Song From School

To my son Tommy,

Today, before we head off to church, I bring you just a little prayer song.  You learned this courtesy of St Agnes School and are able to share with others courtesy of your godmother's cell phone.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Over Time

To my son Tommy,

Things don't happen all at once, or at least not usually.  Things happen over an ever changing fluid state of person to bring each of us to our own present situation.  Consequently, if you want to change a situation it may take a bunch of little steps building upon themselves to "fix the problem". I don't really like that term "fix the problem" and prefer to talk about changing realities or changing situations and circumstances.  "Fixing" seems to suggest there is an easy solution.  Many are under the mistaken notion that just make this one change, put some super glue on it, and all will be well.  They are lead to believe that years and years of little changes that brought us to the present realities can be erased in days with the right change, or the right politician, or the right act, or the right amount of contrition, or the right pill.  The reality is we must set a stable foundation and build layer upon layer to not only change our present circumstances but to make sure all the changes do not come tumbling down.  If we expect a quick fix we will only get discouraged and lose heart.  We must work to change situations the same way they were built, over time.

This thought occurred to me at my Sharing Christ course last night when the questions were posed, "When did you meet Jesus?" and "When did you commit your life to Jesus?".  I thought you might as well ask me "when did I get fat?" or better yet "when did I mature?".  Along the way there might have been moments that lead to me getting plump, but I can't say, "yeah it was thanksgiving 2002.  I had a double helping of turkey and mashed potatoes followed by too many deserts and boom I blew up like that Stay Puft marshmallow man."  But the comparison to maturity is probably more apt because who knows when they started being more and more mature and who really thinks they have hit the epitome of maturity.  Certainly not this fat fellow.  It is the same thing in my relationship with Christ, ever evolving, ever growing, no start, no beginning, no end.

That is why it is so important to understand that change comes with little steps or (to borrow from previous posts) gateways that lead each of us down our paths on the journey of life.  Sometimes it comes quickly, sometimes it is painfully slow, but the most important part is that we make sure the changes in our lives and our realities come from a good foundation. That way even if something comes by and knocks down all you have built, the solid foundation will allow you to build again.   I hope, my son, to give you that good foundation and build upon it layer by layer, over time.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Gateways Part 2

To my son Tommy,

I have been thinking more and more about the gateways and stepping stones that have brought me to this point in my life.  As promised here are some of those gateways that led me to a point in my life where I willingly go to courses and lessons to explore my religion more deeply and I attend daily Mass when I can.  These are probably not in order and any one of them alone can be a gateway to a deepened faith or at least another invitation to continue along the path.

• Found the woman of my dreams
• Learned what true love is
• Decided to get married Catholic
• Had to go to church to become a parishioner to get married Catholic
• Had some great parish marriage sponsors who taught us more than they know
• Had to go to a long overdue confession before getting married
• Did not burst into flames during that long overdue confession
• Got married
• Had you.
• Learned more about what true love is
• Decided to get you baptized Catholic
• Had to go to Sunday Mass more regularly to be part of the parish
• Decided to go to confession more regularly
• Watched you begin to grow
• Learned more about true love as I fell more and more in love with you and your mother
• Joined the St Agnes Mens Club because your Pop-pop was re-joining
• Decided to start actively listening at Mass
• Got upset about some people's point of view who share our faith
• Argued and reasoned it out with some priests that showed more patience than I probably deserved
• Looked deep inside myself and decided that other people's point of view will not keep me from a relationship with Christ.
• Started to say prayers with you at night
• Learned yet more of what true love is when we had and lost Sal
• Learned about loss and heart break and suffering like I never had before
• Got angry with God
• Started talking to your Grandpa Leo more about faith
• Started going to church daily sometimes to yell at God sometimes to pray for His comfort
• Considered the sacrifice of His only Son and looked intently at a cross and learned more about true love
• Started attending Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament
• Began praying the Rosary
• Took more interest in Saints and read a book about Padre Pio that your Grandmother Roro gave me
• Started blogging, in an effort to pass on any useful nugget of wisdom about life that I might have to you
• Realized writing letters to you is more about exploring life and myself, and by exploring myself and life with you through these letters I have the most potential to pass on something worthwhile
• Continued to watch you grow and decided to send you to St Agnes for school
• Started praying before meals with you leading us in the singing grace prayer you learned at school sung to the toon of Frère Jacques 
• Asked you to start leading grace even when we were out at other houses for meals like at your Grandma Roro's house
• Added the prayer to Michael the Arch-Angel at night to go with the Our Father, Hail Mary, and Glory Be we already were doing.
• Made a self-commitment to go to confession almost weekly if possible
• Took a Discovering Christ course to look deeper in my faith
• Discovered I can email my questions and concerns to priests in our parish and they would actually read them and reply with (once again) more patience than I probably deserve
• Looked upon and deeply examined the examples of your grandparents and great grandparents for their faith
• Started attending more special events like Missions and vigils and courses and such
• Heard a homily on how to pray in conjunction with God's will
• Started using that prayer "technique" and even became witness to the power of prayer in my daily life
• Continued to grow in, and learn of, true love with you, your mom, and Christ

As you can see, there are many steps that have brought me to this point in my life.  And trust me, this point in my life is far from some of the depths I had reached in my past.  Many would laugh incredulously if I told them I go to Mass all the time and pray daily.

Some steps are obvious progressions.  For example you have to attend church to have a chance of hearing anything.  The more you attend, the better the chance you learn, the more you learn the more you want to attend.  Another example is prayer.  It started with praying at church again.  Then it moved into our home with prayers at night and then to prayers with dinner.  Now it has grown to the point where if I have any free time or just a lull in the conversation that I might spend that time in silent prayer or you might even see me with my hand in my pocket working through some Rosary beads.

Some steps you would think were a setback and some gateways honestly could have brought me in either direction.  Losing Sal was a big turning point in my life and I think to most people it would make more sense if I had decided to turn away.  But I didn't and my faith has actually deepened.

Surprisingly the biggest hurdle was dealing with other people's views and how politics and laws and misinterpretations of the Catholic religion (both theirs and mine) and even pink ribbons can distract the most devout from their true mission of sharing Christ.  But again, I didn't let that stop my growth in my faith.  It actually solidified in my mind why I was seeking this path.  The similar sentiment was echoed in a recent letter by Pope Francis in which he writes, "Believe me, in spite of its slowness, the infidelity, the mistakes and the sins that may have and may still be committed by those who compose the Church, it has no other sense and aim if not to live and witness Jesus"  If the Church ever becomes about other people, or even about your own dad, and not about your own relationship with God you may have to re-evaluate.  People will fail you. Clergy will fail you.  I, despite my best intentions, will fail you.  So make sure your foundation is based on Christ. 

The one thing that I am convinced is the ultimate stepping stone, the ultimate gateway to all good things, the one thing that has been a recurring theme in my life, even though I often did not see it, leading me in the right direction no matter how hard I tried to resist, is true love.  I learned more about religion by looking into my heart and seeing and feeling the love of family and friends and the love of Christ.  That is why it is so important to share of yourself and to share true love so that other people can have their hearts touched and, just maybe, open a few new gateways for each of those that we touch.

Sincerely with love from dad,

Leo

Gateways Part 1

To my son Tommy,

They say that cigarettes, booze, and marijuana are gateway drugs.  Once you open that gateway, you are presented with a bunch more doors that are much easier open, and most of those doors are filled with vice and despair.  There is no certainty that you will open all or any of the other doors when you go through one gateway, but it does make it easier and more likely.  My job, as a father, is to warn you about these bad gateways and the path that certain ones may lead you down.

But not all gateways are bad.  You can read a good short story and that can open up a great literary world and next you know you are reading novels.  You can take a basic computer course and he next thing you know you have an entire career in programming.  You can take one bite of one of your mother's delicious deserts and decide that baking will be your life.  These are the type of gateways I need to steer you towards.

I can lead you to the door. I can bore a peephole so you get a glimpse of what lies behind, but only you can unlock the door and twist the handle and go through.  Just like I can't completely barricade a bad gateway, I can't drag you by the scruff of your neck through a good gateway, no matter how much I would like to do both.  My job is to help you make the right decisions and choose the right doors, but it is still your choices that matter most.

What got me thinking about gateways was a "Sharing Christ" course I am taking at church.  Yes, here your father is going to go "all religious" on you again.  The seven week "Sharing Christ" course is a compliment to the "Discovering Christ" course which I probably haven't mentioned by name before but inspired such thoughts and letters as Unconditionally and Quests last year. This new course examines how we share Christ in our lives and with others.  I began to think of all the gateways that I have gone through to come to this point in my life.

To be honest, I did have a good foundation.  When I said you can't be dragged by the scruff of your neck, I meant you can't be dragged forever and sooner or later you have to want to make the choice.  Usually the dragging ends with college, though the guilt may never end from your parents.  I was dragged, kicking and screaming at times, in my young life to Mass.  I was forced to spend Sundays attending school to learn about my religion when I would have rather been out playing.  I was taught the prayers and received the Sacraments.  I was what you would call a cradle Catholic.  But I am not sure that I ever bought into the whole shebang.  My father brought me through these gateways so if I ever decided to go through those doors again, I would know the combination to the lock and be somewhat familiar with the area after I opened the door.  When I turned 18 I promptly closed any of those gateways and doors and turned my back on what I had known.  I began opening up gateways that would lead me far away from the path of Christ.

So how did I return?  How did I end up in a point in my life where I am voluntarily spending an extra two hours on a Sunday evening at a church course?  And even writing about it and thinking about it through the week?  Perhaps that is best explored in another letter, maybe tomorrow or later in the week after I ponder that exact question myself, but I can tell you that you and your mommy and love figure prominently into those choices.  For now, just know that I hope to show you the right path, the right doors, the right gateways, that lead you to a full and happy life with and in Christ.  I am just now opening a few of these doors myself and it is pretty amazing to see what can be in store for you as well.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo