Daddy Look What I Can Do

To my son Tommy,

You probably thought my smile and nodding approval was for your amazing feet of daring.  After all, you were going to bed by walking up the stairs backwards!  That is only part of what made me smile at the freshly bathed daredevil in the sponge bob pajamas with the innocent notion that walking backwards would greatly impress his father.  No the real reason I smiled and nodded and felt a warm fuzzy feeling inside is because you are you and I love you for that.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Catalogs

To my son Tommy,

I have always had a fascination with stuff. Ever since I was young, I would look through catalog after catalog with envy and want. Sometimes I would even end up buying some stuff from these catalogs. Often the gadget I would buy wasn't even half as cool as I imagined it to be or the catalog led me to believe. I often felt like my decoder ring just told me to be sure to drink my ovaltine.

I still have a fascination with magazines and ads and specialty sites. I still drool a bit when I look through sites like ThinkGeek.com or smarthome.com or Hammacher.com. But I came to realize that those companies pay advertising professionals big money to make me willing to part with my money and with that realization, and a couple purchases that turned out to be real lemons, I have developed more self control.

Don't fall for the glitz and glamour of catalogs. You don't need an electronic wine opener when a basic corkscrew will work fine. Enamor yourself with the simple life and put value in love of others not live of objects and things. I still struggle with this but less and less each day as I grow up. I guess that is part of growing up and I can only think if I had learned this lesson and taken it to heart a decade or two ago, I would be so much the better in my life. I hope you don't take as long as I do to learn this lesson of life.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Classics

To my son Tommy,

I make a bunch of references to what I consider classic movies and classic music. I often wonder if you will understand any of these references or go back and spend the time to watch and learn from the old movies. I wait for that point where you are watching Toy Story 3, and Buzz is telling the prisoners if they don't follow the rules they will spend the night in the box, and you will realize it has all been said and done before in movies like Cool Hand Luke. But if the past week has been any indication of how you receive classic movies, I really don't believe there will be any difficulties in translating my classic references.

We recorded on our DVR The Wizard Of Oz from public television and after a little prodding I got you interested in the movie. At first your mother and I were thrilled that a movie, that captured our imagination and still makes us feel young at heart, can have such an impact on you. You would yell at the screen telling Toto to run back to Dorothy when he escapes from the basket and you would run around the living room following an imaginary yellow brick road. You keep arguing with us convinced that it is a lollipop jail because you have no idea what a guild is. You would explain who is bad (wicked witch of the west) and who is good (Glenda which you call a princess rather than a good witch) and who is behaving badly but really is good (like when the cowardly lion tries to scare everybody with his first impression) and you would sit mesmerized and watching the show in awe sponging in a classic story like sucking the marrow from a bone. Of course all this was really cute the first ten times we watched the movie this week. And now that we are on to thirty plus times...well it is still cute but it might be wearing thin. Somewhere over the rainbow we will have to find another classic movie to focus on and do it soon. I am thinking I can hook you on The Swiss Family Robinson next.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Catholic In Me Is Not Tech Ready

To my son Tommy,

I like to follow along.  Give me a paper map on a road trip that I am not driving and over half my time is spent looking down and making sure I know where we are on that map.  If you have a song with some type of video enhancement, give me the words and a bouncing ball and even if I don't sing I follow along.  If I go to a baseball game, half my time is spent in the program following along with each player or keeping score on the scoring page.  When a person says "and if you are following along in the book, turn to page..." such and such, I am already there.  This is part of my make up and part of who I am.

I am also a geek and a nerd and a techy and a computer guy.  I love apps and software and tech devices and gadgets.  I no longer prefer a paper map because the map on the ipad does the following along for me.  Sure I still look down and follow along but it has cut my time doing so in half at least.  I have my music apps set to go get the lyrics where possible and display them to me.  Even audio books I have set to show the text as well.

And of course along with those aspects of who I am, I am Catholic.  The problem is the missalette at our church doesn't contain the readings for the daily mass only for the Sunday mass.  So if I want to follow along with the readings, I have to bring another tool, like a Bible.  But today I thought I'd try combining my three parts (tech nerd and follow-along-er and Catholic) and bring in my iPad to church.  A couple weeks ago in a search for Saint of the Day or for some reference to the Code of Canon Law, I had found a free app called Laudate by Aycka Soft which has the Order of the Mass mixed in with the proper daily readings and unlike many of the religious apps out there is specifically for Catholics and was determined to try it out in church.

I made sure my iPad was silent before I went in today.  I shoved it under my vest as if I was smuggling in contraband.  I told myself it was so no one else would be distracted by my experiment, but perhaps that was not the only reason I was apprehensive.  Because I was carrying this under my vest it delayed my genuflect to the Blessed Sacrament.  Normally I do this as soon as I enter especially on Saturdays where the Adoration is happening.  This time I waited till I found my pew.  I sat near the back, only a few rows from the last again to not distract many.  I left the tablet on the pew for the Benediction because even our own missalette differs in certain words or translations that St. Agnes parish uses for the Benediction so you have to grab a flyer when you come in (unless of course your hands are hiding an ipad under you vest)  With Benediction done, soon after mass started.

I pulled up my app with the order of mass with the readings and found the first problem.  I had to go to the missalette for the entrance antiphon which was absent from the app.  I assume whoever wrote the app goes to a church where they always sing the entrance prayer.  With a quick switch and switch back, I was determined to continue and follow along with the order of the mass.  Father Joe stumbled a bit over the words and the order of the Penitential Act, which I of course attributed to him noticing me all the way in the back with an iPad and thinking "Is that jerk really checking his email during my service?" which I suppose could be another temptation if I got accustomed to bringing my iPad into church but for now was the farthest from my mind.

We got to the readings and the app was actually following along very smoothly and more importantly correctly.  It had the right first reading and it was the right version.  It had the right Psalms as well, which is another thing missing from the missal.  It didn't have the little prayer in between the Alleluias before the Gospel but it had everything else and got the Gospel correct.  It was after this that I finally put the iPad down and stopped following along thus ending my experiment.

I have no doubt that in the future missalettes in the pews will be replaced with tablets as we move forward.  I imagine older people with trouble with eyes and ears being able to increase the size of their text so they can see it and follow along enhancing their church experience.  I imagine churches saving tons of money on books and such with a BYOD (bring your own device) policy.  I also believe that the potential problems (such as email checking or game play) can be overcome and are not deal breakers to our religion going forward in the tech world.  I just don't think I am ready to lead this charge and don't think our parish is ready for it either.

The app Laudate http://catholicapps.com/laudate/  is good tool and source even if it doesn't make it into mass with me.  I have found a couple other websites and apps throughout the years (like http://www.sacredspace.ie/ ) that have used one part of my person (the nerd part) to enhance another part of my person (the Catholic part) and always am on the lookout for good options though I believe everyone has to have a very critical eye on apps and websites and not blindly accept their accuracy or teachings without having a priest or diocese or someone take a look and make sure they are okay.  Maybe in the future we will have tablets and Diocesan approved apps but that is something that your generation will be more involved in than my generation.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

What To Say

To my son Tommy,

I never know the right words to speak to people who have experienced a tragedy or loss.  This seems to be the case with many people, me, you, and even President Obama or at least his speech writer.  On the way to work they were playing sound bites from the President's speech during the services at West, Texas.  In this sound bite the President commended them for their "ability to stand tall in times of unimaginable adversity."  At first hearing this, I, like the speech writer probably, thought that sounds great.  But after running it through the tumble cycle of my mind, it just didn't sit right with me.  Did he just in essence say "At least you are handling it well" or something to that effect?  What type of comfort is that?  It is just one or two steps above "Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?"

To be fair, I think the President and his speech writer did an adequate and competent job in a situation that words are useless and awkward at best.  I don't believe there is a right thing to say to someone who has experienced loss to death.  Everything we say is usually aimed at making ourselves and those around us not directly effected  feeling better and less so than the victim.  Still you and I will learn and use all those trite sayings and mention that the person is in a better place and at least they aren't suffering or at least they went quickly, as if that makes a whole hill of beans.  We are not great orators or writers and like everyone else we will struggle and stumble over the words in those awkward moments.  The best thing I have found so far is to place a sincere hug and embrace on the person and sincerely say "I am sorry for your loss and I am sorry for you grief" and just leave it at that.  If you want to do more you hand them the obligatory casserole and say  "I hope this dinner takes away one mundane task so you can focus on your loved ones." or do and say something similar if you can't cook.  Taking the time to go and mow someone's lawn so they don't have to worry about it while they grieve probably speaks louder and more true than any word or phrase could.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Drums of War

The drums of war are beating again as unconfirmed reports have come in that the Syrian government has used chemical weapons against the Syrian rebels. I don't pretend to understand all the ins and outs of the politics of why we have stayed out of the conflict up to this point and why now we probably will go in. It has to do with allies and adversaries and extremist rebels and moderate rebels and theoretical red lines drawn in the sand. If I were a betting man though I would imagine somewhere around the new moon in Syria on May 10th, our country will be involved in a significant way. The dark nights of the moonless sky always lends itself to military exercises, and the army is predictable if anything.

I believe the drums of war have had a steady beat every year of your life and, though I pray otherwise, I wonder if you will ever see a year of your life without world conflict. Violence seems to be a first resort nowadays and everyone seems ready for a fight. I hope as a society that some time we will remove our collective head from our collective posterior and stop killing each other. You and your friends and your generation remain our best chance of changing our future.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Logic

To my son Tommy,

Everyone thinks they use logic.  This is very far from the truth.  But you can never convince people that their "logic" is flawed or wrong.  I shouldn't say never but most make it a very difficult task.  They will spout off with diarrhea of the mouth (or in the computer world of social media...keys) and say they won a battle with logic.  And if you point out that they aren't making any sense they will say they have backed you in a corner using some type of undeniable logical argument when really you are just sitting back going "Huh?" because you don't speak idiot.  Yet somehow the enlightened try to reach out over and over again until their frustration bubbles over and then even the teachers give in to stupidity.  At this point you can feel your own IQ dropping to the level of the absurd donkey you are arguing with and you have to, for the sake of your own sanity, disengage even though this blockhead will think it is a victory and it will only stoke his deranged ego and self importance.  Your mother recently got into one of these battles (not with the stubborn lunkhead known as your father but some other blockhead) and bless her heart she keeps trying to reach out and explain to people.  Sorry to use a reference to a classic movie that you will have to look up later in your life and go all Cool Hand Luke on you but, "Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it. Well, he gets it. And I don't like it anymore than you men."   I personally write off people way too quick when it comes to arguing and just hope that their "logic" will lead them to toast bread in a bathtub or some other Darwinian form of correction that gives me hope for our species.

The first lesson of this is to not be that arrogant in your own logic.  Assume it is flawed at all times and that you can learn and make it better.  Humble yourself in your thoughts so you can better yourself and abandon your own wrong logic.  See arguments and perspectives from as many vantage points as possible.  Don't blindly accept other people's arguments or points without truly bringing it in to your own personal point of view.  In the immortal words of Walt Whitman in Song Of Myself

You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, nor look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books, You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me, You shall listen to all sides and filter them from your self.

The second lesson is it is easier to work with nature than against.  Nature says that everyone thinks they are smart and logical and correct and when you try to tell someone they are wrong nature says "Defend".  Use this knowledge as a weapon in life.  Instead of going right at them use your judo of the mind.  You can bang your head against a their wall of logic, but the best part about banging your head against a wall is how good it feels when you stop.  The funny thing is when you stop trying to topple their wall of rubbish they call logic, and walk away, they will tear down or abandon their own walls to follow you because they want someone to play their silly game.  So you may come to the question, "Why even bother arguing?" which is a great question and that leads us to our last lesson for the day.

The point of an argument is to persuade people to your side.  If you make an argument and you only manage to re-convince yourself, you cannot claim a victory.  If the only people that are persuaded to your camp were already on your side before you began arguing, you are not winning.  Only Charlie Sheen could pretend to claim to be winning in those circumstances.  If the person you presented your logic to goes deeper into their position, you have gone so far away from winning the argument it isn't even funny.  If no one from the other side acknowledges any of your positions as valid,  you have not made progress for anyone and you have wasted each others time.  To the contrary of what many believe, arguments are supposed to be tools to find the truth and search for common sense.  Many just use them to pick fights and make themselves feel better and fill themselves with self congratulatory celebration. Too many fools start arguments for just those reasons.  But be careful, to continue arguing with a fool you risk ending up as the bigger fool.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Zoo

To my son Tommy,

I took off of work today for your school trip to the zoo. We are members at the zoo but don't go half as much as we should, so the special treat of going with your class was very welcomed. The day was filled with giraffes and penguins and all types of exotic and not so exotic animals. You got a great group of kids in your class and great parents too. I must say I am impressed with how you and your class have grown. Before getting a bunch of nursery school kids to follow along was like herding water, now it is a little bit more organized, like herding jello. Though a bit more easier after 7 months of training and practice, I do have a special appreciation for Ms. Mary and Ms. Heather and all they do and their patience and skills. Fun was had by all but a nap could be very useful right now, especially if I decide to try and do some work to catch up on what I fell behind in today. But missing work was well worth it. If I find the energy later I will upload a couple photos.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

No Ranks

To my son Tommy,

I overheard people talking about the Boston Marathon and in their conversation they started ranking tragedies.  They put 911 and the towers at the top and 911 at the pentagon as a second and this tragedy here and that tragedy there and so on so on, making their way through Sandy Hook, and the Batman movie shooting, and Columbine, and Texas fertilizer plants, and every tragedy in the past two decades.  I bit my tongue but was quite upset by this conversation.

I guess from the outside point of view you can somehow quantify tragedy.  You could put it in some type of formula for scale and number of lives touched and come up with this ranking system.  Our human nature to rank and classify makes it very difficult to resist doing just that.  But that is part of the problem, everyone looking from the outside in.

If you are part of a tragedy, there is no quantifying your pain.  No matter how big or small the tragedy, your pain is real and tangible.  A person who lost their life in the Boston Marathon bombing is no more or less tragic than a person who lost their life in 911 which is no more or less tragic than a person who lost their life to a car accident.  If your family is touched, it doesn't matter how horrific or grandiose or how small and personal the event was that caused the grief.  It still hurts.

And that is what everyone has to remember as we go forward.  Tragedy is tragedy and as outsiders we have to do our best to put ourselves in other people's shoes and resist judging the event without the compassion necessary.  I am extremely saddened that we have enough tragedies in my lifetime to get to a top ten list and I continue to send all my prayers to those who have been touched by tragedy, be it something on a large scale or a more personal tragedy.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Exercise And Fresh Air

To my son Tommy,

We obviously don't get enough exercise or fresh air. It seems when we do that it just knocks us out at night, thus the missed blog from yesterday.

We were entertaining your cousin Gabe while the rest of the family went and volunteered at Honestly Autism day. I was determined not to let the day end up as couch sitting and TV watching and iPad playing as so many days off do.

Our first outing was to Five And Below where we each could buy a toy. After about four switches from one toy to another, you ended up with a Yoda figurine. This is odd because you have not seen nary a one of the Star Wars movies, but I guess you recognize a muppet like character and were drawn to it. Gabe got a couple packs of Angry Birds Star Wars characters. He was pretty excited that one of them was the Hans Solo angry bird. I was tempted at their little joke section to buy eyebrow and large nose glasses or fake poop or snapping gum, but then realized I will be turning 39 this year and resisted my immature urges.

After the mighty hunters had captured their prey (Is it a stretch to liken shopping to caveman mastodon hunts?) we needed sustenance. The drive-thru at the McDonalds ended up topping the list and we loaded up with fries and nuggets. I always hope that as much as you idolize your cousin Gabe that you will be influenced by him to try the nuggets, but peer pressure lost it again.

With bellies over-laden by calories, we had to head out and get some exercise. We started just walking without any destination but ended up at the St Agnes playground and slides. A good long walk to be sure and only once did you try the "I'm tired. Carry me." scam. We played on the slides for over an hour. I only know this because the one-o-clock bell rang after we had been there for a bit. I sat there thinking that a single bell is so anti dramatic. Then I watched your cousin and you evolve your slide play with your imaginations. One of you would lie on the slide saying "Save me! Save me!" And the other would rush over to grab the hand of the victim.

I thought to myself how this is such a metaphor for the world today. Everywhere we look we see hands trusted forward asking for another one to reach out and touch them and save them. Of course as your kids game evolved further you guys started letting each other slide down instead of pulling them safely. It was completed with a long drawn out "Noooooooo" from the rescuer who failed and an occasional "I will always remember you" from the rescuee sliding to his doom. This kind of killed the metaphor for me.

Gabe then discovered a lady bug on one of the slides and we all sat and gazed in amazement. The church bells rang two and prompted me to say time to go. Unbeknownst to me you had your Yoda figurine's jacket in your pocket and it either fell out in the playground or on our trip home. We might be able to find it after mass today but needles and haystacks fill my mind. On the trip home you got to running ahead of your cousin and I and had a little spill. Skinned knees and skinned palms, but honestly for a kid who is all boy you could have done worse.

So that is all it took for us to be as tired as the volunteers and get it to the point that blogs were of no concern last night as sleep dominated our focus. Now we are headed out to confession and church and perhaps a hunt for Yoda's jacket in which you might learn a prayer to St Anthony for lost items.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Words Of Wisdom From A Very Wise Man

To my son Tommy,

The apprehension of the second suspect in the Boston bombing (perhaps not alive) seems imminent.  I am saddened that religion once again may have been distorted and used for a motive in the bombings.  I will let a recent quote from a very wise man, the Dalai Lama,.sum up my feelings very succinctly 

“Any conflict in the name of religion is very sad. All the major religions teach us the practice of love, compassion and forgiveness. So a genuine practitioner among these different religious traditions would not indulge in such violence and bullying of other people. Now we’re in the 21st century. I think people should realize that all problems must be solved through dialogue, through talk. Use of force and violence is outdated and never solves problems.”

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Trick To Your Mornings

To my son Tommy,

I am beginning to believe it is genetic and not learned.  You are a bear in the morning and just want to continue sleeping.  You get this honestly from both sides of your gene pool.  But the other day,  I figured it out.  If I wake up an hour earlier than you normally would get up and get you dressed while you are sleeping and bring you downstairs while you are sleeping and do whatever I need to do to get ready while you are sleeping and all along throw potshot wake up calls as I walk by you...then you complain much less.  It doesn't stop the fight, just lessens it.  If I were to do all this when you are starting to rouse and wake, you put much more into the fight.  I know this is not training you to jump awake and attack the new day with vigor but it sure helps me get where I need to go.  And yesterday when I brought you to your grandmother's house, Pop-pop said with a hint of surprise and relief, "Tommy you look really happy for this early in the morning!" 

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Contract And Expand

To my son Tommy,

Through out the years and through many tragedies, I have noticed how people seem to come together and unite for a short period of time.  They come together to grieve, to support, to empathize and sympathize, to help, to yell, to do many things but they definitely come together.  People point to that and say that this is how it should be.  Unfortunately as close as people come together, that is how far they pull apart when the dust settles.

When the grieving gets done, people start looking for answers and solutions.  Many have the thought, "If people would just think like me, or do as I do, or speak as I speak, none of this would have ever happened" as they entrench themselves in their ideologies.  Republicans blame the Democrats for the incident and vice versa, religious blame the athiests or the agnostics and vice versa, NRA blames non-gun owners and vice versa, social divides, racial divides, intellectual divides and the blame goes on and on gaining more momentum than ever before because we have a tragedy to point to.  The polarization is painfully obvious as everyone thinks they have the right answer to make sure this never happens again.  As much as we grew together in the immediate aftermath, we as a society exponentially grow apart with time on the same matter.  It is this contract and expand that wears on the fabric of our society.

The sad truth is that this pull away after a tragedy is fruitless and futile and immature.  Because, even with our best efforts and intentions, we can never totally protect and prevent from tragedies.  It doesn't mean we shouldn't do something, but when the grieving is over the time to listen and accept and contemplate from all sides should begin.  We need to let common sense and compassion and understanding rule instead of our emotions.  Instead people get more bullheaded and more resolved and the results get weaker and weaker and what we are trying to accomplish with all this bickering gets farther and farther away.  Too often anger and resentment and revenge and blame fill the decisions after a tragedy.  Don't let those feelings win.  Fill your heart with love and compassion and understanding as you continue on.  I understand it is much easier said done, but we have to try.

Sincerely with love from you dad,
Leo

Prayers To Boston

To my son Tommy,

Today I don't have any witty banter nor will I spend it in a self-centered post about being grumpy. Bombs went off at the Boston Marathon yesterday and reports so far have said three dead and hundreds injured. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the people injured and the emergency responders and authorities that are working hard to help. Stay strong Boston.

Evil exists, my son, and not necessarily in some devilish monster but often it exists in the deep recesses of man and seeps out in destruction and tragedy. It is easy to throw our hands up and scream at the top of our lungs "I don't understand" and "what is the world coming too?" or "why in the world..." but that doesn't help. That response would simply feed our feelings of helplessness, indignation, and frustration. Unfortunately, beside prayer and love, I have no idea what else to do. Ban marathons? Ban public gatherings? What can you do to stop such stupid violence? Then I am reminded,,, the simplest act of kindness, the smallest reach out to another human being, may be just enough to change the minds or souls and make someone finally realize how precious life is.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Grump

To my son Tommy,

There are plenty of expressions for when someone is in a bad mood.  Some use the basic grumpy for a description while others will say you woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  My personal favorite is "Who pissed in your cheerios?".  Most expressions imply that it is some event or someone else's fault for your grumpiness.  It usually isn't and being grumpy is a choice.  I seem to have chosen to be grumpy today.

I am trying to protect everyone from me today.  I have closed the door and give every indication, both subtle and not so subtle, that any exchange with me today might not be the best experience in the world.  The little things that I usually let fly (or let flow or let go or however you say not let them bother) are annoying me like a papercut with lemon juice.  No matter how true or untrue it is, pretty much everyone I deal with today is going to be stupid.  I don't want to pass on this infectious negativity so I am secluding myself until I can get over the hump of the grump.  Today it might mean I actually get some work done.

I am here to tell you that it is okay to have days like this,  as long as you recognize that you are the real cause and you made the choice and you are your own solution when you decide to change.  If you are hell bent on blaming others and actually believe they are the cause for your miserable mood, you have given too much power away.  There are tough events in this struggle that we call life, events that cause all kinds of emotions, but only you have the power to let those emotions exist and how they spread.

Today is not one of those days where life is tough in all actuality.  I have nothing to point to and say "Right there...that is why!"  Just a funk.  So I leave you with lyrics that I heard on one of your old favorite shows called Jack's Big Music Show.

If you want to be a grump that's okay
But could you be a grumpy kinda further away
It's not that I don't love ya 'cause you know I do
Sometimes I'm grumpy too

If you want to be a nudje that's ok
But could you be nudjey kinda further away
It's not that I don't love ya 'cause you know I do
Sometimes I'm nudjey too

I think I understand
Exactly what it is you're going through
Oh when your oatmeal's lumpy and your socks are all bumpy
What's a poor kid to do? 

If you want to be a grump that's okay
But could you be a grumpy kinda further away
It's not that I don't love ya 'cause you know I do
Sometimes I'm grumpy too

Sincerely with love from your grumpy dad,
Leo

Develop Your Story

To my son Tommy,

One of the most exciting things in my life is watching you develop your story.  I have always fantasized about writing a full novel filled with well developed characters and intricate stories and me as the author shaping the direction of the story before it takes on a life of its own.  That definition of writing a novel sounds very similar to raising a four year old.  Perhaps your story is only a few paragraphs long right now but it only takes a few paragraphs to make someone interested in reading the whole thing.  And like a great book that you just can't put down, I will be right there in your life as your story develops and takes on a life of its own.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Culture

To my son Tommy,

You receive such exposure to so many things.  This morning is being spent cuddling with your mom as you watch people sing Les Miserable songs on some MPT concert that we recorded on the DVR.  It is not the full play or movie, so no set design, but it is pretty good.  You and your mom and a couple fraggles happily watching as your mom takes the time to explain who is who and how everyone is telling a story in their songs.  With your mother and I trying to afford every opportunity for growth and exposure to all aspects of life, I have a strong feeling that you will be a well rounded young man as you grow.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Where Need And Want Coincide

To my son Tommy,

It is inevitable.  Whenever I get into church in the morning, I feel the soft vibration of my phone against my leg.  After my daily mass, I get out to the truck and return the call and explain,  "Sorry I missed your call.  I was in church.  I didn't check my messages if you left one.  What can I help you with?".   The usual response is something akin to "Church?" or "You realize it is Friday?" or "Is it Sunday already?" or some other incredulous response.  I explain with humor that I try to get to church most every day I can because with how bad I am I need all the extra churching I can get.  This usually satisfies them and we can move on to the pressing issue that they originally called for, like their ipad beeped at them and they don't know why.

It is a rare occurrence when what you need and what you want and what you get coincide.  Most of us in this world need a swift kick in the pants but few of us want this and even fewer of us get a good swift kick to set them straight.  Many want wealth and riches but you only really need enough not over abundance.  In my past, I needed to go to church but I didn't want to.  So now I am happy that what I need and what I want have coincided.  It allows me to start my day in a spiritual way.

Our world would be so much better if people started there day in a spiritual way.  From mass every day I can attend, I get some alone time with my self, some alone time with my God, some alone time with my thoughts,  some alone time to set my goals for the day,  some verses from the Bible to reflect on and learn from,  and some together time to offer peace to those who attended the mass looking for the same things I seek, and I get much much more.  I am not advocating one religion over another with this lesson here, just advocating for setting aside time to focus on something bigger than yourself.  Everyone should spend some time in quiet reflection of themselves and their upcoming day and what they can do to be the best person they can be.  Be they Buddhist or Taoist or Catholic or someone who just doesn't know what they believe...prayer, meditation, thoughtful reflection on life, thoughtful reflection on story or history or verse...all of this can do wonders in a person and wonders for our society as we struggle to get along in this world full of pushing and shoving.  There I go again with the Jimmy Buffett quotes.  Might as well do it up right and finish out with a couple quotes from Fruitcakes.

The gods honest truth is it's just not that simple
Its the buddhist in you, it's the pagan in me
Its the muslim in him, she's catholic aint she?
Its the born again look it's the wasp and the jew
Tell me what's goin on, I aint gotta clue
.....
So I'll put on my bob marley tape
And practice what I preach
Get jah lost in the reggae mon
As I walk along the beach

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Would You Stop?

To my son Tommy,

Driving home today and I was driving down Aldershot road.  I saw a couple kids out front of a house. As I drove by I saw one go to snap kick the other and the other respond with a wild miss of a haymaker punch.  These kids were probably around 10 years old.  Would you stop?

I stopped and rolled down my window.  I was a little past them and looking in my side view.  I needed to determine if they were playing or about to fight.  To be honest, I had no idea if I should intervene or how to intervene if I didn't like what I saw.  Should I ask them to stop? Should I yell at them and scare them to stop?  Do I approach the house and look for parents to tell?  Some parents don't appreciate being told if their kids are misbehaving and become defensive, what then?

Luckily after the kids noticed that I had stopped and was watching, they stopped their antics.  This told me either they were playing or at least everyone involved was complicit and equally willing to be involved in the fight.  Either way, much to the relief of the car that ended up waiting behind me, I figured my involvement was done.

There is no set rules for when to step in.  It is a fine line to walk.  You really have to go with your conscience and gut.  This is my neighborhood as well as theirs and if I see some fighting, I will speak up.  It takes a community.  As long as the adult acts like an adult and calmly and prudently deals with the situation, then I think stopping and checking out and assessing and possibly addressing a situation is quite alright.  If an adult were to see you about to fight, I hope they would say something to you and then say something to me.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Judo Of The Mind

To my son Tommy,

"I want to go back upstairs and get in bed!" you whined this morning as I tried to get you up and moving.  Really, how could I argue with that logic!  To be sure, it was not going to happen, but the sentiment was shared by you, me, and I bet even your mom.  I tried to explain how much fun you would have today with Pop-pop and Bwama.  I tried to reason with you that we all had to do things we don't like because of responsibilities.  I tried to plead with you for some cooperation.  But honestly your in depth argument of "Why?" just kept thwarting me because in essence I agreed with you that going upstairs and back to bed would be quite enjoyable.  This, however, was slowing down the morning routine to a crawl and your mother and I both had obligations and schedules to keep.  Luckily I am a black belt in what my father termed as "Judo of the Mind".  So I had to take your momentum that kept leading you to the steps and reverse the motion.  "I want to go back upstairs!" you whined again.  Sternly I said, "Tommy!  Get upstairs and go to bed!".  I had told you to do exactly what you were begging to do, but said it in a tone that made it seem like it was a punishment.  When you asked why, I explained it was because you weren't listening and to get upstairs right now.  Your tune changed as you now looked at going upstairs as a punishment.  You still whined and complained but you were now getting dressed and moving forward with the day.  By the time we got out to the truck, you and I were best of buds yet again.  Sometimes a father has to resort to underhanded tactics to accomplish just the basics of daily life.  Somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind Brer Rabbit and Tom Sawyer were having quite the laugh near the briar patch next to the freshly painted fence.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Clock Watching

To my son Tommy,

Of all the stupid things I have done in my life (and continue to do) clock watching has to rank near the top of the list. Now that spring break has ended for you and your mom, our schedules are returning to a normal routine. Yet instead of utilizing the tools to make that easily, namely my alarm clock, I have been trying to wake myself up at the proper time. This means I started watching the clock at around 4:30 in the morning and kept waking up every couple minutes to make sure I hadn't slept in. I spent all this energy and effort and emotional currency on the worry of oversleeping while at the same time losing out on the precious sleep I was trying to attain. Had I set my trusty alarm clock for 6:15 and trusted it to wake me up, I would be better rested and less stressed to begin this new day.

Don't spend your life watching clocks. Time marches on no matter what. Utilize tools in your life to take off the stress and burden of watching the second hand click around the gradient face. Find those tools that you can trust and rely on, so that you can live your life in the present. Time is too precious to sit around watching some point in time arrive.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Three Quarter Time

To my son Tommy,

Today I had to remind myself that attitude is a state of mind that you choose. When I got to work, I put on some Internet radio with a Jimmy Buffett flavor. I settled in to the dance that is called Monday at work. Though work is almost beyond the overwhelming point, I simply let me left foot follow where the right foot had travelled and waltzed myself through the day.

I think I need to reclaim that state of mind that is filled with flip flops and banana winds. Way too many fruitcakes in this world full of pushing in shoving to take life so serious. That attitude got me through the first thirty years of my life fairly well. I never really lost this feeling, but now that this pirate is looking at forty in just over a year, perhaps it is time to bring it back in full force. Okay I believe I have put in enough Buffett references to fill one particular harbor, and now I must confess I could use some rest.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Everyone Welcome

To my son Tommy,

I wonder what makes a person feel welcomed.  I wonder how two very similar people can go into the same situation and one gets that welcomed feeling and one feels like an outsider.  Is there some magic formula to make sure everyone feels welcomed?

These thoughts were foremost in my mind after church today.  Many many people use the "I just don't feel welcomed" excuse for not going to church.  It is tough to argue with that logic because you have to be careful not to invalidate how someone feels or to blame someone for not trying.  Both of those paths will lead to hurt feelings and defensive dig in to their position.  Instead you have to gently point out that they are looking for welcome from people and though that sure helps going to church is not about your relationship between you and other members.  Looking for this approval is more of a worldly comfort.  Going to church is between you and God, no one else.  A strong welcoming community is a plus and makes it easier and more enjoyable but not a necessity.

After mass today was a donut and coffee social.  Despite the stories to the contrary from my college or bar tending days, I am an introvert by nature.  I am also more of an outsider who came in to this area just over four years ago when I married your mom at St Agnes.  Many of the people have been together for decades or more and are well established in their relationships.  I am used to this scenario because I grew up as an army brat.  When I would attend a local school that wasn't DoD (Department of Defense) and thus not filled with army brats in the same boat, I had to deal with breaking through the comfort zone of others to find my niche.  I have made some headway and some friends in the parish but it takes time.  A few hellos here and there and slowly you receive that hi back and some conversation and you can see the light go on as people begin to actually recognize and place you.  The trick is you have to make the effort to make it easy for people to welcome you and you have to give them time and multiple opportunities.  Luckily going to church isn't about that and you are welcomed there no matter who you know or who knows you.  A rock group named Tesla had some lyrics that are fitting "The sign said everyone is welcome, come in, kneel down, and pray."

Then on other hand we have the extrovert, aka you.  You feel welcomed no matter what and walk right up to people.  You see someone your size and you are off running and playing.  It happened today and it happened yesterday.  Within minutes you find a friend or twenty.  You have no judgement in your heart and you accept people as your friends even if they don't necessarily return that acceptance.  Even adults are easy for you to approach.  I guess you look at it like "Hey we are are all here because of the same reason so we have something in common" and you have no fear of rejection or fear of embarrassment.  All of those fears that hold people back from truly connecting and truly welcoming one another, all those excuses on both sides of the situation, the inability to step out of a comfort zone and approach a stranger and introduce yourself,  all those things are adult things.  It is clear to me now that part of my challenge as a father is to not let those stupid adult hang ups corrupt your world in the slightest.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

No Blog Out Of Respect

To my son Tommy,

Today there is no drawn out blog or some story or lesson. Today we attended a memorial service for Bob Kernan Sr. who recently lost his 14 month battle with leukemia. Captain Bob was a good man and I hope now he is resting in peace. We offer our prayers and condolences and support and love to his family and friends in their time of grief.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Vitamins

To my son Tommy,

While we are on the topic of food with last nights new food experience, I'd like to give you some future health tips. I would tell you as you grow up that I expect you to get the majority of your vitamins from whole natural unprocessed foods including large amounts of vegetables and fruits and such. But if I were to give you that health tip it would be more a "do as I say, not as I do" type thing. To counteract your father's bad habit, I supplement with a multi-vitamin.

Now here is the tip, if you take a multi-vitamin take it on a full stomach with food. Barring any instructions on the bottle to the contrary, that seems to get the best result. Now I am not a doctor and I don't even play one when we pretend, as that is your job and you tend to hog the stethoscope. But somewhere in my mind, from some men's health magazine or some Internet article, it was impressed upon me that you need to have something to catch and aid the absorption of the vitamin. Otherwise the vitamin passes through and is less effective. Perhaps this is one of those medical or nutritional myths, but every day I take my vitamin, I try to add some fuel to the belly as well. Of course every day I take my vitamin I also am depressed that my life is not filled with better foods that preempt any necessity of taking a supplement. Your mom however has been doing a good job of remedying that and making sure our diet is filled with more fish and vegetables and perhaps as you and I both grow up I can give you the advice to get your vitamins from your food and be able to actually say "Do as I do and say!"

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

New Food

To my son Tommy,

People will never understand how much you eating a cookie means to us at this moment. Most parents would be excited about vegetables or perhaps something exotic. Not us. A new type of cookie (that is not a graham cracker nor a nilla wafer) that you bite and chew and swallow, that is what thrills us. Perhaps in years to come, when you are well past this food thing, we too will not fathom the excitement eating a cookie brought us. For now I will just enjoy. And the news came at the perfect time.

While your mother and you were baking today, my work day was less than perfect. I felt beat and whipped and frustrated and tired. Yet again you called at the perfect time with happy news that today was to proudly tell me about trying new food. I sometimes think you deviously hold back little advancements for when I most need a pick me up in my life. And for that, I thank you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Time To Reflect

To my son Tommy,

Occasionally the powers that be force some quiet time on people. Today that time was forced upon me (and a bunch of other commuters) with an accident on Interstate 70. It slowed down roughly a mile ago but it kept moving with people squeaking by up until the big fire trucks came in and blocked the entire road. I was within approximately 20 cars of squeaking by.

Now most people are upset and mad and spend this time jockeying for a one up position in a non-moving race. Not me. I am sure I am having a better day than at least one person and I am spending this time blogging in between a few prayers for those involved and glances in my rear view for more emergency vehicles. You had asked to go into work with me today, and of course I said no because it wouldn't be exciting for you. Was I ever wrong. You would be ecstatic with all the fire trucks and ambulances.

Well east bound seems to be moving again so maybe westbound (my lane) will start again soon.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Aware

To my son Tommy,

Today is World Autism Awareness Day.  And for that matter April is Autism Awareness month.  Autism effects many families from all walks of life through out this big blue marble we call Earth.  Giving people knowledge on autism is a cause very dear and close to the hearts of our family members.  Your cousin Gabe is on the autistic spectrum.  Like your mother recently said to me about another matter, "When it involves family, we take it more personal and we are downright protective".  I may have paraphrased a bit there but you get the idea.

I am not going to try to explain the ins and outs of the autism spectrum.  I only have a loose grasp on most of the concepts and constantly have to ask questions.  Luckily your Aunt Debbie is an expert and volunteers her time and knowledge to make sure her knowledge and experience and that of other experts can get to those of us with questions.  You see there is a lot of bogus information about autism and what causes autism and what it means to have autism or what it is like living with autism or living with someone who has autism.  That is why it is important to educate people through awareness campaigns and events like the Honestly Autism Day that your Aunt Debbie helps run and most of the family volunteers for.

So what does all this mean for you?  It actually is of little consequence because you love your cousin dearly and nothing really changes.  You can still be the annoying little cousin who always basically rips the coat of Gabe so you can wear it and be just like him.  As you guys grow together, you might have a few questions here and there.  Never be afraid to ask as I am sure your Aunt Debbie will be able to field most any question.  Everybody in this world is different in their own unique way.  You have sensitivities to foods and trying new foods where as Gabie might have sensitivities to too much noise or certain social situations.  It doesn't matter the difference or the cause, because through love and knowledge and awareness and understanding and love, our family will grow together stronger each day.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

No Love

To my son Tommy,

I know it is just social politics. You are testing the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not and plus you are tired. But without ever hearing your mom or I say it, how does a four year old instinctively know how to be vindictive with a "I don't love you". I know there is no conviction behind the words and I know you are just pissed off about going to bed but I prefer a good snap kick to the nuts or a swinging toy to the head or something that hurts much less than those words. All I could say is "I love you son" as I walked out of the room. No singing, no prayers, no extra snuggles or hugs. I have no idea how to teach you how much that hurts but I figured it wouldn't help the cause by denying how you made me feel. Your mother tried to explain it to you but you didn't quite understand why daddy walked out. I didn't do it to be vindictive back or to teach you a lesson. I did it because my heart broke a little and it won't mend until you are fast asleep and I can whisper in your ear that your daddy will always love you no matter what and I can kiss you on the forehead.

I had no idea the high degree of pain and how much something like that hurt my parents the times I said it to them, until now. I hope you never have to hear that from anyone you love. I know you will never hear it from me and only when your son says it to you will you finally realize how it feels. I definitely don't wish that day or you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

April Fool

To my son Tommy,

I must be getting old. In my younger days, on the first of April, I would be on the lookout for goofs and pranks and other such hijinx both to do to others and to be done to me. My friends must be getting older too because not one person tried any such joke. Of course I had my office door closed and more work than usual as I was covering work or others. I must have also had that look on my face that your Grandpa Leo would use in the military that promises "screw with me and I will rip your head off and..." Well you get the idea. But I do feel obliged to offer a bit of advice (or perhaps a challenge) in case you decide in your later years to get in to the foolish prank practice. Any fool can devise a mean and demeaning prank but it proves only themselves the fool. It takes talent to devise a prank that is fun, funny, yet remains kind. You have the gift of the Irish tongue to aid you in your endeavors, as well as many a Downey to learn from. I think your Great Uncle Sean convinced me one April Fool's Day that if I held my hand like a crane above my head that I would be invisible. Even though I was young (roughly six) I was skeptical, until I used the technique to steal some cookies from the cookie jar right in front of everyone ( who obviously recognized a good Downey prank). I think that joke lasted two years before I learned better. I still smile when I remember that, and I still occasionally hold my hand like a crane lifting me into invisibility when I find myself talking to someone who I would rather escape from. It still doesn't work but entertains me enough to get through.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo