Resolution Hugs

To my son Tommy,

In that place that is somewhere between dead asleep and having to wake up, I laid there thinking of how I would frame this year that is coming to an end.  What word could sum up the past twelve months?  Perhaps, with the events of the last three months, I should call it the "Year of Medical" or the "Year of the Bowels" but neither of those felt quite right, and to hang a year on the last quarter didn't seem fair.  I gave up for now and got out of bed,

Your mother had already gotten up and gave you breakfast.  If she didn't have belly issues I would have given her a great big squeeze for allowing me to sleep in.  So when I came down, you were well fed and had some serious plans for me.  Capitalizing on your zeal to play, I made us clean up a bit before getting into the games and toys and Christmas gifts.

After a few games and a tickle session, you and I headed to the library.  We had a couple overdue books on my card and a lingering fine on your card.  We turned in our books and paid the two dollars worth of fines we had racked up, and were set to start the new year with a clean slate.

Still, I had this thought in my mind of how to describe the past year.  When we got home from the library, I turned to the Internet searching for answers or ideas.  I looked at last year's blog entry and realized it could probably be used again.  At first, this depressed me that the template for year end hadn't changed, but then I had a small epiphany.  Life really doesn't change much year to year if you look at it in a broad sense.  This year, same as last, was once again filled with highs and lows, victories and tragedies, triumphs and failures, and all the things that make life... well ... life.  The details might have changed slightly, some of the wins this year were in your food challenges and your growing up while the losses were with Mommy's Crohn's disease, but the more it changes the more it stays the same.

I decided to consult the expert, to seek the wisdom of the soon to be five year old.  I explained resolutions to you and asked you what we did the best in the past year and what we should do more of next year.  Your answer, "Hugs!"  Once again your simple brilliance and wisdom has saved your father from going insane trying to quantify and qualify our past year.  The best thing we did was give hugs and in the upcoming year we resolve to give more hugs to more of our loved ones more often.  That is a resolution I can get behind.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Wash Your Hands

To my son Tommy,

I am not too big on parental nagging, but one thing I do agree with and will remind you often is to wash your hands.  Wash after your Cheetos, wash after your playdoh, and definitely wash after you potty.  Now other parents and medical professionals will point to many advantages of doing this.  I, however, have a very practical reason; You are a nose picker!  It really isn't your fault, you come from a long line of nose pickers.  Much to the chagrin of the ladies we marry, Downey men for at least the past four generations are nose pickers.  It is a learned behavior I am sure, and one that I wish I hadn't passed on to you, but we have to deal with realities.  Smells and colors are difficult to get out of your nostrils when they are shoved in there with a digit.  So wash your hands and wash them often, and be mindful of the last place that itched on your body, that last placed you scratched, before you pick your nose,

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

The Loud Singer

To my son Tommy,

There is this one child, who always sits in our row at church, who sings at the top of his lungs.  He does this even if he doesn't know the words.  And since he is only learning to sound out words and thus a slow reader, he only knows the words of the repeating songs.  Doesn't stop him from mumbling along with the tune of the newer songs.  He doesn't always belt out the tunes, but there is no mistaking when he does.  You would think his father would be mortified, but a quick look at his dad almost reveals a slim proud daddy smile mixed with the concern for the ears of those around this blonde little boy.  Any guesses who I am talking about?

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Personality Test

To my son Tommy,

Personality tests are filled with supposedly innocuous questions that have no real right answers.  They are aimed at finding your true convictions and your present mindset.  Then, with a bunch of science mumbo jumbo, they translate this into a profile that pigeon holes a person into a set of actions.  I personally don't lend much weight to such tests, but today I found two real life questions that I have never seen on such a test and they probably should be included.

If you open up the dishwasher and see dishes, but are unsure if they have been run through and cleaned, do you run them again?  The average man will seek out his better half for their knowledge or opinion on the subject.  "Honey, are these dishes clean or dirty?"  But if the Mrs. doesn't know, or it happens to be Saturday and you are trying to allow her to sleep in, what do you do?  I suppose I should be able to tell by inspection of the dishes.  They looked clean, but, with pre-rinsing and the likes, who can be sure?  The dishwasher wasn't packed to the gills which is often the only time your mom will run it. In my case I opted for the "better safe than sorry" course and just piled on the new dirty dishes on top and decided to run it again.  Worst case scenario, they are double clean.  I also made a new year's resolution to empty the dishwasher faster upon completion.

After some rearranging and packing in the rest of the dirty dishes, I threw in the soap and hit all the necessary buttons and off it went.  I am a little ashamed to say that I always wonder if I did everything right.  Does this load require the "Pots and Pans" setting?  What are all these extra compartments for different types of soaps and chemicals? Etcetera etcetera, but those weren't the questions for the personality test.  No.  That question arose when, after straightening the kitchen a bit and five minutes into the dishwasher cycle, I walked out into the living room and noticed I missed a couple dishes.

I swore I gave a thorough look see through all the rooms before finishing the loading. I at least had done a basic walk through when I made your cereal which was the impetus of all this dish cleaning anyhow.  But here they were, a couple missed dirty dishes.  There were enough of them that the nice clean empty space in the sink that was my badge of accomplishment was no longer.  What do I do?  Do I stop the dishwasher and add? Do I do these by hands?  I opted for the "I will add them to the next load" option.  I haven't decided if the next load will be immediately run or I will just immediately unload the last run and begin loading for the next run at some later time.

Your decisions and actions say so much about you,  I know some social scientist most likely has a set formula for my choices.  Somewhere there is a psychology text book that lists me as "overly cautious" because I reran the possibly clean dishes and "avoids conflict unless absolutely necessary" because I refused to interrupt the dishwasher cycle.  The truth is that there really is no right answers and "knowing" yourself in the personality test way can be really overrated and in the end wouldn't affect your choices made in the moment.  Sometimes doing dishes is just that, doing dishes, and we read into too much in this world.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

The Importance Of Archives

To my son Tommy,

Your PopPop and I were talking about genealogy the other day.  I turned your grandfather onto some ancestry sites and even gave him my tree to start off with.  I was pretty far back on my sides but just starting on your mom's ancestral sides.  He started adding his records that he already had and has taken off with it.  He is pretty avid about this hobby where I realized a couple years ago that my free time right now is probably better spent making some family memories than dragging out facts of the past.  Don't get me wrong, both are important and fun but since PopPop is retired he has a little more extra time than I do.

Anyways it got me thinking of how important archives and what information we deem worthy of saving.  Being a pack rat by nature, I have boxes and boxes of information that probably won't do me any good because it isn't easily accessible.  When I give an hour or so to clean up, I am always impressed and at the same time confounded by what I have saved.  Receipts, old magazine articles, flyers, letters, useless gadgets and gizmos that had I been using the past year would have made my life easier, etc, etc.  Unfortunately, due to that 24 hours in a day limit that everyone seems to have to abide by, much of the contents of the boxes go back onto my procrastination list.  I also have a memory that is overflowing with information that I should document but again that takes time  Plus if you start looking into the corners of my mind, who knows what will come out of the cobwebs.  It really is a shame and worse yet, the sorting of this information will probably all fall to you to do long after I am gone.

So as you grow and collect information and knowledge, remember the importance of having a good system to store and archive all this information for later use.  There are dozens of tools out there to help you, but the real thing behind any good tool or system is your own dedication and resolve.  Make sure you don't just throw stuff in a shoebox saying, "I will put that in the family tree when I have time" or something to those ends.  Evaluate the info immediately and record it some place where it can be easily retrieved and thus useful at a later time.  Maybe you will break the chain of descendants having to spend so much time to decipher and figure out all the loose ends their dads left them.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

P.S. If you want an example of a well done and worthwhile archive look up StoryCorp at the Library of Congress.  It archives real people with real stories in their own real words.  But more importantly, it often archives the intangible.  It archives love.  And that is something worth archiving well!

Engaging Gifts

To my son Tommy,

Many of the the gifts you got this Christmas require parent participation.  There were very few toys we could unwrap and hand to you and so, "Go! Play!" and expect you to be content.  Hand you a car or action figure and your imagination just takes over.  Your good for hours with those toys!   Though you added a couple those types, this year we sought more engaging toys, something for the whole family.

We got board games and remote control vehicles and a telescope and, of course, Legos.  All toys that need assistance or someone else to play with.  You and mommy did two Lego projects this morning and you and I knocked off one tonight.  Did you know that your tongue pops out when you push toegether difficult Lego pieces?  Tomorrow night, you and I are going to bundle up and try out the telescope.  Hope for clear skies!

Don't get me wrong.  Toys that can entertain you or let you entertain yourself are great.  It gives everyone (aka mommy and me) a break and allows you to give your imagination a good workout.  But you can't beat a toy that brings about a shared experience filled with discovery and wonder and love.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Christmas Obligations

To my son Tommy,

Even though we had every excuse to shun all the chaos and complications of visiting multiple families at multiple locations, we happily accepted our lot in life and did what we had to do.  When you have a four year old, you are obligated to share his innocence and awe and amazing Christmas spirit with your entire family, no matter the amount of effort that it requires.  Adults need and crave a chance to regain or relive that Christmas magic that they experienced in their own childhood.  Unlike material gifts, a child can share his holiday love and have plenty left to give.  It is the gift that never lessens or depletes itself.  Not even physical exhaustion and falling asleep can lessen their ability to share this gift.

When you are a parent, remember that Christmas is not about you, nor for you.  So many threaten to stop the Christmas chaos and to those who are doing it for honest and sincere reasons, I say all the more power to them.  But, it would be selfish to shirk your obligation to share the Christmas innocence of your child simply because it is difficult or tiring or complicated.  Make every effort to spread that Christmas spirit and love to all that you can. Merry Christmas my son.  I am going to bed!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo