Happy New Year

To my son Tommy,

Years come and years go.  As you grow older these years slip away faster and faster.  As an end approaches on the horizon, the pace of the race seems to approach the speed of light.  That is why we cling to the memories and try and preserve them for all eternity, thus these letters to you.

The past year has seen good times and bad times.  You have grown up so much and continually amaze me.  You have many firsts under your belt and we look forward to many more.  I remember your first day of nursery school, or as they say at St. Agnes, Pre-K 3.  You had days where you were upset to go, and then just four hours later you were upset to leave.  You have found good friends and great teachers and you have sparked that inner need to educate and experiment and learn.

You aren't the only one who has seen a shift in their learning curve.  Your mother this year has dazzled and impressed as she went back to school for nursing.  Though when she becomes a full fledged nurse it will definitely help our family, your mom will be following her passion and it will be good for her too.

Though your father hasn't hit the school books this year, that doesn't mean he failed to learn anything.  Setting out on a personal mission to write to you every day has let him live a well examined life.  I have learned to love deeper and appreciate more.  I have gone back to church and examined my soul.  With your mother, we have quit smoking when we started examining our health.  I have made great strides in growing with you and your mom this year and I plan on only going further.

Two thousand twelve also saw many trials, tribulations, and losses.  We have seen hurricane and super-storms devastate many.  Fiscal cliffs and financial insecurity made us feel like money is tight year round.  On the news, we have seen troubled souls, who never learned the value of life, do despicable things that made me cry.  On a personal note, we have lost family members and seen other members of our family suffer from health issues and the like.  Yet somehow we have not lost our hope.  In the face of such tragic events, we have searched out those small moments of love and kindness that can only be described as a glimpse of God's grace.  We have availed ourselves with the blanket of security provided by such a close and loving family.

All things considered, the past year has been fairly good for our family, in my humble opinion.  Did everything go our way?  Not by a longshot but many times you need life to not go your way so you can learn what is most important about living.  I am happy that I decided to write down these words and events so you can look back year after year and decide for yourself if this was a good year.  So...To my son Tommy, I wish you a very very Happy New Year.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Angel Brigade

To my son Tommy,

We are under 30 hours left for the 2012 year and the last few grains of the hourglass will soon pass for this year.  New Year's Eve is another one of those man made arbitrary times and we are supposed to examine our years past and resolve to do better as we move forward.  You know how I feel about these man-made concepts.  I think you should constantly examine the past and resolve to do better in the future all while really living in the present.  I believe you should do that every day of your life and not just the last couple days of the year, but I suppose the end of the calendar year just seems like a natural time to pause and reflect for everyone.

You, lately, have mentioned you are scared as we put you to sleep.  I know it is a stall tactic but I figured I'd try to address it.  So we started adding the Michael the Archangel prayer to our nightly prayer routine, and I have started teaching you about angels.  I tell you how they are there to protect you and though you might not be able to see them they are there in your heart and your mind and all around making sure you stay safe. Some don't believe in angels but then again some don't believe in much.  Your old man believes and is certain that a couple times in his life there has been an angel on his shoulder watching over him.

Sadly, we added a couple extra angels or souls to your protection brigade this year.  Though we don't have them physically in this world anymore, they are still here looking after us, just like so many of those who have left this world for the next.  The souls looking after you are many, from people we have lost this year like Great Grandmom Frazier and Great Aunt Patti, or in recent years like Baby Sal, or even years ago that you never even met like your Great Grandparents Delores and Charlie, and even people both you and I haven't met but touched our lives just the same like your Great Granddad Sal or Monsignor.  These are just a few of the people I remember in my prayers every day and just a few of the people that I believe are looking down and watching out for us.

The whole angel thing might backfire horribly on me though.  Instead of strengthening your resolve and alleviating your fears as you lay yourself down to sleep, it seems to have supplied you with another stall tactic.  You want to wait for the angels to come and don't seem to understand when I say they are already with you and protecting you.  However I will not fall into the trap and begin thinking you just don't understand, because if the year 2012 has taught me anything, it has taught me to never underestimate your ability to get it.

May all those who have gone before us always be in our hearts, minds, and lives.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Sharing Time With All

To my son Tommy,

I have noticed on more than one occasion I have suggested that you are spoiled by all the gifts and such that you have.  I hope you realize that I am just teasing and don't think you are spoiled.  You are one of the most appreciative children I know.  You are happy with just about anything you get and very thoughtfully always remember to say thank you for the gifts given to you.

The picture above is you dressed up in some of your Christmas gifts.  You said you looked just like mommy when she goes to school.  You have an uncanny ability to play with almost every gift you get and every toy you have.  Old and new alike you give pretty much equal time.  It makes decluttering and giving away old toys a very difficult decision.  Soon though I think you will start making the selfless decisions and you will start asking to donate your toys to worthy causes.  Not sure why I think that will happen within the next year but my gut feeling says it will.

Though you get many gifts, something deep in your soul seems to keep you from letting it change you.  One of your favorite toys is an old cardboard box with eyes cut out and when you put it on your head you pretend you are a robot.  With an attitude like that, and a cuteness too, it is hard not to want to give you more and more.

If you can transition your ability to share time among toys to something similar with your adult relationships as you grow, you will have so many great friendships.  Too many times in our life, especially as you grow and become a parent and get busy with work and wife and who knows what else, our relations with our friends suffer like an old toy that gets shelved at Christmas time to make room for the new.  Every day you rediscover your old toys as if they are brand new and I hope to model my 2013 year after you and share some time with some friends that I have lost some of that connection with.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Boxes Boxes Everywhere

To my son Tommy,

As I came home from work, I was greeted on my doorstep by boxes and bags filled with recyclables.  It is a sure sign that you were extremely spoiled this year during the holidays.  It is also a sure sign that we as a society haven't grown passed our necessity for packaging.

I always wonder if a toy store would do well if everything was out of the box.  What is this obsession with packaging with all our goods?  I am sure the sales "scientists" have determined that items sell better when they are in a blue box 20 inches cubed with stars on the top right that smell like oranges.  I am also sure the people who supply boxes for just such a purpose are great people and need jobs too.  I just need to question if it is necessary.  Tree pulp wasted making cardboard, gas wasted with the extra weight to freight, time wasted taking the item out of the box, and on top of that the garbage people have to pick them up and hopefully get them to a recycling center so we can lessen the tree pulp wasting the next time.  It doesn't make  much sense to me.  Not to mention I think there is a special place in hell saved for the creators of toy packaging especially since this year they decided to make it so you needed a phillipshead screwdriver to get many of these toys out of the box.  Last year they seemed to be heading in the right direction of making it easier to get the toy out of the package and 2012 seems like an about-face on the topic.  Not that I am bitter  or anything.

This is what you have to do in your life to make a difference.  You can't just accept the status quo but you have to look at everything with a critical eye and say "Why do we do it that way? Wouldn't it make more sense to do it this way?"  This is how innovation, change, and a new normal come about.  You question and suggest change.  You research and find out that toy packaging makes it more likely the toy will survive the long haul trip through rough seas from China to some longshoreman (assuming they are not striking) in Jersey.  I just hope you find yourself in a position to actually effect change.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Wasn't Me

To my son Tommy,

There I sat, listening to the homily during the mass, and from behind me came an audible yawn.  The poor guy who was the culprit had sniffles and a cold and was obviously up all night sick.  He goes to weekday mass all the time and meant no disrespect I am sure but the yawn got the better of his stifling skills.  But the audible distraction threw our priest for a loop.  Now if you drew a line between the priest and the yawn, the line would go directly through my seat.  I resisted the urge to yell out, "It wasn't me" to make sure Father knew I was intently listening.

There are going to be times when you will be the mistaken culprit.  You have to learn as you go when to deny, when to prove your innocence, when it is enough that you know you are innocent, and even from time to time take blame for something not your fault.  It is one of the more difficult concepts to master.  It is human nature to point to the real culprit and excuse yourself from any blame.  But from time to time, it is just not the right thing to do.

Your grandfather Leo showed me by example when discretion was the better part of valor.  Through my childhood, he would occasionally get in trouble from my mom for things I did.  I was an only child so, if we didn't happen to have a pet at the time, it was usually either me or him that left the toilet seat up or messed up the living room.  I watched him as he took the heat for something he and I both knew I did.  He never said a word and just took it.  Occasionally when I was in deep water with your grandma Roro,  he would even stand up and take the blame purposely.  Here he was going out of his way to save me.  It took many years for me to understand why.

Your grandpa Leo also taught me to take blame and give a sincere apology if a lady passes gas near you.  I remember walking down the supermarket aisle with your Great Great Grandmom Kidwell and she was farting so much it sounded like she was puttering down the aisle on a motor scooter.  Everyone was looking funny at her, so I had to step in and take the blame and apologize over and over.  I still laugh about that to this day, God rest her soul.  With your mom and her crohn's disease, we may have plenty of opportunity to practice this skill through out our lives.

There is, of course, a great example of someone else who took blame for what others had done.  He epitomized it with the words, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do"  So if I get labeled as the 7am weekday mass yawner, so be it.  I guess I can follow some good examples and show some sacrifice and take the blame.  Just like I will probably take my fair share of the blame of things that happen around our house as you grow up.  Of course we can both just try to blame a fish named Mo for messing up the living room.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Wisdom Of A Husband

To my son Tommy,

I would say on a man's scale of 1 to 100, I fair about a 75 on the husbandly wisdom scale and that number is (hopefully) constantly growing.  That 75 is probably good enough to impress most men who use the same universal scale.  However my number doesn't change when put to your mother's scale.

Women have their own scale when it comes to husbandly things, and that scale isn't even universal from woman to woman, and perhaps even task to task and situation to situation.  Your mother uses a scale that probably ranges from 1 to 200 or 300, but I have seen certain women who use a scale up to 1000 or higher.  And yet the score never changes no matter if you use the man scale or the woman scale.  I only bring this up because the anecdote I am about to relay will only impress some men with my above average thoughtfulness and most women will consider my actions common sense and wonder why it is newsworthy.  Thus the difference of the sexes remain and I offer no solution.  It is the way of the world and there is little you can do about it, so I have learned to accept it.

Last night, we got home from the holiday hoopla and everyone was drained.  You had to really twist her arm and bully her into it (can you smell the sarcasm), but your mother and you had settled on the couch for some cuddle time.  I had plopped my big behind behind the computer monitor to blog.  I think I have mentioned before that my blogging is usually free form train of thought and rarely takes too much time.  As I was more than halfway done, I heard the low rumbling of some serious zee sawing coming from the couch.  You and your mom were off in dream land dancing with sugar plum faeries.  I finished my computer time and regarded the scene on the couch.

After watching and soaking in the vision of mother and child, while trying to separate it out from a rather unmatching sound like a chainsaw, I realized I was at a crossroads.  Every manly instinct in my body screamed "Let them be" and "Don't you dare put an end to it" as my gut reaction was to distribute one kiss per forehead and off to bed I go.  Your mother has trouble getting to sleep so if she is getting quality snooze time, why screw it up?  This is where I also realized how much I have grown (or been trained up) as a husband.

I went over and gently woke your mother to give her the opportunity to decide.  Did she want me to take you up?  Was she going to sleep down here?  After taking you up to bed, your mom soon joined me upstairs to hit the hay.  I admitted to her that I considered leaving her and you sleep but only didn't because I figured she would wake up upset.  She confirmed that I had made the correct choice and I could feel my number growing from 75 to 75.01.

Just a caveat, it is not the action that made me grow.  For each woman there is a different correct choice and what works for one is totally wrong for another.  The reason that my husbandly wisdom level went up is because I knew the right choice for your mother, my wife.  Both your grandfathers have given me advice to try to increase my husband score and they have both warned me that it will only get worse.  Perhaps some day I will get to 100 which I will think is the epitome of being a husband and your mother will think "Hey he gets it right half the time" which is about the best any man can hope for.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Perfect Christmas

To my son Tommy,

Your mother has this picture of Christmas morning securely ingrained in her head.  She pictures you coming down with wide eyes and excitement as the flash of the camera futilely attempts to capture the magic of the moment.  She works so hard to create that moment for you (and her) because she remembers that moment from her childhood.  So when you woke up a little after zero three hundred hours this morning and refused to go back to bed and started down the steps,  you could almost physically see her dreams dashed.  Since the alternative of handcuffing to your bed seemed a bit extreme,  I told her we better get down and enjoy the moment for what it is.  One thing I have learned well over the past four years is that even the best laid plans can be dashed in a blink of an eye by even the most innocent actions of a child.

Luckily I had turned off the computer and the tree lights and the TV and every other light in the living room so there was only limited residual light from the bathroom lights being on down the hall.  You didn't even notice the rearrangement of furniture as you plopped down on the couch and asked for some water.  I gave you your water and wondered when you would notice you were less than two feet away from a huge pile of presents.  Your mother came down and was also confused why there was no commotion yet.  You were half in and half out when you asked for a graham cracker, still not noticing anything special like the two play kitchen sets that were roughly three foot high next to you.  On a side note the play sets have made it through probably around twenty years and now at least three of our families' households.  Your mother and I sat there in the darkness awkwardly wondering if you would fall back asleep before noticing that Santa had already fully stocked our house.  It took roughly one hour and it was roughly 4:30 before you were out enough to bring you back to your upstairs bed.

We had to wake you up in the morning, but this time the presents and kitchen set definitely caught your attention.  Our time table had been off a bit and your mother was a bit worried about being late for our visits to the other households for the day.  After a quick refocus on what is truly important about this day, we sat there and watched you open your gifts.  You made out like a bandit and perhaps were a bit spoiled with your spoils.  When tasked with picking just one gift to bring to your Bwama's house, you calmly piled up on one your kitchen sets with every piece of fake food and dish you own and informed us that this is the gift you decided to bring, so you could make breakfast for everyone.  After some negotiating that would have impressed a vendor in a Turkish flea market, we got you to agree to taking just the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine.

Three households later, and at least 50 miles travel under our belt, and tons of gifts later, and lots of hugs and holiday wishes from many family members, and tradition after tradition both old and new, you finally hit sensory overload.  Christmas holidays can be rough on even the most seasoned veteran.  You finally convinced your parents to get you home to enjoy some quality cuddle time ,before the reality of work or cleaning or just day-to-day life come screaming back in tomorrow morning.

Your mother has this picture of Christmas morning and even all of Christmas Day securely ingrained in her head.  She has this perfect picture and she strives to pass on this gift.  But I will tell you a little secret.  Though she has this perfect picture in her head, that is only because time has blurred all the stresses that happened to achieve those small perfect moments.  With the difficult erased by Father Time, only the magic remains.  When everything seems to be going wrong, you're late for this place or that, your pie isn't cooking, you forget a gift, and you are just sure that Christmas itself is ruined...simply take a big deep breath and remember the true meaning of this time of year.  It surprisingly turns out that often the imperfect moments are really the magic.  They certainly usually are the most memorable.  When you are all grown up and with kids of your own,  you can thank your mother for that memory of the perfect Christmas magic moment.  And if you ever need some reality thrown into that perfect memory, you can come ask me and I will tell you about 3:30 in the morning wake ups and parents that had to drink no less than ten cups of coffee to make it through the day.

To all our family members that make Christmas so special for our family, thank you and Merry Christmas!

Sincerely with love from you dad,
Leo

Christmas Eve

To my son Tommy,

We just got back from the 4:00 PM children's mass at St. Agnes.  The decorations were tasteful and beautiful, the creche scene built by Msgr. Fortenbaugh proudly displayed, two pews filled with just our family, Father Raymond (who you always say hi to and even walked up before mass to give him a special Merry Christmas) at the pulpit reminding us the real reason for this whole holiday, angelic voices from the kid's Cherub Choir, and we were even treated to a solo by your cousin Emma.

You are now putting on pajamas and galoshes to go to your Bwama's house as is tradition.  A light snow has fallen over Maryland and renewed everyone's conversation keynotes.  We have NORAD up and tracking the jolly fatman's progress (no not me, Santa).  Later tonight, after Pop-pop reading "Night Before Christmas"  and we have said our fare-thee-wells, we will settle in to some quality cuddle time while we watch the Snooze-a-thon on the Sprout channel to show you that even your favorite stars are fast asleep awaiting the jolly fatman (no not me!).

There is so much more to Christmas and I got lucky enough to live some of these moments today where the true spirit of Christmas comes rushing through.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Effort

To my son Tommy,

You know what makes an average student an excellent student?  Effort.  You know what the difference between good intentions and great results are?  Effort.  Effort is one of the major secrets to success in this life and in everything you do.  Unfortunately it is one of the oft missing pieces in the lives of people.

I have seen the effects of lack of effort, both personally and professionally.  At work many times people pay lip service and talk about some in theory instead of putting in the effort and dealing with concrete practical application day in and day out.  The old adage too many chiefs and not enough indians comes to mind.  All it really takes is someone taking ownership of a task and putting the effort into getting the job done.

The same thing happens in my personal life.  I am overweight and it is directly because I do not put in enough effort to change.  I grumble about this and that in my life but yet I do nothing to modify the outcome.  The concept of "doing" and matching your words, desires, and beliefs with your actions is not a new one and not even new in the letters I write to you.  But it is definitely worth repeating over and over to you and to myself until I put enough effort into every area of my life and the excuses melt away and results come.

You want to be a good Catholic and follow the tenets of your religion?  Takes effort.  You have to at least come to the table and meet Him half way and work with God's graces.  The difference between married and happily married?  Effort.  Reminding someone how loved they are and how important their love is to you is a daily chore.  Want to make a difference in the social injustices of the world?  Going to take an effort.  The problems in society are not going to fix themselves and if we are all waiting around for that to magically happen, the fix that comes is going to come because of catastrophe. You want to be recognized for all the potential greatness you have?  Well you got to do some thing, some effort worthy of recognition!  You want to live in a clean house?  Effort. Effort.  Effort!

Most anything you desire in this life you can get with the proper amount of effort.  Sure there will be times when you will have your efforts stopped and it will feel like you are spinning your wheels.  This happens because you may have your efforts focused on the wrong areas of your life.  But for the most part if you put out the effort, sometimes only the littlest amount is needed, you will get success and results in most everything you do.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Downeys

To my son Tommy,

The picture above shows something that hasn't happened in 16 years.  Here we have a picture of your great grandparents and they have all four of their sons that they sired under the same roof.  We have pictures to prove it.  The last time this happened was at Uncle Sean and Aunt Debbie's wedding.  It is such a treat to have everyone together and it is moments like this that make it all worth it.  We only wish that we could have had everyone in the Downey family tree there.  Your mother and Aunt Debbie and Grandmom Ro were hiding behind the cameras, but a few more pictures of the group are below.  Some even span four generations and about 90 years of life and love and family.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

News I Want

To my son Tommy,

Here is the headlines and news I want to see in a paper and on TV.

Mass Huggings Everywhere

Today a young child armed with two soft arms and high capacity heart loaded with more than 30 hugs, walked into his school.  He proceeded to give out hugs to anyone willing to accept them, faculty and student alike.  The janitor was quoted "Never had a student approach me and hug me for sweeping.  I was caught off guard and a bit bewildered"  The initial motive for this mass hugging is still unclear.  Experts are trying to ascertain if it was due to the child being on the autistic scale or if he was high on love for his fellow man.

In a seemingly unrelated incident, a man walked into his place of work with Christmas cards and candy canes and hugs galore.  It was an astonishing scene as everyone in the office from president to secretary received a huge hug and a "Merry Christmas".  Authorities are still investigating but except for Joe in accounting who should not be eating candy canes, there were no reported injuries.  They said there will be no charges pending for the obvious flaunting of the rules of political correctness by not saying "Happy Holidays"

Baltimore city saw a rise in drive-by huggings today.  It is a disturbing trend where people drive up, park their car, jump out of their car and hug the nearest stranger in a holiday and plutonic way.  One local resident said "I saw one drive by hugging that ended up looking like a rainbow as it quickly became a group hug encompassing all those colors that were previously associated with gangs."

At the mall, flash hug mobs continue and reports of spontaneous caroling and people screaming Habari Gani and Happy Hanukkah.  One Jewish shopper was quoted as saying "It was disgraceful.  Many were mis-pronouncing the word.  It is more like the J in Jose but more gutteral."  As that customer walked away, he and a Muslim exchanged a shalom with a salam, which seems to be of equal currency in the world's stock exchanges today.

The official motto of the day is suggested in this childhood favorite poem by Shel Silverstein.

I will not play at tug o' war
I'd rather play at hug o' war
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs
Where everyone giggles
And rolls on the rug
Where everyone kisses
And everyone grins
And everyone cuddles
And everyone wins!

With reports still coming in from the corners of the world of goodwill and love and people standing up against the ways of the past that lead to more of the same, we are seeing all kinds of odd occurances.  Kids putting down video game controllers to read books with their parents.  Big companies giving massive bonuses to their lowest paid employees.  Boehner and Obama were seen in a hugging exchange (that the secret service soon broke up) after they both decided to fix the economy together with common sense and with no regard to those that contribute to their campaigns nor regard for their friends and family that make over a certain amount of money.  Churches everywhere and of all denominations were filled to capacity with people hugging and praying and giving off good vibes.  With all these reports, one has to wonder if both Michael Stipe and the Mayans were correct with this being the end of the world as we know it.

Anyway that is the article or headline or news report I'd like to see.  I can wish can't I.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Irony Of Preparing For All Possible Outcomes

To my son Tommy,

Some people and some companies prepare for any outcome.  A prime example of this is the company that prints the Super Bowl Champ hats and stuff.  They spend (waste?) double their money and print sets for either team.  That way, the moment the game ends, they can supply the hats and shirts no matter who won.  The other set of clothing with the other team name, I am not sure but I guess they end up incinerated or trashed in some way.

There are tons of companies that do this.  From companies that make commercials to companies that make press releases to politicians to hedge funds etc etc.  Everything in duplicate for any eventuality.  One of the biggest companies for this is news organizations and newspapers.

I bet you that somewhere out there a newspaper is holding two headlines for their front page tomorrow or Satruday.  One says "The Mayans Were Wrong" and one says "The Mayans Were Right".  Can you see the irony here?  Only one of these headlines has any chance of making it to publish.  The "Wrong" headline has a chance to make it out because if the end of the world comes, it is going to put a big damper on publishing and distribution of the "Right" headline.

I guess there are times when preparing for all possible outcomes makes you look good.  It is actually an old magician trade secret.  If I make you pick from five shapes, and I hide five shapes in my clothing in various places, and I can then get you to divulge what your pick was, I can pull it out of my hat, or my pocket, or my sleeve, or my sock, depending on which shape you picked.  Most people are none the wiser that it didn't matter what their original choice was and amazed that the shape they picked was the only shape in the pocket of the magician.  But that is just the problem, it is all smoke and mirrors, a con.  I can spend $1000 a day to pick every combination of the pick 3 lottery and lose half my money each day for a week.  But then I can show someone the winning ticket everyday for a week and con them to buy my bogus "system" to always pick the winner.  Usually preparing for all possible outcomes cost you big money (or time or resources) and saves you little.  From time to time it is as useless as an end of the world headline.  So beware of those people who say they got your covered no matter what happens,  chances are they are wasting your time and money and are just selling you some useless "Mayans Were Right" headline article.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

To my son Tommy,

I looked in the mirror this morning and to my surprise I saw my father looking back at me.  I am pretty sure it was him but a slightly younger version of him.  I could see the widow's peak climbing up his forehead and on the way to the top of the head.  I could see a look in his eyes that was a mixture of tired and determination.  I could see a man who was wearing clothes that scream "It is what is on the inside that counts" and somewhere on his face was the I don't give a rat's patootie look as he tried to comb the mess of hair on his head.  I could see some gray hairs that came from worrying about a son and a wife and the future welfare of his family.  I could some wrinkles that were caused by smiles and laughs throughout his lifetime.  I could see a man who was about to commute to work and listen to public radio even though he promised himself that he wouldn't do the dorky things his father did and he would grow old listening to only modern music and never to talk radio or the likes. I could see a guy with the ability to spin a yarn or to tell a tall tale that could captivate, entertain, and convince most anyone.  I could see a guy who was vulnerable yet strong in the presence of the world before him.  I could see patience and dependability and I could even see a deeply seated spirituality that seemed to glow from his inner being.  I looked in the mirror this morning and saw my father looking back at me and I was happy.

We become our parents.  No matter how often a kid grows up saying they will be nothing like their parents, it constantly amazes me how alike they are to the thing they rebelled against.  Sure there are slight differences but they are much smaller than you think.  I was lucky and my example of a man was a great example to grow up to be.  Hopefully you will consider yourself lucky and your old man will someday be someone you are happy to see looking back at you from the other side of the looking glass.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Christmas Pageant

To my son Tommy,

There I sat in the activity center, looking at a drawn curtain and hearing all types of shuffling and moving and practicing behind the stage.  Then the curtain started to move as if someone was trying to find the break.  I sat there whispering in my head "It is going to be Tommy, it is going to be Tommy" with a certain amount of anticipation but a bit of dread as well.  Sure enough a little familiar face peaks out and smiles.  Then another peak and another peak.  When your mom told you to go listen to Ms. Mary you decided that meant you should no longer peak out the center split in the curtains and headed off to the side.  You have your mother wrapped my son, because as much as she wanted to be mad at ya for not listening and being the "trouble maker" she was too busy laughing and admiring your cuteness.

Today was the PreK3 Christmas Pageant where you had the part of Joseph.  You had about 5 adoring fans out in the audience and you were hamming it up.  You somehow shifted from outgoing to shy and back to outgoing in a blink of an eye, multiple times.  One second you were singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" with all your heart and the next second you had the shepherd like head piece turned around to hide your face.  I was having trouble with the flip video camera so I missed some parts here and there but between the 4 or 5 devices we had going, I will be able to upload some future embarassing photos and videos (more than the 3 or 4 on this post) to pull out when you meet the woman of your dreams.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Never Unplug The Smoke Alarm

To my son Tommy,

Due to the internet and social media and such, I am "treated" with the ability to see what the many people I have met know, think they know, or think about a multitude of subjects at just about anytime of the day.  I know most everyone that is listed as a "friend" on my facebook page and if I were to see them in person on any given day I could go up and talk to them directly.  Unfortunately after seeing some of their views, there are a few on my list that I wouldn't want to really associate with.

So why are they still on my list?  I keep them on the list for the same reason I do not unplug the smoke alarm.  Smoke alarms have the potential to annoy you and scare the hell out of you when they go off, but you need to know when there is danger.  Pretending these views do not exist and insulating yourself with like minded people, does not give you the protection that you deserve.  I have an uncanny ability to think for myself and do not quote from or require status updates to tell me what I think.  I also don't let it get to me personally and just consider them information about the misconceptions of the world.  Except for the fact that they make my prayer list longer, they don't necessarily effect me.  I have very specific and actionable information to direct my prayers.  "Dear God, please open the hearts and minds of these nutcases that immediately went to the rants to protect their right to own guns instead of grieving the recently lost lives."  It is not necessarily their political views but it is the fact that their egocentric lifestyle did not allow them to focus on the most important part of the tragedy because it doesn't directly involve them.

Your mother has a few past acquaintances that just drive her crazy with their narrow-minded views and posts and stuff that really borders hate speech.  I have constantly said to her that she should just delete them but she responds that she needs to keep her enemies close.  She and I are of the same mindset when it comes to that but I tend to not let it get to me.  Your mother is more sensitive to the world and takes wrong thinking as a personal affront.  I on the other hand learned at an early age, most likely from being an army brat and watching the egos in the military, that a jerk is a jerk and as long as you know he is a jerk you can deal with him and since you accepted them for who they are, you can even like them in an odd sort of way.  It is those that hide their true nature and spring it on you at some unsuspecting moment that are difficult to deal with.

It is a fine line to walk when you must decide when to tone out the misdirected and uninformed.  It directly deals with your ability to think for yourself and not let them influence you or get to your soul in a way that breeds bitterness.  You have to make individual decisions on each case if the person is misled and wrong or if they are really just spewing hatred.  You will have to decide when to stand up and speak out or if doing so will play into their need for attention or drama.  You will have to decide when to hit the mute button on certain people for your own sanity or when doing so will just make you unaware of the foolish views of the world.  You will have to decide when you allow these people time to walk through your mind with their dirty feet while maintaining the ability to wipe the dirt they leave behind.  These are not easy decisions but they are important decisions.  Good luck.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Hope For The Future

To my son Tommy,

There are many adaptations of the classic tale by Charles Dickens called "A Christmas Story".  I just finished one by Disney and it occurred to me how many people miss some of the more prominent lessons.  People come away from the story focusing on not being a scrooge and stories of Christmas triumph and large turkey dinners showing up to the deserving Tiny Tim, but they miss the lessons that are not seasonal, the lessons that are timeless no matter if the Christmas decorations adorn the streets or not.

One of these lessons is that the future is not set in stone.  We also learn that the only hope for the future is to understand the past, be knowledgeable about the present, and be thoughtful of what the future holds if the patterns of the past and present hold fast and do not change.  In times of tragedy when people ask what they could have done and what they should do now, these lessons ring truer than ever.

We must know what was and where we came from.  We must understand what brought us to this point in our life.  Without knowing the past we are destined to repeat the errors of the past over and over.

We must know what is going on now.  We cannot look through rose colored glasses or live with blinders.  We must be aware of our present condition and even more than that we have to be realistically aware.

Finally we must take time to predict the future.  We don't have to put on gypsy headdress and look through crystal balls to divine what is to come.  We just have to choose to see what is inevitable with the path we are treading on.

All this leads to choice.  You can choose to accept everything as is.  Many people do and that is why we tend to get more of the same.  However you can choose, like Ebenezer Scrooge, to have an epiphany that touches your soul and begin to change your ways so the future holds better prospects and a brighter picture. You have to take these lessons and adapt them to most every aspect of your life.  Our hope for the future of your life and maybe even for the future of our society, rely heavily on many of our young children realizing this lesson at a much earlier age than your old man did.  But then again Ebenezer was no spring chicken when he made his change so perhaps the hope lies in old farts like me making real change.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Necessary Distraction

To my son Tommy,

With the recent events in the news, we needed something light and fun and rejuvenating.  Luckily from last night on, your dance card (and thus ours) has been full.  Family and wholesome fun and goodness was just what I needed to distract me from the horrific events in Connecticut which for some reason has sturck a chord with me and upset me deeply.

Last night we went to the St. Agnes Christmas Pageant.  You cannot get more wholesome than kids singing Christmas carols.  Honestly, with the recent events in the news, you could have had all the kids stand up there and pick their nose and every adult would have clapped and been overjoyed.  The songs were good and your cousin Emma had a little solo.  You tried to sing along with every song, not letting the fact that you didn't know all the lyrics stop you one bit.  When the St. Agnes Men's Choir were singing, evidently you decided that you should join.  We were sitting in the front rows so you turned to face the audience and started singing and dancing along, as you inched yourself further back and back and closer to the stage.  Your mother, who was in a state of indecision on whether to laugh or be mortified, finally snatched you up and ushered you out as to not cause a scene.  You soon came back and you really enjoyed seeing all the different instruments in the school band who finished out the night.

This morning was "Breakfast with Santa" and once again we were surrounded by family and friends.  After some pancakes and the like, the big man in the red suit made his appearance and you were awe struck.  You actually got to get on Santa's lap twice this morning, one for the business portion such as telling your Christmas desires, and another for a picture moment because Pop-pop wanted another chance for some good photo-ops.

Then Grandmom Roro and Grandpa Leo came and got you and took you to a flea market, or as you said the "fleece" market.  Not sure if your pronunciation is not too far from the truth.  You bought tons of magnets and ended up with some Mexican navy style sailor hat.  No matter the outcome, you got to spend some quality times with your grandparents.

We finished up with dinner at the Downey's and some time to enjoy family.  We could laugh at your attempt to upstage the choirs and talk about fleas and fleece over some real burgers and some fake vegetable magnets. Every chance I got I gave you a hug and whispered in your ear that I love you.  Like a good friend of mine who lives up in CT and, as I discovered today to my dismay, had some relatives directly effected in Newtown said, "Love your kids.  None of us are guaranteed a tomorrow."

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Prayers

To my son Tommy,

Normally I try to explain events of our life and times to you in this blog.  Today will be a short blog because I have no words or cannot even fathom an explanation for yet another mass shooting.  I just want to finish work and get home and give you a great big hug.  To those victims of the shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary in Newton CT, my heart and prayers go out to you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Date Night

To my son Tommy,

Before you were born, your mother and I went out often.  Some would even suggest that we were out more than we were in, which made nights staying in all the more special.  I tell you this not to make you feel guilty for our lack of external social life.  Nor do I tell you this to try to convince you that we were at one time the cool kids on the block.  I just mention it so you get an idea of how excited I am to be going on a date with your mother tonight.

To celebrate your mother finishing this semester of nursing, and just to celebrate us being us together, we are headed out to a restaurant tonight.  We enlisted your godmother Aunt Na to watch you as we head out and just get to focus on us for a bit.  Of course date night is going to be quite different than our days of yore.  Before we would drink tons of booze and spend money galore and be merry for hours on end.  Tonight we will be ecstatic to share a half price appetizer and a crummy margarita from some chain restaurant for an hour or so.  We have come to realize in our life that all we need is good company.  We have also come to realize that since we don't have occasion to drink much anymore that one tequila drink may make us suffer the hangover effects even before the check comes.

Yesterday I mentioned how it is great to try to help out whomever you can even if they are a stranger on the highway.  The reason we try to help people is every person is more alike than we are different.  Ignoring the superficial differences and honing in on what makes us human allows us to have compassion and love for all.  If you imagine how you would like to be treated, it is easy to pick the right course of action to treat others.  Tis the golden rule set down by a Man much wiser than me.  "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself."

But you should take this concept of being alike and the golden rule out of the obscurity of theory and apply it to all your real life relationships everywhere.  Applying it to the woman you love will give you an ability to decipher a small part of the psyche of a woman (which of course understanding a small part is the best a man can hope for).  You will realize that everyone wants to be loved and wants to share love.  If you act accordingly with the core concepts of life and how you would want to be treated, and you do this with your wife and family as well as all strangers, you will go far my son.  All people enjoy being appreciated and made to feel special.  And what could make someone feel more appreciated, more special, than a half price appetizer shared with yours truly.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Flat Tire Or Mammogram

To my son Tommy,

I realized on my commute into work that there is no universal hand signal for "Hey buddy you have a flat tire"  or if there is I am ignorant of this fact.  I noticed the guy in front of me, as we were getting on the beltway from the route forty ramp, had their passenger side rear tire going severely flat but not yet scraping rim.  There are two things you can do when you see this.  One, you can shrug it off with a "Sucks to be him" or two, you can pull along side and try to inform the person.  It easier to do the first but you should at least attempt the latter assuming you can do so with out endangering yourself or others.  You don't want to drive recklessly and risk life and limb to alert someone about a flat tire that they are already going to find out about in twenty minutes when the sparks start flying and the sound of metal on asphalt overcomes the blaring radio in their car.

Since I am cursed with good upbringing, I pulled alongside this vehicle and attempted to alert them.  After a quick honk to grab the driver's (female) and passenger's (male) attention, I realized that I could use a good acme sign like Wile E. Coyote.  I then attempted to squish my hands in front of my chest to try to show a flat tire.  I am sure the guy in the passenger seat was thinking, "Hey honey...this guy evidently thinks you should get a mammogram" as he just kind of nodded and smiled like I was recently released from Spring Grove psychiatric hospital.  After some exaggerated lip movement of the words "flat tire" and a point to their rear tire, she seemed to get it or at least wanted to make me feel like she understood so they could get away from me.  I veered off on the interstate 70 exit and they continued on the beltway.

There is probably no greater a measure of character than the effort you give to help a total stranger.  There will be many times in your life that you will be put in the position where you are not required to do anything.  No one would know if I just left that person unaware of their flat tire.  Frankly no one knows if I did make that person aware, though now people know I made the effort.

There is no right or wrong answer as to when you should try to help and when you should leave things be.  Each situation is different.  You drive past a person stranded on the side of the road, do you stop and risk your life to help or do you just call the authorities so they can come help or do you pass by with doing nothing? There are circumstances that make each of those options the right thing to do,  but as a general rule always give it the old college try to help your fellow man.  Hopefully the axiom that "no good deed goes unpunished" will not hold true for the the times when you decide to be the good Samaritan.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo Downey

Adventures In The Life Of Tommy

To my son Tommy,

Today was jam packed for you.  School, your first time in a barber shop, sitting on Santa's lap in Columbia Mall, and you landed the part of Joseph in next weeks pre-k-3 Christmas pageant.  You were extremely excited to see me and tell me of all your adventures.

Your first haircut with scissors looks pretty good.  Before this, you and I had free haircuts by mommy.  A pair of clippers kept us with motivated haircuts for the past couple years.  Unfortunately, our free barber has been busy studying this semester and you and I were starting to look like long haired hippies.  But with Christmas coming, something had to be done.

Your reward for sitting patiently through your haircut was a trip to visit Santa.  Evidently you are looking for trains and Scooby Doo among some other things.  We will have to see if the big guy delivers.  I was just telling your mom that you would be grateful for just about any gift, as long as it is wrapped.  We could wrap up toys you played with yesterday and you would be thrilled.  You just like getting wrapped packages.

Congrats on your budding acting career.  I am sure you will be wonderful as Joseph, especially if you get to wear some hooded robe.  You already drape blankets over you when you practice praying, so it isn't really much of a stretch.

There were many adventures for you today.  As you grow older, I hope you don't lose the magic of these small moments and look at everything you do as a new adventure which you are so excited to tell your dad about.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Change

To my son Tommy,

I am constantly amazed at how resistant people are to change.  It doesn't matter if the change is for the better or not,  people are so entrenched in what they do, new things are shunned.  Newton's first law in physics states, and excuse me if I paraphrase, an object at rest will stay at rest unless acted upon by an external force.  This law actually transcends physics and is easily applied to the human psyche as well.

I have first hand experience of this today.  I rolled out ipad tablets to our field mechanic foreman.  You could smell the fear in the room.  "Beware of geeks bearing new technology" was written in neon across their foreheads.  There are a few that are excited but the majority are petrified by the prospect of change.  Even though this has the potential to make their job much easier and allow our workforce the opportunity to really improve our company,  change in their mind is still bad.

This is going to be a rough transition but I have been through rougher.  Transferring from the written time sheet mentality to the computer net book mentality was no easy task.  I think everyone just got used to the net book system and now we throw tablets at them.  The sad truth is those that were conscientious and courteous and paid attention to details with the older systems are the same ones that will succeed with the ipad system I rolled out.  The ones who fight change and were poor at giving information and bad with details and reckless or uncaring or even purposely misleading before, will still get the same results no matter how much technology we throw at them.  Hopefully though by the new system, I have taken away a good amount of the excuses and those who fail to do their job properly will be more evident.

I don't want to say blindly embrace change as you grow but I don't want you to shy away from change either.  Learn to adapt and recognize the good and bad of change.  Ironically, change is one of the world's constants.  Also realize that as much as things change, the core principles stay the same.  The underlying being that you are will always shine through no matter the system, from pen and paper to digital pixels.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Heart String Tug

To my son Tommy,

I had to work today.  Had to prepare and put on the finishing touches for the Ipad deployment and presentation during tomorrow's production meeting.  I left the house around 3:30 and just got home a few minutes ago.

While I was at work, I got a call from you around 8pm.  "Daddy, when you come home from work will you come upstairs and give me a kiss?" is the first thing I heard on the phone.  You pulled so hard on my heart strings that a few of them broke.  I had hoped to be home as you headed to bed and do the whole tuck in and sing and prayers nightly ritual, but the tiny voice on the other end of the phone meant I had missed my window for that happening.  I promised I would come up as soon as I got home and told you I love you and your mommy as we hung up.  I kept my promise with a kiss and I hope one day you understand that I work for you and not instead of you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

How We Got A Fish Called Mo

To my son Tommy,

We had two family functions today.  Though many of the people were the same at each event, the reason for each were quite different.

The first event today was, as your Uncle Rah-Ray said, Happy Nansy-mas!  Every year around Nansy's birthday, we find a weekend day and get together and celebrate her b-day and decorate her house for Christmas.  It is a morning filled with food, fun, cheer, and confusion.  Ornaments are set out and arrange and re-arranged.  I think every little figurine is touched by a dozen hands and sees about a dozen adjustments.  It is quite comical if you sit back and watch a bit.  Your Great Aunt Lizzie and your Bwama and of course Nansy are the key directors of decorations.  I always sit back and imagine them with a General Patton starred combat helmet as they try to whip there reluctant recruits into an elite decorating squad.

Unfortunately, something set you off today.  That is to say set you off medically.  Not sure if it was the dust or the fresh garland, but all of a sudden you had an asthma attack.  Our visit was cut short and we went home for a mask treatment and a nap.  But the time we did have up there was great.

The second event today was a memorial or remembrance or wake of sorts for your Great Grandma Frazier. As we were getting ready to head over to your cousins' house, you asked your mom where we were going and what we were doing and why.  Your mother was a bit lost with explaining this type of thing to a three year old, so I stepped in.  I explained that we were going to remember the life of Grandmom Frazier and be there to support and comfort Pop-pop who had lost his mommy.  I continued to explain we were going to tell stories and laughs and memories and generally just be together as a family.  I figured, though I tried to make it as simple as possible, that my explanation was flying right over your head.

We went over and re-introduced you to every one there.  You played well with and enjoyed seeing your cousins Logan and Ethan.  People hugged and said hi and looked at a collage that your Pop-pop had put up with pictures of your great grandmother.  Everyone dined and talked and played and caught up.  Then there was a moment that it was you and Pop-pop on the couch and you asked him in the most sincerest and compassionate way, "Are you sad you lost your mommy?"

I will never doubt you again when it comes to grasping big concepts.  You soon went off to play some more, sharing and showing you ipad with your cousins, and ultimately you found a bunch of toys in the downstairs room and were very content for the rest of the night.  But in those quick seven words you had shown you knew what was going on.

You ended up with a helicopter and a goldfish from the whole event.  How that happened is still a bit of a mystery to me and makes my head spin.  You do owe Aunt Keri and Logan and Ethan a big thank you for the toy and for the fish you decided we will call Mo.

As I ponder each event of the day, I really don't think they were that different.  When it comes down to it, each event was about family and love and being there with and for one another.  Those make the best weekend events.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Tired But Not Tired Of It

To my son Tommy,

Tomorrow is a holy day of obligation, so you and I hit the vigil mass tonight.  Halfway through you fell asleep.  You morphed into a mixture of a sweat box, a limp noodle, a heavy bag of rocks, a fart factory, and a leech.  But the way you rested your head on my shoulder and had your hands wrapped around hugging my neck was heart warming to say the least.  Your great uncle Jim saw me struggling with the dead weight, smiled, leaned over and said "You may get tired but you never will get tired of it."  He of course was completely right.  I may feel like my arms are going to fall off and my back give out as I switch you from one side to the other for the twentieth time,  but for the closeness and love felt with a single content sigh from my sleeping boy, I would not trade a single moment of the struggle.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

On Demand World

To my son Tommy,

This morning before school, you were once again in your "morning" mood.  I had the Sprout channel on to ease you into wake up and no matter what was on the boob-tube you weren't happy.  You decided you wanted to watch some specific show called 'Noodle and Doodle' and were quite demanding.  As far as battle of wills went this morning, you lost.

I could have easily gone through the list of the DVR and found an episode of this show.  If we hadn't saved a previous episode, I am sure I could find it online or on-demand.  But I decided not to do any of those things.  I called on a daddy's prerogative to be a bit of a prick.  Though it would be easy to give you what you want, I decided to not let you have your way and learn to deal.  Even if you had been pleasant about your "demands", I would still have just made you watch what was on at the moment rather than what you wanted.

I won't go into some long tirade of how, when I was young, we couldn't fast forward through commercials and we would have to actually wait to the allotted time for a show to begin.  I won't explain how we sat listening to the radio for hours on the end just to record our favorite song on some cassette tape and hope like all get out that the DJ didn't screw up our recording with a bunch of talk over the beginning or end.  I won't even begin to explain such silly things as waiting for a VHS tape to rewind before you watched the next movie.  I understand that things change and technology advances and I am under no illusion that things were better using a huge boombox and a t.v. with a dial. But some things still need to be learned no matter how technologically advanced  we become

In this world today, what we want is at our fingertips. This doesn't allow you much chance to learn patience. It doesn't allow you to learn that you can't always get what you want.  It doesn't allow you that commercial time when you can get up and ignore the t.v. and perhaps some spontaneous conversation would occur or even some spontaneous tickle fights.  Now you can have it when you want it, condensed and commercial free, just because you thought of it and hit a button on your remote or mouse or touched your tablet screen.  It really is a brave new world.  It definitely challenges both today's children and today's parents when it comes to learning or teaching patience and other such character traits that are built by waiting and not always getting what you want.  Hopefully you will realize the lesson before you end up hating your old man.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Can't vs Don't

To my son Tommy,

How you frame a negative is very important.  If you are trying to quit something or to stop doing something use the word don't when at all possible.

When you say you can't do something this suggests that some outside factor is making your decision and controlling you.  It begs for an addition to the reasoning of why you can't..  "I can't eat that because my cardiologist says..." You need to explain who or what is stopping you.  Giving this power to an outside force is never conducive to accomplishing your task.  Not only does it relinquish some internal power, it also makes you feel like you are being punished.  "I want to but I can't"

If you say you don't do something, it implies that it is your decision and not some external influence.  "I don't drink soda..."  It comes more from a place of power and seems to say that you have taken control of a situation.  You may have to explain "I don't drink soda because there is too much sugar and too many empty calories" or you may have to qualify "I don't drink soda, anymore" but either way you seem more at peace and at terms with your decision.

Take for example smoking.  Your mommy and I are well over seven months without a cigarette.  If I were offered a smoke today there are a couple possible answers.  If I say "I can't" I'd have to explain my reasoning 'because I would never be able to quit again if I re-start".  Very true statement but it sure sounds like the nicotine still has its hold on me.  It sounds like I really want to and it is not my decision to quit.  If I say "I don't smoke anymore" it comes off fairly definitive and leaves no doubt that I have made my decision and plan on sticking with it.

As life goes, you will have times when you have to stop doing something.  Whether it is dieting, or smoking cessation, or some other bad habit that you need to break.  Focus in on what you don't or won't do anymore and not what you can't do.  What you say aloud convinces others, but more importantly convinces yourself.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Nothing To Say

To my son Tommy,

After the past two days of work, I am left drained and speechless.  So I will keep it short and offer some wisdom from others.  A nineteenth century novelist named Mary Anne Evans used a male pen name to make sure small minded people would take her words seriously.

"Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact." George Eliot

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Don't Be A Donkey

To my son Tommy,

I spend my commute time thinking of things that should be and listening to public radio or lately Christmas tunes.  This trip home was spent pondering if a wifi or bluetooth enabled measuring tape would be useful, all while singing Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey.  I first pictured a regular tape measure that with a press of a button sends its current measurement to an ipad app.  Then I thought maybe it should be one of those laser tape measures.  Then I thought the laser tape measure could connect to the tablet or phone.  Then I thought perhaps the gyroscope and other internal gadgets of the ipad or iphone might be able to take the actual measurement through the camera and some math and geometry equations.  Then I figured somebody had to have already created this and even if they hadn't I might be a little short on the technical prowess in either of the phases I imagined.  I knew I was short on time to devote to outside projects, so the whole idea ended up filed away under "another time" in the corner of my mind.  Back to singing..."Jing a da jing..heehaw heehaw...."

I wonder how many ideas never see the light of day because people think like this.  I wonder how many I have processed myself in the thirty minute commute and discarded into the recesses of my grey matter to gather cobwebs.  It isn't till I see some other company bring out some cheap imitation of MY idea and screw it all up, that I remember I did nothing with my idea.

My advice to you, don't let other people screw up ideas floating in your mind.  Take them, run with them, and screw them up all on your own.  By at least attempting the project or idea, you won't be as much of a donkey as your old man tends to be.  Who knows, one idea might work and in the future when we walk into a room, our phones will automatically measure and document everything in the room without even having to push a button.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Better Person

To my son Tommy,

Earlier today, I was pondering my life and how I want people to think of me and remember me.  I tried to come up with the biggest compliment I could give someone and the biggest compliment I could get from someone. "I am a better person for knowing you." is the ultimate compliment I could think of.

That is how I want people to think of me.  I want people to be happier, healthier, wiser, better off, or just better for knowing me.  Imagine what it would take to say that about someone.  It would mean I made an impact, touched a part of someone's soul.  It doesn't have to be some type of great life altering change, because a simple moment and a simple smile and a simple memory can make someone the tiniest bit better.

I also want to surround myself with people of that quality.  I want to be around people that have made me a better person for just knowing them.  They don't have to have the same ideas or mindset as I do.  Many time it is their differences that make me a better person, because I am forced to question what I believe or what I think I know.  There are so many ways people can make someone else better.  Perhaps you can make someone better through intellect, laughter, sincerity, forgiveness, or example.  Either way you are really making someone better through love.

Luckily, there are many in my life that I can sincerely say this about.  You however are one of the greatest people in my life in which that statement holds true.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Secret To Marriage: The Obvious Lie

To my son Tommy,

Lately, your mother and I have been having a minor battle.  It seems that the world has reversed itself and your mother is hot in our house and I am cold in our house.  For most of our life it has been the other way around.  It is just a matter of a few degrees difference, but you would be surprised how significant two degrees can be.  When your mother is in the house, she wins.  She wins because I let her and I'd rather suffer with a chill than let her be uncomfortable.  However when she leaves the house, the thermostat plus button gets some love.

Today, she ran out to the store and probably seconds after I heard the beep-beep of the car alarm, the temperature somehow magically changed in the house.  With the hope of the icicles melting from my eye lids, I made myself comfortable and dove under a blanket on the couch.  I could smell the hot water rushing through the baseboard heat and I instantly relaxed.

Flash forward a couple hours and a semi-comatose but extremely warm and satisfied daddy had lost track of time.  He didn't even hear the car pull up, and was jolted awake and aware with the sounds of someone struggling with grocery bags and keys at the front door.  I bolted to the t-stat and dropped it to the previous setting as I yelled I would be right there.  I let her in and you and I both greeted her pleasantly.

Within moments she commented how hot it was.  Realizing my warm hind-side was cooked I said "Tommy and I were running around and playing pretty hard.  Amazing how body heat can raise the temp in the house."  I had just used a tactic I like to call the "Obvious Lie", something that is so full of it that it stands no chance of succeeding.  It is the same tactic my uncles used when they mentioned stepping on ducks after they audibly passed gas.

The words about body heat lingered as she looked at the t-stat and saw the actual temperature was a couple degrees above the target temperature.  I waited for the words to sink in.  Four little words "I smell the heat" and I knew she wasn't impressed.  But she smirked and chuckled.  After a couple more minutes passed she laughed some more.  She then pointed out that I was in a state of half dress (lounging in my boxers and I hadn't re-put on the blanket) and that if I put on some more clothes I wouldn't have to adjust the heat.  I however stuck to my original story, even as my own laughs at the ludicrous lie betrayed me.  She brought it up a couple times over the next couple hours each time laughing and had one hell of a commiserating story for your Grandmom Roro when we went up to her house for dinner.

The "Obvious Lie" tactic is not to be used in important matters.  The explanation must be so implausible that it becomes humorous.  You must have no delusions of successfully deceiving.  And you must stick to your story.  If you eat the last bit of something scrumptious in the refrigerator that she was saving for later,  you tell her that rodents of unusual size have infested the kitchen.  If you forgot to run the dishwasher, you blame it on the ongoing BGE brown outs interrupting the clean cycle.  Roaming gangs of penguins have been the sole reason for many of failures of cleaning duty and other such things.  The hope is that she accepts the excuse for a fleeting moment and than recognizes it for its absurdity.  You hopefully have disarmed any anger and redirected it with humor.  You have armed her with the stories of how silly and stupid her husband can be, which is a better gift than a cold house.  It is a risky tactic.  Use it sparingly.  If it backfires awfully, go honest and sincere with "I am sorry, of course I did it and I was just trying to lighten the mood with humor but it is not really a joking matter.  I apologize" Otherwise, stick to the story no matter how absurd.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo