Saturday, April 25, 2015

Secret Criminal Activity

To my son Tommy,

The key to keeping a secret, especially the secret of a possible crime, is to not tell anyone. It is like the movie Usual Suspects says, "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he doesn't exist." Too often the downfall of so many would-be criminal master minds is they decide to confide in someone else. Perhaps it is ego. Perhaps it is the natural instinct to unburden your soul. Whatever reason, once someone else knows, the possibility of getting away with said crime decreases exponentially and almost makes being found out inevitable. You are not a criminal mastermind, or at least not yet.

Lately, you have been having a tough time of it with your asthma, or perhaps allergies, or perhaps a cold, or the weather, or whatever is causing your cough. You wake up at all hours of the night with this hard cough and we (and by we I mean usually your mom) have to wake up and treat you with an array of nebulizer masks and inhalers and allergy meds and such. Last night, or more accurately this morning, was one of those events.

Your mom and you came downstairs to do your neb mask. After the mask treatment. you guys were cuddling and sleeping down on the couch. After awhile, you told your mom you were going back up stairs to sleep in your bed. You went upstairs alright, but you never made it to your bed.

When I woke up, you were excited to tell me of your 'crime'. As soon as my foot hit the floor beside my bed, you came running in.

T: "Oh daddy, I didn't know you were up."
Me: (some type of guttural response)
T: "You just woke me up from sleeping on my dinosaur!"
T: "I was just sleeping with my dinosaur, on the floor!"
T: "I had told mommy I was going to bed, but I didn't. I just slept on my dinosaur!"
T: "It's crazy! I was supposed to be in the bed, but I didn't. I slept on my dinosaur! Now don't get me in trouble with Mommy!"
Me: "Okay"
T: "Really. Don't get me in trouble with Mommy, because I told her I was going to bed and I didn't. I slept on the floor, with my dinosaur!"
Me: "I need a shower."

Your infraction was petty crime at worst. I suppose I should be upset with your wanton disregard for doing something other than what you told your mom you were going to, but I can't. I do things 'differently' all the time and I can relate with not wanting to be in trouble with Mommy. In the song Son Of A Son Of A Sailor there is a lyrical line that says "Read dozens of books about heroes and crook, and I learned much from both of their styles." That is a nice wrap up of the Downey perspective with regards to authority and rules. If you said you were going up to 'bed' and en route you decided that this morning your bed would be a dinosaur, although not letter of the law to your word, so be it.

But if you want to make sure your dad won't get you in trouble with your mom for something, don't tell him. For he might tell your mom, as your old man hates secrets, especially keeping them from the woman he loves. Or he might just blog about it and tell the world.

Me: "Aaah" (as I stepped out of the shower and the moment my foot hit the bathroom floor)
T: "Oh daddy, I didn't know you were out of the shower."
Me: (slightly startled and grabbing for a towel, thinking "I got to get you a bell or something")
T: "When you are done drying off I want to show you something!"
Me: (drying off and thinking, "Is it too early for beer?")
T: "It is the dinosaur, in my room, I slept on him, instead of the bed, like I told Mommy, so you have to promise not to get me in trouble with Mommy!"
Me: "Okay"

Sincerely with love from your  dad,

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