Aww Crabcakes!

To my son Tommy,

We are back to, or at least getting back to, our "mommy in school" schedule. That means your clueless father has to get you up and out in the mornings at least on Thursdays and Fridays. It truly is a comedy of errors but somehow we manage.

You were running around, or technically away from me and your breakfast, this morning and ran smack into the coffee table. Not sure if you stubbed your toe on the leg of the table or banged your shin or knee on the table top, but tears streamed. After a typical clueless father examination of the leg and situation to make sure nothing major was wrong, I joked with you that when you learn to curse as you grow up, it will make the pain subside quicker. At least that is the thought process of many adults as you have probably seen me stub my toe and throw out a few muffled profanities that make me sound like Muttley, Dick Dastardly's faithful pet from the old Hanna-Barbera cartoons.

Since I can't teach a four year old those words, and since I needed to distract you from the pain, we decided to hunt for a word to say. Sassafras, when said through a sobbing voice, sounds too closely like real curse words. In fact it at first sounded like you were calling your mom by her nickname Cass and somehow drawing a comparison to donkey.  So we quickly nixed that word and went on. After many more failures, we finally settled in on "crabcakes" as your go-to word.

I guess in Maryland, the word crabcake has some sort of reverence to it, and we are probably scandalizing a state tradition, but the word makes such a nice curse for a four year old. It has those hard consonants that allow you to emphasize and really get some anger and frustration out. I realize the crab part is dangerously close to crap but the profane level of that word is much debated anyhow. And since you are supposedly allergic to shellfish, I figured it would serve another purpose to keep you away from crabcakes as you develop a negative connotation with the word.

So after getting you to yell out "oh crabcakes" a couple times, I once again had a smiling boy who finished his cereal and soon was loaded in the truck and brought to school. It was breezy out and all the teachers were busy handing out little goodie bags for Catholic Schools Appreciation Week, so I didn't have any teachers at the door as I dropped you off to explain why you had a slight limp and to warn of your new found word. That should be an interesting note from school if you decide to use your word today.  You won't get in trouble but your daddy might end up with a whooping from your mommy.

After dropping you off, and with the odd sense of accomplishment that only a father can get from teaching his son how to in a way curse, I went in to work.  I quickly came into a storm of problems here and have been saying "crabcakes" in my head all morning.  Okay, a couple other words crossed my mind so far but I think we will stick to "crabcakes" for you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Talent

To my son Tommy,

Tonight was the St Agnes School Eighth Grade Talent Show. Everyone did great but your cousin Emma stole the show (this of course coming from a totally unbiased Uncle) in her solo and her duet with her best friend Emma (whom you have a crush on). I am excited for you to grow up in this community. Good people supporting and applauding good kids who give it their all on stage. I can't wait till it is your turn on stage. From what I understand, Mr. Baker who has been at the school since your mom went there for grade school, will most likely be directing you. You have to love tradition.

After the show we all hit Sweet Frog, which seems to be a new starting tradition in our family or after event parties. You actually ate some of your treat tonight, obviously showing off for your crush. Any time some different food is consumed by you, your mother and I get so excited that it doesn't matter why or when or how or what or for whom. But that is enough on you, let me get back to the stars of the night.

Now I wasn't taking any video at the show. There were enough people running phones or cameras in our family that I am sure I will be able to link to a few of those videos. Instead I uploaded the practice/preview videos when the Emmas gave us a sneak peek before the show of their act.  If these songs ring a bell when you are older, it is because you watched these videos day in and day out over and over since your mom captured them on her phone.  Enjoy.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Weight

To my son Tommy,

A week ago I mentioned that my fat butt weighed in at 292.  I promised that I would make a couple small sustainable changes and lower my weight.  My choices in my life are no longer about just me, and I owe it to you and your mother to get and stay at a healthy weight.  I am pleased to report that this morning I weighed in at 282 which suggests a ten pound loss.

I say "suggests" because I know there are tons of factors that could sway the scale.  I figure on a crappy bathroom scale, and figuring other factors like time since last meal or drink, that the scale could be off by plus or minus three pounds at any point.  That means at even at the worse case scenario, where my weight was exaggerated to the high side on the first weigh in and to the low side on the last weigh in, it at least shows I am headed in the right direction.

My changes have been simple so far.  One of the most common factors of overweight people is they do not eat breakfast.  I made sure I ate something small for breakfast most every single day of the past week.  I also skipped, as I suggested I would in a post a week ago, a calorie ridden drink a day.  This saved me a couple hundred calories a day and three dollars a day that stayed in my pocket rather than going to the convenience store bottom line on the way to work.  I substituted free coffee (served black) at work.  Through out the day I went back to more water consumption.  I also added what I call wall push-ups to my morning schedule.  When I stumble out of bed and into the shower, I put my hands on the back of the shower wall and push away in a push-up form.  Got myself up to fifty of these much easier versions of push-ups this morning.  So small sustainable changes have got me some results.

The key now is not to settle in and say that is good enough.  Luckily your mother is going on a health kick too fueled by her nursing education and knowledge.  It has been proven that if your mother and I don't do things at the same time, we both fail.  This was proven with how many times we tried to quit smoking before and it wasn't until we did it at the same time that we succeeded.  So with her help, I can continue what I started in the last week.  Maybe by the end of the week we can actually find time for both of us to hit the gym for a couple minutes each week.  Of course we can use a hectic schedule as an excuse not to, but there is really no excuse.

As I said before, these changes in our life are not necessarily for ourselves.  Though we will reap the short term benefits of better fitting clothes and better health, you will reap the long term benefit of more love over more years from your longer living parents.  At least that is what we hope.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Second Fiddle

To my son Tommy,

Sometimes you are going to play second fiddle.  Actually you probably never play second fiddle but these letters to you certainly might.  Tonight is one of these nights.  Your mother needs her humira shot and I hope to lessen the bad after effects of that with some snuggle time while we watch Mike and Molly.  I would offer her to make her an ice cream sundae as well if she hadn't just taken a nutrition course at nursing school and seems to have put the entire household on notice that we will eat better.  Unfortunately your blog suffers the consequences of lack of time.  But that in and of itself is an important lesson.  There is nothing online that should ever trump spending time in real life with the ones you love.  Even if it is as unpleasant as a humira shot, real life still wins.  Occasionally even I forget that and under the guise of giving you advice, I try to remind myself of this very evident truth.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Attention Span

To my son Tommy,

Church always challenges your attention span.  Today it was a challenge you and I lost.

We went to the 12:15 mass to hear your cousin Emma sing.  It started off as normal, as we walk in the door to church now you decide you have to go potty.  This is actually a welcomed change because I know we are going to have to do potty times in church and to get one done before we get in the pews is nice.  I am not sure how you remain regular the rest of the week but Sunday mass for you is better than a diuretic and a bran muffin.

You started acting up way before your second potty visit.  It started with the usual, which I always try to correct but tend to overlook and not make a scene about.  You go walking down the pew among other family members visiting.  You quickly lost focus and wouldn't sit down for any amount of time.  Then came the boots.  You had decided to wear your frog boots to church and couldn't decide if you wanted to keep them on or off, even though your father wanted you to keep them on.  Then during the homily, came your second bathroom request.

When we made it back up to church from the second potty break, you decided it was time to leave.  Your voice stopped using the church voice and went louder and louder.  You had decided it was time to go.  You were not going to sit, you couldn't be held or restrained, you kept talking louder and louder.  Of course it felt like the entire church was quiet and all everyone else could hear is you.  That may or may not have been the case.  Then you started doing things that I almost believe were purposely meant to piss me off.  You laid down behind me so I could no longer sit and then came the kicking of the back of my legs as I stood or kicking of my butt and back as I knelt as the mass called for.  Then came you pulling out my pants pocket and putting it back in time after time after time.

For the first time in our attending mass, I lost my patience and no amount of silent prayer request was going to give it back to me.  I had tried asking you nicely, I had tried misdirection, I had tried getting you actively involved in mass by pointing out your cousin on the altar or pointing out the cross or pointing out the priest,  I tried ignoring you, nothing was working.  You had brought me to the point that corporal punishment was seeming like a viable alternative and that perhaps I should change my position in regards to this.  But before that happened, I threw on your frog boots and pulled us out of mass.  I took you home explained how you were behaving poorly and ordered you to your room.  Surprisingly you went.  You cried and said you wanted to go back to church and be good.  I am not sure if it was because you were upset that I was upset or because I had explained how we could no longer attend the moon bounce with the rest of the family after church.  I accepted your apology and spent some time trying to explain to you that you will have to be better next week as there were no more masses today.

You are a well mannered child as I have pointed out before.  I just think that mass might be out of your attention span.  It is something we will have to work on because frankly there will be many many many more things in life that you have to sit through that are much longer and much less interesting.  Hopefully next week will be better.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Snowman

To my son Tommy,

Tonight I had a perfectly good adult evening.  It was the perfect mix of alcohol and friend and stories of old and new and such and enjoyable time with friends.  We talked of things we "accomplished"  in the past and and of new experiences and adventures of the present, most inspired by you.  I got to spend time with my best friend who you call your Uncle Eric as well as many other faces of the past.  I do not bring this up to guilt you in any way.  I do not bring this up to you to point out that life exists for your parents outside your existence.  In fact I bring it up to point out that you are soo much better and soo much more important than the life of my past.

I started the day in a funk from yesterday.  I had given up hope of ever being right again.  Even if I am right and attempt to tell someone about being right, I seem to lose.  It doesn't matter how right or how provable that fact is, I had lost all hope in telling present generations and future generations of what I think is correct.  I had decided that even though my soul risked being sucked out of my body that I would rather be silent and in love and happy than point out how I am right and others are wrong.

Then, after a prolonged stand off on making sure you feed yourself rather than be babied and fed, we finally went out to play in the snow.  Even though we had less than an inch, somehow we managed a two foot snowman and a bunch of snowballs to throw.  You reminded me that a couple crystals of water and a few additives like branches for arms and mulch for eyes, can be so much more important than anything else in life.

Your bwama kindly took you for our night out.  Your mother and I missed our "date night" on Thursday so we were looking forward to some adult time.  At your recent birthday party, your Aunt Kelly and your Aunt Tammy and your mommy had decided that we don't see enough of each other.  In the spirit of your Aunt Debbie's Braizer night, the ladies got together and pledged to rectify the situation.  That is how we had this night out scheduled.  And we had a good night.  Like I said before, it was a great mix of past and present.  Back in the "good ole days" it would be considered a great night that would be tough to top.

As we drove home at an early hour, all I could think of was you.  I laughed at the early hour that we ended at our wonderfully adult night out.  I worried about the drunk drivers out and was very thankful that your mother and I decided on a sober driver.  Even though I immensely enjoyed every moment hanging out and reminiscing about old times and pondering the meaning life over a half dozen drinks with a bunch of old friends,  I wanted to get home to get you.  This is the moment that I realize how life has changed for your old man and though with a couple drinks and some good ole stories we can travel back in time, there is nothing that matches the present and how happy you make me.  A single moment making a snow man with you is better than most anything I could imagine.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Cancelled

To my son Tommy,

Like just about everything else in this state, tonight's letter to you has been cancelled due to inclement weather that has caused the blues and a serious case of piss and vinegar in your father's attitude that has rendered him unable to write.  Tomorrow is another day and this too shall pass.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Manners

To my son Tommy,

You have such good manners especially for a four year old.  "Yes please" and "No Thank You" are common phrases in your conversation.  Even in dire situations you remember your manners.  You have more than once thanked a doctor or nurse for a shot.  Getting a needle in the arm is probably one time we would expect decorum to go out the window, but not with you.

Everyone comments about your politeness and asks us how we did this.  Honestly your mom and I didn't set out to try.  Sure we give you an occasional correction here and there, usually when you decide to call one of your aunts by the first name without the Aunt title.  But that is about it.  I guess you got it like I got it, from imitating your parents.

Your mother and I have not now, nor probably will ever, fallen into too much comfort that we don't use those "magic" words when talking to each other.  Some believe such formalities are not necessary for someone you love and are so close to.  They assume they are "understood" and omitted for brevity or conservation of energy or some odd reason of the like.  I personally believe if I am going to "spend the effort" on kind and polite words that I should spend it on the people I love first.  It sure has given us a very enjoyable side effect of you learning such a good trait in dealing with other people.

Even when you and I play with your toys and make them talk to each other, we use polite well mannered conversation, well except for the Scooby Doo monster figurines whom you eerily refer to as demons.  But even then you can occasionally hear one of those spooks say "Excuse me Mr Shaggy sir, I am here to scare you please, so Boo!"

To this day, I say "Yes Sir" and "Yes Ma'am" to just about everyone.  I say it to your mother, your grandparents, and such people that you would expect deserve respect.  I have had some of your mom's relatives say it isn't necessary but it is part of who I am.  I also say it to you and your cousins and many people no matter their age.  Some observers, who don't know me and my sincerity, think it is condescending but it certainly is not meant to be.  They also don't know I spent 20 years of my life as an army brat where such answers are the norm.  I learned it from watching my father use these same phrases just like you are learning from me.

So when others ask me how I "trained" you to be so polite, I have no clue.  Just lucky I guess.  There is no magic secret and if you have to make a concerted effort to teach manners, perhaps you need to look at your own manners and how often your practice them.  Of course the moment I start to think we have the most well mannered son in the world, I try to sit and talk to him about letting mommy be, because she is not feeling well and get paid back with screaming and a couple swift kicks to the groin as you try to break away.  Life is never perfect.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Heat Escapes

To my son Tommy,

It is bitter cold today in Maryland, as it was yesterday as well.  Tomorrow looks no better and Friday has a high chance for some winter precipitation.  I thought I would pass on some practical advice that was passed down to me from your Grandpa Leo for dealing with bad weather.

First off, you should know that your grandpa knows what he is talking about.  In his stint in the army he has seen some harsh weather conditions and unfortunately the military, unlike the rest of the government and most businesses, does not accept weather as an excuse for not doing your job.  In one of his last stations, Major Downey was the commander of a support element out of Camp Darby, Italy.  This would send him and his troops from one extreme climate to another.  From the wind blown barren wastelands of Turkey to the extreme northern lights in Norway and who knows where else.  So when he talks about how to keep warm or how to stay cool or how not to pee in your own face in a windstorm (true advice given to me at age 12) you can be assured he knows what he is talking about.

The first thing he points out is heat rises and ninety percent of your heat escapes from your head and neck.  He laughs at all the people walking around with layer upon layer of clothes and coats but still not wearing a simple hat and scarf.  If you want to stay warm put on a watch cap and a scarf.  I used this tactic when I was younger (and dumber) to impress people in the bar when it got cold.  I would wear shorts and t-shirts in the snow but would always have a hat and scarf on and be perfectly fine.  The shock factor of seeing such a sight ended up getting me better tips and gave all my bar patrons something to talk about.  Of course with the amount of alcohol I consumed in my twenties, I had a permanent false sense of warmth coursing through my veins.

The next thing he tends to point out is cloud cover means warmth.  So many people think clear and sunny skies in the winter mean warmer days.  In Norway, your grandpa would dread clear skies.  Just like a hat keeps the heat in your body, cloud cover can keep the heat on the ground, especially at night.  If you can see the stars in a clear sky, all the heat that came from the day is just flowing up and up and out.

Wool is one of the best materials for keeping you warm.  Your grandpa Leo swore by this even though wool would irritate his skin because of a mild allergy.  He pointed out that sweat and wet from your body destroyed the ability of most materials to keep you warm.  Wool was the exception.  Of course water and general wetness is your enemy on any cold day, but if you can't stay perfectly dry, wool was the way to go.

The other enemy to go along with dampness is the wind.  Every news cast in the cold days has two temperatures.  One tells you the actual days temperature the other what it feels like with the wind blowing on you.  Evaporation is a cooling process for the body and works most effectively with lots of wind and water.  This knowledge lets you defend against this process in the winter and use the process to your benefit in the summer.  Your grandfather is always big on science and with a little bit of knowledge you can swing things to your benefit easily.

Well that is all the advice fit for print.  I could go on to other tidbits like which part of the body is the warmest and thus where you should stick your feet on your buddy to insure no frostbit toes, but information like that is best supplied by your Grandpa Leo in person.  If you were anything like me, it will take some time to believe the army trained him on procedures like that.  The only advice I can add is staying inside and snuggling with your mommy is probably the most enjoyable way of keeping warm on a cold blustery day.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Instant Gratification

To my son Tommy,

We live in a world where our efforts are often instantly gratified.  You need to know something, pull it up on the internet.  If you are hungry, fast food is there to sate you.  You take a picture and boom it is shared with your friends and family.  Fast and furious this world comes at you.  Unfortunately, this creates a culture of "I want it now" which can undermine some serious efforts.

This morning I jumped on the scale.  My fat butt weighed in at 292 and I thought back to the previous nights episode of "The Biggest Loser" and remembered many of these guys are below my current weight.  I need to lose.  But I can't get into the trap of expecting instant results.  Just because I ate an apple today, I don't expect to drop ten pounds immediately.  Just because I did ten push-ups this morning, doesn't mean I will be slim by Friday.  Weight loss takes a constant sustained effort and often your first efforts show little to no effect in the beginning.  It is a process that builds on itself through small sustainable changes that sooner or later amount to something significant.

It is like the concept of saving money.  If you cut out two dollars a day from your spending, you don't see the results for sometime.  You may actually never "see" the results because you probably will re-purpose that two dollars to a credit card payment or paying a bit extra on your mortgage.  But if you do mannage to sock it away, after a year of not spending the two dollars a day, you have somewhere, somehow saved $730.00.  Now if you throw that in a bank or investment and start getting compound interest, again nothing exciting happens in the beginning.  For five to ten years nothing exciting happens to that money, it just slowly gains compound interest.  It builds upon itself, and after 30 years say at 5% interest that $730 has grown to just over $3150.  That is when you say wow and you see the potential, but until it has some time to build upon itself, compound interest can be boring.

Another area that people expect instant gratification is prayer.  People expect to pray for a week or two or even a year or two and see immediate and tangible results.  Many people point to this as the reason they have no faith.  I have heard such phrases as "I prayed for world peace all my life and God allows these wars and such to go on and on" as reasoning for no longer practicing their faith.  I won't even touch on the concept that many of the things people pray for are not true and noble causes that are worth having that prayer answered.  God isn't going to send you a winning lotto ticket, it is not something that interests Him.  You can't treat Him like a dog and pony show and ask Him to do tricks for you.  Discounting such selfish prayers, even then prayer is like compound interest.  Our Lady of Fatima promised the conversion of Russia, among other things, if we pray the rosary and establish a devotion to her Immaculate Heart .  This didn't mean that one person, one time around some prayer beads, could pray it and everything would be done.  But one voice, day in day out, added to those others who lend their voice to the prayer, it all builds up.  I remember, when I was 10 years old living in Vicenza, your Grandpa Leo walking me up the hill through 150 arches of Monte Berico and teaching me why it is important to say the rosary.  He taught me prayer builds and builds like those stairs and that is the way to reach the top.

So don't always look for instant gratification.  Even a drop of water can bore a hole in rock over time.  When you look to make a change, be it in your finances, your health, or your soul, trust in the power of small changes to make big differences.  Trust that even throwing 12 cents in a jar everyday will add up.  Trust that just removing a high calorie soft drink or adding a routine to eat breakfast everyday will start to make a difference in your weight and health.  Trust that even though that prayer might seem to go unanswered that you are walking a half mile up those steps through those 150 arches and at some time you will finally reach the top.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Single Concept

To my son Tommy,

Often in my life I hear a single sentence, or single phrase, or single concept, or even a single word and can expound greatly on this one item. Some attribute this ability to a great mind where other attribute it to an Irishman who is full of crap. The truth lies somewhere in between those two extremes. You will most likely fall somewhere between these two extremes as well.

On a day like today, where the news is filled with sound bites and memorable quotes and speeches, be they from today's ceremonial inauguration (the real one was as always the 20th of January as determined by the amended Constitution) or be they from a man named Martin Luther King Jr. whose greatness we celebrate today, ideas abound from the simplest of words. Words inspire us to dream beyond what we know and have accepted to what could and should be. Simple concepts of people standing up or sometimes sitting down for what they believe in, change the way we think. We are reminded that the simple but true can inspire and we are challenged to move forward in every aspect of our lives.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Dusk

To my son Tommy,

I woke up this morning and realized I missed writing you your letter yesterday.  It was a jam packed day with work, and a birthday party, and Downey family dinner.  From early in the morning till late at night we were running around and usually not in the house.  Your mom suggested I write two posts today to make up for it, but I figure things happen.  I have my OCD in check enough that I can let a day pass without making up for a miss even though I do lament the miss.

On one of our excursions today, we had gone up to Aunt Kelly and Uncle Eric's house in Pennsylvania for Garrett's birthday party.  The Kernans aren't really related but certain close friends of your parents deserve an Aunt and Uncle designation rather than a simple Mr and Mrs title.  That Aunt and Uncle designation is often liberally used for cousins and friends and others to suggest a closeness while maintaining a air of respect.  But I digress.

We left PA around dusk.  We were driving some hilly winding roads and, as we crested a hill with a particularly good view, we heard an excited four year old from the back seat exclaim, "Mommy look! Mommy look!" as you noticed the sky's horizon.  This was the very first time you appreciated a beautiful sunset.

I am always amazed when I am there for a "first experience" and the fact that it is spontaneous and unprompted makes it even more special.  Hearing the awe and wonder and excitement in your voice over your discovery makes my heart leap.  You probably felt like you were the first person to ever notice such beauty and probably felt that this pretty sky was sent just for you.  You recognized and appreciated natural beauty in this world all on your own, and you chose to share it with your parents.  Here is wishing you hundreds of thousands of spectacular sunsets in your life.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Wanna Come See?

To my son Tommy,

I was home from work after a typical work day and playing on the computer.  You were off playing with some cars in the living room.  Your mother was up taking a nap after her pre-class nursing class today.  I heard you mumble something about going potty and saw a streak of light as you ran to to the bathroom.  I continued playing on the computer and a couple minutes later I heard,  "I made a big poopie! Daddy?  You wanna come see?".  Ahh the joys of fatherhood.  I got up under the pretense of doing my fatherly duty, though I have to admit I was curious as to what size would make you so proud.  I never really got to see because the smell started burning my retinas and I just decided to flush it and be done.

I am not sure why children, especially little boys, are so proud of their bowel movements.  The sad thing is many don't grow out of this phase.  What makes someone so proud of a big poo?  Many learn to stop announcing it and stop pointing out that they are full of crap.  Of course I know those that just evolved to a different media and seem to have found an outlet in their social media updates.  I am convinced by what some people write on their facebook posts, that if we lived in the same house they would call me in to look at a bowl ringer.  And the fact that I actually read some of the garbage they write has convinced me that I would actually get up and go look.

So as you get older and one day you find yourself with a BM that you are particularly proud of,  internalize the pride.  You can be proud you got through such crap, but you really won't impress anyone with bragging about it.  Just flush it.  And as you get older avoid pointing out to the rest of the world over the internet or any other media, that you are as full of crap as your old man.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Educational Play

To my son Tommy,

I have a pretty simple sense of humor.  Some would say it is odd and others would say it is evil.  One of my great joys is listening to your mother give you a bath.  The moment I enjoy the most is when the usual cuteness fades away and your mother attempts to wash your hair.  "You got it in my ear!" "Oh...come on...there is nothing in your ear."  "Yes it is"  "Well if you leaned your head back like mommy said..."  are the phrases I hear as tears and screams and yells stem from the bathroom.  I am blessed to hear these any bath time when most people would have to attend a Republican primary to hear this level of argument and debate.

After the scrubbing is done, I get to come in for the easy part, play time.  Most of the time it is just play and you splashing around with different bath toys, but tonight somehow it became educational.  We lined up ducks and frogs along the bath tub edge and worked out a pattern.  Quack, quack, ribbit, quack, quack, ribbit, duck, duck, frog.  We counted ducks.  We counted frogs.  We changed the pattern around to start with a frog or to end with a frog.  We would try to throw each other off and add things to our pattern that did not belong and pretend we didn't see the switch.  It is safe to say...your dad and you are dorks.  I kid.

That is one of the great joys of living with a four year old.  Every moment is a chance to learn.  Every moment is a chance to practice the skills of life.  Tubby time can be fun even with some practice on your educational skills.  Bed time can become a moment to fine tune your negotiating skills.  And snuggle time becomes the moment where you learn why life is worth living.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Thar She Blows

To my son Tommy,

The waves crashed over the side of the ship as we had sailed in to a squall. The captain held steady barking orders to his crew as he peered through his spyglass and firmly kept his prize in his sight. "Scooby, baton down the hatches. Alvin, get your furry chipmunk cheeks up to the crows nest, Mr. Daddy pirate unfurl the main sails. Thar she blows! Hard to port!"

My cell phone rang and my break from working at home on a sick day was over. The waves quickly receded and I was able to disembark from S.S.TommysBed and bid my stuffed animal crew mates and my disappointed captain, who was still looking through the wrong side of his spyglass, fare well.

The other day your mom was cleaning the basement. She found my old spyglass. I can't remember where I got it and neither can your Grandpa Leo but I have had it for at least 30 years. A cheap souvenir from Fort McHenry or some other sea like attraction. It is made by Zenith in Japan and it works with a 25x30 zoom. Another manufacturer makes the exact type for thirty or so dollars online to this day. But this one is priceless. Not because of any actual monetary value but because it helped me sail the seven seas of my imagination when I was younger and now as I have gifted it to you, we have found new waters to explore.

Sincerely with love from your dad (and first mate),
Leo

Medicine

To my son Tommy,

From time to time in your young life, you have looked up at me like I am superman.  Perhaps that is because I often wear a red cape and superman underoos, but that is another story for your therapist when you grow up.  I kid, I kid.  Well this "superman" tried to skate by the past two weeks hoping that his super human immune system would kick this little nagging cough or at least not let it get worse.  I have yet again learned of the pitfalls of ego or perhaps it is vanity or just basic male stupidity.  The doctor said I did do the right thing trying to beat it on my own for the past two weeks and only since it has been so long with no progress was he willing to give me some help in the form of pharmaceuticals.  Your mother disagrees.  She and you got treated two weeks ago, got better, and now she got it again.  Of course I am to blame for not getting treated the first time and she made sure I no longer had that option.  I took my pills and as I stomached the serious cough syrup, the words you repeat whenever we give you your medicine popped into my mind, "Doesn't taste pretty very good".

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

A Bare Sandwich

To my son Tommy,

The other day I made a sandwich. As I started to make it, I looked for whole wheat bread. A quick search yielded only white bread. I settled and popped two pieces in the toaster. I sliced some of the roast your mother made the other night, grabbed a single piece of hard salami, put some chipotle-Dijon-mayo concoction on my toast and started piling on my meats. I went to the refrig again looking for greens and tomatoes to make this sandwich more healthy and again came up empty in my search. The snack was quite tasty but deep inside I felt guilty for not achieving some level of increased health in my food. Food should be your first line of medicine in life and this definitely was lacking.

The metaphor of the sandwich struck a cord in my life and in what I observe in others life. We all forget to add the extras that really help our lives. We avoid the healthy additives of life. Either our "cupboards" are lacking the essentials or it is too much of a hassle to add extras or sometimes we just want "the good stuff" and view the "veggies" of life as detracting from the "meat".

So make sure you don't avoid the "good for you" stuff as you enjoy the good stuff in life. A little extra added to a sandwich can add nutrients to your diet and health to your life. A little extra added to your daily routine can add meaning and spice to your life. It doesn't detract and often enhances your experience.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Rewind And Rewind

To my son Tommy,

At this young age, when you watch a show that was interesting and entertaining and exciting to you, you want to immediately recapture that moment.  You beg to watch it again, and again, and yet again.  To compound the problem, you are starting to get proficient at the remote so you have successfully rewound your program to watch on your own.

I really can't fault you much for this position or logic.  It make perfect sense that when you find something you enjoyed so much that you would want to watch it again.  It is an adult concept that things can't be as fun the second time around.  Obviously that doesn't hold true for four year olds who can get the same or better enjoyment the second or third or fourth time through.

As you grow up this becomes a much tighter rope to walk.  On one side, if you stick to what you know, you will miss out on so many new experiences.  When you are young, you need to see what else is out there.  It may lead you to a new love or it may lead you right back to your old love with a new appreciation.  Either way your horizons broaden and you become more worldly.

On the other side, if you are constantly seeking thrills in something new, you could be missing out on the contentment and simple satisfactions of life.  This path has led many down some dark alleys of life seeking the new thrill.  Life is very cyclical and from time to time can seem like you are watching the same movie back to back to back.  Some have sought refuge from this repetition in a life of vice and cheap illegal thrills.  Surprisingly though it puts them in an even worse cycle of repetition that is extremely hard to break.

So where do the answers lie?  Somewhere in between in a land called moderation.  You need to venture out and enjoy new experiences using common sense and forethought, but at the same time you need to hold on to those tried and true experiences.  You need to jump from the nest but only when the time is right and only if you know how to get back to your roots and never lose sight from whence you came.  As I think about the balance between trying something new and enjoying something old hat,  I think for a lazy Sunday with the entire house nursing cold like symptoms, today we will forget balance and we will just watch the Jungle Book 2 for a third time in a row while we snuggle on the couch.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Travel During Overtime

To my son Tommy,

There is a secret that many of my family do not know.  That secret is ... today I was rooting for the Ravens football team.  The decision becomes easy since my chosen team, the Steelers, didn't make the playoffs.  But even during the regular season, as long as they are not head to head,  I root for the Ravens.  Of course this season I have had no real interest in football for any team.  I picked a good season to "take some time off" considering what Pittsburgh did.  Most of the family doesn't mind my alternate NFL choice and I bet they actually enjoy having someone to pick on with some good natured ribbing.  Some things are just better in life with contrast.

Since we had no real horse in this race, the commute home from your Grandma Roro's house was so nice.  Even though I was rooting for Baltimore, I realized when the game went into overtime that win or lose there were probably going to be a bunch of drunks on the road when this game ends.  If they win, happy drunks, if they lose pissed off drunks, but either way drunks on the road.  Your mother and I took advantage of the overtime and traveled home during this time.  We listened to the game on WBAL on our travels and the roads were pretty empty and we got home before the game ended.

Let me say that was one of the best decisions we made.  As soon as the Ravens won tonight, we heard cars driving down the street honking horns.  The police helicopter is now circling the neighborhood looking for who knows what.  It kind of sounds like a little bit of heck broke loose.  Thank goodness we are home and in for the evening.  I am so glad for Baltimore and for all our family some of whom are real die hard fans, but I am even more glad to be home and safe.  I know I have said it before, but as you grow up don't drink and drive.  There is never a good reason and "because my team won their playoff game" is just as lame as any other excuse when your car is wrapped around a tree or worse.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Progress Brings Challenge

To my son Tommy,

If you ask most people if a quieter car is a better car, except for a few who enjoy the roar of a muscle car, most will agree that quiet is better. Those who live near well travelled roads and highways would say loud cars are the bane of their existence. That is why most everyone agrees the new quieter hybrids and electric cars are great not only for carbon pollution reduction but noise pollution reduction as well. Most everyone except if you are blind and like crossing streets.

Coming home from work I heard this most ironic problem on NPR. Too quiet cars that blind people can't hear coming. At first my mind jumped to some engineer in Detroit slapping his forehead thinking, "I just can't win" and I chuckled at this picture in my head. What many saw as a beneficial side effect is now a problem for some. Then the radio show continued to tell me that the government is considering adding noise minimums to cars to combat this problem. The odd absurdity of this was not missed by the show who was requesting novel ideas for noises that these quiet electric cars could give off to warn pedestrians.

A million ideas ran through my mind for this alert sound. Many of these ideas are not what you would call politically correct. I pictured those deer whistles for a car bumper being modified to "ward off" blind people. Then the Inspector Clouseau quote came to mind when he goes to a blind beggar with a monkey and asks, "Are you blind?" and of course the blind guy answers yes. I pictured that in more of a car horn. Then my mind went to the Flash Gordon theme song, probably because of the nice lightning bolt icon. I got myself stuck whistling the river Kwai march song as an option (I know it has another name but for the life of me the Colonel it was named after won't come to me)  and then pictured me whistling that in an elevator and a blind person freaking out thinking, "who the hell is driving a car into the elevator?"

After going through sound after sound, I started thinking of other senses that might alert people to oncoming hybrids. Patchouli scented sprays would definitely scream Prius coming, if only you could get it to propel forward instead of wafting backwards. Perhaps arming each quiet car with a water cannon to spray off stray jay walkers. I then really started laughing because with the Downey eye health history, I would end up being sprayed in the face often as an older blinder version of myself tries to cross streets.

I think I have strayed too far from my original point of this post with my non-PC humor. The point is just because you think it is progress and the greatest improvement since sliced bread some one some where is not going to be happy. Progress creates brand new challenges. It can be a butterfly effect where a butterfly flaps his wings on one side of the world and hurricane appears on the other. As you grow up and go out and solve all the worlds problems with hybrids and other creative new solutions, always be mindful of the consequences and the people who may end up with an adverse effect from your solution.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Don't Hide

To my son Tommy,

My zodiac sign is a crab.  If you look at a crab there is no way you would think they are good eating.  But once you get past the look and through the hard shell, you find delicious meat.  It is quite the welcome treat and surprise for those who take the time and effort to get through all the work.

Many times and in many areas of my life, I wanted to achieve this same surprise.  I wanted to be that unsuspecting treasure that is just waiting to be unwrapped.  Perhaps I watched too many movies like "With Honors" where a bum can be a brilliant well read mind or "Shrek" where an ogre is wrapped in layers like an onion (or a parfait if you prefer), or perhaps I read too many fables and stories where the ugly hag is really the beautiful princess in disguise or what seems like a frog turns into a prince.

For many years I hid myself.  Who would think a bartender would have read Plato's Republic at age ten, have a genius level IQ, and understand complex physic theories?  I worked hard to create a persona, a paradox, an enigma, a riddle, that covered my true talents like a present waiting to be unwrapped.  I hid my inner philosopher, my inner genius, my inner writer, my inner humanitarian, my inner spirituality, my inner geek, and so many more qualities.  All because I thought whoever took the time to find these qualities were deserved to be in my life.

I am here to tell you that I was wrong.  I shouldn't have done this.  I should have been true to myself and let my inner person shine through in all aspects of my life.  The hopeless romantic in me wanted to be this underdog, this diamond in the rough that you just had to look closely and you would see the potential and true beauty.  But the problem with that is the potential was already coming out and I suppressed it to make this false shell.  Then I pined for people to get through this and find the real me.  Hopeless is the optimal word in "hopeless romantic".  To think of all the time wasted making people jump through hoops to find out who I am.  To think of all the time wasted creating an image of an extraordinary person wrapped in ordinary unassuming person when I could have just let my extraordinary be known.

Luckily for both of us, your mom saw through all the bull crap I put up and saw that true person in me.  Many of my closest friends saw my true colors as well and we have a fierce and loyal bond.  Don't let these successes fool you, it still was the wrong way to go and I just got lucky.

As you grow up, put yourself out there.  Put your true self out there and let your persona and image fall where it may.  Don't deny the world your true talents and the great person you are becoming and already are.  I am not saying to go out and give in to conceit, but it is okay to say "Hey world this is who I am and I am genuine and I am gifted and I am damn proud of it" because be certain that is how your parents see you now and forever.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Categories

To my son Tommy,

When I clean up your toys, which is more often than I would prefer, I try to put them in different categories.  Perhaps it is my obsessive compulsive need to categorize and organize, but jungle animals go in this box, farm animals go in this box, trolls go in this bag, toy story in this bucket, etc etc.  This tends to drive your mother crazy as she has three categories when it comes to clean up...toys that go in a box and things that aren't your toys and don't go in your boxes and trash.  She hates the fact that I try to separate everything.

It isn't like my categories aren't flexible. Big bird could go with the sesame street box with Ernie and Grover or the avian box with the angry birds and penguins of Madagascar and some chickens which ended up in the bird box instead of the farm animals box.  Alright, I admit it, my need to classify things might border on a serious mental disturbance.  I prefer to look at it as my inner scientist yearning for the opportunity to classify new found life forms into various taxonomic ranks from domain to species.  Some may say that might be a stretch for a justification but if members of Congress can claim they work for a living, then I can claim I am a scientist when I clean up your toys.

Some times categorizing things in your life can be good.  When you find a loose battery in our house, you know they go in the battery drawer and when you empty coins from your pocket you know they can go in the coin drawer.  In the case of the coins, they rarely stay there because you love playing with coins.  Currently you have a bunch of coins grilling on your kitchen set play grill.  These classifications and locations help us live our lives.

Be careful though when you group things.  It can lead to preconceived notions and bad category choices, especially when dealing with people.  You have only experienced this a little in your life but clicks and groups can hold people back and provide ripe grounds for anger and resentment.  You are classified as "too young" for some of the things your older cousins like to do.  You get ditched so they can go do things they enjoy without having to watch over a toddler.  It is natural occurrence and part of growing up and some day you will do something similar, but it doesn't make it right.  If you group people, make your categories inclusive and accepting.  I wish there was a way to bottle the hurt you feel nowadays when you feel excluded, and save it for the day when the tables have turned and you are the one doing the excluding.  Until then, this alligator toy will be in the pirate bucket so it can attack Capt Hook, but it can always feel free to join the other reptiles in their container or even the exotic animals box.  Of course we might have to exclude it from the farm animals box, it might eat the sheep.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Don't Be A Programmer

To my son Tommy,

I am not sure if it is just the type of day I have had, but I must warn you off the profession your old man has chosen.  At first glimpse, the life of a geek is fun and exciting and even promises some financial rewards.  I love solving puzzles and I like making computers do amazing things.  Unfortunately there are some serious downsides to the equation of geek.

The first downfall of being a computer guy is you will always have to work for someone.  Even if you freelance and pretend you are your own boss, complete with your own LLC or INC behind some catchy name, you still are working for someone.  You can create a program from ground up with visions of going viral at the Apple store but you still are working for your customers.  Perhaps this is true in most every profession but the IT world has yet another facet to working for someone else...the fact that you become almost always on call.

In an ever connected world people use computers and tablets and apps at all hours of the day.  This means people break computers or apps every moment of the day.  Before a fix would mean calling a tech the next morning and waiting for the adjustment.  People don't accept that "slowness" anymore and tech calls happen all hours of the day.  If you are the main person responsible for a system, like yours truly, then you can easily become handcuffed to your work.  That doesn't even begin to include all the free help that is requested when one of your friends or acquaintances finds out your nerdy tendencies.  It is on par with lawyers and free legal advice or doctors and free medical advice.

Then you have to deal with variables.  I can handle string, integer, long, decimal, boolean, and the like.  The one variable I have trouble with is the end user.  They will after many many years of doing the same process over and over just decide to one day try something completely different.  They will decide today instead of making some row in your database table set to inactive that they must delete it to "clean up" their digital world and then do it wrong.  Then of course it becomes your fault becuase you and the computer somehow should have stopped them.

And the final argument against being a programmer, there will always be some bug.  No matter how good you think you are and how diligent and careful you can be, something will be wrong.  Sometimes it will be right for years and then someone updates some other feature and it breaks.  If you are anything like your father, this will drive your perfectionist OCD tendencies into a frenzy if you let it.

As for why I continue working as a programmer and an IT guy, I guess I enjoy the pain.  Plus the money is okay.  My boss is not really my boss.  No, my boss is a mortgage and a college fund and you and your mommy and tons of other obligations that I happily take on.  But somewhere out there, some alternate universe, I get paid millions upon millions a year for being a librarian or a teacher or a fulltime humanitarian or even a shop owner of an oddities and antiquities place.  Only in my dreams.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Genuine

To my son Tommy,

You are quite genuine in most everything you do, a trait that I hope you hold on to through the years.  You are authentic in your care and concern for everyone.  You have sincere emotions that you do not hide.  The veritable smiles and the honest tears and the true concern and care are just what this world needs.  More people with the genuine heart of a four year old.

Too many times in this world people don't care.  People ask how you are and don't care.  People feign outrage but really don't care.  So many are filled with hypocrisy and pretense that they could be considered a mockery to mankind.  We can only hope that through example, those types will be encouraged to be more genuine and true to themselves and true to others.

Because you are genuine,  people are attracted to you.  Doesn't matter if you are 4 or 40.  If you keep your heart and actions and words genuine, their meaning will grow tenfold.  If you fill your life with half-truths and sham beliefs and spurious pursuits, you will still be genuine...a genuine horse's patootie.  At various times in my life, I have been both types of genuine.  Since meeting and getting to know you, I have been inspired to be real and true and sincere and all the good parts of being genuine.  I hope it shines through in the words I write.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Happy Birthday Young Man

To my son Tommy,

Happy Birthday!  In just four short years, you have taught me much more about life than I may ever get to teach you.  I suspect that statement will hold true year after year no matter when you read this.  You started teaching me about life even nine months before you took your first breath in this world.  You taught me about love and hope and being genuine and how everything seems better when a you get a hug from your child.  You gave me the thrill of hearing an excited boy squeal "Daddy" when I came home from work, an unequaled high that will never be topped.  You have grown into such a fine young man, even if you are still only four.

The weekend has been jam packed with fun.  Yesterday we went up the Links at Gettysburg for a get together with some of the Klein side of the family.  We couldn't quite work everyone's schedule to make it happen before Christmas so we just did it after.  Remember Christmas isn't a time, it is a state of mind, and there is no time like the present time to spend time with family.  You jumped right in with your cousins and within minutes it was like you see them every day.  You even "crashed" a couple family photos.  They were trying to get a "just this fam" picture and there you are lined up and with your big cheesy beautiful smile.  Your Great Aunt Joyce just laughed and welcomed the "adopted" grandson in the picture.  You went from table to table and charmed everyone again.  You attached yourself to your cousin Natalie like a little leach or shadow and I think you had some extra hugs for your Great Aunt Bonni who you had a little crush on as well.  You ran and played and had a great time.  When it came time for leaving, your eyes teared up and your lip started quivering.  You hate leaving a party or family or friends.  Never be ashamed of a genuine tear.  Saying goodbye and parting company, to be frank, usually sucks and your reaction is appropriate.  Unfortunately it had to happen, especially with your birthday being today.

We celebrated your birthday today at Westview AMF Bowling Lanes.  Some duckpins and some more family.  The lane you were on had a hard curve to right that was pretty obvious when dealing with the slow speeds of a ball thrown by a four year old.  But you sure knocked the heck out of the six, nine, and ten pin.  I think the excitement and all the events of the day and the weekend began to overwhelm you.  You had a little bit of meltdown during the birthday cake because you wanted to sit on the driving arcade game.  Then we had to skip opening presents there because you weren't cooperating.  Though we robbed some people of your good manners and thank yous and genuine excitement that occurs naturally with you opening a gift, I think it worked out for the better.  It allowed people to get going if they needed or wanted to and, since the Ravens playoff game was going on, many people wanted to go watch the game in their comfy seats!  We opened your gifts when we got home and your face just really lit up with every single gift you opened.  You are blessed with such thoughtful friends and family and owe everyone a big thank you and hug.

You sacked out about an hour or maybe even two hours ago.  You are quite the life of the party but at four years old your stamina is a bit lacking for the after party.  I imagine you dreaming about all your presents and all your friends and all your cousins and all your family.  I just hope you aren't mixing your dream metaphors and picturing them as bowling pins.  God bless you my son and here is to the past four years and to the next ninety six more.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Confounding

To my son Tommy,

I recently wrote to you about the "used to"s and how it befuddles me that many of us stop doing things that were good for us.  We stop doing things that help our health or our sanity or our quality of life or our growth as a human.  But there is a even more confounding trend, an exact opposite of not doing things we used to, we keep doing things that directly harm us.

We, as a society, spend so much money figuring out what is bad for us, but the knowledge rarely effects the results.  We know we should stop using plastic bags at the grocery store but only few make the effort to use reusable shopping bags.  Despite ads from the 1950's telling us 4 out 5 doctors recommend certain types of cigarettes, we know that smoking is bad for us but big tobacco is still around and doing well.  Bankrupt people, companies, and countries keep spending money like they were flush.  Overweight people still hit all you can eat desert buffets and overindulge.  The list can go on forever and touch most every aspect of life.

A famous saying or quote is "Anything good in this life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening".  Not sure who said that but it encompasses the main reasoning for people continuing their bad habits.  There is some air of truth to it.  Smoking is something that the addictive response from my body had convinced me was a great thing.  The mind is weak against some of the arguments of the flesh and the feelings the body create when you do something.  What we know is wrong or bad for us, is hard not to do because it feels so darn good.  Scientist will tell you that these bodily responses are built in to our genetic code and used to serve a purpose in evolution.  Whether that is true or not, it sure makes it difficult to stop.

There other factors in why bad things persist, specifically with big institutional problems.  Every little issue is intertwined with so many other issues.  If you stop entire industry practices, someone loses money or at least has to adapt to find a new way of making a living.  You stop selling smokes, there goes the big tobacco companies finances and their employees who depend on them for wages.  I won't even bring in the politics and crime issues that would come from the illegal bootleg market that would come from a "prohibition" of cigarettes.  If you stop the grocery store from using plastic bags, they might have to pay more for paper bags and more trees are harvested and people can't carry as much when they get home so they buy less.  It becomes a serious problem that you have to think out very carefully before jumping to a solution.  It makes some problems almost seem insurmountable.  Throw in the fact that when you tell someone they can't do something, they will start screaming about freedom and immediately go do the exact opposite.  Even people that don't have a "horse in the race" will chime in and speak about rights and freedoms even if it is obvious that the world would be better without.  Confounding.

So where do you start?  Where do you change this? You start with yourself.  You make a change that stops one of your bad habits.  Then tell someone.  Tell one of your friends and explain to them why you are doing it.  Maybe a light will go on and they will make a change.  Then by chance it will go "viral" and people will start changing.  Then market forces and the lack of demand for the bad object or action will make it unprofitable and in disdain politically and out of public favor.  Then perhaps it will go away.  But the key is you making your own change, for yourself.  If everyone makes these personal changes, then perhaps we can really start making changes with out banning and barring and ruining economies and freedoms and rights and sensibilities.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

How It Begins Isn't How It Has To End

To my son Tommy,

This morning at 5:30 or so we were woken up by a call from your Grandpa Leo.  The computer systems at our work were having troubles.  As I rolled out of bed and down to the computer to assess the situation, I thought to myself "Here we go".  I did a couple of those technical things (rdp, service restarts, remote restarts, log viewing, end sessions, etc etc) remotely and thought I was thwarted when things weren't happening in sufficient time.  So I jumped into the truck and started into the office.  About halfway in on my commute and the sql database that I had restarted finally had rebuilt and everything was running smoothly.  "If the day starts like this," I thought to myself, "I should just turn around and go back to bed."

Surprisingly though, even with all the challenges and a dubious start, the day turned out pretty darned okay.  It had the potential to be a horrible day if I let it, but I just decided not to let it become the monstrosity I had envisioned.  It wasn't even that tough to do.  With a little humor and a a little determination, the day turned out okay.  Great?  No.  Horrible? No.  Just your plain old average nothing special good day that you get to come home from work and hug your son and kiss your wife and the day starts getting better.

Now it is fast approaching the witching hour, it has been a long day.  And though I have made the most out of a potential bad day, I am getting tired and grouchy.  Your mom keeps finding chores for me that I should be happy to help with but my resolve is slowly fading.  I just wanted to write this letter to you and hit the sack and not ruin the okay day with a low note.  But so far these three small paragraphs have taken over twenty minutes to finish because of chores and such.  So I am going to try and follow the advice of George Costanza from a Seinfeld episode and try to always leave on a high note.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

The "Used To"s

To my son Tommy,

One of the most interesting and confounding phenomenon of human nature is the tendency to stop doing those things that are good for you.  "I used to do that but now I don't" is a common phrase heard around this time of year and is usually followed with an empty promise to resolve to start again.  This trait is further proof that we as humans want to avoid any work or effort in our lives no matter if the results are good or bad.

These "Used To"s are usually followed by direct consequences of stopping this action, such as,  "I used to go to the gym all the time but now I am so out of shape" or "I used to stretch daily but now I would be lucky to touch my toes".  The problem with this is we say these comments as if it is okay.  For some reason rather then putting in the extra effort of the habit, we some how think the trade off is worth not having to go to the gym or stretch or eat right or whatever task that we used to do that helped us.  It is truly befuddling.

Then the "Used To"s start being followed by the lame excuses, such as, "I used to walk all the time but who has time for that nowadays" or "I used to be so organized but now life is so hectic".  First off, these excuses are lame and not well thought out.  Some of these excuses will sound really good and many people will accept them as perfectly legit reasons why you no longer do something.  Don't fall into that trap.  Learn to recognize an excuse for what it is and work past it immediately.

Now there a few "Used To"s that are worth having in your life.  Right now "I used to smoke but quit" is one of the best phrases of my life.  But for the most part the "Used To"s are reserved for habits I have lost that were good for me and really helped me in my life.

A recent "Used To" I found was playing my saxophone.  I used to do it all the time and, though the tangible benefits of playing an instrument are a little tougher to see, I believe playing the sax was good for my soul.  I pulled it out the other day and kind of figured I'd be able to pick up right where I left off.  Well my embouchure disagreed with that train of thought and the lower octaves were a bit difficult.  At first I thought it was just the pads and cork on the sax being old and perhaps dry rot but that was just trying to shift blame from me to my circumstances.  I had to accept it, the sax was okay (though it could use a tune up) but it was the lack of doing and playing for about a decade n the operators part that stopped me from hitting anything below a G note without squeaking an octave higher.

Don't let your life fill with a bunch of "Used To"s.  It is easy to change and just takes effort to maintain a habit.  Don't wait for a new year to resolve to do those things that you should have been doing all along.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

New Year Woes

To my son Tommy,

Life can throw you curve balls at any time and in any year. It doesn't give you any reprieves because the new year holiday has just happened. Some years there is little ramp up and you have to jump in with both feet.

I have had that kind of year so far. It has been filled with working and working and more working even while everyone else celebrated their holidays. End of the year reports required by the CPA's can't wait. Doing all this extra work puts me behind with the rest of my work. Thus I ended up working till past 8 pm tonight and missed putting you to bed.

It would be easy to play victim and say woe is me but that is not my style and not the way I want to live this year. I am going at all the challenges straight on and with a determined attitude. Notice I didn't say positive attitude because like the book I am reading suggests, positive thinking about things that suck is just really lying to yourself. There are other things that have already hit us head on in the new year but again I am not going to dwell on these things and play victim. I hope this gives you some idea of how to deal with the ups and downs of life. My only regret is I had to give you your kiss goodnight while you we're already asleep.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Reading In The New Year

To my son Tommy,

I have some reading to do for the new year and I started today.  For Christmas this year, I got two books.  One is Nelson DeMille's "The Panther" and the other is "The Antidote" by Oliver Burkeman.

The Nelson DeMille book was a no brainer on my gift list.  I own and have read most every book written by Mr. DeMille.  John Corey, the protagonist in this book and many others, is my favorite combination of smart ass and talented detective.  I have been a fan ever since "Plum Island" where we meet John Corey wearing cutoff jeans and flip flops and it occurs to him that "the problem with doing nothing is not knowing when you're finished" or something like that.  But that book is more of the "devil that I know" and the other book is the one I have started.

"The Antidote" is subtitled "Happiness For People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking".  I heard the author on NPR when his book was being released and it intrigued me so.  Mr. Burkeman had spent some time, in his other career as a journalist, covering self-help gurus and other such nonsense.  With a healthy helping of skepticism and humor, he pokes holes and fun at some of the gibberish in the "happiness industry" and finally provides a decent counter balance to all those people who tell you to think positive all the time.  Ironically he joins the same "happiness industry" to accomplish this but we will forgive him that indiscretion.  I have read my fair share of self help books in my life, but it has been much more than eighteen months since I gave into this urge as I had figured out that the only one thinking positive was the guy getting paid for the gibberish he was selling.  As for breaking down and getting this "self-help" book, I figured the negative path to happiness could use some funding and I hold to the belief that a Christmas gift doesn't count even if I asked for it.  I haven't finished the book yet (as it has been only one day since I started and I had to work a little in between chapters) but it won't be long.  The book may end up influencing this blog, but my approach already wasn't that much different in its focus

One of the reasons I started writing these letters to you was to provide realistic advice for you as you grow.  I don't plan on telling you everything is roses and that if you just sit on your butt and think of good things, good things will happen.  That is a little too fairy tale for me and won't do you any good.  I focus on doing and learning from your mistakes or more importantly giving you a chance to learn from your old  man's mistakes.  But I do try to bring a sense of love, family, and hope through to you in my words.  Some people will mistake this for avoiding the negative but I look at it as utilizing a tool to help you deal with the bad things in our life head on.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo