Flying Birds

 

To my son Tommy and my daughters Rosie and Ilee,

When I lived in Italy, it took our family awhile to get down to Rome. Our first trip was a tour sponsored by the post church. I remember getting off the bus, following our tour guide and coming to the first street to cross. I was an eager and fast kid and I actually had gotten ahead of him and the rest of the group. I stopped at the corner to wait for a good time to cross. The traffic was crazy, the worst I have ever seen to this day. Our tour guide finally caught up and without hesitating one bit stepped out in to the traffic. The car stopped, barely, with a whole six inches of room between the bumper and our guide’s knees. He ushered us across, stopping each lane in much the same manner. When we got to the other side, I must have had a ‘wtf’ look on my face and he stopped and said to me, “When in Rome…” He giggled a bit and continued to explain that if we wait for what an American sees as an acceptable space to cross that our entire tour of Rome would be that corner intersection.

Never underestimate the pride of local people who have learned to deal with the challenges of their regions. Sure they will curse and complain about things, but they will just deal with it and receive such great joy when outsiders come and can’t cope! The people above the Arctic Circle bitch about the cold, but laugh when visitors say it is freezing. Those desert dwellers must complain about the heat and dryness but then laugh when visitors don’t heed the warnings to stay hydrated. Each locale has its source of conflict to overcome and perverse sense of pride in dealing with it every day. 

In the immediate areas, DC and Baltimore, we have the beltway! Not as bad as traffic in Rome, but definitely less pleasurable than sliding down razor blades into a vat of lemon juice! They say DC is worse than Baltimore, but good ole B’more can hold its own on the circle of hell scale.

Still as much as we complain, the beltway recently brought me great joy. You see a bunch of truckers came to the area and decided to convoy around the DC beltway to protest federal mask mandates. A couple of problems. 

One, there is no federal mask mandate and never has been. The rest of their protest cries seem unclear, disjointed, and without specific example. A reporter tried to clarify what their “demands” were. The last explanation I heard comes from one of the political pundits, who happens to be a Texas senator, trying to score clout from this cult of whackos, and he explains they just want the federal government to leave them alone. When the reporter asked a follow up and tried seeking details, Senator Cruz just said the reporter wasn’t bright. Honestly, I have heard clearer demands from toddlers having tantrums and better reasoning from school yard bullies using the “I know you are but what am I” rebuttals. By the way, the truckers were trying to pick a CB handle for Sen Cruz for today or tomorrow’s lap. I heard “the rubber duck” was in the lead.

Anyways, the second problem, and the bane of our local commuters, is the beltway, specifically the DC beltway and the drivers who have learned various crazy techniques and coping mechanisms to drive this road everyday. These “freedom convoy” wanted to drive around and block at least two lanes of traffic for their “protest”. 

Now, it is completely laughable to anyone who has ever spent time on the DC beltway, that someone would voluntarily drive on the beltway to protest! I mean it is like saying, “If I don’t get attention, I am going to go slam my head between the car door for an hour.” or like a toddler trying to hold their breath till they get a cookie.

Other than the pure ridiculousness of it, the beltway did its job. It made sure they got separated and couldn’t even effectively caravan in one lane. The weather took them out one day, but the beltway was the real “protest” killer. And as for the regular commuters? Well I think one of the temper tantrum truckers put it best when he said, “We go around the beltway, birds are flying. Birds are flying everywhere. That’s the kind of people that live up there.” He wasn’t talking about flying creatures. But he was talking about the hand expressions of every day commuters. I hate beltways and beltway drivers with a passion, but they are an engrained part of being a person from this area, and these people letting the birds fly, these people are my people! 

The picture (one of my favorites and the one which will get reposted year after year) of the twins from their early days (August 2018 I think) gives me hope that at least one of them will be able to drive the DC beltway. At the very least, they will know how to communicate their dissatisfaction with a Karen caravan.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo