Tuesday, February 5, 2013

It Is What It Is

To my son Tommy,

Tuesday mornings have become my weigh in day.  Today's weigh in was the type that makes everyone on "The Biggest Loser" show gasp and shake their head.  I jumped on the scale and it said 284.5 which is up about two and a half pounds from last Tuesday.  I even jumped on it a couple times hoping that it was just my crappy bathroom scale giving me wrong numbers but each time it said the same.  If I followed the expected script from the reality shows, this is the point I break down and cry and tell everyone that I worked so hard and I just don't understand.  Bah!  It is what it is.

First off, I didn't try really hard.  I had made a couple minor adjustments.  I don't have all day to work out and worry about my weight.  Plus the adjustments I made are adjustments I could live for with life.  Now with a small upswing, I need to re-adjust or add to my efforts and my resolve.  It is not the dramatic "end of the world kicked out of the house" moment that is made for television.  It was just a kick in the pants saying get back to work.  I could hear the little voice in my head saying "You made the decision to lose weight, no one is going to hold you accountable except yourself.  You can just blog about something else, for at least a year or two before your heart attack.  What ya going to do fat boy?".  My internal voices sometimes are not very tactful nor nice but usually you can't argue with them.  You can't argue with them because they are often correct though harsh.  Plus if anyone sees me arguing with my internal voices they would fit me for a straight jacket.  The only good thing about that is they probably wouldn't be able to find a straight jacket in my size.

After my disappointing scale session, I quickly examined the week.  As I remember, I kept up with breakfast for the most part.  There was a day or two I didn't do my little wall push-outs and there was a day or two that I had soda instead of water.  And I know there were at least two occasions where I said to myself "So much for watching what you eat".  When we watched the Superbowl I definitely indulged and over-indulged on full fat full flavor snacks.  I could make excuses for it being the Superbowl or lack of time or this or that but again those are just excuses.  Next week I could make excuses for it being Valentines then in March I can make excuses for it being Saint Patrick's etc etc.  The excuses and the rationalizations are always there, and as long as I give into them so will the weight be always there.

So now I just have to adjust again.  I will find a life adjustment that I can live with and add it to my schedule.  I am thinking that getting back to Planet Fitness is going to be the best way to go.  Also I think any food I eat around the house will be at the dinner table from now on.  I was thinking of doing a food journal with one of the various apps I have used in the past, but I am not sure if that will be a habit I can maintain after I lose fifty pounds or more.  It might be more of a short term option rather than a life change.  I would prefer not resorting to small temporary fixes but add in the small changes that I can live with forever.  Knowing most of our family, on both sides of the X-Y split, tend to be overweight, I hope that when you read this, if you find yourself with a couple extra pounds, you are inspired by my struggles and decide to do something about it.  I hope even more that when you read this you aren't in that situation, but the only way that happens is if I give you a good example now.

Sincerely with love from your (overweight but working on it) dad,

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