no underwear really hasn't done crap to better the current situation.
• School Is So Going To Call Home About This: A hard hitting study on discussing post traumatic crotch experience as a kindergartner even though your mom told you not to and predicting the likelihood that a Catholic school might have a few questions.

Trust me son, this is the stuff you are not going to learn about in school. This is the stuff you are going to have to talk about with your son some day. It really isn't fun nor funny. You have to deal with this in all seriousness (while still maintaining a sense of humor) and with as much honesty and clarity as possible, even though it can seem uncomfortable and embarrassing. Luckily, I had a father and mother who taught me very matter of factly about stuff like this. That is why I can tell you very clearly what is what and tell you directly what has to happen. 

Thus endeth the penis seminars. I hope you have enjoyed our lectures and discussions and have found some useful practices to stop needless chaffing or at least to deal with the results the next time it happens. And it will happen again. And I will be right there with more info and suggestions.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Straight From The Dryer

To my son Tommy,

Today, for the second time in your life, you put on clothes straight from the dryer. You were as thrilled as you were the first time. It was exciting to see your face light up as the warmth of your school uniform took away the chill from the morning air. You reminded me, yet again, to appreciate the little things in life. And to think, had we been completely organized and on the ball, your clothes would have been done at least the night before, and cold by the morning. Warm clothes right from the dryer is just a reminder that there is joy in life even when you are playing catch up with the world that is seemingly coming at you too fast. Warm clothes from the dryer remind you that everything will turn out okay in the end. Wait till you realize that you can warm most anything in the dryer, like a blankie to cuddle with your mom and dad on a chilly autumn or winter night!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Fashion

To my son Tommy,

Dads get a bad rap when it comes to fashion. "What? Did your father dress you?" Is a common question when you go out mismatched, or what I like to call the idontgivea fashion. This is an unfair judgement on many a father. You don't have to look too far in the dad blogging world to see guys with GQ fashion sense who are equally adept at dressing their sons and daughters. Most men are at least adequate at the task and rare is the father who dresses his child not knowing of his errors. Yet still all dads share in the charge of being fashionless bumblers when it comes to dressing our children, and only mothers know how to properly dress a child.

Well, let me tell you a secret. I know when you don't match. I know when you look funny. I however don't worry about such things. If the end result is feeding the stereotype, I don't care about that as well. I would rather my son learn to judge content over cover. I'd rather my son not become obsessed with appearance over character. I'd like my son to be able to laugh at himself when he mismatches and even occasionally mismatch on purpose for the shock and awe factor. I want my son to learn to express himself with his clothes

Take, for example, this expression of self in the picture above. We were heading to a viewing at a funeral parlor. Your mother had already picked out the shirt and was in the shower when you came down holding this tie. You don't have many occasions to wear a tie, but you knew that a tie is appropriate for a funeral. I looked at the tie. I looked at the shirt. I looked at your hopeful face. I put on the tie for you. I smiled and looked you in the eye and said, "There is no way your mother is going to let you out of the house like that."

I had your back. I even thought the tie shirt combo may have been inspired by the spirit of Mrs. Gloria, as this would have made her laugh. I accepted you for your sense of style, or lack there of, just like I accept you when you decide you want to wear a princess dress and/or a superman cape. But I told you your mom wasn't going to like it. I even got you laughing about the inevitable result which was of course going sans tie. At least we made your mother laugh before she took it off.

You are a Downey through and through my son. You have your own quirky sense of style and you define what you think is cool and appropriate regardless of outside influence. Your grandfather used to wear the ugliest orange Oriole shorts for a good part of my life and much to the chagrin of my easily embarrassed high school self. I am sure my own sense of style will embarrass you one day too. But like your father before you, you will learn that it truly is what is on the inside that counts and you will stop making excuses for the fashion of those you love because that is truly a part of who they are. I am glad I learned that lesson because it has helped me more than you know with a son like you! For now, know that I will stand by you, no matter how badly you are dressed.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Mrs Gloria and Mr J.D.

To my son Tommy,

Our next door neighbor, Mrs. Gloria, had been sick for some time. She had been hospital bound for the majority of the past year. She had been a constant and recurring member in our nightly prayers.

I doubt there was a day that went by that her husband, Mr. J.D., didn't spend with her even through all the trips in and out of the hospital and dialysis or wherever the doctors had her. He'd come home from visiting her, catch a quick nap at best, head off to work, and then back to the hospital. His love and service to his wife was an amazing inspiration on how to love, no matter how hard the struggle.

Mrs. Gloria was a good person and easy to love. She was kind and thoughtful and she would always ask about you and your mom. She earned a special place in our hearts and vice versa.

The level of sacrifice and dedication Mr. J.D. showed to his wife has been an example to me. Though I do not wish for the same circumstances to prove it, I hope that I can live my life loving as strongly and fiercely as Mr. J.D. Sadly Mrs. Gloria passed away. She will remain in our prayers. Our condolences go out to Mr. J.D. and her family.

God, please give rest to Mrs. Gloria after her long illness on this earth. Accept her into your merciful arms and send comfort to her husband Mr. J.D. and those of us who mourn and grieve her death. We ask this through Christ our Lord, amen.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Opt In or Opt Out

To my son Tommy,

Of all the things people have to be outraged about in this day and age, and trust me there is plenty worthy outrage events or topics right now, the most humorous and most trivial one has been dubbed "The U2 Virus". It seems that Apple, in its ultimate wisdom and generosity, attempted to give each and everyone of its users a free album from the band U2. I am sure some mid-level executive somewhere is shaking his head and saying, "On paper, this looked like such a great idea. How did it go so wrong?"

The problem is people want the freedom to opt-in and never want to have stuff forced on them and then later have to opt out. Had Apple offered the album free of charge and said "Come and get it", this would have been the talk of the town in a positive note, instead of the negative it turned out to be. Instead they thought they would be helpful and make it just appear in every users account. When some 500 million users logged in and saw the album sitting in their account, Apple assumed everyone would be thrilled and they also assumed every user heard about it from their press conference because every user obviously hangs on every word they say. Apple was wrong in its assumptions.

Well what would happen if you woke up, went to your refrigerator, opened it up, and there was a U2 album sitting there? You might get a little freaked out. Did someone break in and leave this album here? What else did they do to my refrigerator? Is the OJ poisoned? What else did they do to my house? This is the type of fear and paranoia that struck in the hearts of many an iTunes user.

If they weren't scared, then they were annoyed. They opened their accounts like a guy picking up a free newspaper off his lawn, grumbling "I didn't ask for this. How do I delete this crap?" For the record, I didn't listen to the album so I am not sure it is crap, but I also didn't read the free newspaper that was on my lawn today before throwing it out.

I guess some people were happy or at least indifferent about the free album, but it seems they are in the minority. If someone in the Apple hierarchy knew their age old idioms, they would know that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Apple just forced a gallon of water down our throats. Some thought it poison, but most of us were just not thirsty and didn't appreciate not being given the chance to say, "Thank you, but no thank you."

I don't care how well intentioned you are or how beneficial something will be, forcing people to do stuff is wrong. Hmm, maybe I should put a caveat there and say it is usually wrong, because as a parent I sometimes have to force you to take your medicine and such. So, forcing people to do stuff is usually wrong. It is best to reach them on a personal level and make them want to do it. Make people want to opt in, rather than forcing them to opt out.

This philosophy or rule of life is ubiquitous. It applies to computers, accounts, politics, healthcare, religion, retirement savings, finance, insurance, and yes even parenting. I joked earlier that, as a parent, sometimes I have to force you to do things you don't want to do. In all honesty though it would be better if I can make you understand why you should do something. If I get you to understand the why of it all, then life becomes so much easier. That is my goal as a father, to make you understand why we need to do the things we do and make you want to do them! Funny enough, you now willingly take your medicine and there are very few things that you do reluctantly and almost nothing that I have to force or coerce you to do. Now if it were only so easy in the rest of the world. In the meantime, we can stay outraged that Apple ruined our illusion of freedom by spending a $100 million and by forcing us to take a free album from a premier (though perhaps outdated) band. The nerve of them.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Duck

To my son Tommy,

On the school playground, you learned a very valuable lesson...DUCK! When you are the prey in your friendly game of chase, don't focus that much on what is behind you at the expense of not seeing the obstacle in front of you. You learned it the hard way, and have the forehead to prove it, but no real damage. At least I can now personalize my joke, "My son Tommy walked into a bar, ouch!" (One of the best things about being a dad is you get carte blanche for corny jokes!) I figure you will have to bang your head on another ten or twenty poles (or various other obstacles that will seemingly jump out at you from nowhere) before you learn your lesson. Boys will be boys. I'll spare you the deep life metaphors.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo