Where Have All The Cobblers Gone

To my son Tommy,

Years ago shoes were expensive.  A good pair of shoes cost a decent part of your week's wages.  I am not talking about designer shoes that cost an years salary just for a name and some bedazzle.  I am talking about your normal everyday average Joe shoes.  They were built to last and often hand made. People used to take care of their shoes, and not just the dress pair.  When shoes became in disrepair it was cheaper to bring them to someone to fix them up rather than buy a new pair.  Through cobblers and shoe repair and just because the basic quality was better, shoes often lasted for 7 or 10 years or even longer.  You had no problem paying the ten or twenty dollars for repair because it was much better than paying the hundred or more for a new pair of shoes.  You only had repair them once every 5 years or so.  It wasn't a common occurrence. Flash forward to today.

Now shoes are cheap.  You can get a basic pair for under twenty bucks.  A far cry from the hundred dollar shoes of yore.  These cheaper shoes are cheaper quality and made in some far off foreign land by a guy who gets slave labor wages to feed his family.  The shoe companies did business like this so their executives and stock owners made more money.  It is useless to have someone repair the shoes.  A shoe repair company would probably have to charge you twenty bucks to pay for labor and materials and overhead to fix your shoes.  And for twenty bucks you could just buy a new pair, so why bother.  Into the garbage goes the old shoes and you have your new kicks for $19.95 plus tax that hopefully last you a full year.

Many believe that capitalism is the end all be all of economic systems.  I tend to this train of thought but I look through long-term glasses with an eye on doing the right thing for everyone.  Unfortunately they have short term capital gains on their mind and self interest in their heart.  They don't think of the big picture and how everyone is effected.  In this case, we lost two professions.  We don't have the shoemakers nor the shoe repairers.  We have increased the landfills with old cheap sneakers made in China or Bangladesh.  Some with a worldly view may say "Well the shoe factories are helping those poorer countries." but taking advantage of a desperate starving man trying to feed his starving family is not what I call help.  Perhaps if they shared some of the 2 billion annual net profit with them...but to do so would make the stocks fall and a ton of rich people would be....hmm less rich?  Also the cost on our governments (local, city, state, and federal) for waste management increases the burden on our taxes, but that seems to not factor into any one's decision.  Many also point to the cheap shoes as a benefit to the consumer.  Again with the short term, you see that in the first year they buy shoes...the expenses of the consumer are lower.  But when you spread out the costs of the shoes over the lifetime of the shoes (even including repairs) you end up seeing the consumer benefits little.  The bane of capitalism is this type of corporate greed and corporate myopia.  It even bled into the consumer and they have wholeheartedly bought in to buy it on the cheap and toss when you are done.  Capitalism killed the cobbler!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Just Like Millions Of Others

To my son Tommy,

Today we are in the same boat as millions of other people, we did not win the jackpot on the lottery.  Two people (in Missouri and Arizona) did win the big one and I wish them all the success and hope they are worthy of their new found fortunes.  As for us, I think the office pool won enough to buy bagels for the office one day this week.  With all the lottery hullabaloo behind us, we can get back to our normal days.

Today was a "daddy brings me to school" day as Thursdays usually are.  We did pretty good in the morning though every time I am responsible for you in the morning, I am reminded how much you are your mother's son and how much you would rather sleep in.  But we muddled through and got you dressed and fed and even your hair wet down and brushed a bit before loading you up for school.  When I pulled up to school and started getting you out of the truck, you said "Bye Daddy" and when I finally got you out, you took off with your book bag tote in hand and never even turned for one last look.  I tried walking a bit with you but you were dead focused on your mission to get into class.  You are so grown up now for a three year old.  The independence is astounding but it did twinge my ego a bit that you didn't even look back for a final farewell.  Good for you and don't worry about your old man, I will get over it.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Lotto Mania

To my son Tommy,

What would you do with a half billion dollars?  That is the question of the day.  The PowerBall lottery game is up that high in the jackpot amount.  People will spend the day dreaming of what they would do with their millions and how great life will be. 

I am guilty of mentally pre-spending my wealth before I actually win the lottery.  It would take far less than the extreme amounts of today's jackpot to make me happy.  I would squirrel away a decent amount for our family, enough that we would not have to worry about money and can work at jobs we truly love.  If money were not an issue, I imagine myself working as a librarian, or a teacher, or just volunteering my time to charity after charity becoming a permanent full time non-paid humanitarian.  I would then set up as many people as I could in the family so they too could do whatever they like without worry.  Perhaps then we could all volunteer time together.  Then the fun would start.

Eccentric would probably be too tame of a description for how I would spend my money.  Actually my eccentricity would not be based in bling and luxury.  I would focus on doing things to help others, be they stranger or charities or whatever.  Assuming we could fly under the radar with that type of windfall, I would start in our neighborhood and try to do everything anonymously.  I would have you open a hotdog and lemonade stand one day and give out free food and drink to anyone passing by.  Hand them a flyer and tell them to pass it forward.  I would go through our neighbors and see which ones would accept free solar panels installed on their roofs.  I would go to the local farm and buy out their produce and bring it to church and give it away after mass.  I would walk into a local school and hand them 100 iPads or some other tablet to do with what they will.  I would sign up to be one of those "Santas" that give out $100 bills to deserving people around Christmas. Weird, exciting, off the wall, I would just have fun with my charitable giving and my own personal crusade to save the world one small thing at a time.  Many would benefit and it would be one hell of a ride. 

But the truth of the matter is, with odds somewhere around 1 to 125 million,  you have a better chance of being struck by lightning. You'd be better socking away your dollars in a savings account than spending it on lotto tickets.  With the power of compound interest, you might actually be able to do something with the money.  Another unpleasant truth is money is the root of all evil and could spoil me.  I am just hoping that the powers that be give me the chance to prove to them that it won't spoil me one iota.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

End Of The World

To my son Tommy,

This year is filled with doomsday prophecies.  Some Mayan guy was making a calendar and got a hand cramp and ended his calendar on 12-21-2012.  So people have attributed this date to the end of the world.  Every incident, big or small, from super storms to the closing of twinkie factories, have been pointed to as proof that the world is coming to an end.  Meh, I guess it is possible.  I was sure the end was nigh when the Fat Boys broke up.

Right or wrong, it doesn't matter.  Predicting the end of the world is a useless frivolity.  This catastrophic end that everyone suggests, is it something you can stop?  The Bible reminds us that no one is going to know when the end is coming.  It warns us not to follow these doomsday preachers.  It tells us to live in the present and prepare and work on who you are at this moment.  The future will then take care of itself whether the world ends today or in centuries.  That is actually very zen of the Catholic religion to point out that you should be living in the here and now.  Worrying about the end times is living in the future and will just make you anxious.  Live in the present and work on who you are now.  It is funny that as I get older, I am finding sound advice in my religion.  I am all for any message that says "Don't listen to the quacks!"

If the lights do go out on the 21st,  know that we will be together as a family...just like we will be on the 20th and the 22nd and the 19th and the 23rd etc etc.  We will continue on, living in the present and working on ourselves and our family and cherishing our love and company.   Every moment of our life, the world as we know it ends and begins anew.  Bring what is good and right from your past with you and leave everything else behind.  Don't worry yourself with when the merry-go-round is going to stop, just enjoy the ride you are on now.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Enunciate

To my son Tommy,

Recently you watched a Mighty Jungle episode where a couple of the characters started doing a song.  The majority of the lyrics of this song are "Funky, funky".  That is all well and good and you are actually quite cute when you sing it and swing your hips imitating Bruce and Babu, but that is because I saw the episode and know what you are saying.  The problem is, as a three year old, your tongue-lip-jaw coordination seems to trip up your pronunciation of the word "Funky".  I have had to explain it a couple times to people.  When your mother first heard your rendition and saw your gyrating hips as you sang it, well lets just say she was quite relieved to find out the real words.

I, however, have stopped explaining the whole situation.  If we are out in public and the singing inspiration comes over you, I just let you sing.  I even encourage you to sing faster which doesn't help your enunciation.  When I get strange looks, I simply say "They get this stuff from T.V." or "That is the last time I take him to the massage parlor in China town with me" and start dancing along to the beat.  It is always funny to see them fumbling for their cell phones no doubt to immediately call child services.  I do have the episode recorded on DVR in case a court case ensues.  Otherwise funk them if they can't take a joke.

As you grow up, hopefully you will learn to mumble less, speak up more, and enunciate clearly.  Communication is key.  With clear and concise messages you can usually get what you need.  Until then, we are going to see what type of mileage we can get out of some of your miscommunications.  And if you ever make a kids show for public television, please think of the parents and steer away from words that start with F and have a hard consonant sound soon after.  Great, now I have that song in my head.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Fries Monster

To my son Tommy,

Nutrition is not your strong suit.  That is because nutrition is not your parents' strong suit either.  Your one "go-to" food is good old McDonald french fries.  Earlier today you and I had to make ourselves scarce (kicked out of the house because mommy was working on a school project) and in our travels we stopped by for some fries.  I had to laugh when they handed me the fries because they still had the old monopoly pieces on the package.  I believe that "game" is over and we didn't have any winners on your package anyhow.

In today's age, fast food is given a bad rap though.  People blame it for their obesity and their troubles and such.  They take none of the blame upon themselves.  They make documentaries that show people being super-sized because they feast on this junk.  If you grow up to be a fatty like your old man, make sure you admit your own blame.  Don't go accusing the burger joints for your failings.  We all know these foods are not health foods but it doesn't mean they don't have their place in extreme moderation.  If you want a scapegoat later in life, pick your parents.  Hopefully one day soon we will work on reversing the bad habits we have let you get in.  When you actually start getting adventurous and trying new foods, we will substitute carrot sticks or broccoli or something like that for your snack.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Long Weekends

To my son Tommy,

Long weekends can be quite draining.  This long weekend is no exception.  Filled with family get togethers and the occasional shopping trip and multiple car rides, this weekend has got me quite pooped.

This afternoon we joined your mom in a couple shopping trips.  She has a project due for nursing and had to grab some items for her presentation.  The assignment was to focus on religion and how it would or could effect treatment.  Her group is doing their project on the Hare Krishna religion.  She needed some things from Michaels craft store and a food processor from Wal-Mart as she is attempting to make kofta balls or some other traditionally Krishna food.

You were so tired through all the weekend excitement that as your mother was talking to you in the car, you fell asleep.  The car can have that effect on you, but usually if someone is engaging you, you don't zonk out.  That is more a testament to the pace of the long weekend than your mother's conversation.  So we decided to let you nap in the car.  We dropped your mom off at the house to work on her project and headed up to Grandmom Roro's house.  I picked up some french fries on the way for when you woke up.  I figured you would nap until we got there,  I figured wrong.

I brought you in the house and you plopped right down on the couch and zonked out once again.  You slept through Downey family dinner and all.  When you finally awoke, you decided that three hour old fries were not what you wanted.  You were determined to get some fresh (or as fresh as fast food can be) fries and decided that, even though you had under five minutes of conscious time, we had visited plenty.

As I apologized for your insistence on leaving,  your grandfather reminded me that quality time doesn't have to be spent awake.  They enjoyed your presence and enjoyed watching you sleep.  They were happy with my company too, but I think that is mostly because my stories are about you and your daily shenanigans.  Though I understand the sentiment, quality time is subjective,  I have to question if senility doesn't play a part in their judgement that watching a snoring slobbering toddler on their couch is quality time.  To each their own.  Right now I am thinking quality time is going to be a NyQuil tablet and some eye lid inspecting done from the inside.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Left Overs

To my son Tommy,

Today was leftovers day at Nansy's house.  We always make too much for the initial holiday and then for a day or two afterwards we come back and scarf down the extras.  Whatever is left after the leftover days is divided up and sent home so Nansy isn't stuck with a bunch of food that she couldn't possibly eat in a year.

Family tradition is important.  Any reason to extend the holiday spirit and get together with our family an extra day is a fine tradition to keep up.  Leftover day might not qualify for a full on family tradition but it sure encompasses the core spirit.  When you are full grown and with a full family of your own, look back on these traditions and learn and incorporate as many as you can into your life.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Secret Club

To my son Tommy,

Every night we say the same three basic prayers, "Our Father", "Hail Mary", and "Glory Be".  Lately, we have found you off on your own practicing your prayers.  Sometimes you sneak off into your room or off to a corner where you think no one can hear and no one is paying any attention.  Little do you know we have the baby monitor still set up in your room.  Plus you don't really hide well and think if you are not paying any attention to us that we cannot be paying any attention to you.  There are times though that you tend to ham it up and put on a show for us.  The video is one your mother captured of such a moment.

You got to go to mass with me today, mostly because I missed the memo that it was a 9 o'clock mass and not 8 like the bulletin said.  So I ran some chores for you mom between 8 and 9 and picked you up along the way.  When we got to the "Our Father" in church today, a light went on.  It was like you finally realized that it is the same prayer we say nightly.  You looked up at me with astonishment, as if I was the coolest guy on the playground because I had taught you the secret password to the club.  So now you know the secret passphrase, we just have to work on the secret handshake and the double secret knock.  I kid, I kid.  Happy Thanksgiving.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Eve of Thanks

To my son Tommy,

Life is difficult.  It is filled with hardships and challenges.  Much of life is filled with struggle and strife.  You need only look out your window and see a world far beyond the comfort of our life.  That is why on the eve of this Thanksgiving holiday, we have plenty to be thankful for.

I am thankful we live where we live.  We don't have to worry about mortar fire and tanks.  We don't have to wake up everyday and pick up a weapon and fight for our basic rights.  We don't have to wonder if tomorrow our house will be rubble.

I am thankful for the food in our refrigerator.  We don't have to worry where or when our next meal is coming from.  Tomorrow we will have food for leftovers when many don't have enough food for their daily meal.

I am thankful for our house.  Yes our old problem ridden house that I constantly worry and complain about.  I must always remember that a roof over head is better than no roof at all.  We each have a bed and the basic amenities and much much more than some.

But most of all I am thankful for our family and our love.  I am thankful for you and the love between a father and his son.  I am thankful for your mommy and the love not only between a mother and her son but also the love between a wife and a husband.  And when you go further beyond our immediate family and start including parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and friends and everyone,  you find this web of love weaves itself into a comforting blanket that keeps us safe and warm from the cold reality of life.

As you ponder your life and take time to reflect always remember there is plenty to be grateful for in your life.  Love is the greatest gift that God gave us and no matter the circumstance you find yourself,  if you can find love for you and your family and your brethren around the world, you will find you have everything you need.  Be thankful my son for all you have and thankful for all who sacrificed to give you these things.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Apple Pie

To my son Tommy,

Today at school was grandparent's day for PreK3 class at St. Agnes.  Your Bwama and Grandmom Roro came up to school to visit and make an apple pie with you.  They said you were being quiet and shy all day which is unusual for you.  I assume you just were a bit overwhelmed with both your grandmothers in the same room.  I think you are too young to be embarrassed by your elders, but that time will come.

I remember being young and often embarrassed by my parents and other relatives.  Your grandfather would wear the most uncool outfits when he wasn't in one of his military uniforms.  I recall ugly orange Baltimore Oriole shorts that should have not been worn by anyone.  Even when he was in his military fatigues, he would scare friends and any potential girlfriends with his hat two fingers above the bridge of his nose and the "I am going to rip your head off and poop down your neck" look that a US Army Major needed to do his job.

Your great grandmother Deezy Klein would come to my football games and ring a loud cow bell and since she was half blind half the time she would be rooting for the wrong side.  I remember being huddled up on defense and hearing the cowbell and hearing "Let's Go Offense" and the defensive team captain said "I see Grandmom Klein made it and is still blind".

Your great grandfather Leo took me through a grocery store and purposely put a chiquita banana sticker on his forward.  When I got home, I told the story to my dad and my uncles with gusto.  They just laughed and said when they were young, he made them wear the sticker.

I survived all the embarrassing things my parents and grandparents did while I was young, and so will you.  It was somewhere about my senior year of high school that I finally stopped making excuses for those who embarrassed me and accepted them for who they are.  I wish you would skip the whole situation but I guess it is part of growing up.  Right now though, you just love everyone unconditionally and for who they are.  I hope as you grow up, you get through the embarrassing phase quickly and return to the love you have for everyone at this moment.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

School Photo

To my son Tommy,

An annual ritual that we all have to go through is school photos.  Fortunately for you, you received the good looks and photogenic ability from your mother.  Though many say you are the spitting image of your old man,  I would not insult you like that.  As I look at that picture, I can't believe how fast you are growing up.

My advice to you is to always smile in your pictures.  Never go for that sultry or suave look, it rarely works and usually will leave you looking like someone passed gas in the room.  Never be afraid to smile too big, even at the risk of looking goofy.  People will be drawn to your smile and your obvious happiness.  Then, as much as you can, treat every moment of your life like you about to have your picture taken.  Wrinkles only go where smiles have been.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Victims

To my son Tommy,

Last night, before I went to sleep, I thought I'd try sleeping in.  Your cousin Emma is cantoring at the 10:15 mass and I always try to attend a mass with special family significance if one is happening that week.  When I consider sleeping late, we aren't talking about slumbering to the wee hours of the afternoon like I used in my old days.  9 am is about the limit.  However, no one in the house knew of my plans as was evident this morning.

I think it was 6:45 am when you yelled out you were done sleeping.  Usually we just call out for you to get out of bed and you scurry out to snuggle with your mother or me.  This morning, mommy was sleeping downstairs on the couch because her scar tissue and belly were hurting her.  I was laying there with my cpap machine staring at the ceiling and hoping you would just get out of bed and pretty much take care of yourself.  You however were still in bed yelling that you were awake and asking for help to get out of bed.  Evidently your little dino stool that you use to climb in and out of bed was somewhere else.  It is not like you can't get in and out without it, as you are a very determined three year old, but you seem to want to play the victim this morning who could do nothing for himself.  Your mother, yelled up from downstairs that she too is a victim and was feeling too bad to come up the stairs to get you and then back down the stairs.  I was also playing victim as I lay in bed lamenting the fact that I will never in my life get to sleep in past 7:30.  Finally, after much grumbling and much yelling up an down the stairs between you and your mother, I got my butt out of bed and got you out of your bed.  I went back to bed until 9:30 and just pretty much left you to your own devices.  You headed downstairs to play and snuggle with your mom.  And all was well with the world again.

In life there are going to be obstacles.  We shouldn't sit there and play the victim.  We learn that with a very little bit of action the world returns to normal.  Don't let a missing stepping stool stop you from doing what you need to do.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Basic Day

To my son Tommy,

The day started off pretty typical. I slept in an extra hour because it was Saturday and went to 8am mass.  When I got home we did breakfast and your mother had decided you were having an asthma episode in conjunction with the cough you had all week and we headed off to the doctor to make sure.  A quick doctor visit and quick visit to the pharmacy and we were home with medical instructions in hand.  We were armed with a antibiotic and orders to do a neb treatment.  We had planned on going to a birthday party later tonight but that was now up in the air and depended on how you did the rest of the day.

After a fierce battle to get you to down 4ml of the pink medicine, we had to give your mother some time to do her paper.  You aren't contagious so I dragged you out of the house on a daddy-Tommy adventure.  We hit the library and grabbed a book about space for you.  We hit McDonalds for some fries and such and we even hit Sweet Frog for some frozen goodness.  Just because you are sick doesn't mean you can't have frozen yogurt.  Anyone who suggests that you have to deny yourself such treats just because you are sick is sadly deluded.  Why would you make yourself feel worse by saying no to ice cream just because you are labeled sick?

Anyways, that gave your mother about 2 hours free of distraction.  We brought some fast food and sweet frog home for mommy.  We watched a couple shows and had some cuddle time on the couch, while mommy finished up what she needed to do.  We had to do a neb treatment that was another fight because you had started wheezing.  This wheezing made it an easy decision to skip the moon bounce birthday party.  Otherwise we just had a lazy Saturday.  I did help out a friend remotely with a computer issue.  Hopefully we can speed up his machine a bit to get a year or two more out of it before he has to upgrade with a new buy.  Spaghetti for dinner compliments of your mom and now we are all kind of doing our thing as bedtime is fast approaching.

It would be easy to chalk this day off as nothing special, a commonplace basic day.  Even extraordinary events like a little doctor appointment don't tend to make the day seem out of the ordinary.  But to write this day off as mundane would be a shame.  Every step of this day was about helping.  From the morning mass to dinner, from library trips to computer repairs, this day was about looking out for each other and trying to do the little things to make people healthy and happy and hopeful.

Sincerely with love form your dad,
Leo

Return From Korea

To my son Tommy,

Tonight we headed down to Silver Spring to visit with your uncles. They had recently returned from a trip to Korea. They had stories and gifts and laughs. You however were not the party animal we expected you to be as you can see by the picture. Got to go they are training us on how we have been doing chopsticks wrong.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Feed Off Each Other

To my son Tommy,

One way everyone learns is by seeing others do.  Example is one of the best learning tools of this world.  We are often told to lead by example but many times we do not do this.  I believe a disservice is done when you put off a task to spend some "quality" time with someone.  First off, quality time is a very subjective term and as long as you are spending time with a person and engaging with that person, it can be quality time.  Secondly, the example of how to do the task is lost.  And finally, the example that it is okay to do it later is given.

Take for example straightening the living room.  I tend to make the mistake of putting this off till you go to bed in an effort to spend some time playing toys with you.  I also use the excuse that cleaning while a child awake is like brushing your teeth while eating oreo cookies (a concept or quote that stuck with me from one of you mom's friends on facebook).  The problem is you don't get to see me clean as often.  You don't learn how to clean.  You don't learn that cleaning is important.  As far as you know, you go to bed and the cleaning fairy comes and the next morning you wake up to a clean living room.  I really am doing you no favor by shirking our duties for playtime.  We could spend time straightening and we would still be spending time together.  I wouldn't dare offend your intelligence by trying to frame clean up as a game, but we could make it enjoyable as possible.

This ability to learn by example really should go well beyond the adult-child relationship.  Parent to parent example is a good way for your mommy and me to learn how to raise you.  Today when you finish waking up, I am going to put some vaseline on your chapped lips.  This action would have never occurred to me as I often fall into the "clueless father" category when it comes to basic child care.  But the other day I saw your mother do this for you and realized that I should be doing this as well.  I learn a lot when mommy and I spend time parenting together.  Too many times it seems we have one person parenting while the other person takes a break and does other things.  Yet even if the other parent is just observing you learn so much about how to parent, how to play, how your child responds, who your child is, and most importantly we often learn how to love and be loved.

As you grow, feed off those around you.  Learn from their good examples and attempt to return the best example you can for others to feed off.  Expand this concept into all aspects of your life, be it work or love.  Make your shared time a quality experience no matter if it is playing with blocks or picking them up and putting them away.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

A Bad Guy

To my son Tommy,

The phrase "Because I don't think you're a bad guy" should be eliminated from most conversations.  Your mother was watching some Dr.Phil episode that was about a guy who beat his significant other among other things.  I am not sure if she was his wife or girlfriend, but she is the mother of his child.  This guy has beat her, strangled her, cheated on her, abused her mentally, abused her physically, etc etc etc. and yet Dr.Phil says "I don't think you're a bad guy".  Usually I try not to watch such things on TV because I believe they are exploiting other people's problem.  This time I could not help but to almost yell at the screen, "If you don't think he is a bad guy, then what is your definition?"

Your actions define you, and if you do such evil things, then you are a bad person.  Are you beyond help?  Are you beyond change?  Are you beyond forgiveness?  I try to hold the belief that all things are possible and no one is a lost cause, but in this case, you have to call it like it is.  You can't sugar coat when people do something wrong with little trite phrases like "You are not a bad guy".  It is an empty phrase, because anyone who says this is usually insinuating the exact opposite.  It will be your job to recognize such atrocities and to stand up and speak the truth about such acts and not meet them with empty phrases.  In today's world, filled with school shootings and domestic abuse and a large variety of evils, it is necessary to have good people in this world to champion what is right and good with this world.  I hope to have raised you into a man willing to do just that.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

It's Electric

To my son Tommy,

In today's world we have tons of gadgets and gizmos supposedly to make our life better.  Smart phones and tablets and netbooks and notebooks and all types of toys are ever present in our lives.  Some would agree that they do help and make our life better while others are a little more reserved or resistant.  No matter your stance though, if you have one of these items, you have to charge the darned thing.  We have become nomads wandering the desert of our world in search for that oasis of an electrical outlet.  You can't plan any trip without thinking about where or how you are going to power up.  It is not one long journey but a series of journeys from outlet to outlet.  With some devices (such as my company phone it seems) they have decided that your trip between outlets should be no more than three hours if you plan on using it.  If you don't plan on using it, it can most likely achieve the advertised battery life.

So with these devices you have to be diligent about plugging in.  Just one more thing to add to your daily routine.  When I walk in the house, I give you a hug, yell hello to Mommy who is usually upstairs studying, put keys and wallet in one drawer and go plug in my phone, which at this time is usually complaining about low battery life and asking me which features to turn off to conserve.  So for all the good or bad a smart phone can bring, it does bring another thing to do in your life's crowded to-do list.  The search for an outlet might end up adjusting manners and decorum.  You greet a visitor at the door, "May I take your jacket? Have a seat.  May I interest you in something to drink?  Water? Tea?  Need an outlet to charge up?"  That exchange is destined to be commonplace.

Having your electronics charged is becoming a sign of a well organized person.  If you are constantly forgetting and thus constantly running out of battery, you end up looking like a putz.  Of course from time to time you can use this as an out.  "Oh sorry I missed your phone call, my phone battery died." Using this excuse occasionally seems to be fine, but don't rely on that too much though.

Hopefully by the time you read this, they will have extended batteries that last months on end and recharge as you walk or talk or by solar or wind or some other way.  I heard on the news the other day they figured out how to charge and run pacemakers with the electricity from the heart itself rather than a battery that requires surgery to change.  If they can do that, maybe they can learn to charge a phone with sound waves generated as you talk.  I can picture your old man talking baby talk to his smart phone "Come on sweetie, come on charge for daddy".  Maybe some day.  I can only imagine and dream of a world where every night we don't have to plug in to recharge.  We can then spend the extra time and thought power on plugging into our family and recharging our soul.

Different Course

To my son Tommy,

Occasionally I look around and find that I am on a totally different course than I thought I would be at this point.  I look at my life a decade ago I would have never thought I'd be where I am now.  Course changes and re-directions can be great things, you being the perfect example.  You never know where the river of life will lead you, you just have to keep braving the rapids and hope for calm waters head.

Your mothers course has found some calm waters for the moment or at least a calm bed.  She is exhausted.  She was up the night before studying for an exam and then it turns out you decided to have trouble sleeping as well so she got no sleep.  I doubt when she pictured her nursing education that she pictured herself constantly dead tired, but that is where she has found herself.  On a side note, though this semester has been stressful on all of us, I am still extremely proud of her and her accomplishments.

When I started this blog, I had a set course.  My goal was to give you lesson upon lesson to help you through your life.  As I look around and read some of my past posts, I once again find myself on a different course than I expected to be.  I find myself on a course of exploring life's great mysteries and questions.  I find myself on the journey of our lives together, chronicled for the ages.  I find myself as much more of a participant than I originally planned to be with this blog.  Just another example of why the unexpected course can be so worth it.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Adversity

To my son Tommy,

As I was driving up to the office today to get some work done, a man being interviewed on the radio said "Adversity makes us who we are."  This is a common sentiment among people and I feel sad that many are missing the point.  It is not the adversity that defines a person, it is how they react.  You can't allow an event to make you who you are.  You don't want to relinquish that much control to some haphazard circumstance.  That is why we ended up with that trite phrase of "If the world gives you lemons, make lemonade."

Stuff happens in this world.  Most of the time it is through your own actions, but even I admit that you can't take credit or responsibility for some strange happenings.  When bad things happen,  your character is defined by how you act or react.  It is easy to play the victim and say woe is me.  Some events are so devastating that it is almost understandable to do just that.  But if you can pull on your big boy pants and man up and get yourself not only through but also beyond the event,  that will speak as to who you are.

Also adversity is not the only event that can challenge your character.  Events in our life don't have to be all bad to find out who we are.  We can find out who we are and who we will be in good times and happiness as well.  Those who suggest bad things are the only way to grow are missing the point of life.  I have met those types, those guys who demand to see what you have suffered through to see if you are worthy.  They get very perplexed and annoyed with me because I won't play their game and compare war stories and scars (though often I am sure my stories are better and my scars are deeper).  Life is too short to focus in on the bad.  Instead I prefer to tell them of all the good events that have made life worth surviving the bad.  That, my son, may give you some insight into my character.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Our Saturday Night Perils

To my son Tommy,

Every Saturday we try our best to make it out to the Downey house (your grandparents) for dinner.  It has become tradition and a good one at that.  We make it more often than not and fun is had by all.  Tonight, after we went to 5pm mass in honor of your Great Aunt Joan, we headed out to your Grandma Roro's house.  This gave us a late start but we stayed our normal amount of time and this put us heading home around 9:30 on a Saturday night.

Saturday nights are big drinking nights, or at least they were when I was a big drinker and bartender.  Of course when I was living that lifestyle every night was a big drinking night for me.  With the increased volume of bar patrons on a Saturday though, there is an increase of people that should not be behind the wheel of a car.  I swear on our trip back home, I saw three swervers.  They scare me and piss me off to no end.  Though I curse them now for endangering my son and my wife, I am ashamed to say I was one of them back in the day.

When I was young and drinking, a couple of shots never stopped me from driving.  I knew everything and I was invincible.  I assumed everyone on the road at Saturday night was barhopping and never even really gave thought that the guy in front or behind me could be driving their three year old son home from a family dinner.  There is no sugar coating it...I was a dumbass.  Thank God nothing horrible ever came of my stupidity.

Barring the full implementation of cars that drive themselves (which is a very real possibility nowadays or so I am led to believe) you will have this dilemma as you grow up.  The easiest decisions will come on the extremes, if you are fall down drop dead plastered you will know not to drive.  It is those nights that you had three or four and you feel fine.  Those are the nights that you will make the dumb decision to just drive and you will be doing fine and your cellphone will ring and you will make the dumb decision to answer it and then it will slip out of your hand and you will make the dumb decision to try and get it from the floor and wham.

So, though it may be difficult, make the decision to not drive.  I know how hard it is to get the car the next day, and how bad you will feel to call someone for a ride and put them out, and I know every excuse you can put out there on why you should drive.  They are all wrong and doing the right thing takes effort.  I am just going to put this out there now, just as you grandfather Leo did for me, if you ever need a ride because you have been drinking...you call me and I'll come get you no questions asked if need be.  The life you save just might be some family coming home with their three year old son from a family dinner.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Aunt LuLu

To my son Tommy,

Your Aunt NaNa is getting discharged from the hospital today and looks like everything is going to be okay.  Always welcomed news.  When I get home from work today we will have to make her a "thinking of you get well soon" type card from your own hand.  You have been getting good with the markers lately though you tend to like to color on your hand as much as you do paper.

The past couple days we have not only been worrying about a family member in the hospital (as we always do no matter how big or small the case may be) but we have been scrounging and scurrying to figure out the logistics of you.  With mommy in school and clinicals, and daddy working, and  you in school only two days of the week, working out your schedule and making sure you have someone watching you is a delicate balancing act that is easily thrown off.  In fact the whole balancing act can be mostly summed up as "The Bwama and Na plan" both of whom we rely heavily on.  Of course with Aunt Na in the hospital and your grandmom worried about her baby daughter, we had to make other arrangements.  Actually we probably didn't HAVE to make other arrangements as you grandmother would have made sure you are taken care of but we at least wanted to try to make other arrangements so she can focus on where she wants and needs to be.  That is why your Great Aunt Lu is such a godsend.

She is over the house watching you today and she saved our butt Wednesday as well.  One of the most pleasant people I have found on this earth, Aunt LuLu is one of your most cherished buddies.  When you find out she is coming over you constantly run around the house saying "LuLu is coming".  Though you have lost the younger "Aunt WuWu" pronunciation, it still is amazingly cute.  No doubt you are upstairs with her right now introducing her to each of your stuffed animals as you put them on your bed making a zoo.  The other night, after she watched you during the day, when I took you up to bed I saw 7 animals on your window sill set up to look out at the world.  No doubt the work of a imaginative Lu and Tommy team.

I cannot stress enough how blessed you are with such a loving and caring extended family.  In times of need, anyone and everyone is willing to help where they can.  Be it Uncle Chris picking you up from school,  Aunt Lu coming by to watch you at the house, or your Mommy picking up the girls from school,  everyone is ready to chip in.  Just knowing that is a great relief, but it is also a great responsibility.  You sir will be tasked to continue on this great tradition, a call to duty that you will no doubt meet with great joy!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Hybrid Mail

To my son Tommy,

Your old man has tons of ideas rattling around in his head.  Some weird, some wild, some ingenious, some well thought out, and some half baked.  If only I could get the drive to pursue, implement, or attempt them.  I don't even mind if someone else ran with my ideas because at least they wouldn't set on a shelf in my mind collecting dust.  One of these ideas involves the U.S. Postal Service.  I may have mentioned this one before but it is still stuck there rattling and I have a need to get it out.

A while back I was listening to NPR and there were discussing the changes they might have to make to stop losing so much money year in and year.  Closing some offices and stopping post on Saturdays were a couple of the ideas batted around.  They were also discussing the eventual demise of this federal service and the influence of email and other such systems that contributed to this downward trend.  I personally think it is a bad idea if the USPS goes, so I sat there brainstorming.

The benefits of what is now called snail mail, as I see it, are that you have a physical hard copy.  Digital is great but there is nothing like receiving a real letter in the mail.  Accepting a letter usually doesn't pose much of a threat.  From a letter, you don't risk a computer virus that can steal your bank info or identity.  Though a man named Ted Kaczynski did try to use the mail as a weapon, and then there were some jerks who started sending anthrax through the mail, for the most part a letter is harmless.  Also everyone knows how to use a letter.  Open and read is about the easiest form of instruction and doesn't require teaching countless older people how to turn on a computer and surf the internet and such.

The downfall for letters seem to be rooted in the expense.  The main expense is shipping and delivering all this mail all over the world by plain, train or automobile.  Sure there are other downfalls like most letters require paper products and these have to be harvested from trees and then usually end up adding to our ever growing landfill problem, but the gas and the cost and the slowness of picking a letter up in Baltimore and delivering it to San Francisco seems to me to be the worst culprit.

So what if you took the speed of email and combined it with the good things of snail mail.  A compromise creating a hybrid mail system.  Here is how I picture it.

You log on to your USPS website account.  You write in address place send this to "Mr. Big Bird at 123 Sesame Street, New York, New York 10123" you type out your letter (or nowadays with tablets and apps and such, write out your letter in your own handwriting)  You agree to the nickel charge and hit send.  It marks that it came from you here in Baltimore.

Now over in the post office for this address somewhere in fictional New York, the letter prints out on a printer that folds and seals the letter with the address on the outside.  The post man picks it up and delivers it in no time.  No truck or gas from Baltimore to New York.  You miss all that expense and extra polution.  No extra envelope so less paper.  Lots of benefits.

That is just the bare minimum idea to start brainstorming.  There could be additions (like printers in the post office truck to make it even quicker) price changes (color added for another nickel, picture quality added for a dime) and all types of little extras added.  Imagine if the post office would team up with Hallmark or another greeting card company so you can pick out a Christmas card that you want to send to your grandmother and instead of printing your message on plain paper it prints it on some actual Christmas card for delivery.  The possibilities are endless or at least that is how I see it in my mind.

Of course, only you and maybe a few others will see this idea and I doubt it will get anywhere.  I am in no position to pitch it to anyone of consequence that could run with the idea.  And I am not sure that people aren't actually rooting for the mail to go the way of the dodo.  It may come to pass that when you finally read this you will have to find some old dusty history book to look up what the United States Postal Service was and what exactly is snail mail, much like your old man heard stories about the pony express.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Headlines

To my son Tommy,

Today's headlines are all about the presidential election and the outcome, filled with a varying array of sentiments and conclusions and examining why this happened and how that happened.  It is not the most important thing of the day to our household.  Much more important is the health and safety of your godmother Aunt Joanna.

Aunt Na went into the hospital last night with gall stones and inflamed gall bladder and pancreas and liver.  She is going to have to have surgery.  At a time where everyone else gets to focus on their happiness or vitriol of the election, our minds and prayers are with your godmother. 

It seems recently we have had to refocus on the really important things in life.  I feel like we have been barraged with life and death and health issues to make sure we know what is important.  I feel like screaming "I got it.  I got the message.  I know what is important.  You don't have to send anything else to remind us.  Can we get a break to let it sink in?".  But as your Grandfather Leo always says, "This IS life" as he reminds me that life is struggle and life is tough and life keeps on coming straight at you no matter what.

Our hearts and prayers and best wishes go out to your godmother and here is hoping for a speedy recovery!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Takes Dedication

To my son Tommy,

It took about an hour and a half to vote this morning.  I went right after mass so got there roughly at 7:30 and didn't get out till 9:00.  In a world where they can process millions of vote every second for a reality TV music singing contest show, you would think they could find a way to process the one hundred people in line this morning a bit faster.  Of course the presidency should be no American Idol but year after year I am seeing less distinction in the two campaigns.

As I pulled up to Green Street Academy (the middle school in our neighborhood that used to be West Baltimore Middle or some name like that) the parking lot was fairly full but there was no line outside.  I did see a tented plastic greenhouse like structure and thought that might be to keep people lined up warm, but thankfully I was mistaken with that and it probably is actually some type of greenhouse school project.  I walked in and the amount of people between me and the voting booths were minimal.  I thought to myself this is my luck day.  Then the people in charge directed me to a line around the corner.  As I peered around this corner I saw a line stretching the length of the hall. 

I resisted the urge to flee and procrastinate and possibly miss voting altogether and trudged down the hall.  I had a good group of people around me in line, who were in good spirits, and we had a couple jokes about how you really have to want to vote.  About half way up the hall I noticed that another line was forming.  The line I was in was just to get the little card to stick in the voting machine and the second line was for people who had waited in my line and had their cards and were waiting for a voting booth.  It dawned on me that this could take a while but once again I resisted the urge to flee.  Rumor came through the line that one of the hold ups were they didn't have enough of the little electronic voting cards.  Some guy in line quipped "What? Did they expect only ten of us to show up?" and everyone chuckled.

 I sat there in line thinking of my other years voting.  Was it that I now am voting in the city that things seem to be slower and there seems to be a problem?  Don't remember this happening when I lived at your grandparents whose voting place is prominently white.  In fact, I don't remember ever sitting in line for more than five people to vote but I guess I was experiencing some of the institutionalized racism because of where I live.  Let me tell you that sucks.  At the very moment that thought crossed my mind, I looked up at some of the school decorations and saw a sign that said "Perseverance".  I joked with the people behind me and asked if that was meant to inspire the students that usually roam these halls or to inspire the voters today.

When I was in the second line and nearing my chance to vote, your mother walked in.  She looked surprised to see me and asked what I was still doing here.  I laughed and told her she will find out why I was still here in about an hour and a half. A couple more jokes with the guys around me and I finally got ushered to my voting booth.  I cast my ballot and got my "I Voted" sticker and headed off to work. 

On my way up to work NPR was talking about people voting in the dark and running generators and all the problems with those hit hardest by the storm.  It made my little hour and half jaunt in a heated hallway seem trivial.  It takes dedication to vote and those people out there voting in New Jersey and New York in all that storm aftermath sure are showing dedication.  Many people see it as a nuisance but let me tell you, it is a right, an honor and a privilege.  I doubt it will ever get to a single vote deciding the election but every vote does count.  That last comment might seem a bit counter-intuitive, but it can make a difference if someone or something wins by a large margin or a small margin, and every vote effects that.  So when you get your first chance to vote somewhere around 2027 or 2028, I expect you to show the dedication and the commitment and cast a vote.  Many people have shown their dedication before you by fighting and sometimes even dieing for their right and your right to vote.  Whatever the obstacle, be it something as stupid as a long line or something as major as a storm and power outage, don't throw your hands up and say "Oh well".  Just get out there and vote.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Monday Attacks

To my son Tommy,

Every now and then Monday will sneak up on a person. A perfect storm of a long day, a warm blanket, a good movie, a daddy who wanted to cuddle, and the end of daylight savings time can combine at just the right moment. Thus you get what is pictured, a sleeping child by 6:30. You also get something not pictured which is a mommy that is pissed that daddy put you to sleep before you ate dinner. I'd try to give you that picture but I don't think the flash is enough to overcome the darkness where she would stick the camera.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Library Card

To my son Tommy,

Today marks a momentous occasion in your life.  You sir are now the proud owner of a library card.  Not only that, but your first library card already has one book on its checkout list.  You read roughly five books at the library but this one Lift-The-Flap-Shadow-Book called "At The Zoo" was one you had to take home to show mom.

The day started out in a way that has become normal for this family.  Your mother who is often stressed about school and school work wanted us out of the house.  I had to get some things from the office because I had to do some work today as well and I took you with me.  On our way home we found ourselves at the Catonsville branch of the Baltimore County Public Library.  Ever since watching the movie "Matilda" you have been dead set on getting to the library.  You had just dozed off when we pulled into the parking lot.  After some jostling you popped up when you registered the word "library" and went inside.  You patiently (though anxious and excited) waited while the librarian got the necessary computer work done and issued you your very first library card.  Then I took you into the kids section and your eyes lit up.  You ran from book to book saying "Daddy look at this one" over and over.  Then you found some toys and puzzles and a little puppet stage.  When you found a little girl about your age named Sofia, you were in hog heaven.  You guys shared and read books together and did puzzles together and (surprisingly) even cleaned up together.  She seemed like an old pro at the library and quickly showed you the good toys and books and such.

Of course when it was time to go, the tears came.  After about two hours in the library and with a tearful good bye to your new friend, we settled on checking out the zoo book and we finally left.  The rest of the day has been speckled with comments about returning to the library and going back to play with Sofia.  Unfortunately you have been a bit ignored because I had to get some netbooks ready for work tomorrow and your mother evidently needed much more than the three hours solo for schoolwork today.  As I said it has become the new norm. But at least you had your library book to pass some of the time.  Anyways let us celebrate the beginning of a long career of searching the aisles of libraries for bits of wit and wisdom transfer from mind to ink on paper.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Walk With Me

To my son Tommy,

Even though it was cold today, you and I went for a walk.  You love going for a walk with your daddy and I try to always oblige.  In my mind we are setting out for adventures unknown but in reality we do not have the great variety but only have about three maybe four destinations and routes.  I coudn't find my hat so I just wore your angry birds hat for our walk.  I got a couple odd looks and people seemed to cross to the other side of the street when they saw a 275 pound man wearing an angry bird hat coming towards them.  I may start wearing that hat more because I really like the results it brought.

Our first stop today was Nansy's house.  Nansy lives at the top of the hill on Orpington, so when we crest the hill you are usually sufficiently winded and ready to take a break.  It used to be half way up the hill you would start asking to be carried or shouldered.  I guess your stamina really is increasing.

After visiting with Nansy for  a little, we went around the block onto Aldershot.  Nansy had a package delivered to her house that was supposed to be to a house on Aldershot.  The postman got the house number right but the street wrong, so she asked us to deliver this.  A quick stop at the very grateful package receiver, and we were off to check to see if you Bwama was home.  A couple knocks and rings at her house and we realized we were out of luck.  You werew pretty determined that we could wait for someone to show up, until I suggested going to your Aunt Debbie's.

A quick jaunt cross the street and your aunt Debbie was smiling and greeting us.  Emma was headed out to do some pottery painting and Aunt Debbie was taking her.  But we weasled in and hung out with Gabe until Aunt Debbie came back.  She graciously bought us some McDonald's and we had lunch and played and played.  You love toys and other people's toys are a special treat to you.  Your cousin Gabe has some of the coolest and you were in hog heaven.  We stayed until you started getting argumentative with your cousin about how to play with certain toys.  You have been hornery and quite independent and contrary with many actions and Gabe tried patiently showing you how to do things and you insisted on "I do it myself!".  Recognizing the clues, I decided it was time to head out.  Aunt Debbie and Gabe gave us a clock toy so you can start learning to tell time and we said our good-byes and see ya laters and off we went.

You quickly decided that walking was no longer for you, and asked to be carried for the last leg of our journey.  Since you were tiring so quickly we skipped our usual stop by the Johnson household to see your Aunt Karen and Uncle Chris and Cousin Ryan, and just headed for the comfort of our home.  Next time we will adjust our route to put them first on our visit.

Now you may think today was just about a walk with your dad and some visiting with family.  You'd be mistaken because it is about so much more.  The little tasks and events of life are not the important part.  It is about the time spent together.  It is the love and the connection with your loved ones that make a stroll so much more than just a walk.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Age Old Wisdom

To my son Tommy,

I am always amazed when the old is repackaged as the new.  In today's world you see lots of headlines like "Science proves an apple a day really does help keep the doctor away!" and other such articles.  There is a reason why such sage advice stays around.  Yet many people dismiss these as just sayings and don't realize they are based on factual experiences.  Though the "science" behind the original saying may have been anecdotal, it doesn't mean that they weren't correct.  Many people can recite such phrases like "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy wealthy and wise" but few follow this advice.  It is just an overused meaningless quote to them.  Then some scientist spends millions of dollars on a study and finds out, those that go to bed at 9pm and wake at 6am are in better health and tend to have more income, especially if you are scientist getting million dollar grants for this study as you wake up at 6am to start the study.

The funny thing is article after article of every self help claim this info as new.  I really shouldn't throw stones in my little glass house (or blogo-sphere as the case may be) because I do a ton of re-packaging old sage advice, wisdom, and phrases.  I, at least, acknowledge it has all been said and (can't say this next part without singing a Barenaked Ladies song) all been done before.  Many of these others try to sell you on their advice as if it is brand new.  Perhaps they supply a twist and instead of saying eat your vegetables they tell you to blend your vegetables and drink them, but the core has not changed.  Your grandpa Leo once pointed out an irony of the educated world.  He told me that to get a doctorate you had to do a thesis and many times you have to get published.  Technically you are supposed to have a "new" idea to do this.  Well if you have no "new" idea than you have to either make up some BS or frame an old concept as a new idea.  Let me tell you there are not half as many new ideas as there are new PH.D.s.  Some educated guy has to convince you that he is the first one to think of this, no matter what history tells you.  I think most of them should be given honorary Irish title for their ability to BS.

Anyways, when you hear someone saying an age old phrase, don't automatically dismiss it as trite.  Find out why people started saying it and why people still say it today.  Look for the actual wisdom inside and try to follow it in your life even if science or some super educated guy has yet to prove it in their thesis.  You may find that the fiber and nutrition in that apple a day is really the key to keeping the doctor away..

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Teeth

To my son Tommy,

I think I have a masochistic side because to add to all the events of the past week, I had a dental cleaning today. They found the repair they did last year ( not sure if it is a cap or filling on top of the root canal) has a small space that is has allowed some decay underneath. Throw in a small cavity on the other side of the mouth that also needs to be filled.

Your old man was never good at dental care. Brushing teeth and flossing and such seemed like such a chore, until the root canal last year. Now I am much more dedicated to brushing twice a day and mouthwash and all. Still need to work on flossing but we all have our downfalls.

Luckily, you have a zeal for brushing your teeth. You aren't very good at it yet but when you start brushing you have fun. Even though it takes up to twenty minutes before you want to stop, I try not to discourage you at all. Of course when you decide to brush for an extended amount of time, we are running out the door and it makes it difficult.

But brushing is the ultimate example of an ounce of prevention saves you money and difficulty later. The estimate for the little filling they are doing is about eighty bucks. I could buy ten years worth of toothpaste for that amount. The re-repair is free of charge but the amount of money I paid last year for the original repair was pretty darned high. So free is relative.

Keep brushing your teeth, learn to do it well, and learn to floss. I can't stress how much money and aggravation and difficulty you will save in the future. Plus you have such a beautiful and heart warming smile that deserves extra care!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo