Wednesday, June 26, 2013

No Steak For You

To my son Tommy,

You scared us last night.  In our quest for new foods, we got you to put in your mouth a piece of steak.  Luckily you didn't swallow but instead chipmunk cheeked the food.  In less than a minute you got red, itchy, swollen, and hive covered.  Knowing you always have a good possibility for a food allergy and knowing that at one time you tested allergic to beef, we readied our epipen, told you to spit out the steak and headed off to the emergency room.

Let me lay some ground work about your food allergies.  I believe you were two and we took you to an allergist.  You tested allergic to...well to just about everything.  You tested allergic to shellfish and nuts and pork and eggs and milk and beef and a whole plethora of foods.  The problem was the results didn't match real life results.  Let me give you an narrative.

"He is allergic to pork." says the doctor.
"But he eats ham and pineapple baby food every day" protested your mom.
"Oh" said the doctor, "Well then keep doing that.  But he is allergic to milk and dairy."
"He has milk in his cereal every morning and eats yogurt every day" your mother explains.
"Oh" said the doctor, "Well then keep doing that. But he is allergic to eggs so that includes anything made with eggs like cookies."
"He eats nilla wafers every day." your mother explains.
"Oh" said the doctor, "Well then keep doing that."

So by this time we figured this doctor is a quack.  Or perhaps he is just diagnosing allergies to make sure he gets repeat customers.  Either way we took our epipen and didn't give much weight to this guy or his supposed test results.  Honestly all you would be able to have eaten is corn, potato, and chicken if this guy was right.  We stayed away from nuts and shellfish to this day, but the rest of the results we were quite skeptical on. They don't call it a doctor practice for nothing.

Well unfortunately it turned out he was right with beef and we found that out the hard way.  In our explanation the doctor in the ER couldn't understand why we fed him something he tested allergic to.  Your mother tried to explain but this doctor seemed really high on her horse.  She was also a bit incredulous that you were, up to a couple weeks ago, still eating baby food.  Or at least that is how your mom explains it.  Whenever your mom says, "He used to only eat baby food" I usually chime in, "And oatmeal, and yogurt, and french fries, and graham crackers, and nilla wafers, and cheetos." but I get evil looks.  I am not sure if it is because I am pointing out the reality there or all the things I mention are junk food.  Anyways your mother tried to explain about your food aversion and how we were considering food clinics and such, but again this doctor seemed a bit on her high horse.  I hate doctors who look down on people.  I last tested at 170 IQ (though I am sure I have lost some brain power since my college days) and any doctor who looks down on me I find quite arrogant. But despite her hubris, she got you some steroids and checked you out and gave you a clean bill of health.  The nurse (whom your mother always feels more comfortable with especially since going to nursing school) commended us for dosing the right amount of benadryl immediately and acting fast.  Two hours later we were home and though we were worried all night, you pulled through.  Tomorrow when I post, perhaps I can get a list of all the foods you do eat now, just to remind us that though we had this one setback, we have made great strides and continue forward.  Your Uncle Paddy says to come over to his side and go "Vegan Strong".  Perhaps that is what we will end up having to do with you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

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