Friday, December 21, 2012

News I Want

To my son Tommy,

Here is the headlines and news I want to see in a paper and on TV.

Mass Huggings Everywhere

Today a young child armed with two soft arms and high capacity heart loaded with more than 30 hugs, walked into his school.  He proceeded to give out hugs to anyone willing to accept them, faculty and student alike.  The janitor was quoted "Never had a student approach me and hug me for sweeping.  I was caught off guard and a bit bewildered"  The initial motive for this mass hugging is still unclear.  Experts are trying to ascertain if it was due to the child being on the autistic scale or if he was high on love for his fellow man.

In a seemingly unrelated incident, a man walked into his place of work with Christmas cards and candy canes and hugs galore.  It was an astonishing scene as everyone in the office from president to secretary received a huge hug and a "Merry Christmas".  Authorities are still investigating but except for Joe in accounting who should not be eating candy canes, there were no reported injuries.  They said there will be no charges pending for the obvious flaunting of the rules of political correctness by not saying "Happy Holidays"

Baltimore city saw a rise in drive-by huggings today.  It is a disturbing trend where people drive up, park their car, jump out of their car and hug the nearest stranger in a holiday and plutonic way.  One local resident said "I saw one drive by hugging that ended up looking like a rainbow as it quickly became a group hug encompassing all those colors that were previously associated with gangs."

At the mall, flash hug mobs continue and reports of spontaneous caroling and people screaming Habari Gani and Happy Hanukkah.  One Jewish shopper was quoted as saying "It was disgraceful.  Many were mis-pronouncing the word.  It is more like the J in Jose but more gutteral."  As that customer walked away, he and a Muslim exchanged a shalom with a salam, which seems to be of equal currency in the world's stock exchanges today.

The official motto of the day is suggested in this childhood favorite poem by Shel Silverstein.

I will not play at tug o' war
I'd rather play at hug o' war
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug
Where everyone kisses
And everyone grins
And everyone cuddles
And everyone wins!

With reports still coming in from the corners of the world of goodwill and love and people standing up against the ways of the past that lead to more of the same, we are seeing all kinds of odd occurances.  Kids putting down video game controllers to read books with their parents.  Big companies giving massive bonuses to their lowest paid employees.  Boehner and Obama were seen in a hugging exchange (that the secret service soon broke up) after they both decided to fix the economy together with common sense and with no regard to those that contribute to their campaigns nor regard for their friends and family that make over a certain amount of money.  Churches everywhere and of all denominations were filled to capacity with people hugging and praying and giving off good vibes.  With all these reports, one has to wonder if both Michael Stipe and the Mayans were correct with this being the end of the world as we know it.

Anyway that is the article or headline or news report I'd like to see.  I can wish can't I.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

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