Follow In My Wake

To my son Tommy,

Today I give you some lyrics from one of my favorite Jimmy Buffett songs.  JB is oft referred to as a party singer but i think his bardic mastery goes deeper.  Of course people can find deep meaning in such writings like "Pull Tab To Open" so pehaps I am projecting a bit.  You be the judge.

Follow in my wake
You've not that much at stake
For I have plowed the seas
And smoothed the troubled waters
Come along let's have some fun
The hard work has been done
We'll barrel roll into the sun
Just for starters

The lyric from Barometer Soup is a fine mix of sailing and flying allusions that do showcase his love of water and air.  But if you look at the deeper meaning it describes most any relationship that a father and son should have.  It describes why I started this blog for you and what I hope to accomplish in my life and job as a father.

"Come follow in my wake"  is such a simple metaphor.  I have been there and done that.  Learn from my mistakes.  Look at the path I took and how I got there.  I understand that from time to time you will need to venture out on your own path, on open waters if you will, but know you can always see my path and follow the road already traveled.  I am doing my best to smooth troubled waters for you.  There will be waves and bumps and new wrinkles along the way, but if you jump in my wake they will be much smaller and less chance of capsizing your boat.

When there is less turbulence in life there is more time to enjoy life and love and all the fun that comes with it.  We can run and jump and play together.  When the hard work has been done, we can get to the more challenging work of actually enjoying this gift of life.  And that might be one of the whole points of living.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

One Less Thing

To my son Tommy,

Today, on my way into church, the priest was greeting people at the front door.  He noticed my neck lanyard that holds some of my most used keys.

"Won't ever lose those keys!" he quipped. 

"Just one less thing for me to worry about, Father." I replied as I scurried passed.

That has gotten me thinking all day.  The purpose of organization and routines and habits and wearing keys around your neck...it should all serve to ease the burden of your life.  There are so many better things to worry about than losing your keys.  Trust me I have lost my keys so many times in my life.  The aggravation, the frustration, that feeling in the pit of your stomach as you go through all the scenarios of what it means if your keys are truly gone...just worthless worry that I now for the most part prevent.  If my keys aren't around my neck, then they are in a specific spot at home.  Mom and I don't have much money to go out to the fancy schmancy restaurants and such so I don't often wear outfits like a suit where the keys around my neck would look out of place.

Now there is a catch 22.  When I started this practice I had to give much thought and concern to putting these darn keys around my neck.  But the little bit of worry to establish the habit has eliminated a ton of worry now.  That is how it should be, if everyday we can secure one more thing in our life, one more action that we don't have to worry about, we can focus in on the most important aspects of our life.  We can eliminate some wasted time and effort and slowly but surely get to the point where we can start singing "Don't worry!  Be happy!" (in our best Bobby McFerrin impersonation that just will never live up to the true thing).

On a side note, when your mother locked herself away in her office the other night to study,  well that really paid off.  She got a 100% grade on her first major nursing exam.  I think she had already done a quiz or something minor but this one she was determined to ace.  I am so proud of her and hope one day you will realize the sacrifices she is making to go back to school as a mother.  At least with this exam in the past, she has one less thing to worry about also.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Meshing Schedules

To my son Tommy,

When you look back on this time in your life, you may recall a somewhat hectic schedule.  We have many hurdles and adjustments to face currently.  Your mother and I do the best to give normalcy to your schedule as well as ours and accommodate everyone.  We have some saving graces like you Bwama that help us out immensely and allow us some flexibility but it is still a bit of a juggling act.

My daily schedule is probably the most set.  This also makes it the most likely to change to help out.  I try to be up and in the shower by 6:15 finished and groomed and any morning chores done by 6:45 to head out the door to church.  Church 7:00 to 7:30 and off to work.  Work from 8:00 (actually 8:05) and then I try my best to finish my work and be home by 5:00 but that is always up in the air a bit.

Your mom's schedule is the most volatile with nursing school.  8-12 one day, 8-5 another, clinicals and all types of schedule changes and twists.  I believe nursing school intentionally gives a mixed up schedule to ready the student for the schedule of a full blown nurse.  Throw in specials like her exam today that she had to lock herself into her office to study for last night, and leave early today for.  That is the reason I have you this morning and had to skip morning mass.

Then we come to your schedule.  8-12 Tuesday and Thursday for school.  Monday, Wednesday, and Friday you head up to Bwama's for the day.  You are a bit of a bear in the morning but we try to get you up every morning at 6:30 and get you dressed and fed and such.  You have some special events now, back-to-school, orientation, field trips etc to throw in the mix.

The long and short is though it might seem hectic, we will get through.  We will figure it out and everyone in the end might not get what they want in their schedule but they will get what they need from their schedule.  This is life and life's schedule is never as set as we would like.  It may become boring if it were.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

On This Day 11 Years Ago

To my son Tommy,

Today is this anniversary of the events of 11 September 2001 most commonly referred to as 9/11.  On that date, four planes were hijacked and used as weapons of terror.  Two of the planes crashed into the World Trade Center buildings in New York City.  One of the planes crashed into the Pentagon into Washington DC.  The final plane was taken down by a passenger coup against the hijackers in a field in Pennsylvania.  It's final destination or target can only be guessed at now.

This was a tragedy that rocked our nation if not our world.  They say nearly three thousand people died in these events, but I believe that just includes those that died from the direct results and not those that died because of the ripple effect such as health issues with the rescue workers and depression and broken hearts for those who never came to terms with what happened.

Many years from now when you are taught about this in school, or in some history book, they will do their best to explain the what and the why and the how.  They will throw in factors of politics and terrorism and symbolism and some people might even throw out some conspiracy theories and such.  I don't have any of those answers and see the explanations as hollow.  There are some questions we all have that just never will be answered in a satisfactory way.  The teacher will assign you to go home and find out where your parents were when they found out and how they felt and what did they do.  Did I cry?  Did I pray?  Did I sit there in awe?  How did I feel?  and once again we will have to have a long talk about death and life.

Last night, I began attending a church event/course that explored among other things the meaning of life.  It is another one of those tough questions that we may never fully understand in our humanity.  It doesn't stop people from searching or guessing or assuming or putting forth their best answers that they have found comfort in.  In this way it is very similar to the why's of 9/11.  I wonder if the hijackers had taken the time to ponder the meaning of life and the gift of life, perhaps they would have found more respect for life in and of itself and decided not to throw away the gift of their life and the gift of the thousands of other lives they snatched from the world.

As we somberly remember the events of that day, and we continue pondering the meaning of our life and the life of those lost, we will hear countless tales of heroism and sacrifice.  In one of those stories you may just find the meaning of life.  You may find a love and sacrifice that is so great that it can only be explained through God presence.  A person who stopped to help another at great personal peril, a person who stayed and held the hand of yet another as they faced certain death, a firefighter who ran in and saved 10 more people before losing his own life.  You can find that moment where the meaning of life is crystal clear.  I am not sure it will ever be able to be vocalized or explained in words but for a brief moment you can see it and feel the meaning of life deep in your soul.  God rest all the souls lost on or due to 9/11.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

The Trifecta

To my son Tommy,

You need three things to be in unison to get the major things done in life.  You need to have your words, beliefs, and actions all match.  In other words, what you say you want has to match what you really believe you want and both of those have to be reflected and complimented by what you do.  Each of those areas are effected by the other, intertwined into each other so much that to get the big stuff done in your life, you need all three firing properly on all cylinders.

Take for example my years of smoking before I quit some 140 days or so ago.  I said I wanted to quit.  I said that all the time.  But deep down inside I didn't really want to quit.  I enjoyed smoking or at least thought I did.  And deep down I had convinced myself that I was not strong enough to quit.  If I had truly believed I wanted to quit, I would have quit!  My actions would have reflected my words and beliefs.  There is a saying that ex-smokers say "You can't quit till you are ready"  and what that really translates into is you have to believe in your core that you need to quit, that you want to quit, and that you can quit. 

Your words are far the easiest to influence.  To speak or write, for the most part, you have to have conscience thought.  Because words are the easiest to influence, they are also the most abused.  It is easier to say something than to believe it or actually do it.  You can give lip service to whatever you want in your life but without the belief and follow through, the words are hollow.  But just because they are easily use or abused, don't underestimate the power of words.  If you tell yourself you can't,  guess what you most likely can't.  This power in speech can influence the other areas of belief and action.  If you tell yourself you are an idiot, than you may start believing you are an idiot and acting as such.  And this is also true in what you tell other people...sometimes even if they can't consciously hear you.  Every night I remember to, I sneak into your room and whisper in your ear that you are a good and smart boy and that daddy and mommy love you.  The power of this whisper seeps into your mind and feeds your soul and your belief.

What you believe is probably the hardest to change.   Beliefs and thoughts get ingrained into our psyche and to conquer or alter or modify this is so difficult.  They become so ingrained, many times because our words (or other's words) and our actions (or other's actions) have drilled them into our core.  It is also much harder to find out what you truly believe.  For example, many people say and are convinced they believe they would like to save the environment.  Then we look at their actions and see those same people not recycling, driving big gas guzzlers, littering, etc etc.  So it becomes obvious that their belief is not "save environment" but rather "save the environment as long as it is easy on my and doesn't cost any money to me nor do I have to do anything differently"  In this examples you see how the words tricked the belief system but the belief system is called out by the actions.

Actions (and lack of action) is the key determining factor on the truth factor of what you say and what you think.  It is easy to say "I love you", but if you show no love, show no sacrifice, show no emotion, show no effort, than "I love you" becomes just three little empty words.   It is easy to say I want to be debt free, but if I still spend frivolously than what do my actions say about what I really want?  It is easy to say and actually believe that you hate hatred,  but it is tough to stand up to or walk out on someone spewing hate.  What we do is a more reliable benchmark of who we truly are and who we truly aspire to be.

Now some will tell you there is another factor called luck which includes in it a mix of opportunity and circumstance.  I have decided not to include this factor as circumstance and opportunity can be created through your words, beliefs, and actions.  Granted, some people have to put little to no effort and it seems that they have all the "luck" in the world and are afforded every opportunity.  But in almost all instances you can create or modify your circumstances to create the favorable opportunities.  I chose to not include "luck" because I do not want to rely on some leprechaun for what I can accomplish.

So as you grow up,  remember the trifecta.  If you can master all three on any one task, the trifecta goes from some long shot odds horse race bet to a sure thing quality investment in your life.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Knights and Pirates

To my son Tommy,

Today's adventure was brought to you by the letter (said in your best pirate voice) "AARRGHH".  In case you hadn't guessed, we hit the Renaissance Festival in Crownsville on the pirate weekend.  We saw all kinds of medieval things and you were quite in awe.  For some reason you kept thinking we were on a farm.  Most likely this misconception was because straw and hay were strewed all over the grounds to suck up some of the mud caused by yesterday's down pour.  I gave up trying to explain that this was neither a farm nor a zoo after we saw the ponies and the horses and the elephant and the camel.  It seemed my argument would hold no water with a 3 year old's perception after seeing all those things.

We owe many thanks to your uncles Raymond and Hyun who called Friday to invite us.  They invited the whole family but you, me, and your cousin Emma were the only takers.  You also owe them a big hug because they paid for our ticket and many of the drinks and food and games.  Plus you dragged your uncles and cousin around the festival grounds doing what you wanted.  I am your father, so I had to head where you were focused but you are so blessed to have such loving and fun uncles to keep up with you as well.

You did well for about four hours.  You had fun on the slide and in the maze and the pony ride and the kids area had a nice pirate ship with slides and swings.  You waited patiently as us older kids got our food and walked from place to place.  You were in awe meeting the knights, and loved seeing the horses and I thought you could have stared at the elephant for hours on end.  One clown/fool/puppeteer dressed in a horse costume did give you bit of a fright but even after that you still remembered your manners and said a proper farewell.  You even sat enjoying some culture and comedy in some stage acts like the Renaissance Man's Stand Up Tragedy or some of Shakespeare Scum.

But as we approached the fifth hour, you were getting tired and a little bit more difficult to handle.  You wanted to run through the crowds at the Globe Theater and you had a bit of a meltdown when I put an end to that.  It was my fault as I saw signs of you getting worn out and cranky and overwhelmed and overloaded in the previous hour but I kept pushing and holding out hope.

And that is today's life lesson.  Don't push it when you see the signs and the outcome becomes inevitable.  Leave at a high not pushing it to the limits of a meltdown.  Give it one big "HUZZAH!" and be satisfied with time and experiences you got to enjoy.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Life Class

To my son Tommy,

There are so many tools on the internet and in technology today.  Twitter, Facebook, Google+, Blogger, LinkedIn, there are too many sites and apps to name.  And that is not even counting in all the sites and such that I have used, sometimes still use, but aren't in the forefront and may be considered out of vogue.  And your father has a finger into just about everyone.  Being a tech guy, I have to try and test out and be versed in most any application or site that comes into popularity.  Consequently because I have signed up for so many, I go in waves and spurts with renewed interest in one.

Lately my renewed interest has been in twitter.  Recently, as I went around searching those I follow, and those who follow me, and just general trends.  I came across an interesting hash-tag #lifeclass.  I had to do some research but found it on oprah.com and gave it a look see.

Some people would give me guff for watching Oprah stuff, but your father refuses to be pigeon-holed by some silly comment like "Real men don't watch Oprah" or other such nonsense.  I find inspiration and ideas and energy from so many sources, from the feminine flower to the manly mountain, from magazines like Good House Keeping to Popular Mechanics, from the yin and from the yang of life

The first episode I watched online (which was actually out of order and the second) had the guest Tony Robbins and the topic "Living Fearlessly".  He quickly corrected the topic to "living courageously" and explained how everyone has fear.  He also explained how getting past the fear and working the courage is a "muscle" and the more you work it the better you get at it.  Anyway I was hooked.

This is the kind of stuff I am trying to pass on to you with this blog.  These life lessons, these life classes, these pearls of wisdom and hints on how to make your life better.  I can watch this new tool and get new lessons for the both of us.  I don't think I will have you doing any fire-walking (one of Tony Robbins signature moves which funny enough I did when I was in my college days) but I can get some different perspectives and views and inspirations to pass on to you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo