Definitely Not A Graduate From PCU

To my son Tommy,

You learn way too many things from me.  Consequentially your level of political correctness is probably substandard for your age and has little chance of recuperating over the next decade.  Take for example the saying I taught you to say after every song or joke that you perform.  In the style of a vaudevillian act shilling the food special at a bar gig, I taught you to say, "Thank you, thank you.  We are here every Sunday.  Try the veal.  It's young."  which though it makes me chuckle every time you say it, the phrase is bound to upset some PETA advocate or some oversensitive vegan.  They won't care that it is just a joke nor won't appreciate that a four year old has no idea what veal is.  But I do have to watch what I teach you, if for no other reason than to make sure you have a father to teach when to censor the stupidity.  You see every time you repeat one of these colorful lines I have taught you, I am pretty sure I can tangibly feel your mother planning my demise.  You may never be a graduate of Politically Correct University, but you will learn to be funny and to avoid being spiteful with  your silly jokes and hopefully will be able to make your mother laugh enough that she doesn't want to kill your dad.

Sincerely with love from your not so politically correct father,
Leo