Saturday, March 7, 2015

Frozen Ground

To my son Tommy,

Did you know that frozen ground is a consideration for funeral burials? I sure didn't. But right now, up in Cumberland Maryland, the ground is too frozen to inter your Great Grandpa Leo. In fact your Great Great Aunt Jule (his older sister) who passed 3 weeks ago is still not properly buried. They think the ground will be okay soon (supposed to heat up to 50 or 60 by midweek) so they have scheduled the interment for this Friday the 13th up in Cumberland. That puts the funeral mass for Thursday the 12th at 9:00 am at Holy Family Church in Randallstown and the viewing Wednesday the 11th with the typical 2-4 and 6-8 viewing times up at Haight Funeral Home in Sykesville. That should give enough time for your other great uncles to get into town so they can say goodbye to their father.

Your Nana Jeanne is home from the hospital. She is holding up well and is very happy to be home. She still has to recover some more from her surgeries and needs our prayers but at least she can do so from the comfort of her own bed and chair. I guess, for the most part, everyone is holding up well. We are all grieving, but since your great grandpa was 93 years old and his end was imminent, that does take a little bit of the shock and sting out of it. Death still sucks, mind you, but it eases it ever so slightly.

As for our immediate family, we had some extras thrown on top of the current going ons. My passenger side mirror on my truck got hit and broke off and I am waiting to replace it. So Wednesday, when your great grandpa passed we decided to go see the family and give them hugs despite the impending snowmageddon, we chose your mom's car. Except it started knocking and we made it a quarter of the block before the check engine light came on and we backed up and parked it and took my truck despite the missing mirror. Then the other night, I lost a crown as I ate. Just those fun added stresses of life that we could do without during an already difficult time.

Anyways, we are going to get your mom's car up to the mechanic shop today and yesterday I got my crown fixed at the dentist office. Last night I took a pain pill for the tooth fix before crashing to bed early. It gave a bunch of crazy drug filled dreams. Most of them were nonsense and crazy but I woke up with these words in my head.

I cursed time for passing so quickly and time said "Why curse me? I am neither good nor bad. I exist for you to use as you will. I die and am reborn every instance of life. How you remember my passing is consistent with how you lived each moment. For I am simply the present, the now."
I looked death in the eye and cursed him for what he did to my grandfather and death said "Why curse me? I am neither good nor evil. Time unknowingly brings you to me, and I am obligated by my existence to do my job. I am simply inevitable."
I turned my anger towards God who allows time to pass and death to exist, and he replied "Why curse me? For I AM and this also means I am beyond, beyond death, beyond time. And I sent my only Son so you too can conquer death and live with ME in eternal life. For simply I AM"
Left with no one to curse, no one to deserve my disdain and spite. I began to grieve. When I am done grieving I will continue moving on, hurtling through time towards the inevitable and hopefully beyond.
Drug induced sleep ramblings of my mind that I had to get out on paper. I haven't had such "deep thoughts" since my days of following the Grateful Dead. Do what you will with it.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

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