Halloween and Saints

To my son Tommy,

Despite your mom being in the hospital, we are still trying to have a Halloween for you.  So last night we carved your pumpkin from your school field trip.  You were thoroughly disgusted by pumpkin guts but you were pretty excited when's e put in the tea light.  Then we started working on your costume for school.  

Being a Catholic school they do Halloween with a twist.  You were allowed to dress up as a Saint today.  Some would have rathered not have to do dual costumes but it was probably a blessing for us. Sending you in your Halloween costume for this year might have caused a stir.  You are, after all, dressing as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, and who knows who that would have offended.  So instead we sent you as Doubting Thomas, complete with a wounded hand to put your finger in.  I am not quite the costume maker your mom is, so I had to improvise.  I cut a hole in some fabric she had laying around (originally planned to make my own Cowardly Lion costume) and then cut a length of fabric to tie around your waste for a belt.  I had grabbed a surgical glove from your Mom's hospital room and filled it with cotton balls.  I then cut a slit in the hand and added some embellishment with the red marker.  I added the sign to give a hint so people could figure out the whole thing.  Not exactly my MacGyver moment but it sufficed.

You and your classmates and school had a prayer ceremony followed by a parade of Saints at school today.  It was quite cute.  I am so glad that I ditched out of work for that time to see it.  I could guess most of the Saints but a few of the costumes threw me.  Your cousin Ryan was Joan of Arc.  I took some pictures but for now will just share a few.

Tonight I will have to get some pictures of you in your Dorothy outfit (I missed them from the Halloween party) and will upload the rest of the pictures I took.   That outfit was done by your mom and of course everything she does rocks. You are going out with your cousins tonight to do the whole trick or treat thing.  I am going to actually take a break and just sit on the porch of our house and pass out candy to anyone who braves our neighborhood.  So many in our neighborhood go off to other neighborhoods to trick or treat and I would like to give them the opportunity to work our street.  So I will put out our Jack O Lantern which you named Snappy and pass out candy till you can come home and help.  Happy Halloween my son.  I hope I did okay for you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

P.S.

Try It On

To my son Tommy,

Your Bwama bought you a new winter coat.  I asked you to try it on this morning to see if it fits.  That was five minutes ago and you refuse to take it off.  Maybe when I bring you to school today (fever gone, appetite and energy and stubborn are back) they will finally talk my little nanook of the north out of his coat.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Queue Stampede

To my son Tommy,

Imagine you are directing a movie filled with catastrophe after catastrophe.  As the director you would have the rare opportunity to say stuff like "Queue the stampede!" or "Send in the lion!"  or some other phrase that you would expect to hear on the set of Jumanji.  Now imagine the actors in your movie had no script and no expectations of what is next.  Then you will be able to imagine how life feels for mommy and I right now.

You were in bed for about three hours when you called down and said you had to go potty.  You had refused to go before bed so I figured it was urgent and I dropped the laundry I was folding and ran upstairs.  We made the potty but in the process I noticed you felt hot.  I put ya back in bed and grabbed the ear thermometer.  I tried both ears about four times and got a different temp every time but the average seemed to be just under 101.  I filled you with some children's Advil after a few calls to your mom to make sure I was giving the right medicine in the right dosage.

Your mom was dealing with her next twist in the soap opera of life.  She had already learned that she had a yeast infection in the esophagus from her throat scope and that her other scope couldn't get by the obstruction at her ileum and they couldn't get a good picture of her small intestine.  But when I called she was dealing with more immediate problems.  She was trying to get the nurses attention to get her own next dosage of medicine.  She also was trying to point out that the IV that is currently feeding her (a process called PPN whatever that means) seemed to be screwed up.  I don't think they believed her or were tired of a nursing student pointing out things that they do wrong.  Turns out that she was right on the IV and instead of putting the nutrition into her vein, it was being dumped under her skin.  I can almost hear her saying, "I hate it when I am right"

To add to the "stampede" around 5:30 AM (after at least a couple hours of much needed sleep) I get messages that they are having trouble connecting to the servers at the office.  I know I have talked to you before about Murphy's Law but this is definitely a case of the butter side of my bread landing face down.  Luckily I got the problem at work fixed remotely.  The gentleman who helped me at work finished our conversation with "You know, God only gives you what he thinks you can handle." to which I quipped, "Well than he must think pretty darn highly of me because he is giving me a lot!"

Your fever went down but I decided to keep both you and I home today.  You ate about half your cereal so your morning appetite seems to be lacking but we will see how your temp and appetite and energy goes for today before deciding what to do tomorrow.  Because I believe ninety percent of your heat escapes from your head, I think blanket snuggling while sick is basically a flawed concept.  So, I have declared it winter hat day in the house and am forcing you to wear your hat in conjunction with the blanket.  I am trying to find the energy to do some things around the house in addition to working and getting ready to visit the hospital while I wear my own winter hat as a good example.  Hopefully soon we will be able to yell "Jumanji!" and everything will be back to normal.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Appreciation

To my son Tommy,

I am sure it would be easier if I actually slept at night instead of worrying about your mother and you, but I have found a new appreciation for any working single parent.  Life is much easier when it is spread over two.  Your mom makes everything easier and much more fun.  Just knowing that someone else is there to share the burden is such a relief.  When I do get to sleep while your mom is in the hospital, I sleep as light as brand new parent because I know there is no one else to catch any strange noises coming from you or your room.  Then there are the basics that I am unaccustomed to.  By doing little things like matching socks from the laundry, I risk total mental break down.  Common sense things like having your pajamas ready before I put you in the bath seem to elude my male logic.  And I don't understand how I have enough dishes for a full load in the dishwater nearly every night.  So basically I am saying your mom is an amazing super hero and I miss her.  Here's hoping we get some type of resolution soon.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Still In

To my son Tommy,

Your mom is still in the hospital and we still don't have a clear picture as to the path in the future.  She had her surgeon consultation pushed back from Monday to Wednesday.  Tomorrow the plan on doing an endoscopy and a colonoscopy to have a clear picture to present to the surgeon.  One is a tube down the throat and the other is a tube up the. ...well not the throat.  Hopefully they won't use the same tube or at least do the throat one first.

We got your mom's hair washed tonight.  It was quite the production bordering on comical.  I keep teasing your mom by telling her that I am going to brag about showering with a hottie tonight.  I won't mention the hospital gowns and being fully dressed and getting the cuffs of my pants all wet from the shower splatter and such.  Your mom was quite relieved to get her hair washed and that is what really matters.  

Anyways, we are trying to not interrupt your schedule too much, so I had to come home to get you fed and to bed at a decent hour.  The cellentani pasta is cooking and should be done in a couple minutes. Then I have the ironic honor of trying to talk a four year old out of a bath and instead going directly to bed.  You have been very understanding and, after a little talk between father and son, you are determined to be cooperative and helpful during these tough times.  It might not be fair that you just can't be a normal four year old, but your father needs all the help he can get if we are going to survive up to mommy standards! 

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Video Good Morning

To my son Tommy,

You woke up this morning with two things on your mind.  One is the Halloween party for the family later tonight and your entire day will probably be spent asking, "Can we go to the party yet?"

The other thing on your mind was your mommy.  You asked to Facetime her first thing, well first thing after you realized we couldn't go to the party yet.  I explained that I didn't set up Mommy with any skype or ipads when I brought her to the hospital again yesterday.  Not to be thwarted you offered, "Can we do a video? We could send it to her if you want!"

So here is the quick video you did before you decided calling her on the phone would be best.  Your mom hates being away from you and unfortunately the month of October has been filled with little medical induced breaks from being together.  So I know she appreciates any interaction she can have with you, be it through phone, or recorded video, or live video chat.  Sometimes, even when no physical interaction is possible, your mom knows she is always a thought on our minds and a prayer in our hearts.

Sincerely with love form your dad,
Leo

Layers

To my son Tommy,

It feels like we bypassed fall because winter weather descended on us faster than a woolly bugger eats an apple.  I will tell you the woolly bugger joke when you are older as it is a Downey classic, but trust me that comparison means fast.  The freeze warning and cold temperatures this morning meant a change in wardrobe for you.  You have grown leaps and bounds in the past year especially physically, which means we don't have a good fitting winter jacket for you anymore.  It has been so warm lately that it didn't dawn on us to get prepared with a brand new jacket.  So today, we went to the old school methods again and did you up with layer upon layer.

I am a big proponent on layers.  A nice warm thick winter jacket has its place but when I was young I learned it also has its drawbacks.  I made the mistake of bringing only a winter jacket on my very first camping trip during my boy scout career.  As scouts often do, we played and hiked and rough housed and did very active things.  I would get hot and even start sweating while wearing my heavy duty jacket that was made to keep you warm even in the arctic.  I would take it off and soon start freezing even more so because of the previous sweating.  It was an all or nothing situation that had no happy medium.  I was informed by an older scout that next time I should wear a undershirt, a long sleeve tee, a flannel button down, a sweater, a light waterproof jacket, and a heavy winter coat.  This way I could mix and match and find the right temp without risking my health.

Your Grandpa Leo had told me the same thing before that same camping trip but at that time I knew everything and he knew nothing.  After experiencing the consequences of my decision, and hearing it from someone else, I learned my lesson.  Unfortunately, being a bull-headed Irish man like my father before me, that lesson had to be drilled into me multiple times over my young life.  Guess that lesson had to build upon itself layer after layer much like my winter wardrobe.  So many times I would mutter under my breath, "He was right again" as I sat there eating crow and called him for help.  At the point I would call him, I really did need help because I would suffer most anything because I was a stupid kid that had to be right.  Funny thing is, given all the numerous chances he had, he never said "See, I told ya so" even though his delusional know-it-all of a son would say it any chance he got to, even if those occasions were rare and far between.  I hope you are more open to advice than your father before you, but you already told me "See! I told ya so!" twice this morning.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Unexpected

To my son Tommy,

If you ever want to make sure people know you are appreciated, take the time to do something special and unexpected.  I have had two examples of good people who have done this for me in the past month.  

One example was a sales rep for Broadpoint Technologies.  His company is upgrading my company's ERP system.  It was an unexpected surprise receiving flowers at the hospital when your mom was in for her recent Crohn's obstruction.  He already had the business yet he went above and beyond.

The other example was a hand written thank you note from your principal.  Your Bwama asked me to help get some big rolls of carpet up to your school.  Another school no longer needed or wanted these and your school had a couple rooms or offices that could use them.  I was just bulk labor and an extra pair of hands for the guys who really knew what they were doing.  But still a thank you note came home with you from school today.

In today's day and age where a quick tweet or email is the norm, the only way to explain these gestures is old school.  Frankly, old school is much more meaningful when it comes to showing your appreciation.  What was once the norm is now so unexpected that it really stands out.  So if you are ever in need of that special gesture, look to the past!  Open doors for people, use your manners, write thank you notes, write long hand letters, send flowers, send Mass cards, stop by and visit face to face, and most importantly fill whatever it is you decide to do with your heart felt sincerity.  On a side note, I personally have to remember to follow my own advice on this topic.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Forces Against You

To my son Tommy,

Don't believe them! Don't believe them when they say it is just a coincidence and try to convince you the world is not out to get you.  There are just too many examples to the contrary.  Take today for example.  I told myself I was going to watch my weight, to really watch what I eat.  I stop in the High's store on my way home to grab a a somewhat healthy V8 tomato juice.  I get up to the register and see this, a package of Reese's with two half pound cups.  Yes that is a $13 price tag on one pound of my favorite flavor of heart stopping, body killing, refined sugar that is in a package as wide or wider than my face.  Now try to tell me again how there aren't any dark forces working against me in this world.  Don't you believe it!

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Morning Schedule

To my son Tommy,

Lately, before school, we have taken to watching the Disney Jr.  We watch Octonauts as we snuggle in the morning.  Then there is a short called Bunny Town which signals time to make breakfast.  You eat (followed by a Flintstone vitamin) during the first half of Henry Hugglemonster, which has two stories during the half hour show, while daddy jumps in the shower.  We get you dressed during the second part of the Hugglemonster and we make sure you got your lunch and book bag and folder.  During ChooChoo Soul we do a silly dance and dance ourselves in for a good teeth brushing and any hair adjustments.  Chuggington comes on next and we use the first half of that show as a buffer if we are running late in any areas.  Often you are set and ready to go and Daddy is scrambling to get everything.  Out the door we go around 7:45 to get you off to school.

I am not too thrilled that the boob tube has become our scheduler of choice, but it is what it is.  This is not something new to your generation.  I put this in these letters to you for posterity because I often struggle putting names to my childhood shows that I watched as a young one.  I too watched cartoons and shows (of course for my generation) like clockwork and often knew what day of the week it was by what shows I watched.  Glimpses of these shows from my youth often come careening through my mind and then confound me for hours on end.  I mix up shows and put characters from Captain Chesapeake with Captain Kangaroo which just confuses my mind more.  When I finally get it all straightened out, I then am free to lament the lost innocence of the simpler days of my youth.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Thread Necromancy

To my son Tommy,

There is an annoying but interesting problem of the digital age which is often referred to as "thread necromancy".  People comment in the moment about all types of things.  In the context of the times these comments make sense.  Everyone joins in and a lively discussion ensues and everyone understands the contemporary references and meanings and then the conversation runs its due course and ends.  But nothing in the internet is ever really gone and sure enough a couple months or years later someone will comment, or add more to the conversation, effectively raising this topic or conversation from the dead.

I used to think this was unique to the gaming world and forums but have been seeing this more and more in social media.  Catch all photo albums like the iOS photo album on Facebook, are some of the major culprits.  People comment on the photo album instead of the individual photos sometimes not even commenting about the photos themselves but using the opportunity to talk about something else time specific..  At the time of the original upload, the comments are appropriate and understood in context of the time.  Flash forward a couple months and you upload the next batch of photos to that same catch all photo album.

With the past comments intact and the laziness of me not starting a new album every upload, throw in some people that are technologically challenged but eager to engage and join the conversation, and the results can be quite humorous.  My own iOS photos on my Facebook has about five dozen pictures and span all types of topics from Easter to summer vacation.  If you don't look at the dates of each photo or comment, you might be led to believe that we dyed Easter eggs at OCNJ during our vacation while cutting down bamboo and gardening with your Grandmom Roro until your mom finally could eat some bad hospital food.  The photos in this album define non-sequitur.  It reminds me of going through my high school yearbook and trying to figure out what all those inside jokes and acronyms meant.  What can be done?

I say embrace it and laugh.  Explaining it to everyone might confuse more people, so just roll with it.  I am currently watching (and snickering) as a friend on Facebook gets birthday wishes because a comment thread on a catch-all photo album wished him happy birthday in January and the comment thread has recently been revived.  I thought of joining in and going as far as sending in a cake and candles to his office, but I am not sure if my sense of humor would hit home.

Though I hid the earlier comments on my own iOS album, I half considered un-hiding them and purposefully uploading pictures that diametrically opposed the poster's previous comments.  Halloween would be perfect for this! Someone may have commented "How Beautiful" or "How Cute" and I can add pictures of blood and gore decorations that would make others question the definition of beauty or at least the eye of the beholder/commenter.

For now, I think I will bring thread necromancy to a whole new level and go old school and find one of my old yearbooks and start grilling people as to what they meant by their cryptic signings.  Says right here, next to this unknown acronym they wrote, that they would never forget.  On a side note, hopefully one or two of my letters to you will be timeless and not too dependent on the context of this day and age.  Those words that transcend time and the popularity of present day are those words that are worth reading.  Even if you don't find those timeless words in my writings, or any of the famous authors I try to turn you onto, I know of one Good Book that exemplifies that sentiment.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Mass And Family

To my son Tommy,

I have often used these letters to express the import of family.  I also use these letters to express the importance of religion and attending Mass.  Our family often, rightfully so, combines these two.  Today we attended Mass knowing your mom's cousin, Uncle Ben to you, was attending. He will soon be deployed in harm's way.  We offered (and will continue to offer) our concerns and well wishes and our prayers.

Even though today was a more somber prayer for safety, we must remember it is a gift and a joy to attend Mass with the family, to lean on one another and to pray together.  That gift and joy was raised exponentially because your mother joined us at Mass today.  Though she started getting a bit weak by the end, most likely due to some of her recent medications, it was such a pleasure to reach over and hold your mom's hand as we prayed.  Of course, after your own initial excitement of mommy coming to church, it was business as usual for you as you headed down to the other end of the pew towards your Great Aunt Lulu to get the requisite proper amount of separation and freedom from your parents and play with your friend one pew back.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

One Equals Zero

To my son Tommy,

During this latest debacle in our legislative branch of government, all sides had plenty of "facts" to point at in support of their positions.  The problem is these facts were at best biased opinionated facts and at worse bold faced lies that they were parading out as fact.  From what I can tell, people have real difficulty distinguishing between fact and fiction.  I blame the entertainment media that is masquerading as news outlets.  We have lost our subjective hard hitting investigative reporters that people can actually trust in exchange for loud mouth shock jocks who bring in better ratings or more twitter followers whether they tell the truth or not.  I am not sure what is worse, a bought Congress or a bought news media.  Perhaps the existence of the latter allows the former to exist.  

It thus falls on the average Joe to figure out the truth for himself.  You would think telling the difference between fact and opinion is pretty easy, but I have seen some very smart people fall into this trap.  They hear a persuasive opinion filled with tons of biased facts and a pseudo logical transgression and get caught up in the emotion rather than relying on their own understanding and intelligence.  Before you disparage anyone for this error, let me give you an example of how this can happen with one of the most verifiable fields of knowledge, mathematics.  Here is a "proof" much the same that many news media outlets give you "facts"

We start with x = y where y is not zero. 

Then multiply both sides by x to get x² = xy. 

Subtract the same thing (y²)from both sides to get x² - y² = xy - y². 

Then dividing by (x-y), we obtain x + y = y. 

Since x = y, we substitute y for every x and see that 2 y = y. 

We now divide both sides by y and thus 2 = 1, since we started with y nonzero. 

Subtracting 1 from both sides, we "prove" 1 = 0.

Seems pretty logical right and a good mathematical proof is an axiom.  However this is not a good mathematical proof.  It has a big hidden flaw when you divide by (x-y) which since x = y means (x - y) = 0 and, according to the rules of math, you can't divide by zero.

That is how these opinion people on TV (I refuse to call them news reporters) pass off fiction as fact.  They throw in a flaw and make it sound like it is perfectly acceptable and hope you don't question or catch it. Politicians do the same.  So do confidence men and other such scam artists.  Each are in search of the same ultimate goal which is money.  The TV "news" guy gets more money because he can get better ratings because his channel can sell more toothpaste.  The politician gets more money from "supporters" with "donations" to their campaigns and super pacts.  At least confidence men will admit what they are after, sadly making them the most honest in the bunch?  It is a difficult world you are living in my son filled with pitfalls and traps masquerading as fact and logic and truth.  One might not equal zero in math, but one bought news media system equals zero accountability for our government and that is something that we should strive to change my son.

Sincerely 

Can't Get Enough

To my son Tommy,

You have lately had a nearly insatiable appetite for learning.  Every day you swear you have homework.  If you have already finished your school assignments, you make us print out extra tracing letters.  We hit the library earlier in the week and you have read those books about a dozen times.  Tonight you and I put together a puzzle of the United States.  Not bad for a guy in PreK.  I really hope we can keep this going for awhile, like till you are 25 and are working on your third masters degree or doctorate.  No pressure though.  

Remember the key to education and smarts (and dare I say genius) is a genuine desire to learn.  This is really what your mom and I hope to foster in you and it is never too early to start.  With the proper encouragement, learning becomes a joy and a breeze.  With the proper desire and drive, you won't have to be dragged kicking and screaming to your potential, but can achieve greatness with a library card and a few dollars for late fees.  For now, we will just enjoy the fact that you just can't get enough learning!

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Speak Volumes With A Hug

To my son Tommy,

Yesterday, I wrote to you about a hug.  Within that hug lies a meaning that could fill tome after tome with words of love.  In a two minute hug, I can convey to you what would take me years to express and do justice to through these letters.  Moments like that make life worth living.

Today, I write to you about five years of hugs that started on 17 October 2008.  Five years of moments shared between loved ones, each one affirming and saying "I do" over and over again.  I am still as madly in love with your mother as the day we exchanged our vows.

As you grow in this world, which seems to be turning from personal contact in favor of online interaction, remember that words and pixels are seldom enough.  You need those little actions that speak volumes about the love you are given and the love you have to give.  You need those knowing glances, those stolen kisses, those soft loving touches, those hand-holding moments, those compassionate sincere smiles, those full of life laughs, and those great big bear hugs.  No digital advance can transfer so much information so quickly as a hug.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Talking Without Words

To my son Tommy,

I called you over today saying I needed to tell you something.  You came over, somewhat reluctantly, from the other couch.   As soon as you got close I grabbed you and snatched you up and hugged you tight. At first you hugged back but after about two minutes of our bear hug you asked if I was going to to tell you anything.  I told you I was talking without words and asked you what you thought I was saying.  Your answer was more of a question, "You love me?"  You, my son, are clever and wise way beyond your years.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Yahoo

To my son Tommy,

I don't usually have much call to do what they call an op-ed with regards to my profession.  A four year old rarely needs to learn about the goings on in a tech world.  By the time you read these letters when you turn 18 or so, all the tech concerns of my generation will be archaic.  As ancient as our tech problems will seem, they might show some insight into our times much like me reading about party phone lines from the days of yore gave me insight to my grandparents time.  At the minimum it could be good for a laugh.

Anyways, in our day there are a couple major competitors in the Internet.  Google, Amazon, and Facebook all come to mind.  I am not talking so much about operating systems or hardware but more about services and destinations that live in the cloud.  There are a couple "has beens" in this category as well and a couple "still around but perhaps not for long if things don't change" which the latter is what I would categorize one of my favorite services, Yahoo.

I set up my Yahoo accounts in the heyday when Google was still a research product.  I stuck with Yahoo through thick and thin and through smart decision and dumb.  I saw roll outs come and go and tried most everyone of them.  I had a Geocities blog and a Yahoo 360 blog and such.  But year after year they kept changing or closing down my services.  It felt like the end and it made sense to switch most of my services to Google who had established themselves as a premier player.  I needed someone who wasn't going to throw out everything as soon as I invested the time to learn it or work with it.  That is part of the reason why your letters are written on Blogspot.

Yahoo had also been going through a bunch of CEO's and shake ups during its down slide.  In the past five years probably five new ones and three of those in the past year or two.  Recently they landed on the current CEO Marissa Mayer.  She came from a strong background with Google, and her credentials are impressive, but could she right an upside down ship?

There were two services that I maintained with Yahoo and even paid for throughout the years.  I maintained a paid Flickr account for my pictures and a paid Yahoo Mail Plus account for my main personal mail.  Perhaps I kept the Flickr account up because I was too lazy to switch everything to Picassa, but being able to upload pictures of any size was nice and I was already set up to back up all my precious moments online to Flickr (when I remembered to) and if I went down to the free version I wouldn't have enough room for everything.  The Yahoo mail I kept going because it was nice to have pop access and higher attachment limits but the number one thing was the disposable email addresses.

Disposable email addresses are a godsend when it comes to security and spam and such.  When I sign up for a new account on some new website I no longer use my main email address.  Instead I create a brand new one using the tool from Yahoo Mail Plus.  It still all comes to the same account but you can filter it to sub folders if you like.  If you were to do this by setting up new email accounts using other services, it would take for ever and you would have to jump through hoops to get it to one account and you would just never do it.  But with this tool from yahoo it was quick and easy so I used it.  If a bunch of spam stats going to this new email address,  I can just delete that account and sever ties with the website or company I signed up with and my main email is safe once again.  It has saved me on more than one occasion.

I remember signing up for Lumosity with a disposable account and when I started receiving spam to that email address I called them to tell them something was up.  The chances of a spam company randomly guessing a 19 plus character email address (which doesn't include the @yahoo.com in the character count) is pretty far fetched.  I called their company to tell them they were either hacked or they sold my email address to a third party and they told me I was full of it.  Perhaps if it was a four or five character email address or perhaps if I had used it in multiple sites and multiple places, I would have given them the benefit of the doubt.  But the size of the email address and the fact that it was only ever used on one site for one account, there is no way.  After ranting at them for not knowing their business, and instead of arguing long, I just deleted my account with them and deleted that email address and life went on.  So I suggested for just about everyone and everything that people use disposable email addresses instead of their real one, but until recently, to do it easily cost 20 bucks a year.

So the new Yahoo CEO was being fairly quiet and I figured she was doing what the others did, biding her time and collecting a paycheck till the next CEO.  Then I get an email about my Flickr.  I dreaded opening it because I thought Yahoo was going to lose yet another service.  Instead, she expanded the free service!  It was going to allow the free users to upload pictures of any size and resolution and gave them a whole terabyte of space free.  A terabyte!  I could keep my paid service if I wanted but the reasons to keep the paid service were gone.  Yes the paid service would still be ad-free but so what.  I knew what she was doing.  She could get more money for showing me the ads than she could ever get from the paid subscription.  But hey I didn't mind.  She was on the right track of attracting users to her product and figuring out how to make others (specifically advertisers) pay for it.

The next news article was interesting but didn't effect me as much.  Yahoo acquired Tumblr.  I was too invested in Blogger by this point plus I had been burned by Yahoo before.  So I decided to stay with Blogger but recall thinking highly of that acquisition by Yahoo.

Yesterday though Yahoo did one of the smartest moves I saw as I received this email with regards to my Yahoo Plus.

All Yahoo Mail users will now be offered offline access with POP, mail forwarding, disposable address and extra filters for free.

Brilliant.  Now all those people I give free advice to on how to keep from being hacked can sign up for yahoo mail and start using the disposable address tool.  This is in addition to increasing the email storage amount to a terabyte as well.  Once again I can keep my paid subscription to remain ad-free for the grandfathered-in price, but most of the reasons to keep a paid subscription have disappeared.  It isn't like the days of yore where advertising tried to be so intrusive on your web experience.  Nowadays they are much more subtle and off to the side.  Ads are almost subliminal and, except for the big data corporate tracking features that makes the NSA look like amateurs and you really can't seem to avoid these days, innocuous.

With the new strategy, Yahoo will probably show less revenues especially from subscriptions but pretty soon their profits will be rising.  If the bean counters don't go too myopic on her, Ms. Mayer might just turn that company around completely.  It is a brilliant little strategy that is well worth learning.  Don't squeeze the money out of your common user who really can't afford it anyhow.  Squeeze the money out of the big companies who want to advertise to that common user and let them be the bad guys and try to squeeze the money out of the lowly user.  To do that you have to give each side what they want.  One side wants all the bells and whistles and a good tool they can use free of charge and they will become one of your users.  The other side wants access to many many users and they have money and are willing to pay handsomely if you have a lot of users they can reach. Basing your companies profitability on your ability to pull money from your low end common user is like squeezing a rock for juice.  Figuring out how to get money from those large corporations that have the big money is the smart way to go.  Everybody seems to win.  Yahoo comes back to life and gets to be a good guy, the end user gets better tools to use free of charge, and the advertisers have someone to advertise to, and the other big Internet companies have another competitor again which keeps everyone in check.  Simple, brilliant, and I hope it works for her.  I will have no problem recommending Yahoo products from here on out.  My father is looking for something to replace his iGoogle home page so I am off to see if the MyYahoo home page is still decent.  Now if only someone (hint hint Yahoo) could come up with a comprehensive and intuitive contact manager that re-thinks how contacts are done across the board, that would be great.

Sincerely with love from your geek of a dad,
Leo

Sucky Dates

To my son Tommy,

I looked over at your mom yesterday as we left the emergency room for the 3rd time in about a week and said, "We got to work on our date nights...they suck."

She laughed a much needed laugh and added, "I know.  The $100 copay doesn't even get us dinner."

We were tired and beat and frustrated and worried and feeling every other emotion that goes with dealing with doctors and emergency rooms and health issues and such, but here we were joking about it.  A joke won't lessen the gravity of a situation, but it made us chuckle.  A good laugh can be just the thing.  Your mom and I continued joking suggesting that we should bring candles and some of your play dishes and use the hospital gown as a table cloth over the bed pan and put out her medicines on each dish like a five course candlelight dinner.

Remember son, sometimes when you just can't complain or cry about it any more, you might as well laugh about it.  Make me a promise after you read this, when I am on my death bed (hopefully many many many years from now) and everyone is so somber and gloomy, go out and get me a whoopee cushion or pair of those funky glasses with the big nose and bushy eyebrows and mustache.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Song From School

To my son Tommy,

Today, before we head off to church, I bring you just a little prayer song.  You learned this courtesy of St Agnes School and are able to share with others courtesy of your godmother's cell phone.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Moments

To my son Tommy,

What a tiring week.  The whole house is just about beat and ready for a break.  This gloomy weather doesn't help.  But even as exhausting as everything has been, we have found a few moments.  You had your snuggles with your mom to make her feel better when she was home and you had your precious phone calls when she was in the hospital.  You and I perfected our routine getting ready for school even finding time to work on a silly dance that is all our own.  We had fun on your new playset when we could and even escaped to the library this morning.  Yeah things were tough this week, there is no denying that.  But those few precious moments, those brief glimpses of pure love, that is what keeps us going.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

The Most Important Things

To my son Tommy,

Every day of our lives, we tend to put importance on so many things.  We focus in on what we have to do and what we should do and what we can't do, and in the process we miss the more important things in life.  When something big comes around and makes us focus less on the mundane we should remember these three important things.

• You are alive.
• I guess this is the most important thing.  No matter how bad things seem, your life is still a treasured gift that you should cherish.  All other possibilities start from here.
• You are loved.
• Look around you and you will see love.  Even in the direst situations, even when it seems too dark to see, love is there.  You'll find it in your family and your friends and, of course, God.  There are times when you will feel alone and that you have been abandoned by God and your loved ones, but the love is still there.  Often when you feel that way, you will come to realize that you didn't want to see the love or feel the love or accept it.  Open your heart and love will come to you simply because you are alive.
• You can change.
• There is always a new day dawning with a new beginning.  Simply by being alive, you have the opportunity to seek forgiveness, to seek love, to seek a better life.  You can scrap everything and start over if you need to.  Even those things you have been trying to do, trying to change unsuccessfully, each day gives you an opportunity to whittle away at the problem until one day you will triumph.  Some times things happen that might seem out of your control, but something truly unchangeable is rare and you still retain the power to change how you will deal with it.  You have all this power to change things simply because you are alive.

With these three thoughts in your mind, there isn't anything that we can't figure out.  Armed with this perspective we can attack even the scariest problems in our lives.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Just Kidding

To my son Tommy,

There are moments in life when things seem to be going in the right direction and the world quickly says to you, "Just kidding!".  Your mom came home last night from the hospital.  She seemed to be on a road to recovery or at least we had a plan.  Plus the hospital blew out every vein and had to move her to oral meds, so there was no sense in her staying.  We got her home and into bed and got her prescriptions.  Unfortunately today we were back in the emergency room.  One of her meds, most likely the prednisone, sent her blood pressure sky rocketing.  She recognized the signs from her nursing training and took her own pressure and was somewhere around 210 over 128.  That is extremely high and dangerous and thus we had another trip to the hospital.  They got her blood pressure down some (still high but a more normal and safe high level) and we got some more prescriptions and are finally back home again.  Hopefully we can avoid another trip.  It isn't that I hate hospitals and ER rooms, but I could stand to spend some time away from them.

When the rug gets pulled out from under you, it is easy to go into the "woe is me" mode.  Should you find yourself in that type of position. pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and do what is needed.  If it takes another trip to the ER so be it.  If you have to go back twenty times to get it right, just go.  Never feel sorry or like you are inconveniencing anyone because you have to take care of yourself.  An extreme blood pressure won't be fixed because you feel sorry for yourself.  Saying it is unfair won't stop the crohn's disease or the high blood pressure or whatever is going on.  And if you ever need a great example of what you should do and how you should deal and cope, you don't have to look any further than your mother.  She is an amazing trooper and can show you how to cowboy up and get yourself fixed without feeling sorry for yourself.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Empty

To my son Tommy,

After I picked you up from school and fed you some fries, you and I played on your swing set for a couple hours.  You kept asking if your cousin Ryan can come down but she is in North Carolina with her parents for a wedding.  But your old man tried his hardest to make it fun for you.  We threw an oversized frisbee around and kicked and tossed your inflatable penguin beach ball you got from your Innisbrook sales.  I pushed you on your swings and watched you on the slides (which I likened to the economy with the current government) and we even ran around a bit and played tag.  We need to work on getting you some more friends who we can call to come over and play.  Not only to make it more fun for you, but to save your dad's old joints and bones.

We went inside, bathed, and did your homework.  You weren't satisfied with the little bit of homework you had, so you had me print out more letters to trace.  As I was sitting there watching you and helping you, an overwhelming feeling of emptiness consumed me.  Even after just a couple days of her not being home, your mom's presence is sorely missed.  She makes the house feel so full with just her presence.  Without her there, I felt empty.  Worry about your mom's condition and hospital stay started to consume me.  To keep my mind off things I started cleaning.

Cleaning was a bad idea.  I was going through the pile of papers on the table, I found a bunch of stuff that needs to be addressed.  Normally your mom would handle all this in her own way.  She has the knack for keeping things scheduled in her head and making sure everything is done at the last minute.  I prefer to do everything right away because if I put it off, for even an hour, chances are it will never be done.  It is just a difference in approaches and neither is really better if the job gets done and the person doing it keeps their sanity.  Unfortunately in my state of mind, filled with emptiness and uncertainty and sorrow and worry, I started focusing on the difference with anger.  I wasn't really angry at your mom nor angry at turning in a permission slip a day late nor figuring out which of the bills are due now.  Really I was just worried and going through the natural progression of emotions usually associated with loss or grief.  It is odd how just a couple days away from the love of my life and the whole uncertainty of things can trigger the same five stages usually reserved for the more permanent loss of a loved one.  It really put another spotlight on how your mom is such a vital part of me and my life.  Not sure why this time it is hitting me so emotionally, but it is what it is.  Of course as I realized what I was doing, I forced myself to snap out of it.

Your mom's cousin Aunt Keri brought over some food for us.  A spaghetti pie and some garlic bread and some cookies with little ghosts on them.  A welcomed and delicious help.  We had to make you some plain pasta though because I couldn't entice you enough to try it yourself.  I did get a bite of a cookie in you but you went kicking and screaming on that one.  Though after you had the bite, you said you might try those again tomorrow.  We called mommy so you could say goodnight.  We brushed your teeth and you chased me up the stairs for bedtime.  Songs and prayers and then I went downstairs. I did the dishes and silently yelled at myself for missing the recycling yesterday (again that anger but this time at myself) and I straightened more of the living room.

The lesson here is emotions are a tricky thing.  They deceive you.  They replace valid worry with anger because it is easier to be mad than to be sad.  You have to deal with these emotions all your life and the more you learn about your own emotions and the root cause of them, the easier it will be to not let these emotions overtake you.  It is okay to have these emotions but don't let them get the better of you.  People might not see that call complaining about an overdue permission slip found on the table as your way of coping.  And by people, I mean your mom.  If you ever do find yourself getting out of control, stop, take a deep breath, say a prayer, and beg forgiveness for anyone who was an innocent casualty.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

To Work Or Not

To my son Tommy,

When crisis hits family, no matter how big or small, your mind tends to go into tunnel vision mode.  In this case, I am focused in on your mother and her getting better.  Unfortunately the rest of the world keeps coming at you from all directions. I still have to work.  I still have to make a living and provide.  I still have to take care of you.  I still have to take care of the house.  I even have a bunch of added responsibilities that your mother mostly did for us that I am not too adept at doing.  I do not have the luxury of solely worrying about your mother no matter how much I would like to.  I am here at work today and my mind keeps wandering to my love.  It takes a tiring effort to stay on point.  When struggle and difficulty enter our lives, we just do what we have to and keep going.  The funny thing is, though my thoughts are split between work and the hospital, I might even be more effective at work.  The realization of what really is important often gives you a clarity that transforms your approach to getting things done.  With all the projects I have going on right now, I need to keep that clarity just to keep the juggling everything I have to.  Luckily I work for an understanding company who will give me some leeway as I juggle everything.  I also have a great support system in family and friends that help us out considerably.  Anyways, back to work for me.  I will try to get off of work early enough to pick you up from school but if not your grandparents will get you and I will see you soon.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Wanna Dance

To my son Tommy,

Day two of your mommy in the hospital.  Still trying to figure out all that medical stuff.  You are impressing me with the way you are coping.  Yesterday, I was going to drop you off to your Bwama after church and breakfast while I headed over to the hospital.  As I explained what we were doing you asked if you could go to the hospital too.  Then, when I agreed, you suggested we bring mommy a gift to make her feel better.  I let you go into cvs and pick it the card and gift.  You chose a Halloween Hello Kitty beanie baby and a cute and funny card with a chimpanzee on it.  You were very discerning and considered everything as you chose.  Somehow you ended up with a die cast car toy yourself.

Last night you made sure we called your mom at bed time and the first thing on your mind this morning was your mom so we called again.  I know she appreciates ever moment with you no matter on the phone or in person and she can't wait to get home and do some serious snuggle time.  After our phone call, we got back to the business of getting ready for school.

We were working through the normal routine when you tried a delay tactic to hold off brushing your teeth.  "Wanna dance?", you inquired and then, with a cheesy grin over your face, immediately held up each index finger and started waving them like something from the Charleston or the Lindy Hop or some type of flapper dance.  Seeing your bad dancing techniques and knowing you got them from your father or worse yet my father, brought such joy to my heart.  So we danced, both of us shaking our hips and our index fingers in one of the most silly, most welcomed moments of stress relief.  We then brushed your teeth and finished up and headed off to school.  I am not sure how you know what each of your parents need at any given moment, but you do.  Thank you.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Hospitals

To my son Tommy,

We brought your mom to the ER last night.  We thought she had an obstruction due to her Crohn's disease.  The doctors don't think that is the cause because of their initial tests and have admitted her till they figure it out.  She is over at St Joseph's (where you were born) and hopefully in good hands.  Things will be crazy for the next couple days as we juggle schedules and hospital trips and throw Ina few extra prayers to our routine.  More later.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo

Done

To my son Tommy,

We finally finished putting together the playset that Aunt Carrie and Uncle Rob handed down to us.  It seems fairly level and sturdy.  Only had a couple extra screws left over that unfortunately don't fit the couple missing spots I do have.  It is one of those twilight zone moments like when you only put two socks in the wash and still lose one.  Regardless, the thing is sturdy and weight tested at least up to a fat daddy's weight which is about 275 lbs.  You were a big help today and I really mean that.  You did more than the normal gopher or tool holding that a four year old would be normally relegated to. You used the ratchet to tighten bolts and slid bricks under posts when I lifted them to level it.  It was really quite the bonding experience.

You had lunch out there in your fort and you called your cousin Ryan down.  I figured I'd have to spend the entire day outside but you and Ryan played for a bit and then moved to inside games.  Some hide and seek inside and then playing with a dollhouse and then a craft project with mommy.  You and Ryan made some ghosts for Halloween.  There was a point today that I thought the treefort-playset was only going to have five minutes of fame and be lost to obscurity.  I pictured myself mowing around this thing lamenting the fact that no one plays on it.  But you guys went out again and played outside.  Your fort will no doubt bring years of fun, if your mom doesn't power wash all the wood away tomorrow!  Don't worry wood can be replaced.  Much thanks to all who helped!

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Heavy Dose Of Reality

To my son Tommy,

Let's face it, most everyone is waiting on something that will never happen.  You can see it in comments like "After I win the lotto and am filthy rich..." or "When I am elected president...".  Sometimes it is grandiose and sometimes the dream is pretty simple.  We wait for things we know are improbable or even impossible.  It is okay, if you remember and ground yourself in a couple basic rules.

The first is to recognize these wishes as dreams.  When people would tell me something would never happen, I would respond, "I know the realities of the situation, but don't mess with the fantasy" (A phrase I probably paraphrased from some movie).  Some people start planning or living their life as if their dreams are a reality.  They start spending that big lotto win before the numbers are drawn and then feel a very real depression that they didn't win.  So as long as you don't convince yourself that the dream is a sure thing and you remain realistic, the pipe dream remains fairly harmless.

I am not saying that your dreams can't come true, but you have to be realistic.  Somethings are impossible and I doubt my dream of flying like superman without any help from a machine will ever be a reality.  There are less delusional examples though.  The odds of being struck by lightning are slim, somewhere in the line of 1 in 134,000, but frighteningly better than hitting most lottery jackpots.  The odds that your elected politicians are effective and actually care for you is probably even greater than that.  But the odds don't stop me from buying an occasional lotto ticket or voting.  I just have to keep a firm grasp on my expected outcomes.

The second rule in dealing with dreams is to be acutely aware of how you block your own dreams.  I always say, "After I lose 50 lbs..." but if I do nothing to that end, if I put in no effort, it won't happen.  Losing weight and getting fit is a very attainable dream but quite improbable if you do nothing to attain it.  You have to deal with the realities of what you are doing and what you can do, with regards to your dreams.  The simpler the dream the more attainable it is but only if you aren't blocking it by your own actions.  You will never have a clean house if you don't clean it.  You will never learn how to do something by sitting on your butt waiting for divine enlightenment.  Even some of the far shot odds become attainable dreams if you do the necessary things. You can't get elected President if you don't run for office. You can't join the NBA if you don't know how to dribble a basketball.  You must be aware of what makes that dream so unattainable, so improbable.  Is it the world and the way it is or is it you?

This leads us to the final rules that go hand in hand with being self aware.  Allow yourself to change your dreams as you accept your own realities.  Allow yourself to change your own realities to achieve your own dreams.  Dreams change as you grow and find out what is important to you.  Realities change as you go through this life.  You must allow for this change and open your mind and your heart and your life to let the good changes in.  As you grow, the biggest change in life is love.  Love will change what you want and what you think is important.  Love from and of family, love from and of friends, love from and of God, all types of love have a profound effect on your wants and your dreams. Love will make you look at how you are living, your present realities, and challenge you to make changes to let love and those you love become more and more a part of your life.  If you are lucky, love itself will become your dream.  When I was your age, I would tie a bath towel around my neck and dream of flying.  Some 35 years later, the towel doesn't fit like it did around me and it no longer matters that I will never be able to fly because I have a son who looks at me as if I am a superhero as I tie that towel around his neck and dare him to accomplish his dreams.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Spin

To my son Tommy,

Since I have taken such an interest in what our Congress is doing (or specifically not doing), I have started an ongoing compare and contrast between you and them.  It is only fitting because Congress is acting like a bunch of preschoolers.

I have shared with you how your negotiating techniques trump those of Congress, and that continues today.  In fact this morning as we readied you for school there were many comparisons throughout the process.  You refused to wear a sock which had a tiny hole in it.  You delayed taking your vitamin for a whole 5 minutes after breakfast.  You allowed me to brush your teeth but were reluctant to let me get the backs.  And you only allowed me a cursory combing of your hair.  Each of these can be compared to various actions of our legislative bodies.  But the biggest action you did today was "spin"!

Spin is when you point to something and try to sell it as something it isn't.  Sometimes you try to sell a negative as a positive.  Sometimes you point to a problem and attribute the cause to something other than the real cause.  When you woke up this morning, you were soaked.  You stretched and complained and told me, "I am all sweaty".  I guess that could have been the cause, or you could have spilled your water cup, but chances are there is another explanation and that is not sweat.  Oh well, accidents happen and it wasn't worth arguing with you that you weren't all sweaty.  We got you up, out of your pajamas, and bathed, and then went through all those previously mentioned politics of the morning, and off to school we went.

Unfortunately, some members of the House of Representatives are trying to spin things their way.  They are telling me it is raining and that the other side is responsible.  But just like it wasn't sweat that made you soaked, this downpour from the Congress is not rain and the small pathetic hose that it is coming from doesn't seem to be connected to the other side like they said was the cause.  Okay now I am being childish.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

What's In A Namesake

To my son Tommy,

When it came time to choose your name, many thought I would just continue the tradition.  They assumed I would just name you Leo Thomas Downey V  (aka the fifth or as some suggested El Cinco).  I admit throughout my life I assumed that my son would carry on my name and had visions of a dynasty of Leos that would rival any successions of royalty everywhere. That was until I turned 18.

When I started having to establish my own credit, I realized how tough it was to distinguish father from son. This was also the beginning of online forms (yes in my younger days "online" was the novelty not the rule) for many registrations and tons of these didn't even give an option for my ordinal IV.  I could see their confusion.  I had the same name and lived at the same addresses as this other guy named Leo (my father and your granddad) all my life.  So they would ask me to confirm my social security number and I knew right then that they wanted to give me that credit card or whatever because they thought I was my father.

Also I learned that year that there were no set rules for ordinals.  It was Fall of 1992 and my Grandpa Charlie Klein had died and I was studying a bit of genealogy to figure out all the relationships of people that were visiting for the funeral but mostly to keep my mind occupied and not focus on the grief or loss.  I came across an article or op-ed by Judith Martin (a.k.a. Miss Manners) who suggested you only use the ordinal when your progenitors are alive.  So in fact, if we followed the etiquette and traditions of yore, when my great grandfather Leo Sr. died, my granddad was supposed to move up the chain from Jr. to Sr. and when my dad was born he shouldn't have been Leo the 3rd but Leo Jr. and that would make me Leo III.

So flash forward some 16 years later and I was about to have a son of my own and had to decide if I would burden him with the curse of El Cinco and what would I name him if I did the prudent thing and picked something else.  Your mother and I considered many options but we settled in on the switch-a-roo and came up with Thomas Leo Downey (I guess the first or senior if you decide to use the name for your son).

One part of your name choice, that not even your mother knows, that sealed the deal for me was the online search.  I had already gone through anagrams ("A Model Ow Honesty" is my favorite even if Ow is not a word but "A Melody Went Oohs" was a close second) and initials and determined that you were fairly safe there.  I also determined you had plenty of Saints to choose from to pick as your namesake, from Thomas the Apostle to Thomas Aquinas and everyone in between.  Now I just had to make sure what famous people had that first and middle name combination.

The first and most prominent result was Thomas Leo Clancy Jr.  This sealed it for me.  Tom Clancy is one of my favorite authors and he is a Baltimore native and even a part owner of the Orioles.  Though many criticized him for his attention to technical detail, I really enjoyed reading his books.  I avidly followed his characters Jack Ryan and John Clark in all his books and would have fun putting the pieces of the chronological puzzle together from (in chronological order) Without Remorse, where John Clark is created out of thin air and we meet more of Jack Ryan's father than Jack, all the way to at least The Bear and The Dragon where President Jack Ryan and Rainbow operative John Clark reunite. I still have the remaining books of the Jack Ryan Jr series to read because many of them came out after you were born and thus another Thomas Leo took precedence.

It has been reported, and I can only assume it is true, that Tom Clancy passed away last night at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore.  He was only 66 years old with no known major medical problems.  Circumstances are yet to be known and any real information is being offset by his fans and/or conspiracy theorists.  With his genre of writing that is sort of expected.  Half of me hopes that some conspiracy theory holds true and Mr. Clancy went the way of  John Terrence Kelly.

I can't wait till you grow up and can read these books, written by one of your many namesakes, with me.  And you will read them and not just watch some Hollywood knockoff.  Until we can resurrect him by reading or re-reading his literary works together, rest in peace Mr. Clancy and thank you for the years of entertainment.

Sincerely with love from your dad,
Leo

Negotiation

To my son Tommy,

Congress would be wise to learn from your negotiating skills.  Come dinner time you start wheeling and dealing on bite count.  You use delay tactics and misdirection and even a little fuzzy logic to achieve your goals.  In fact, if you were dumber and had less morals and were more self centered and totally oblivious and become accustomed to not telling the truth, you could have a very successful career in either the House or the Senate.

Sincerely with love from your dad,

Leo