Maintenance

 

To my daughter Rosie,

Today you get special billing because you were the first child to greet me this morning. I was sleeping on the couch in the upstairs living room (been there for awhile because your Grandma Ro flooded the house, but that is a story for another time) and your mother had taken Tommy to school for me. You sauntered out with sleep in your eyes, looked at me, smiled, and without asking, nestled in to my chest. Right before you faded off again, you said, “I love you daddy.” As we were snuggled in, Zoe jumped on top to make it a dog pile and get in on some of this loving action. I thought, “if this is what your mommy gets every day, then I am so jealous!” I just soaked up the love.

I needed that. It had been a shitty night, and a shitty morning, quite literally. I have a colonoscopy today and was doing the prep thing. Unfortunately our snuggle session only lasted about fifteen minutes before the Sutab pills forced me to move.

I have been doing more doctor visits lately, and surprisingly they are actually for me. Nothing is specifically wrong, but I have decided to be more into my own health and maintenance, a little bit of self care. 

For too long I haven’t had time to worry about me or my medical, as I have always put myself last. It was just an extra chore on an already super stressful and busy life. If you ever fly in a plane, and you listen carefully to the instructions that increase (from nil to probably two points above nil) your survival rate if a catastrophe occurs while in flight, you will hear, “Put your oxygen mask on first, then assist others.” Well that is what I am doing now. Instead of running around like a madman worrying about everything else and hoping I don’t run out of air, I am putting my oxygen mask on first.

Of course one hurdle I had to get over in my mind was letting perfection be the enemy of progress. Too often in my life, I have looked at my health and figured I was so far gone … so why bother. I had a ride till I die attitude about life. 

One thing I have learned in other aspects of life is just because you can’t do everything doesn’t give you the right to do nothing. Every little bit helps. Listen, I am not perfect and definitely not the best picture of health, but I am trying. I have a bunch of things to work out, but for now I have started by regularly going to the doctors and following doctors’ orders. I keep a constant eye on my skin and regular visits with my dermatologist make sure the skin cancer spots aren’t coming back. I am weighing in about 40 pounds lighter than my 5 year high today, though I won’t elaborate on how I lost the last five pounds in a day. Still fat, but it is a start. My A1C is under 7 and my blood pressure is normalizing, from extreme, down to slightly elevated. I eat a few more salads for lunch in a week and park a little farther away so I have to walk a bit more. All just a drop in the bucket, but a single drip can create a mighty canyon given time and consistency.

Why? Why now? Well the why is easy, because I love you guys and want to stick around for a few more years and see how everything turns out. The why now question is answered by my philosophy of it is never too late to do anything. As for the question it begs, why not before? Well for that I can only ask for forgiveness and pray that my youthful ways did not shorten my life too much.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo