To my son Tommy,
When you are struggling through with anything in life, it helps immensely if you have an end in sight. A date on the calendar for an anticipated resolution can do wonders for your attitude. Today we got the date of December 12th for your mom's bowel resection surgery that hopefully will give her some relief from her present woes. It isn't much of a change in what we expected to wait though it did shave off a couple weeks on the original estimate. For the most part you wouldn't think your mom shouldn't be happy with "By the way you have to stay on clear liquids and can't eat for almost another month" but just having a date, an end, a light at the end of the tunnel gives us all such joy and hope! Of course, I remember what Mr. Murphy and his laws warned about the light at the end of a tunnel... it may be the headlamp of the oncoming train. Here's hoping Mr.Murphy wasn't an optimist.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
Showing posts with label Hospital. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hospital. Show all posts
Friday, November 15, 2013
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Saga Changes Scenery Again
To my son Tommy,
Your mom came home from the hospital today. This doesn't mean everything is just hunky dory quite yet. It just means that they aren't keeping her in the hospital anymore. Instead we have to do everything that they were doing in the hospital at home. It probably has to do more with money and insurance than health. The saga continues it just changed scenery and supporting cast. Thank goodness the home health care nurses are nice. They really do make it easier. I think after a couple more lessons on TPN (mommy's nutrition for the past week and the next two weeks) that I could get advanced credit in a nursing school program. Anyways the plan is to keep mommy fed through an IV and on a whole cocktail of medicines, that made even the pharmacist do a double take, for about two weeks until she can get her surgery. Not a great plan, and filled with a whole lot of questions and potential problems, but it is a plan which is more than we had a few days ago or for pretty much the whole month of October.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
Your mom came home from the hospital today. This doesn't mean everything is just hunky dory quite yet. It just means that they aren't keeping her in the hospital anymore. Instead we have to do everything that they were doing in the hospital at home. It probably has to do more with money and insurance than health. The saga continues it just changed scenery and supporting cast. Thank goodness the home health care nurses are nice. They really do make it easier. I think after a couple more lessons on TPN (mommy's nutrition for the past week and the next two weeks) that I could get advanced credit in a nursing school program. Anyways the plan is to keep mommy fed through an IV and on a whole cocktail of medicines, that made even the pharmacist do a double take, for about two weeks until she can get her surgery. Not a great plan, and filled with a whole lot of questions and potential problems, but it is a plan which is more than we had a few days ago or for pretty much the whole month of October.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Still In
To my son Tommy,
Your mom is still in the hospital and we still don't have a clear picture as to the path in the future. She had her surgeon consultation pushed back from Monday to Wednesday. Tomorrow the plan on doing an endoscopy and a colonoscopy to have a clear picture to present to the surgeon. One is a tube down the throat and the other is a tube up the. ...well not the throat. Hopefully they won't use the same tube or at least do the throat one first.
We got your mom's hair washed tonight. It was quite the production bordering on comical. I keep teasing your mom by telling her that I am going to brag about showering with a hottie tonight. I won't mention the hospital gowns and being fully dressed and getting the cuffs of my pants all wet from the shower splatter and such. Your mom was quite relieved to get her hair washed and that is what really matters.
Anyways, we are trying to not interrupt your schedule too much, so I had to come home to get you fed and to bed at a decent hour. The cellentani pasta is cooking and should be done in a couple minutes. Then I have the ironic honor of trying to talk a four year old out of a bath and instead going directly to bed. You have been very understanding and, after a little talk between father and son, you are determined to be cooperative and helpful during these tough times. It might not be fair that you just can't be a normal four year old, but your father needs all the help he can get if we are going to survive up to mommy standards!
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Video Good Morning
To my son Tommy,
You woke up this morning with two things on your mind. One is the Halloween party for the family later tonight and your entire day will probably be spent asking, "Can we go to the party yet?"
The other thing on your mind was your mommy. You asked to Facetime her first thing, well first thing after you realized we couldn't go to the party yet. I explained that I didn't set up Mommy with any skype or ipads when I brought her to the hospital again yesterday. Not to be thwarted you offered, "Can we do a video? We could send it to her if you want!"
So here is the quick video you did before you decided calling her on the phone would be best. Your mom hates being away from you and unfortunately the month of October has been filled with little medical induced breaks from being together. So I know she appreciates any interaction she can have with you, be it through phone, or recorded video, or live video chat. Sometimes, even when no physical interaction is possible, your mom knows she is always a thought on our minds and a prayer in our hearts.
Sincerely with love form your dad,
Leo
Monday, October 14, 2013
Sucky Dates
To my son Tommy,
I looked over at your mom yesterday as we left the emergency room for the 3rd time in about a week and said, "We got to work on our date nights...they suck."
She laughed a much needed laugh and added, "I know. The $100 copay doesn't even get us dinner."
We were tired and beat and frustrated and worried and feeling every other emotion that goes with dealing with doctors and emergency rooms and health issues and such, but here we were joking about it. A joke won't lessen the gravity of a situation, but it made us chuckle. A good laugh can be just the thing. Your mom and I continued joking suggesting that we should bring candles and some of your play dishes and use the hospital gown as a table cloth over the bed pan and put out her medicines on each dish like a five course candlelight dinner.
Remember son, sometimes when you just can't complain or cry about it any more, you might as well laugh about it. Make me a promise after you read this, when I am on my death bed (hopefully many many many years from now) and everyone is so somber and gloomy, go out and get me a whoopee cushion or pair of those funky glasses with the big nose and bushy eyebrows and mustache.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
I looked over at your mom yesterday as we left the emergency room for the 3rd time in about a week and said, "We got to work on our date nights...they suck."
She laughed a much needed laugh and added, "I know. The $100 copay doesn't even get us dinner."
We were tired and beat and frustrated and worried and feeling every other emotion that goes with dealing with doctors and emergency rooms and health issues and such, but here we were joking about it. A joke won't lessen the gravity of a situation, but it made us chuckle. A good laugh can be just the thing. Your mom and I continued joking suggesting that we should bring candles and some of your play dishes and use the hospital gown as a table cloth over the bed pan and put out her medicines on each dish like a five course candlelight dinner.
Remember son, sometimes when you just can't complain or cry about it any more, you might as well laugh about it. Make me a promise after you read this, when I am on my death bed (hopefully many many many years from now) and everyone is so somber and gloomy, go out and get me a whoopee cushion or pair of those funky glasses with the big nose and bushy eyebrows and mustache.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Just Kidding
To my son Tommy,
There are moments in life when things seem to be going in the right direction and the world quickly says to you, "Just kidding!". Your mom came home last night from the hospital. She seemed to be on a road to recovery or at least we had a plan. Plus the hospital blew out every vein and had to move her to oral meds, so there was no sense in her staying. We got her home and into bed and got her prescriptions. Unfortunately today we were back in the emergency room. One of her meds, most likely the prednisone, sent her blood pressure sky rocketing. She recognized the signs from her nursing training and took her own pressure and was somewhere around 210 over 128. That is extremely high and dangerous and thus we had another trip to the hospital. They got her blood pressure down some (still high but a more normal and safe high level) and we got some more prescriptions and are finally back home again. Hopefully we can avoid another trip. It isn't that I hate hospitals and ER rooms, but I could stand to spend some time away from them.
When the rug gets pulled out from under you, it is easy to go into the "woe is me" mode. Should you find yourself in that type of position. pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do what is needed. If it takes another trip to the ER so be it. If you have to go back twenty times to get it right, just go. Never feel sorry or like you are inconveniencing anyone because you have to take care of yourself. An extreme blood pressure won't be fixed because you feel sorry for yourself. Saying it is unfair won't stop the crohn's disease or the high blood pressure or whatever is going on. And if you ever need a great example of what you should do and how you should deal and cope, you don't have to look any further than your mother. She is an amazing trooper and can show you how to cowboy up and get yourself fixed without feeling sorry for yourself.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
There are moments in life when things seem to be going in the right direction and the world quickly says to you, "Just kidding!". Your mom came home last night from the hospital. She seemed to be on a road to recovery or at least we had a plan. Plus the hospital blew out every vein and had to move her to oral meds, so there was no sense in her staying. We got her home and into bed and got her prescriptions. Unfortunately today we were back in the emergency room. One of her meds, most likely the prednisone, sent her blood pressure sky rocketing. She recognized the signs from her nursing training and took her own pressure and was somewhere around 210 over 128. That is extremely high and dangerous and thus we had another trip to the hospital. They got her blood pressure down some (still high but a more normal and safe high level) and we got some more prescriptions and are finally back home again. Hopefully we can avoid another trip. It isn't that I hate hospitals and ER rooms, but I could stand to spend some time away from them.
When the rug gets pulled out from under you, it is easy to go into the "woe is me" mode. Should you find yourself in that type of position. pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do what is needed. If it takes another trip to the ER so be it. If you have to go back twenty times to get it right, just go. Never feel sorry or like you are inconveniencing anyone because you have to take care of yourself. An extreme blood pressure won't be fixed because you feel sorry for yourself. Saying it is unfair won't stop the crohn's disease or the high blood pressure or whatever is going on. And if you ever need a great example of what you should do and how you should deal and cope, you don't have to look any further than your mother. She is an amazing trooper and can show you how to cowboy up and get yourself fixed without feeling sorry for yourself.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Empty
To my son Tommy,
After I picked you up from school and fed you some fries, you and I played on your swing set for a couple hours. You kept asking if your cousin Ryan can come down but she is in North Carolina with her parents for a wedding. But your old man tried his hardest to make it fun for you. We threw an oversized frisbee around and kicked and tossed your inflatable penguin beach ball you got from your Innisbrook sales. I pushed you on your swings and watched you on the slides (which I likened to the economy with the current government) and we even ran around a bit and played tag. We need to work on getting you some more friends who we can call to come over and play. Not only to make it more fun for you, but to save your dad's old joints and bones.
We went inside, bathed, and did your homework. You weren't satisfied with the little bit of homework you had, so you had me print out more letters to trace. As I was sitting there watching you and helping you, an overwhelming feeling of emptiness consumed me. Even after just a couple days of her not being home, your mom's presence is sorely missed. She makes the house feel so full with just her presence. Without her there, I felt empty. Worry about your mom's condition and hospital stay started to consume me. To keep my mind off things I started cleaning.
Cleaning was a bad idea. I was going through the pile of papers on the table, I found a bunch of stuff that needs to be addressed. Normally your mom would handle all this in her own way. She has the knack for keeping things scheduled in her head and making sure everything is done at the last minute. I prefer to do everything right away because if I put it off, for even an hour, chances are it will never be done. It is just a difference in approaches and neither is really better if the job gets done and the person doing it keeps their sanity. Unfortunately in my state of mind, filled with emptiness and uncertainty and sorrow and worry, I started focusing on the difference with anger. I wasn't really angry at your mom nor angry at turning in a permission slip a day late nor figuring out which of the bills are due now. Really I was just worried and going through the natural progression of emotions usually associated with loss or grief. It is odd how just a couple days away from the love of my life and the whole uncertainty of things can trigger the same five stages usually reserved for the more permanent loss of a loved one. It really put another spotlight on how your mom is such a vital part of me and my life. Not sure why this time it is hitting me so emotionally, but it is what it is. Of course as I realized what I was doing, I forced myself to snap out of it.
Your mom's cousin Aunt Keri brought over some food for us. A spaghetti pie and some garlic bread and some cookies with little ghosts on them. A welcomed and delicious help. We had to make you some plain pasta though because I couldn't entice you enough to try it yourself. I did get a bite of a cookie in you but you went kicking and screaming on that one. Though after you had the bite, you said you might try those again tomorrow. We called mommy so you could say goodnight. We brushed your teeth and you chased me up the stairs for bedtime. Songs and prayers and then I went downstairs. I did the dishes and silently yelled at myself for missing the recycling yesterday (again that anger but this time at myself) and I straightened more of the living room.
The lesson here is emotions are a tricky thing. They deceive you. They replace valid worry with anger because it is easier to be mad than to be sad. You have to deal with these emotions all your life and the more you learn about your own emotions and the root cause of them, the easier it will be to not let these emotions overtake you. It is okay to have these emotions but don't let them get the better of you. People might not see that call complaining about an overdue permission slip found on the table as your way of coping. And by people, I mean your mom. If you ever do find yourself getting out of control, stop, take a deep breath, say a prayer, and beg forgiveness for anyone who was an innocent casualty.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
After I picked you up from school and fed you some fries, you and I played on your swing set for a couple hours. You kept asking if your cousin Ryan can come down but she is in North Carolina with her parents for a wedding. But your old man tried his hardest to make it fun for you. We threw an oversized frisbee around and kicked and tossed your inflatable penguin beach ball you got from your Innisbrook sales. I pushed you on your swings and watched you on the slides (which I likened to the economy with the current government) and we even ran around a bit and played tag. We need to work on getting you some more friends who we can call to come over and play. Not only to make it more fun for you, but to save your dad's old joints and bones.
We went inside, bathed, and did your homework. You weren't satisfied with the little bit of homework you had, so you had me print out more letters to trace. As I was sitting there watching you and helping you, an overwhelming feeling of emptiness consumed me. Even after just a couple days of her not being home, your mom's presence is sorely missed. She makes the house feel so full with just her presence. Without her there, I felt empty. Worry about your mom's condition and hospital stay started to consume me. To keep my mind off things I started cleaning.
Cleaning was a bad idea. I was going through the pile of papers on the table, I found a bunch of stuff that needs to be addressed. Normally your mom would handle all this in her own way. She has the knack for keeping things scheduled in her head and making sure everything is done at the last minute. I prefer to do everything right away because if I put it off, for even an hour, chances are it will never be done. It is just a difference in approaches and neither is really better if the job gets done and the person doing it keeps their sanity. Unfortunately in my state of mind, filled with emptiness and uncertainty and sorrow and worry, I started focusing on the difference with anger. I wasn't really angry at your mom nor angry at turning in a permission slip a day late nor figuring out which of the bills are due now. Really I was just worried and going through the natural progression of emotions usually associated with loss or grief. It is odd how just a couple days away from the love of my life and the whole uncertainty of things can trigger the same five stages usually reserved for the more permanent loss of a loved one. It really put another spotlight on how your mom is such a vital part of me and my life. Not sure why this time it is hitting me so emotionally, but it is what it is. Of course as I realized what I was doing, I forced myself to snap out of it.
Your mom's cousin Aunt Keri brought over some food for us. A spaghetti pie and some garlic bread and some cookies with little ghosts on them. A welcomed and delicious help. We had to make you some plain pasta though because I couldn't entice you enough to try it yourself. I did get a bite of a cookie in you but you went kicking and screaming on that one. Though after you had the bite, you said you might try those again tomorrow. We called mommy so you could say goodnight. We brushed your teeth and you chased me up the stairs for bedtime. Songs and prayers and then I went downstairs. I did the dishes and silently yelled at myself for missing the recycling yesterday (again that anger but this time at myself) and I straightened more of the living room.
The lesson here is emotions are a tricky thing. They deceive you. They replace valid worry with anger because it is easier to be mad than to be sad. You have to deal with these emotions all your life and the more you learn about your own emotions and the root cause of them, the easier it will be to not let these emotions overtake you. It is okay to have these emotions but don't let them get the better of you. People might not see that call complaining about an overdue permission slip found on the table as your way of coping. And by people, I mean your mom. If you ever do find yourself getting out of control, stop, take a deep breath, say a prayer, and beg forgiveness for anyone who was an innocent casualty.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
To Work Or Not
To my son Tommy,
When crisis hits family, no matter how big or small, your mind tends to go into tunnel vision mode. In this case, I am focused in on your mother and her getting better. Unfortunately the rest of the world keeps coming at you from all directions. I still have to work. I still have to make a living and provide. I still have to take care of you. I still have to take care of the house. I even have a bunch of added responsibilities that your mother mostly did for us that I am not too adept at doing. I do not have the luxury of solely worrying about your mother no matter how much I would like to. I am here at work today and my mind keeps wandering to my love. It takes a tiring effort to stay on point. When struggle and difficulty enter our lives, we just do what we have to and keep going. The funny thing is, though my thoughts are split between work and the hospital, I might even be more effective at work. The realization of what really is important often gives you a clarity that transforms your approach to getting things done. With all the projects I have going on right now, I need to keep that clarity just to keep the juggling everything I have to. Luckily I work for an understanding company who will give me some leeway as I juggle everything. I also have a great support system in family and friends that help us out considerably. Anyways, back to work for me. I will try to get off of work early enough to pick you up from school but if not your grandparents will get you and I will see you soon.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
When crisis hits family, no matter how big or small, your mind tends to go into tunnel vision mode. In this case, I am focused in on your mother and her getting better. Unfortunately the rest of the world keeps coming at you from all directions. I still have to work. I still have to make a living and provide. I still have to take care of you. I still have to take care of the house. I even have a bunch of added responsibilities that your mother mostly did for us that I am not too adept at doing. I do not have the luxury of solely worrying about your mother no matter how much I would like to. I am here at work today and my mind keeps wandering to my love. It takes a tiring effort to stay on point. When struggle and difficulty enter our lives, we just do what we have to and keep going. The funny thing is, though my thoughts are split between work and the hospital, I might even be more effective at work. The realization of what really is important often gives you a clarity that transforms your approach to getting things done. With all the projects I have going on right now, I need to keep that clarity just to keep the juggling everything I have to. Luckily I work for an understanding company who will give me some leeway as I juggle everything. I also have a great support system in family and friends that help us out considerably. Anyways, back to work for me. I will try to get off of work early enough to pick you up from school but if not your grandparents will get you and I will see you soon.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
Monday, October 7, 2013
Wanna Dance
To my son Tommy,
Day two of your mommy in the hospital. Still trying to figure out all that medical stuff. You are impressing me with the way you are coping. Yesterday, I was going to drop you off to your Bwama after church and breakfast while I headed over to the hospital. As I explained what we were doing you asked if you could go to the hospital too. Then, when I agreed, you suggested we bring mommy a gift to make her feel better. I let you go into cvs and pick it the card and gift. You chose a Halloween Hello Kitty beanie baby and a cute and funny card with a chimpanzee on it. You were very discerning and considered everything as you chose. Somehow you ended up with a die cast car toy yourself.
Last night you made sure we called your mom at bed time and the first thing on your mind this morning was your mom so we called again. I know she appreciates ever moment with you no matter on the phone or in person and she can't wait to get home and do some serious snuggle time. After our phone call, we got back to the business of getting ready for school.
We were working through the normal routine when you tried a delay tactic to hold off brushing your teeth. "Wanna dance?", you inquired and then, with a cheesy grin over your face, immediately held up each index finger and started waving them like something from the Charleston or the Lindy Hop or some type of flapper dance. Seeing your bad dancing techniques and knowing you got them from your father or worse yet my father, brought such joy to my heart. So we danced, both of us shaking our hips and our index fingers in one of the most silly, most welcomed moments of stress relief. We then brushed your teeth and finished up and headed off to school. I am not sure how you know what each of your parents need at any given moment, but you do. Thank you.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Hospitals
To my son Tommy,
We brought your mom to the ER last night. We thought she had an obstruction due to her Crohn's disease. The doctors don't think that is the cause because of their initial tests and have admitted her till they figure it out. She is over at St Joseph's (where you were born) and hopefully in good hands. Things will be crazy for the next couple days as we juggle schedules and hospital trips and throw Ina few extra prayers to our routine. More later.
Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo
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